Another day, another hunt, another dingy motel room. As far as Dean Winchester could tell, he and his brother Sam were holed up somewhere in northern Missouri for the night, but had packed up the Impala to leave first thing in the morning. Dean was laying down on top of the covers of his single person bed, still in his worn down jeans and tshirt from earlier that day. He groaned and reached over to his nightstand, grabbing his personal whisky holder and unscrewing the cap. He pushed himself up to rest against the headboard and took a long drink, the sweet alcohol burning down his throat. It's not as if he needed it to dull some injury. He was just tired. He needed an escape, and alcohol was the only one he really knew without the assistance of Busty Asian Beauties.

He chanced a look at the flickering digital clock next to him.


Sammy said he was driving up to visit Bobby, but would be back sometime tomorrow morning. Dean sighed and took another drink, letting the taste linger in his mouth before swallowing. He absentmindedly ran his fingers over the hand-print burned into his shoulder, taking a slight comfort in knowing that at least Castiel was connected to him somehow. Even if Cas had been gone for over two weeks now. Dean knew better than to bring the here unless it was an emergency, but still... He dug into his back pocket and pulled out his cell phone. Scanning through his contacts, he stopped when he had Cas's name highlighted. How come he didn't just call the guy? It's not like Cas slept, and he always told Dean if he shouldn't call because he was following a lead of any kind. So why not? Dean felt as if his heartbeat was louder than normal, or maybe it was just the silence of the room getting to him, but when his phone started blaring loudly "Heat of the Moment", his heart thudded loudly against his ribcage and he cursed loudly. Dropping his phone like it bit him, he cursed again and checked the called ID.

It was Cas.

The phone kept ringing but Dean looked at the clock again, not answering.


How long had he been staring at his phone? It couldn't have been that whole time-

Mid thought the phone went silent, and Dean's mood dropped. Why the hell did he have to be so goddamn stressed and tired and why the hell was Cas making it worse? Or was it the fact that Cas wasn't here that was making it worse. He took a long, determined swig, the burning feeling calming him down a bit. He coughed, rubbing his face and running the hand up through his spiky, dirty blonde locks. When his phone rang the second time, he answered it on the first ring.


"Dean." The low, throaty voice of Cas flooded Dean's thoughts, and Dean sighed, feeling almost relieved.

"Cas, why are you calling me so... Late? Is everything okay?" Dean murmured, laying back down onto the bed and stretching the muscles in his legs tight, then relaxing them. Cas's breathing seemed to fill up the room while he contemplated.

I- It's been a while since we talked." Cas said, as if it were obvious. Dean was more than a bit confused, although he couldn't stop a small smile from tugging the corners of his lips up.

"What, do you have a new lead or something? Or just an update because it can wait till morning either way-"

"I miss you." Cas cut him off, his voice sounding more or less normal, but it cracked slightly at the end, as if he was hesitant about actually saying that out loud. That didn't stop Dean's heart from beating so fast that it felt like it was ready to jump right out of his chest. The sound was so loud that Dean was sure Cas could hear the thunderous roar.

"Cas, are you drunk?"

"Perhaps a bit," Cas answered with what was undeniably a laugh, the hoarse, low chuckle making Dean swallow hard.

"Oh... Right. Well, I miss you too man. It's good to hear your voice." Which was true... It meant Cas wasn't dead. Dean would have said that even if he was sober.

"Likewise Dean... How have you been?" Cas asks, and Dean paused before answering.

"...Can't complain I guess," Dean sighed, the lie flowing easily over his lips, having been uttered many times before. It almost feels like the truth by now. Almost.

"What's wrong Dean?" Cas asked, voice slurring ever so slightly. Dean sighed, eyes closing for a moment, contemplating his answer.

"Just... Nothing. Everything. Nothing worth complaining about because nothing will change." Dean muttered, and to him, it was the honest to God truth. The devil would still be trying to take Sammy, Michael was still hunting his sorry ass down, and there would always be demons trying to end all of humanity.

"But Dean... Everything's changed. Everything's changing, constantly. Isn't that what you believe? That destiny is a load of crap?"

