Magic Touch, by DoofusPrime
Notes - Here's my first new Kim Possible story in a little while. It takes place sometime in season 4 but isn't really tied to any particular episode. Hope you guys like this one!
Caught in the Contract
The telltale sound of clicking told Drakken that Shego was getting impatient with his plan. He glanced back to see her fingernails rapping a pattern on the desk and her eyes staring lazily into the distance, looking a little glazed over. Drakken turned back to the blackboard and cleared his throat as he collected his thoughts. It was a good plan, and he thought he was explaining it well; he wished he could communicate his enthusiasm to his partner in evil, but Shego could be so critical sometimes. It was irritating. Maddening, even.
And yet somehow endearing at the same time.
"Come on Doctor D," she groused. "Get on with it already!"
"Yes well, you see Shego, once we steal these two pieces, we can fit them together like so. All we have to do is couple the quantum transmitters, and the resulting effect should be enough to-"
"Enough technobabble. English!"
Drakken frowned as he began to write another equation on the blackboard in white chalk. He wrote frantically, in an attempt to keep Shego's attention, while also trying to keep the equation somewhat simple, but it was hard to dumb down a work of genius. Not that Shego was dumb, he reminded himself. She'd tear him to shreds if he ever made the mistake of voicing that thought out loud. It was just that he was so smart. Satisfied that he had rationalized things well enough, Drakken tried to write an emphatic figure in the equation and pressed too hard on the blackboard with his chalk. It broke, and he coughed in the resulting cloud of white dust.
"Hah! Good one."
"Um, just a moment Shego," he said. The chalk piece had practically vaporized. He looked for a replacement but the chalkboard's holder seemed to be empty. "There's got to be another one somewhere!"
Drakken began to root through the drawers of his desk for another piece. He and Shego had been in his study for the last hour or so. He had called her in as soon as he had seen her awake and walking around the lair, wanting to hammer out the details of his latest evil scheme. This one was particularly detailed. He remembered Shego claiming in the past that detail was bad, that excessive micromanagement always ended up undermining a good evil scheme, but then she also complained about his plans being poorly planned half the time, so there was really no pleasing her.
He didn't see what was wrong with details, anyway. Drakken personally thought the devil was in the details. It probably wasn't the right expression to use, but as Drakken was evil, he liked to think of the expression as sort of a positive statement about details in evil plans. The more, the merrier! It was just too bad he usually got so excited that he didn't hammer them out enough.
Reaching into the back of the desk's bottom drawer, Drakken hit the jackpot: a cardboard box of multicolored chalk pieces. Maybe Shego would perk up a little if he used green chalk for a while. He stood up again, taking out the green piece, when the door to their study opened and a bulky man stepped tentatively inside.
"Midas!" exclaimed Shego, turning around and grinning from ear to ear.
"Who is this, Shego?"
"My massage therapist, Midas. I've mentioned him before, Doctor D."
"Ah yes. The name sounds familiar. The one at the resort you like, correct?"
"Why is he here?"
"I figured it'd be better just to hire him and bring him on over to give me massages on the job."
"Why would you need massages on the job? Are you tense?"
Shego raised an eyebrow and nodded curtly in the direction of Drakken's blackboard, which he had covered liberally with equations and schematics over the last hour. Drakken stepped back for a moment, looking over his plans, and even he had to admit maybe it was a little much.
"Right, well, I'm off to get a massage. See you later boss."
"Now wait just a moment!" said Drakken. "I still don't know how I feel about this. Why have I not been informed of this Midas character arriving in my lair?"
"I told you last week."
"I don't remember that."
"Do you remember anything last week besides being angry at Kim Possible?"
Drakken sputtered, his answer dying on his lips. He looked over the top-heavy new arrival, who stood patiently in the doorway as he waited for the conversation to end. Midas, she called him. Bleached blond hair, darkly tanned skin, an upper body that defied the laws of physics and somehow stopped itself from crushing the man's legs beneath it like a boulder dropping on balsa wood. He definitely looked like Shego's type.
"Any other complaints?" she asked.
