All Characters belong to Stephanie Meyer ©

Another new fandom for me, I've been meaning to write this one for a while and today is one of the rare days where I can't be bothered to edit and have no homework due tomorrow. :)

I found it a little difficult to outline what has happened at the start of this fic. Wanda is annoyed with everyone treating her like a baby, so she makes Ian go on a raid with her. The car has broken down and is hidden. Now they both just have to walk back to the caves and that's where I started writing. I'm setting this before Burns and his friends meet Wanda and her humans, but after Wanda and Ian have started sharing a room. I think the timing works out.

This song may've been on the New Moon Soundtrack, but a few months ago I decided that it was better for The Host. The lyrics have been mixed about to make the fic make sense; hope you don't mind and that you like it. :)

~
We can never go home
We no longer have one
I'll help you carry the load
I'll carry you in my arms
~

I'd been with my caves of humans for a while now; they were my family by no right other than I'd earned it. I mean, they didn't let me help as much nowadays because of the tiny body of my host, Pet. My body was eighteen to everyone and just about seventeen to me. I'd been these ages for over a month now. But my age didn't stop them treating me as if I were younger than Jamie. That was why I left the safe haven of the caves. It was tedious being the baby and I wanted to prove that I could do it.

I think that was why Ian agreed to the journey. He'd noticed me getting more frustrated at my tiny hands unable to grip anything substantial. My height making it impossible to climb like the others. He came with me because he didn't want me hurt, but I could tell it was for his peace of mind as well; he didn't seem to like seeing me pissed with our world.

Ian himself was lovely, magnificent, brilliant, amazing; there are endless list of words to try and describe him; some of them from planet's whose language I don't remember but would illustrate him perfectly. He helped me when I needed it and tried his best to step back when I obviously didn't. He loved me and I him.

Except, when it's dark and cold and we're in the middle of the desert; it's a little annoying when he insists on carrying me. I'm not the least bit tired, but my body is. Damn pet and her inability to trek the distances that Mel could. Ian carries our spoils from the raid and the car's engine froze. Which means that we are walking back home. Or he is whilst I grudgingly lounge in his arms. Not that I object to being in his arms, he's strong enough to carry me for a little while; but even he can't take the boxes and me all the way back to the caves.

"Tired, yet?" I smile, trying to make him but me down.

"Never, you're as light as anything."

~
The kiss of the snow
The crescent moon above us
Our blood is cold
And we're alone
But I'm alone with you
~

Ian finally listens to me and I'm glad for it as he's stupid for thinking he can carry all that weight. I want him to live as long as I do in my young body and that's not going to happen if he continues to tire himself out like that. I asked him why he refused to put me down and he replies that he wasn't tired even though I can see he's glad for the use of his arms again. That was the last time one of us talked. It's silent now, which terrifies me; anything could be hiding behind the few rocks we pass. I speak.

"Ian?"

"Hm?" He replies incoherently, which make me want to know his occupying thoughts.

"What're you thinking about?"

"Why on earth I agreed to go on this raid when I knew the cars had broken down."

I slap his arm which jostles the three boxes; he's left some other in the car because we can't carry all of them. "You knew?"

He nods and grins cheekily so I take one of the boxes he is carrying. He doesn't want me to carry things, so I will; just to annoy him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My words are whispered in the darkness, the silence seeming more comfortable now because of the weight in my arms. The moon above illuminates his face as he answered me in a hushed tone mirroring my own.

"You wanted to go on a raid," he shrugs and I huff. I don't like being a burden to anyone. The irritating thing is that he knows how I feel.

"You should've told me not to come," I try to say it convincingly, but the idea sounds wrong to my ears. I smile at the idea of Ian trying to convince me not to do something I want to.

And he laughs in the night at my preposterous idea, the noise loud and happy. It makes me think of being human, I laugh along with him and in the night with only the moon as a source of light; I feel human too.

~
If I say shut your eyes
If I say look away
Bury your face in my shoulder
Think of a birthday
~

Wolves scared me in Melanie's body and now they terrify me in Pet's because she and I will never be able to fight them off. Ian can't either. The idea of him trying to tackle a wolf is humorous and horrifying all at the same time. Humorous 'cause he be laughing all the while which would make me laugh. Horrifying because there was the chance he'd be injured. He'd be able to hold them off, I'm sure of it. But right now; with neither of us carrying weapons, I won't let him try. He was strong; but his skin wasn't made of steel. If he got himself hurt by doing something so stupid then I'd never forgive him.

The wolves we saw weren't even wary of us, but their prey and its stench make me retch. The decomposing smell of the poor beings that had to endure pain at the wild canines is something to rival Ian's feet before he washes. Despite my disgust, I smile at the joke.

I make the mistake of looking a little closer at the rotten meat and see feathers. I don't know what bird they come from, yet water pricks at my eyes.

"Oh, Wanda, what's wrong?"