Dean had never heard Cas curse before, and he never would have dreamed he'd be cursing out his Father's plan. He rolled over onto his side, resting his weight on his forearm before answering.

"I don't know what to think Cas. All I know is that evil is everywhere I look, and no matter how many sons of bitches I kill or send back to Hell... Or even Heaven now a days, there will always be more. And there is no fix Cas. So yea, I am a bit frustrated. I just want this... Pain to go away. Even if it's just for a bit." Dean cut himself off there, knowing the last thing he wanted was for his numerous forms of frustration to be taken out on Cas. The silence on the other end of the line made Dean scared he said too much. Dean could have sworn that five minutes had gone by with no answer, so he opened his mouth to apologize, but Cas's voice made him shut his mouth.

"Dean... I do understand where you're coming from," Cas's soft voice murmured. "I can't say I know from personal experience, because I'm not human. Not yet anyway." Cas laughed dryly, and Dean knew he meant that he wouldn't be surprised if the big G-man upstairs cut off his holy supply any day now. "But from my interactions with your kind... I've realized that even without this war, Evil would still be out there. The Devil isn't Evil itself; he leads others to it. But pure Evil comes from unrestrained want and natural desires. Not demon rooted disasters. And if I can speak honestly... Part of me is glad for this war."

Dean hissed in revulsion, but Cas shushed him quietly and Dean fell silent, still fuming.

"Let me explain Dean. Before this war, humanity was on the verge of destroying itself. Of destroying the world. Nuclear wars for oil, competition for land and resources... Whole nations were being wiped out overnight. And no one cared. There was no trust. This world was created by my Father out of love, but it was being destroyed through hate." Cas spat out the word bitterly.

"But when the demons broke out, humanity had to unite once more. They had to if they even wanted to think about survival. That was the demons' number one weakness before Lucifer. They weren't united. And humans were winning, until-"

"Until Sammy and I released Lucifer and doomed us all." Dean grunted angrily, self loathing spreading through his body. He bit down on his tongue, practically tasting it.

"You didn't know Dean. Neither of you did. You're just human. You're not perfect; no one but God is." Cas said simply. Dean mulled that over for a split second.

"You're perfect." he said plainly, the words hovering between them. The line went dead silent and for a second, Dean thought his crappy phone dropped the call. He checked the screen and saw the call was still ongoing, so he brought the phone to his ear again, biting the inside of his cheek.

"...I- I'm far from perfect Dean." Cas muttered, his voice heavy. "I'm anything but perfect. I've rebelled, I've killed, I've thought about things I shouldn't, dreamt about things that-" he stopped and sighed heavily.

"The point it, Dean Winchester," Dean felt a chill shoot down his spine at the commanding tone Cas said his voice in.

"-is that I am not perfect by any standards."

"Damnit Cas, shut up." Dean sat up quickly, back hunched over as he sat forward on the bed. "Don't give me any of that fallen angel crap. I think you are perfect. Trust me, I know what it's like, trying to fight for the cause of a missing Father. Hell, my faith in a father I was able to see and touch wavered too many times to count. But Cas, you have never wavered. Never. And you've been able to walk that fine line of fighting the good fight and fighting to avoid your own pain. I can't do that Cas... I couldn't." he broke off. He was so tired. So very tired. He waited out the silence by taking yet another drink and felt a wave of lightheadedness sweep over him. A mirthless laugh passed his lips in response.

"...Thank you Dean. From you, that makes it all worth while. Knowing that the man I serve holds me so highly."

Dean groaned. It was the alcohol. It was the damn Jack Daniels pumping through his hot blood that was making him get turned on by Cas saying he served Dean. It was the alcohol that was making him lay down on the bed and let his left hand trail over his crotch. The alcohol that made his mouth open in a silent but blasphemous groan.

"Where are you Cas?" Dean asked, fingers playing with his belt buckle.

"I, um, some hotel in Midwest Arkansas I believe Dean." Cas faltered at the topic change. He wasn't good with conversation transitions yet.