"I don't think this is particularly professional," said Drakken. "When did I ever say you could hire a massage therapist and bring him to the lair? It seems like a security risk, and it's a distraction from your duties as my sidekick."
"Not sure if I like the word 'sidekick', and hiring a massage therapist is in my contract, champ."
"Look it up yourself."
There was no possible way that the right to hire a massage therapist was in Shego's contract. He began to root through his desk drawers a second time as he looked for the right paperwork. Schematics, surveillance photos of his troublesome teen foes, letters from his mother. Villain's magazines. He really needed to organize things sometime when he had a few moments to spare. Eventually he found Shego's contract and whipped it triumphantly out of the drawer, flipping to the relevant section as she waited with crossed arms.
Shego will not be cloned at any time during or after her employment. Shego also reserves the right to hire a massage therapist at any time and keep said therapist on the premises of the current working lair.
Drakken's face fell, and he noticed Shego's lips rise into a corresponding smirk. "I don't remember this being in the contract," he muttered, partly to himself and partly to Shego. "I really need to stop letting impressionable henchmen write these things."
"Your loss! We'll talk about your plan later."
Drakken raised a finger in an attempt to stop Shego, but she placed a hand in the center of Midas' rippling back and led him out the door, closing it gently behind her. He found himself left alone in his study, flabbergasted at the sudden intrusion. So much for getting some work done today. He sat back down in his desk chair and felt a rising sense of irritation. He never got any respect. He felt like his little family of two was more than enough, and he didn't want boy toy intruders popping in to interrupt his equilibrium.
A moment passed as he sat in silence. Midas' interruption had definitely thrown him off. He tried to get himself back in the mood for evil scheming, but he was unable to concentrate. Shego had mentioned Midas a few times before. He was fairly sure she liked his hot rock treatment, if he remembered correctly. Not that he thought there was anything special about Midas; Shego seemed to have a thing for the bulky, borderline brain-dead types, and he had seen her with them before. They never really bothered him that much, except that he was convinced Shego could do better.
A sense of curiosity began to tickle away at him. He pressed a few buttons on the top of his desk and brought a viewing screen up from a secret compartment. It popped up with a futuristic whoosh! - Drakken always thought sound effects were an important part of any evil lair. He flipped through several indoor security cameras that kept watch over the lair until he found one in the lounge room giving him a view of Shego and Midas. He knew Shego wouldn't like him spying on her, but it was his lair. And he was evil. What did she expect?
Sure enough, Midas was giving her a massage. Judging by the moans escaping her lips – muted, but still unmistakably passionate as he listened through the security camera - Shego was enjoying her massage like no woman had enjoyed a massage before.
Curiosity was satiated, but jealousy rose up in a bitter cloud to take its place.
No, thought Drakken. That simply isn't possible. Why would I be jealous?
Shego had been in his employ for a long time, and she had been a valuable asset to him. Over time, she even felt like part of his evil family. He considered her to be his friend, and while he had never heard her say anything like that about him, he liked to believe that she felt the same way on the inside. Shego had a hard time expressing herself, but he was convinced she thought of him as her friend. And that was all they were. Coworkers, friends, family, something in between all of those things.
His mother nagged him constantly about why he had such a beautiful young lady working at his radio show and never asked her out, but Drakken tried to ignore his mother when it came to romance. He was quite happy with his romantic life, mainly in the sense that it didn't exist, because it got in the way of world domination. That was how things were supposed to work. His free wheeling days of chasing the ladies had ended when he chose to voluntarily leave college.
"Enough about that silly massage therapist," Drakken said to the empty room. "Shego can get a massage from whoever she wants!"
He furiously stabbed a desk button with his finger, sending the viewing screen sliding back down into its slot as the security camera feed powered down. Shego's moans no longer filled the room. Seeing as he was not going to get any work done until Shego got back into work mode, which didn't look like it would be happening anytime soon, Drakken decided to kick back a little.
He opened the desk drawer containing some of his magazines and pulled out a new issue of Not a Gentleman Quarterly which he hadn't gotten around to reading yet. It was a male villain's magazine, but lately it seemed to shifting towards a focus on evil relationships and dating tips, which wasn't really Drakken's area of interest. He supposed it was a guilty pleasure.
