Disclaimer: Yes I own this and Uther is a fairy princess
A/N: I was watching this episode with my friend a while ago when my brother come in and asks why Merlin wasn't using his magic to help them and why had Gaius suddenly gone bald. After I laughed so hard I thought my head might explode I came up with the idea to write a parody.
So, here it is! Hope you enjoy this :D Oh and by the way, characters from all over may just poof in and poof out several times so just go with it-remember this is completely for humour. That's what I love about fanfiction-you can make the impossible, possible!
The planet Midnight was one of the tourist attractions of the universe. All kinds of people, creatures and things came from all five corners of the universe to stay in its leisure palace. The x-tonic sunlight surrounding the palace made it ideal for sunbathing (although it would have to be through metres of thick finitoglass owing to the fact that if you were stupid enough to step outside you would be vaporised instantly. Not even animals could survive it, as proven by a, rather mad, old man who decided to test that theory by hurling his pet duck out of a spaceship door.)
As well as the incredible leisure palace, which was packed full of spas, shops, restaurants, swimming pools and ferris wheels, Midnight also sported the Sapphire Waterfall which was, well, a sapphire waterfall.
Naturally the leisure palace company developed specially developed Crusader buses to take tourists to see it. The sight had in fact been voted #1 on Which-Planet-That-I-Will-Most-Probably-Die-On-Shall-I-Visit-Next? Weekly's Sights to Die For list.
It was this that convinced Gaius it would be a perfect place for a holiday. Uther had, to put it lightly, been a bit stressy since Morgana was revealed to be a homicidal maniac and had been ordering the execution of anyone who even 'looked at him funny'. Gaius decided he needed a break and where better than a soothing spa and a breath-taking view to relax the mind.
After a long and rather tiresome argument the king finally succumbed to the idea.
"But there is a problem."
Gaius breathed out heavily and turned to face the king who was standing beside his throne, deep in thought. "What, sire?"
"Who will run Camelot while we're away?" Uther pointed out as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Arthur of course."
Uther visibly tensed. "Arthur's coming with us."
Gaius sighed. Uther had become very protective over his son since Morgana. Gaius had yet to decide whether that was a good or bad thing. He racked his brain, trying to think of anyone who could look after the kingdom.
"I'll do it!" Gwaine appeared from the side door.
Both Uther and Gaius frowned simultaneously. It didn't escape there notice that his words were slurred and he stumbled towards them in a slightly drunken manner.
"I'll run Camelot while you're away, milord! I'll keep it in top tip condition."
The king didn't look convinced. Gwaine tried harder. "I'll uphold the lawn; I mean law and keep bashing at those saucers and magical nasties!"
Uther thought for a moment. "Well...if you're sure...I guess you could-"
"Thanks!" Gwaine immediately jumped into the empty throne. As he watched the pair walk away a whole load of images filled his head: free taverns, semi-naked girls, taverns open all hours...
"Ah...the power!" He stretched out on the throne and took a bottle of cider from inside his jacket and swigged from it.
This was going to be so much fun!
So it was that the next day Uther, Gaius, Arthur, Merlin (Arthur had to have his servant with him) and Gwen (after Morgana's dramatic departure she'd found temporary work as Gaius' assistant and Arthur had insisted she come along to 'expand her medical knowledge') found themselves in the huge leisure palace surrounded by a load of strangely dressed people and creatures.
"Welcome to Midnight Leisure Palace." The cheery receptionist smiled as they entered the arrival/departure lounge. Both Uther and Gwen gave a yell of surprise as they realised she was bright blue with two heads.
"Sorcery…" Uther breathed, his eyes fixated on the strange woman.
Gaius patted him tentatively on the back. "No, sire. Just alien."
Uther looked like he was going to faint. Arthur and Gwen looked at him in concern while Merlin tried not to laugh. It would ruin the holiday if Uther ended up killing me.
As it happened, the beginning of their holiday went very well and for Merlin, Gwen and Arthur the first couple of days were fantastic. Arthur turned out to be a brilliant swimmer and the trio spent many days by one of the many pools where Arthur showed off his diving skills while Gwen sat on the edge laughing. Merlin eventually got bored of being ordered around and criticised and started feeling uncomfortable being near the pair so he decided to leave them to it and discovered the gift shop.