I sniff slightly, "The birds were free before the wolves attacked them. They thought they were safe being high in the air until they came down for food." The comparisons between the wolves and birds' situation and the souls and the humans' don't escape me. But being a soul through and through, I cry at the loss of a life.

"Darling come here," Ian tucks my head under his arms so I can't see the offending sight and whispers in my ear to think about happier memories. I am left with thought of my birthday. The buns that were made that morning were soft and then doused in sugar. People said they were sorry for the lack of presents but them accepting me was all I needed. I didn't think I was the material type.

The buns were tasty and we played football again. It was perfect.

Soon enough, Ian and I are far from the bird corpses and I smile at him widely. The sudden change in mood confused him.

"What now?"

"Thank you." He shakes his head, but I think he already knows; I'm happy now.

~
The things you put in your head
They will stay here forever
Our blood is cold
And we're alone, love
But I'm alone with you
~

It seems to forever be night here in our little world in the desert. Though I know that this isn't true because there was light a few hours ago. It takes two days to walk to our home from where we left the cars; but it's much safer to only travel at night. So when the sun rose earlier, Ian made us sleep.

He took us both to a rock double the size of me and him put together. He sat us down in the shade, letting us steal from the collections we found whilst on the raid. Laying me down in front of him, he put an arm over my stomach and spooned me whilst we slept. I woke up every hour or so because of nightmares about wolves and them eating us.

I apologized for waking him with my sudden jolts just before our dream-selves get eaten, but he assured me that I was doing him a favour because we had to move back into the shade of the rock before the sweltering heat touched our skin. No matter how tanned we'd become and the amount of medicine we were carrying; we couldn't afford to get burnt.

For the first hour that I couldn't sleep, I awkwardly twisted myself around to watch his peaceful face. It seemed strange because I slept with him all the time, but I never saw his face like this. We slept in the dark when we had to and even then we sometimes did other things. Now in the sunlight only slightly obscured by shadows, I could see every imperfection and flaw of his human face and I discovered I loved every single one. I loved him. I let myself memorise everything I could see and feel, right down to the light breaths tickling my nose.

Nobody was perfect, but he was close.

~
If I say shut your eyes
If I say shut your eyes
Bury me in surprise
Where I say shut your eyes
~

At some point in the day, whilst I was tracing Ian's face my wandering fingers tracing patterns on his cheeks woke him up. He smiles at me and makes us move to stay out the way of sun. We lay back he same way we did before as he coos in my ear, "Shut your eyes, you need to sleep."

His whispers do as they were meant and soon I am snoring softly.

When we awake and the sun is low we continue the journey, the fact that we are near home excites me.

~
Help me to carry the fire
We will keep it alight together
Help me carry the fire
It will light our way forever
~

I can't remember why we left the caves alone. If I was annoyed with them before I'm not now. In fact I've never been happier to see the pink tinged faces of my family in the bitter cold standing outside the caves. They're smiling and seem happy to see us. Some of them look angry and I think that's because we left without telling them; but most have a positive emotion beaming out to us. We near them soon enough; not one of them coming out to meet us because Jeb's gun is in its usual spot: his arms.

Jamie is the first person to address me, Jeb and Jared are yelling at Ian for taking me out without more protection. Mel shouts along with them and I smile secretly.

That's when Jamie sees my smile and joins me, "You alright?" The question is simple, but I know what he means. I'm not annoyed anymore. These people love me and I have to accept the way they show it.

"Yeah," I whisper back to him. We leave the loud people and escape to the playroom because no one else is there. We talk for a while with barely any light, just enough to illuminate our faces. Our whispers don't need light to be heard.

I tell my younger brother for all intents and purposes about Ian's stubbornness and the wolves. He gasps at the appropriate places and laughs when I do. When Ian finds us and our hushed whispers, I smile sleepily. I'm tired, as is Jamie.

"Hey kiddo," Ian speaks to my brother first.

"Ian, you shouldn't underestimate Wanda; she's quite strong."

My love grins, "Why d'you think I agreed to go with her on the raid in the first place?"

We all laugh but my eyes start to flutter closed, Ian notices.

"Let's get you to bed, huh?"

I nod and surprise both of them by lifting my arms; asking to be picked up like Freedom had done to me only a few weeks ago. Ian's eyes light up. "Are you sure?"

I nod again with only a little more enthusiasm to show my agreement to being carried. As he easily pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead, I make a mental note not to let him get used to it. I'm tired and don't want to walk; but the blinding grin upon his face is something I like seeing.

Jamie carries the light, only looking back every so often to make sure Ian doesn't trip with his extra load. We would usually travel in darkness but nobody wants him to trip. I fall asleep in my human love's arms, watching the flickering torch in the hands of my brother light our way.

~
Help me carry the fire
It will light our way forever
~

Leave me a review? x

-Oujdagirl