"Hmm," said Drakken as he flipped through the pages. One article in particular grabbed his attention, and he stopped flipping to begin reading. Dating tips, as usual, but the opening lines had caught his eye.
Can't get that special lady to notice the real you? Try the following hot new tips from our evil dating experts!
Love potion – check our site for free chemical formulas! (Note: using free chemical formulas absolves Not a Gentleman Quarterly from any responsibility for injuries or death allegedly caused by said formulas; see legal disclaimer on page 39 for more details!)
Genetic Modification to look like the guy she's dating instead of going out with a chump like you!
Drakken felt a little insulted by that last one, and yet it was an intriguing idea compared to the other two. He couldn't kidnap Shego, as she already lived in the lair with him most of the time, and she'd tear him to pieces if he tried it. A love potion was a possibility, but those chemical formulas sounded sketchy, and Drakken was too lazy to think of his own recipe. Genetic modification itself was not a good idea as it meant visiting DNAmy, which Drakken had no intention of doing, but the basic idea still appealed to him. Deception, subterfuge. As a matter of fact, he could do something similar with a machine stored downstairs at this very moment.
Drakken continued to peruse the article until he suddenly realized what he was doing. He got up indignantly and threw the magazine to the desk as he realized he had just been reading about dating advice. The sticky sweet romantic allure of that silly magazine had sucked him into its nonsense against his will!
"I don't need dating advice!" he yelled out loud. "Shego is an unusually attractive coworker and nothing else!"
The door to Drakken's study opened and one of his henchmen poked his head inside.
"Did you yell for me, boss?"
"No, I did not. I was just talking to myself. Please leave me be."
The henchman closed the study door, leaving Drakken alone to continue on a patrol of the hallway outside. Drakken really needed to calm himself down. He was just flustered from Midas' uninvited arrival, just because he wasn't used to strangers coming to his lair without his knowledge. Shego had breached protocol and it was a little disconcerting, that was all. Things were the same as they had always been.
And yet, there did seem to be something different now.
When Midas had appeared in the doorway, seeing him bothered Drakken more than the other bulky pieces of man meat he had seen hanging out with Shego in the past. And now that he had seen the two of them on the security camera through his monitor, he felt a strange feeling. Like he wanted to stuff a hot rock down Midas' throat. Maybe romance had just been on his mind due to the fact that his teen foes had gotten together recently. It was still hard for him to believe. He had no idea how that buffoon could be dating Kim Possible. It was ludicrous, and yet somehow it gave him hope.
Hope that maybe... just maybe...
"No!" he shouted out loud. "I am definitely not jealous!"
I am definitely jealous, Drakken told himself as he watched Midas struggle against his rope bonds.
The two of them were alone together in a laboratory basement, situated on the bottom level of Drakken's lair. Shego was busy a couple of floors upstairs. Several hours had passed since Midas first arrived at the lair in order to give Shego what were supposedly ridiculously good massages. Drakken wondered if Shego was just amping up the moaning when Midas gave her massages as a sort of theatrical effect. It couldn't be that difficult to give a good massage, after all; the whole thing was probably just psychological, since Shego had a thing for guys who looked like Midas. Rub the legs a little, rub the back a little - big deal! Drakken could do that easily.
He had waited until Shego was elsewhere in the lair for an opportunity to get Midas alone, and hopefully he had a little private time for just the two of them. Shego had been distracted all day, even forgetting their plan to go out and steal a few supplies from the Middleton Institute of Science and Technology labs. It was like she thought she had the day off, and he was just paying her for kicks. Sure enough, Shego's behavior had proven Drakken right within a few hours; having a massage therapist on the premises was a bad idea.
Even more importantly, however, Drakken knew that he was jealous. He had been feeling a little strangely towards Shego for a while now, and Midas had been the last grain of sand that tipped his mental scales into a sudden realization. Things had been brewing in his psyche for a while, but he was coming to terms with his feelings now. Maybe he could kill two birds with one stone.
"Whmf are ymf goinf to dmf?"
