Title: Big Daddy

Author: Sdfreeze

Stephenie Meyer owns all Twilight Characters.

This story is SATIRE! It is an alternate Universe where Polygamy is legal and people can choose to live it or not. No religions are named or made fun of in this story. It is a compilation of stereotypes taken to the extreme. If it offends you, please don't read it!

When last published, this story had 39 reviews.

Chapter 1


Chapter: 1

Edward's sacrifice

Edward Cullen was a good man; hard working, God-fearing, humble, and the husband of Rosalie and Alice. He made sure his family was well cared for, and didn't condemn them to becoming a calling center for magazine sales. He had an education and a talent as a web designer. Of course he didn't allow his wives to become subjected to the evils of the internet, he waded that cesspool alone.

He was constantly vigilant in his role as patriarch of the home, even going so far as to partake of the fizzy syrup of evil, called soda pop. He had to make sure the commercials didn't fill his family with lies about the goodness of the awful drink. So, he would buy sodas as he traveled for business, to keep one step ahead of the Satan's of Madison Avenue.

In the spirit of protection he tried the harsher liquids also, only to succumb to the temptations of gin, but it was really just grain and berries anyway, so he didn't consider it a sin.

This trip to see a relative, Carlisle Cullen, was more business than pleasure. One of Carlisle's wives had a young niece who had suffered a terrible loss. Her betrothed was found by the hay stack, crushed from the sudden tipping of the bales. Nobody talked about the fact he was found with his tally whacker in his hand. He would be remembered as a kind old man, willing to take on a fifth wife. Carlisle wanted Edward to take her now.

Her name was Bella; he would have to change that. It wasn't humble to have a name that meant beauty. He thought about how Rose had rosy breasts, but surely her parents didn't know that at her birth. And Alice was his little alley cat, and he had the scratches to prove it, but the name Alice was a proper name.

Bella, and her cousin Jessica, peered out the window at the two men discussing her future. They took the conversation outside and out of the earshot of the women, so as not to offend their delicate ears.

"He's cute, Bella."

"He looks too spiritual, too innocent. At least he won't know when I fake my virginity."

"Bella, don't talk like that, no man will want you," Jessica said in horror.

"More like every man will want me," Bella laughed. "At least I don't have to share him with four other women, only two others, so it will give me a lot more action."

"You are headed to hell, cousin."

"Yeah right, there is no hell, well, maybe life with that masturbating old bastard would have been hell," she laughed.

"They're coming back," Jessica yelled and shut the curtain.

The girls waited for the men to call for Bella, and then walked piously to the kitchen. Bella felt her panties moisten at the sight of Edward up close. He was very handsome and she would remember to be thankful in her prayers for the falling haystack. She met his glance by lifting her eyes, but keeping her head down. It appeared to be seductive and that was exactly what she intended.

Oh holy hell, Edward thought when she entered the room. She was worthy of the name Bella and he wouldn't try to change it. She was stunning, and he wanted to throw her onto the table in front of God, Carlisle, and the homely girl standing next to her.

The way she looked at him made his pants tighten, and even though he promised Rose and Alice he wouldn't take a honeymoon, he decided right then and there to get her away so he had her all to himself.

"Hello, Bella," he managed to say, hoping it sounded appropriate and moral, although his thoughts were far from it.

"Hi," she answered, trying to sound very young, as she batted her eyes at him. She brought her finger to her mouth and bit on it shyly as she slowly moved her body from side to side.

Edward licked his lips and Bella smiled knowing her ploy was working.

"Would you like to take a walk with me?" Edward asked her anxiously. He usually wouldn't kiss at a first meeting, but he planned to kiss her long and hard.

"Alone?" she asked as her eyes widened in surprise. "Shouldn't my cousin come with us?"

He knew she was right, but he really wanted to get her alone. She had already been promised to him, so he felt it was his right to feel her warm body against his. The last thing he wanted was the flat faced girl walking between him and his object of desire.

"If you feel it necessary, your cousin may join us," he said with disappointment.

"Hum….I really hate to bother you Jessica, and I guess he seems like a decent upstanding man," she said in consternation.

I would show her exactly how upstanding I can be, he thought. I perform very well up-standing.

Bella led the way from the house toward the walking trail around the fields. She knew exactly where she would lead him, far from the prying eyes of the house. She walked with her hands clasped behind her back, causing her bosom to push forward tightly against her cotton dress.

Edward glanced at her often but his eyes never made it up to hers.

"I like you, Edward," Bella said and pretended to blush.

