As they were driving back to Bobby's, Sam remembered the brief flash of memory he had had. He started to put two and two together. "Dean, why did you tell me not to drink demon blood?"
"Why? Do you want to?" Dean asked, afraid that maybe Sam was getting a craving. He had had to drink quite a bit to take in Lucifer. For all he knew, RoboSam had been imbibing the whole time he'd been back.
"No, but that's just it. Why would you think that I would want to?" Sam asked.
"Dean. Tell me."
Dean realized Sam was going to find out sooner or later and it would be better if he found out from him. "When that Jake kid stabbed you, you died."
"How am I alive then? Did you sell your soul for me like Dad did for you?" Sam asked, aghast. "How long do you have?"
"I did sell my soul, but the deal is complete," Dean said. "The demon gave me a year. At the end of it I died. I went to Hell for four months and then angels pulled me out."
"Is that how you met that Castiel guy?" Sam asked.
"Yeah. You drank demon blood while I was gone because it allowed you to kill demons, but you got addicted and it messed you up really bad. That's about it," Dean said. He still didn't want Sam to know about starting the Apocalypse or RoboSam.
Sam felt like there was more that Dean wasn't telling him, but he decided not to push it right now. That was a lot to take in.
Dean and Bobby were outside working on cars. Sam was inside doing research to figure out why dragons were back all of a sudden. Dean had left his cell phone inside and it rang. Sam knew Dean had called some people on the dragon thing, so he figured he would answer the phone.
"Hello?" Sam said.
"Is Dean there?" Sam thought it sounded like a teenage boy.
"May I say who's calling?" Sam asked, mostly because he was curious what kid would be calling Dean.
"It's Ben, asshole," Ben said. He knew that was Sam. Sam was why Dean went away. He didn't like Sam and wasn't going to pretend that he did. Yeah, he had helped save him from the changelings or whatever that one time, but he still didn't like him for taking Dean away. It was like he had a father for the first time in his life.
Sam was already halfway out the door when he got the answer. He wondered what he had done to piss this kid off or if he was just surly with everybody.
"Dean, it's some kid named Ben," Sam said, handing Dean the phone.
Dean was shocked. He hadn't heard from Ben or Lisa since Lisa had justifiably told him to take a hike. He took the phone and walked into the house.
"Who's Ben?" Sam asked Bobby.
"Ask your brother." Bobby was still being short with Sam.
"Bobby, why are you mad at me?" Sam finally asked. He tried never to ask that question. He asked his dad that one time and got an earful and had never repeated the mistake.
Bobby sighed. He knew it wasn't fair to be mad at the kid when he didn't even know what he had done and he hadn't had a soul when he had done it. But at the same time, he had tried to kill him. Bobby had always been like a father to him and he felt betrayed in the most heinous way. He had promised Dean he wouldn't fill in Sam's blank spots, so he just went back to working on the car without answering. Sam went back in the house.
"What is it, Ben?" Dean asked.
"When are you coming back home?"
"I'm not. Your mom doesn't want me around and she's right," Dean said.
"But you never even said good-bye," Ben complained. Didn't Dean care about him at all? He just left without saying a word.
"You're right, Ben. I am sorry about that. I should have talked to you."
"What did I do wrong?" Ben asked.
"You didn't do anything wrong," Dean said. "This isn't about you."
Sam came in then, but Dean didn't notice him.
"Nothing's about me. I'm just a bother," Ben said.
"That's not true, Ben. But I don't want you growing up to have my life. If I lived with you and your mom that's what would happen."
Did Dean have a kid? Sam wondered.
"What's so wrong with your life?" Ben asked.
"My life sucks. You can be anything you want. Like a lawyer," Dean said, thinking of Sam's discarded plans.
Sam smiled. Dean was trying to convince someone to not be a hunter so they could be a lawyer. That was a switch.
"Can't you just come back?" Ben pleaded.
"No, Ben, I'm sorry. Good-bye." Dean hung up. He just stood there for a minute and then slowly turned around. He started when he saw Sam. How long have you been standing there.
"Do you have a son?" Sam asked.
"No. I had a girlfriend who has a son," Dean said.