The question was a little hard to interpret through the gag in his mouth, but Drakken was fairly sure that Shego's massage therapist was wondering why exactly his captor had just brought him downstairs to talk privately before knocking him out and then tying him up with rope and a mouth gag. It was a fair question. Now that Midas had regained consciousness, Drakken could answer it.
"What am I going to do?" he asked, repeating his captive's question. "Allow me to show you!"
Drakken opened a large pair of double doors in the back of his laboratory and pulled a bulky contraption out of the large supply closet within. He had all kinds of supply closets in his lair, mostly filled with odds and ends that he had invented but didn't have an immediate use for. This one was far more powerful than most of his other toys:
The brain switching machine.
Kim Possible had destroyed his original machine during one of her many inconsiderate interruptions to his world domination attempts, but he had eventually built another one. More compact and improved to boot; and unlike the last one, this machine would make sure voices matched up with their respective bodies to ensure the most comprehensive switching experience possible. Drakken didn't like carrying out the same evil schemes more than once, as it meant that Kim would be even quicker to catch him than the first time he tried them. Not to mention that he liked to mix things up, so he hadn't bothered trying to impersonate any military officers again. But the machine was still fun to use. He kept it just in case he ever needed a temporary new body.
Today, it would come in handy.
"This is my brain switching machine," said Drakken as he wheeled the bulky mobile platform back out to the middle of the laboratory, where Midas was still struggling with his bonds. The platform had wheels underneath – for easy mobility – and a pair of seats on top. A small control tower jutted up between the seats with a few readouts and buttons, and a pair of brain-reading helmets hung down from the control tower above their respective seats.
"I hook you into this seat," explained Drakken, "while I sit in the other seat and flip that little switch, and voila! Brains switched! I take your body and you take mine."
"Whmf do yuf wanf mf bodmf?"
It took Drakken a few moments, but he was fairly sure Midas was asking him why he needed his body. Drakken looked over the massage therapist, giving the heaving muscles an appraising eye.
"I need your body," he said.
Midas stopped struggling against his rope restraints and stared nervously at Drakken.
"No, you fool! Not like that! I just meant that – just for – nnngh! Now just get in the chair."
Clearly Midas would need a little help getting into his seat on the brain switching machine, and Drakken felt a little sheepish after giving him an impossible order. He tried to move Midas from the wooden chair in which he was currently sitting, but realized he had already tied Midas' arms behind the chair. The man might attack him if he untied the knots. Frowning, he stood back and considered his options for a moment before finally pushing Midas, chair and all, towards the brain switching machine. Midas was incredibly heavy.
"Move your feet a little," said Drakken. "Help me!"
Midas made no attempt to obey, and Drakken was forced to push him the rest of the way towards the machine. He couldn't get the chair over the brain switching machine's raised metal platform, however, and instead tipped it over so that it fell with the help of Midas' weight onto the platform. Drakken paused for a breath, feeling exhausted from pulling Midas' weight along. After another few minutes of twisting and grunting, he managed to get Midas' head close enough to the left brain switching seat that he could pull the switching helmet down from its extension cord.
Before he could fasten it, however, he realized a flaw in his plan. I switch brains with Midas, he told himself, going over the process in his mind. Then I am in Midas' body, tied up to the chair, and Midas goes free in my body, at which point he runs away or attempts to beat me into a bloody pulp.
Drakken groaned as he felt a headache coming on. After taking a few moments to think about how to fix things, he walked over to a phone on a nearby laboratory table and dialed an internal lair extension. The henchmen training room; it was unlikely Shego would be there, as he was fairly sure she was up in the lounge catching the end of an episode of Murderbots she had mentioned she was going to watch earlier. Hopefully he could avoid her attention and get a couple of his henchmen on the line to come down and help him.
"Hello?" spoke a gruff voice after a few rings.
"Yes, hello, is that Bob? This is Drakken."
"Oh, heya. Whad'ya need, boss?"
"Could you come down to basement laboratory 3A and help me with something? Bring Bill along with you just in case. And make sure neither of you catch Shego's attention."
"Gotcha, boss. Be down in a minute."