"Really good to hear your voice saying my name," Dean mumbled more to himself than Cas as he undid the belt buckle clasp. "What are you wearing?" Dean asked as he slid the belt out of the belt loops and dropped it to the floor. He couldn't believe he was doing this as he undid the button on his jeans.

"Why is that of any import-" Cas started, but Dean silenced him.

"Cas, do you trust me?"

"Absolutely." It sounded as natural as breathing, no hesitation, no thinking, just absolute devotion.

"Look Cas, I'm just human. I need an escape every once in a while. It's a weakness; humans aren't pure unwavering strength."

"You're not weak Dean-" Cas tried again.

"Damnit Cas, this isn't some self-pitying bullshit, it's a fact. Humans need their releases or we die. And I know your vessel needs one at any rate." his voice went soft. "And Cas, if I know you at all... You need one too." He paused a second before hesitantly adding on, "Let me help."

"...Okay Dean." Cas said softly, submitting to Dean's desire, and Dean lay back down, hand on the zipper of his jeans.

"Good Cas. What are you wearing?"

"A cotton, grey v-neck with flannel pants." Dean heard a soft thud as Cas's head hit the pillow. Dean sighed.


"And what?"

"Boxers, briefs, a freaking thong, what's under the pants?"


Dean stopped breathing for a second. His angel of the Lord was going commando.

"Fuck Cas," Dean hissed as he tugged the zipper of his jeans down, erection straining against his boxers. He ran a finger down his clothed shaft and had to physically bite back a moan.

"Cas, I want you to do exactly as I say now okay?" Dean asks, his breathing shallow and uneven.

"Yes Dean," Cas murmurs.

"Okay. Think about... The porn you watched a while ago. The pizza guy one. What they were doing." Dean let Cas have a moment to do that, as he used his free hand to tug the waistband of his boxers down.


"Yes Dean?" Cas's voice came out lower than usual, and Dean moaned softly, letting his fingers brush the coarse hairs above his dick.

"Think of me doing that stuff. Doing it to you. Imagine my hands on your body right now." Dean gasped out as his erection throbbed, needing to be touched. He pictured Cas on top of him, grinding into him, with his wings spread wide and head tossed back.

Mother of God.

He spoke to Cas again.

"Let your fingers trail under your shirt and down your stomach. Down to the line of hairs on your stomach. Close your eyes and think of me Cas." Dean pressed the phone to his ear and heard the gentle rustle of fingers under cloth, and the unmistakable hitch in Cas's breathing.

"Dean, it feels- It's so hot." Cas choked out, gasping softly.

"It's okay Cas, it's okay. That's supposed to happen." Dean reassured softly, barely keeping it together on his end. His little angel had a hard-on from thinking about Dean.

"Cas... Pull down your pants. Let the material rub against yourself. Tug slowly." Dean put his hand around himself, feeling his thick shaft in his fist. Cas let out a soft moan, his breathing already hot and heavy.

"Fuck Dean," Cas groaned, and a surge of blood shot straight to Dean's cock, his hand instinctively sliding down to the base. He closed his eyes, picturing Cas's near naked form laying on the bed, his back arching off the bed at the new, overwhelming sensations.

"Okay Cas, now put your hand around yourself," Dean pants, eyes still closed as he forces his hips down. Forcing himself not to buck up. The loud, lustful moan that leaves his angel's lips on the other end of the phone makes Dean shiver, a small drop of precum leaking at the head of his dick.

"Fuck Cas, keep it together man," Dean begs, more for his own sake. If Cas keeps that up, Dean'll come without even moving. Instantly, Cas's needy, breathy gasps seem muffled, and Dean is ninety percent certain that Cas is biting down on the pillow, silencing himself. Dean feels himself coming undone, and it's not the alcohol.

"Yeah baby, that's what I like," Dean says with a shuddering breath. "Now I want you to stroke yourself. Slide your fingers up and down your shaft." As he instructs Cas, his own hand slides up and down, his touch slow and deliberate at first, but the images of Cas touching himself, desperate from Dean's voice telling him how to pleasure himself, make it hard to keep it slow.

