A/N: This one is a lot like my Hidan one. I just couldn't help doing one with Kakuzu's opinion. Also sorry for not posting yesterday L
Warning: Strong language! Mentions sex! Has KakuHi and slight KisaIta, that means Yaoi! If you don't like it, don't read it! Also character and couple bashing! Sorry if I bash your favorite Kakuzu couple!
Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Kakuzu or any of the other characters in Naruto, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
Kakuzu X anyone outside the Akatsuki
Kakuzu - Do I look or sound like a whore to you? No one could pay me enough to go out with anyone outside of the Akatsuki. No one (period)
Kakuzu X Konan
Kakuzu - Konan isn't my type. When I say Konan isn't my type I mean she has boobs and doesn't have a penis. She probably couldn't scream loud enough for me to like the sex anyway.
Kakuzu X Deidara
Kakuzu - He's even more obnoxious than Hidan, and that's saying something. I would never go out with Deidara even if he was the last man on Earth.
Kakuzu X Pein
Kakuzu - He's my leader and I respect him, but I would never fuck him.
Kakuzu X Itachi
Kakuzu - He's too much like me except he doesn't get easily angered like I do. Now that I think about it, I think he has the hots for Kisame.
Kakuzu X Sasori
Kakuzu - Again the same thing with Sasori, he's too much like me but doesn't get angry easily. Although I can't see why he doesn't, he has a horrible partner but I shouldn't be the one to talk about horrible partners.
Kakuzu X Kisame
Kakuzu - No! Itachi would try to kill me. Kisame's already taken.
Kakuzu X Zetsu
Kakuzu - He would threaten my position as Seme, and I am no Uke.
Kakuzu X Tobi
Kakuzu - No, he's just way to hyper. I don't like hyper.
Kakuzu X Sasuke
Kakuzu - Are you on crack? Cause if you are, you didn't buy it from me. I bet I have better crack than that other person you bought it from. I bet Tobi.
Kakuzu X Hidan
Kakuzu - Hidan is annoying, self-centered, loud-mouthed, a zealot, not very bright, pink-eyed, silver-haired, dirty, a masochist, and just the way I like it. He is also really good at riding cock. He's immortal too, so we'll be together forever, which is kind of nice if you think about it. Even though I haven't said it to him yet, I love him. More than money. In sex he let's me stab him and he fucking likes it! He's the yin to my yang. Oh and by the way, if you ever tell him I said any of this stuff I will cut your dick off, cook it in hot sauce, feed it to Zetsu, have Zetsu shit it out, make crack out of it, and sell the crack back to you. Just a warning.
After note: Sorry if I spelt anything wrong or offended you in any way.
Reviews are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading it!
Special thanks to: Hirosa Minalita, hidan the jashin worshipper, and mnm-eats-choklate you inspired me to write this one!