"What happened?" Sam asked. The closest Sam had seen Dean come to having a girlfriend was Cassie and that had been while he was in college.
"Hunting got in the way," Dean replied briefly.
"You should quit hunting and go have a normal life," Sam said. That was what he always wanted, now it looked like maybe Dean did, too.
"I tried, Sam. It didn't work out."
"Why not?" Sam asked.
Dean rolled his eyes. Nobody could say Sam wasn't persistent. "It just didn't," he snapped and walked away.
Sam realized he was getting nowhere. Dean had left behind his phone again. Sam picked it up and called back the last incoming call. This time a woman answered. "What do you want, Dean?"
"Um," Sam said. He hadn't really thought this through. "This is Sam. I was wondering if you could help me figure out what happened between you and Dean." Sam felt ridiculous. He didn't even know this woman and she would probably expect him to know what happened.
"You, Sam. You're what happened. When you came back, I knew it was over." Lisa realized that was probably uncalled for. She didn't want Sam to feel bad for not being in Hell. She really was glad he was OK. Most of her was anyway.
Came back from where? Sam wondered. The woman had hung up, though. She would not be giving him any more information.
He heard the same noise he had heard before when that angel had shown up. He spun around. "Hello, Sam."
"Hi, Cas," Sam said. "Sorry about earlier. I didn't remember you, but I've gotten my memory back." Sam had no idea if it was possible to trick an angel or not, and he hoped that the consequences weren't too severe if it weren't.
"So, you remember everything?" Cas asked.
"More or less," Sam hedged.
"So, how does it feel?"
"How does what feel?" Sam asked.
"Having your soul back of course," Castiel was getting a little wary. Maybe Sam was trying to trick him for information in which case Dean was not going to be happy with him.
"Right," Sam said. "Because I was walking around with no soul. Yeah, it feels good." What did having no soul mean? Where had his soul been? "I'm just worried about permanent damage," he tried.
"Yes, well that's a very real concern. I warned Dean not to attempt restoring your soul. After all, it had been in the cage with Lucifer for a year and a half."
Cage? Lucifer? What the hell? "What do you think happened to it down there?"
"I'm quite sure both Lucifer and Michael were torturing it. Along with Adam, of course."
Adam. Sam remembered that name. Dean said they had a brother named Adam, but that ghouls had got him. "Is Adam still there?"
"Yes, of course. Death only agreed to get you out."
Dean came downstairs. "Hey, Cas, what's going on?"
"I had a few minutes so I thought I would check to see how Sam is doing. His soul seems to be fine. We were just discussing Adam still being in the cage."
"Cas!" Dean yelled. "You weren't supposed to tell him any of that."
"He said he remembered," Cas defended himself.
"He was lying. You're an angel. You can't tell when someone is lying?"
"I had my suspicions," Cas admitted. "But, Sam needs to know the truth."
"What happened?" Sam asked.
Dean told Sam the whole story. From the minute he died in Cold Oak until he woke up in the panic room. Sam couldn't believe the things he had done. Both before and after losing his soul. Drinking demon blood, starting the Apocalypse, agreeing to be Lucifer's vessel, letting Dean get turned into a vampire. No wonder that kid and his mother hated him. He had destroyed Dean's one chance at happiness. And trying to kill Bobby. That had to be the worst. He loved Bobby like a father. Probably more than his actual father if he was honest.
"I have to make up for everything I've done," Sam declared.
"How?" Dean asked. He couldn't undo the Apocalypse. He couldn't get Lisa and Ben back for Dean. Dean didn't even know what atrocities he had committed with the Campbells. "Clean slate," he said.
"But," Sam began.
"Dean's right," Castiel said. "If something comes to your attention that you can make right, by all means do it. But you'll just cause more damage seeking out reparations."
Bobby came in from working on the car. "What's going on in here?"
"Well, let's just say I know why you're mad at me and I don't blame you. I am so sorry, Bobby."
"That's OK," Bobby said.
"That's OK?" Sam and Dean both asked. Bobby had been giving Sam the cold shoulder this whole time.
"Sometimes all you need is to hear the apology." Bobby went out of the room.
Sam and Dean exchanged a look. Bobby was hard to figure out sometimes.