"What do you want Cas?" Dean asks, his own hand speeding up, jacking off with hot, needy strokes.

"Fuck Dean, fuck- Oh my God I want you. I want-" Cas moans loudly and Dean imagines Cas's thumb sliding over his slit unintentionally, sending a hot electrical current to shoot up Cas's spine, down to the fucking ends of his wings. "I want you," Cas gasps. "You touching me, fucking me, I want you in me!" Cas begs in a strained voice.

"Baby, I want to fuck you to Hell and back," Dean dirty talking right back through his desperate moaning, figuring all of his dark secrets were out in the open at this point. "You may have gripped me tight and raised me from Perdition, but I'm going to grip you tight and fuck you into submission." The angel on the other end of the phone whined and Dean closed his eyes again, feeling a hot tightness deep in his lower stomach, welcoming the images of Cas jerking himself off. Dean's full-on fucking his hand now, hips thrusting up into the pressure his hand offers.

"Dean, oh my God, it's so hot and tight," Cas pleads, obviously close to his own release. "Dean, I can't, I can't, oh God Dean, fuck fuck, FUCK, Dean, help-!"

Dean's muscles are all flexed tight, his back forming a full 180 arch as he hears Cas's pleading. The phone is jammed so close to Dean's ear that it's practically melded on. His dirty blonde locks are dark and dripping with sweat, cock wet and throbbing in time with his fast, pounding heartbeat.

"Cas baby, put your thumb over your slit. Slide over it with the pad of your thumb once, then hold it there." Dean urgers, wanting Cas's orgasm to be as overwhelming as possible. Dean follows his own order and his vision goes white for a second.

"Son of a-" he gasps, the swollen tip being the most sensative it's ever been.

"FUCK DEAN THERE ISN'T- FUCK FUCK FUCK!" Cas is screaming, the rise and fall of his body heard through the phone, headboard banging off the wall in the background.

"Okay Cas baby, okay, let it go. Grab the sheets with your free hand and let go. Come for me." Dean moans hoarsely, chest heaving as he slides his hand down, gripping himself at the base. The response from Cas is instantaneous as he lets out the most lustful moan Dean has ever heard; as if Cas just orgasmed in fucking Enochian, mixed with Dean's name over and over. It was the hottest thing Dean had ever heard, and he couldn't hold back anymore. With a cry building up from deep inside him, Dean's neck muscles flexed taunt and he moaned rough and loud, hips bucking up wildly as he came in hot, fast spurts, all that pressure being set loose as he screamed.

"Oh my fucking God Cas, Cas, CAS CAS CAS FUCK CAS!" he moans, coming all over his hand and stomach. Dean's rhythm falters as his muscles slowly unclentch, and he falls heavily back onto the bed. His body softly throbs all over. He tries to get his breathing together as he lifts the phone back to his ear with a trembling arm.


"...Dean?" Cas's voice is weak and breathless, panting for air.

"How... Are you okay?" Dean asks, reaching for the tissues next to him to clean up.

"I'm... Completely drained. And messy... But there's no stress Dean. I feel... Wonderful." the surprised tone makes Dean smile.

"Get some tissues from your bedside table and wipe off Cas."

"Okay Dean... Dean?"

"Yeah Cas?"

"I wish I was with you."

Dean once again was speechless. No matter how many times Cas said stuff like this, it never failed to throw him. The pure, undying love and devotion Cas had for Dean never ceased to amaze him.

"That means everything to me Cas, coming from the lips of an angel." Dean whispered.

"Why are you whispering Dean?"

"I can't be too loud."


"Because Cas, I wish you were here too. I always wish you were here, next to me, fighting with me, laying in bed next to me. You make me realize there is hope for this shitty world. And I need to whisper because I want you to know that I only mean it for you. Only you. If you want me to shout it to the world, so help me I'll do it for you Cas. But right now, I just want you to hear it. It's you." Dean's voice cracks at the end, but he takes a breath and whispers softly,

"It's always been you."