"May I hold your hand?" he asked, judging her reaction for an invitation to move faster.

She held out her hand, and when he took it into his, she pulled his arm tightly between her breasts and held on with her other hand, also.

He smiled at how willingly such a sweet girl responded to him. "That is a very pretty dress," he complimented her, looking at the top two buttons that were undone. Surely she wasn't aware they had unfastened, although nothing but her collar bone was exposed.

"I hate it," she pouted. "It is so uncomfortable, although I am not complaining. I am lucky to have such a nice dress, it just itches me something awful."

Edward stopped walking and looked around to see the house far from where thy stood. He turned to Bella and ran his hands up and down the fabric pretending to relieve her itching problem. She closed her eyes and moaned loudly as his hands moved to her back and bottom.

She took a step closer to him and slowly drug her body down the length of him and back up becoming aware of how excited she was making him.

"Thank you, Edward, that really helped," she smiled and turned to begin walking again.

The poor innocent girl has no idea what she does to me, he thought. She sees me as a compassionate man wanting to relieve the suffering stiff cotton causes her.

"As you know, Bella, I have considered taking you on as a wife," Edward began, growing impatient with the innocent girl in front of him.

"Only considered?" she said with alarm, trying her best to bring forth a tear.

"I have to know we will be compatible; that you will be able to please me," he explained.

She stopped walking and he moved closer causing her to back up against the wooden railing of the fence.

"Tell me what pleases you, I will do anything," her voice became breathy and his eyes darkened at the unknowing nature of her words. Well, Edward thought they were unknowing.

"May I kiss you, Bella?" he asked already coming towards her mouth.

"I'm not sure how," she said right before his lips made contact.

He put just a small amount of pressure on her mouth and she threw her arms around his neck smashing her body against his causing him to moan. She plunged her tongue into his mouth and lifted her legs to clamp tightly around his waist, as his hands went right to her butt and over the proper white underwear she was wearing.

He pulled her fiercely towards him as he posted her back to the fence. Her tongue fought his for dominance and actually captured his in a tight sucking motion as she pulled away from his mouth.

He was breathing heavily and his hands were all over her backside.

"Are you disappointed?" she asked without so much as a strained tone. Her breathing was slow and steady and she stared into his eyes with concern for his answer.

He had to shake his head to clear his mind and concentrate on speaking. He was thanking his God for the falling haystack and for the heavenly creation he was holding in his arms. Thoughts of Rose and Alice were being stricken from his mind and all he had done was kiss this girl once.

Her legs fell to his side braking free from his grasp and she spun around to bury her head in her arms on the wooden rail. "You don't want me now, because I can't please you," she pretended to cry.

"Wha…huh….no, not at all," he said as he leaned against her back finding the pressure he desired as he pushed into her. "You please me just fine, love."

She pushed her ample bottom back as she continued standing bent over to the railing. "I like it when you call me love," she cooed.

He put his arms around her waist pulling her into him further as he leaned over her back imagining everything he would teach this virtuous creature.

"Do I please you?" he asked her, not really caring about the answer, but worried still the same.

"You make me…..no I can't say it," she said and hid her face again.

He wanted to scream at her, for the love of everything holy please say it, say I make you crazy with desire, say you will do anything I ask you to do, instead he simply asked her to finish what she wanted to say.

She turned to face him and smiled shyly as she took his hand and placed it on her breast. She took a deep breath filling his hand with her and then closed her eyes. He brought his other hand to her other breast and felt the firmness of them both. His fingers made their way to the two open buttons and he let one hand enter the itchy cotton and filled his palm with her warm flesh.

She sighed loudly and let her head fall back as he kept her firmly against the railing. "Am I supposed to enjoy this, Edward?"

He moved his mouth to her ear and felt the goose bumps raise under his hand. "I hope so, I enjoy it very much," he whispered.

"It makes me want to touch you, am I supposed to want to do that?"

He couldn't help believing he struck gold in this beautiful, innocent girl. He was awakening her body and she was enjoying the expertise he could bring to her. The old man would have never appreciated this angel and he vowed to sneak birth control into her food to keep her perfect body to himself for as long as possible.

Bella smiled knowingly when he buried his face in her neck as she ran her hand along the front of his pants. She loved the feel of his body and he knew how to use it. He was lean and muscular and very agile and she could hardly wait for the pretense of being chaste to end. She had so many plans for this man and almost pitied the other two wives for having to follow her act. She vowed to remain taking her secret birth control pills and let the fun last as long as she wanted.