Drakken hung up the phone and returned to Midas, who was still tied up in his chair and splayed out on the platform of the brain-switching machine with the gag in his mouth. He smiled sympathetically; Midas was definitely an unwelcome presence in the lair, but he did look a bit uncomfortable there on the ground.
"Sooo," he said as he waited for his henchmen to arrive, "the massage business. That must be a fairly relaxing line of work, no doubt. Not the same kinds of rewards as supervillainy of course. There's really no way to top world domination after all, once you pull it off. What do you think?"
Midas stared incredulously up at his captor, not even bothering to mumble through his gag.
"Oh yes, you can't talk. Silly me."
Drakken coughed nervously and waited for an interminable period of time until he finally heard the sounds of footsteps approaching the lab. Bob and Bill appeared before long and entered the laboratory, standing at attention as they looked over the strange scene in front of them.
"You two, untie Midas from his chair."
The henchmen removed the bonds from Midas' arms and legs and helped him up as they kicked the wooden chair aside. Drakken indicated for the two of them to set Midas down in the brain-switching machine's left seat as he pulled down the switching cap and fastened it firmly to the massage therapist's head. "Make sure he doesn't get away while I switch brains with him, alright?"
The two henchman positioned themselves on either side of Midas, but Drakken waved angrily at them. "No, you fools! Stand around me when I press the switch – his brain will be in my body!"
"Uh, right," said Bill. "I think I get it now."
"Alright," Drakken told Midas as he strapped himself into the other seat on the right side of the platform, "don't get any ideas and struggle too much. It's best not to do anything that might interrupt the brain switching process, unless you want to be a vegetable. Understand?"
"Very good. Don't worry, I'll only need your body for a little while."
Drakken flipped the brain-switching switch. Which perhaps was a redundant name, now that he thought about it. Brain Switcher might be a better choice. He felt a burst of energy run through the machine, shaking him in his seat, and a moment later it was done.
The electronic screens on the metal tower between the two seats ran wild with readouts, bleeping and blipping with information, but Drakken already knew the switch had been successful. He was now sitting in the opposite seat, his mind having been transferred through the machine and into Midas' body. He looked down at his arms – his new, beefier Midas arms - and flexed their muscles, which were now comically large. Skin which had once been blue was now a tanned brown hue. He glanced to his side and saw his own body, which Midas' mind was now inhabiting.
I wonder if this is what an out of body experience feels like, thought Drakken. I am out of my body, after all.
He got up from his seat and tottered for a moment, caught off guard by the feel of his new body. He had tried the machine a few times in the past during experiments with his henchmen and knew it always took a few minutes to get used to someone else's body. Then again, with Midas' upper body size, he wondered how the guy even walked around without toppling over. Drakken – or, Midas in his body, he had to remind himself – looked up and blinked a few times before looking at his own new body.
"Ymf, thaf rif!" said Drakken.
Surprised by the sound of his muffled voice, he realized he had the mouth gag in his mouth – or Midas' mouth, he reminded himself - since he had forgotten to remove it before the brain switch. "Phooey!" he said, spitting the gag out before continuing. "Yes, that's right," he told Midas. "Just look at yourself! You look good in blue. Bob, Bill, escort him to the supply closet and lock him in there."
"You got it, boss!"
Drakken watched as his own body was dragged away by his henchmen and locked in the supply closet. It was a strange sight to see. Brain switching was definitely a wild process; he was fairly sure 'far out' was a good way to describe it. He focused his concentration on the feeling of being in Midas' body. He was no longer exhausted from dragging the man to the brain-switching machine, and this new body felt more powerful than his normal one. Maybe he needed to work out a bit more once he returned to his old self.
Earlier in the day, Drakken had instructed a couple of other henchmen to make some preparations on the uppermost roof of the lair; he had some plans for Shego later that night. Hopefully he could prove a few points while he had the use of Midas' body. But while he was looking forward to that, he had something else on his agenda first. It was time to go upstairs, find Shego, and put Midas' magic touch to the test.
Notes - That's it for chapter 1. Let me know what you guys thought! :) There will be two more chapters coming before too long.