Title: Hollywood's Version Gets Some Things Right
Summary: Edward loves her. Really, he does. But he won't eat that, that horrid, repulsive… thing,for anybody. Not even Isabella Swan.
Word Count: 498
Rating: T, because anything lower and it's like the written equivalent of a Disney movie. Boring. No offense meant, of course. Just my opinion.
Disclaimer: Well, see, I like just magically discovered this like magical potion and it like turned me into this like really famous author named Stephenie and I now own like a bunch of pale cold guys with sparkly skin and like…. Nope, not mine.

Some days Edward really hates being a vampire.

Today is one of those days.

"Bella, please," he groans, leaning backwards so his body is almost parallel to the dirty tiled floor. He realizes his mistake as human classmates look at him askance, and jerks upright. "Please just get that away from me."

She's smiling innocently, but there's a glint in her eyes that only he can see.

She's evil.

He loves her so much— but this is crossing the line.

"What, Edward?" Her voice is almost as pretty as her face. "Why won't you eat it for me?"

Because I'm a vampire, he thinks. He briefly considers saying it aloud, consequences be damned, but then decides it's not worth the risk. It might get him out of his current predicament, but there's too good a chance that one of the children surrounding him would actually believe him. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, he thinks ruefully.

Too bad she's not the mind reader. Then she'd feel his absolute terror, and feel guilty, and kiss him to make it better, and-

A voice interrupts his musings. Dammit. "Cullen, man, I don't see what the big deal is. Just eat the pizza!" Mike Newton, the bane of Edward's existence. Well, apart from Jacob Black, that is, but at least Black doesn't spend ninety percent of his time humming annoyingly pop-culture songs in his otherwise empty head.

He's aware that humans have terrible taste in music, but still.

As the lyrics of Never Say Never (he makes a mental note to skip seventh period in order to sneak out and eat Justin Bieber) begin in the idiotic blonde boy's head, Edward decides that it's high time for a slip-up. Human blood is so very tasty, after all, and he's quite sure that not even Newton's own parents would miss their son very much-

Bella's giving him The Look. He sighs.

"It's not the pizza that's the problem, Newton," well actually it is, though there's a far more horrifying threat at the moment, "it's what is on the pizza."

"Um… cheese? Tomato sauce?" Pity. He's always liked Angela, but she's just been bumped down several notches on his personal Do Not Eat list. He doesn't bother glaring at her, though, because the next possible meal to speak is much more aggravating.


"I don't understand how you can not like this pizza, Edward. It's great."

Try living solely on blood for a century, Edward thinks grumpily, fixing her with a stare infused with all his vampiric glory.

She stares back.

He sighs.

Bella, finally, finally realizing how very exasperated her boyfriend is, lets the matter drop. "Ok, fine, Edward. Just this once, I'll let you off the hook." She then takes a very large bite of the pizza.

Edward looks away, swallowing his disgust as the mouth he loves chews and swallows it. Repulsive.

Then he hears the muttering.

"Well, geez, it was just a piece of garlic-topped pizza."