The gift shop was full of weird and wonderful souvenirs that were so like magic yet not magic. There were machines that could give you whatever you wanted at the touch of a button, cutlery that could make food hover while you ate it and even a little shelf entitles 'Classic Earth Children's' which was filled with colouring books, pictures and strange, shiny discs called DVD's all adorned with images of creatures with moving pictures in their stomachs and little cartoon people.
The things that Merlin liked best, however, where found on a shelf labelled 'Earth Books That You Should Have Read By Now And If You Haven't Get A Move On'. The seven Harry Potter books were AMAZING! Merlin spent hours and hours reading about the young wizards battles with the evil Voldemort. After he'd read them he naturally bought the weird DVD things. He lapped it all up as if hypnotised. Watching the scene in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban where Harry flies Buckbeak over the Black Lake strangely reminded him of when he himself rode Kilgarrah to defeat Morgana's army of the dead. Wow, he'd even yelled then nearly fell off like Harry did!
Merlin shook his head and muttered: "those writers."
Uther, on the other hand, followed Gaius around like a puppy. Now, Gaius knew the king was paranoid but this was taking it a bit too far. Uther was acting like he expected someone to run up to him, do an Irish jig, knife him and run away screaming like a loon.
It took Gaius days to shake him off but he eventually managed it by calmly suggesting, one night at an anti-gravity restaurant, that he and Arthur have some quality father/son bonding time.
Gwen wasn't very happy to be dragged from her poolside snogging but agreed on the condition that she and Gaius could go clothes shopping.
Father/son bonding time was a bit strange, as neither Uther nor Arthur knew what to say or do. Gaius had suggested they talk about their feelings but both blatantly refused. In the end they ended up having a game of anti-gravity football. Surprisingly, Uther turned out to be very good at bobbing around in the air while trying to kick a football into a net and bragged about it constantly.
It was therefore a very bigheaded king and a severely annoyed prince that Gaius, Gwen and Merlin met up with for dinner that night. But their behaviour wasn't the only thing that surprised Merlin as both Gwen and Gaius turned up in the strangest attire.
"Gaius…" Merlin whispered wide-eyed. "You've gone bald!"
Gaius beamed and twirled the light bouncing off his newly bald head. "It's great, isn't it? The new me!"
Arthur and Merlin exchanged looks wondering if Gaius had finally gone mad.
"But-but…the tweed! Out of all the fashions we've got here, you choose tweed!" Gaius' face fell a little. "What's wrong with it? It's better than that dress I used to wear!"
The king, prince and warlock continued to stare out him in an astonished manner until Arthur noticed Gwen and gave a start of surprise.
"Gwen, what are you wearing?" He stared at the woolly cardigan and long pink skirt. "And why are you wearing glasses?"
Gwen smiled. "They make me look smarter." She shrugged. "I don't know why you look so surprised. I just decided I wanted to look a bit more modern."
As the week progressed it turned out not only Gwen and Gaius had opted for more 'modern' clothing as Merlin turned up to meet Arthur two days later dressed completely in black and accompanied by a middle aged couple.
Arthur stared at him for a couple of minutes before loudly pronouncing: "Merlin, what on earth are you wearing?"
Merlin shrugged and the couple exchanged surprised looks. "It's fashion!"
Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Black nail polish? Are you serious?"
A skinny man with a gaunt face and a matted, elbow-length tangle of hair paused beside them and shook his head. "No, he's Merlin! No one can be me, I'm unique!" Sirius Black laughed at the pun that'd been used way too many times before continuing in his running from a couple of 'imperius'd' ministry officials.
Merlin and Arthur ignored him. You got a lot of weird people here.
"Darling?" The female half of the couple addressed Merlin. "Jethro? Why are they calling you Merlin?"
Merlin shrugged. "It's my name." He answered simply.
Her husband looked confused. "Your name's Jethro."
Merlin shrugged again. "I have two names."
Arthur snorted. "Don't be an idiot, Merlin!You can't have two names!"
"Says who?" Merlin retorted.
A great, booming voice sounded around them. "Well, actually, I never said that."
"Shut up!" Arthur yelled. "Don't listen to the universe. You should never listen to the universe." He said seriously.
The rest of the party from Camelot (except Uther who couldn't of cared less) couldn't get their heads around Merlin suddenly having two identities. The middle-aged couple had also turned out to be his 'parents'. In the end they all deemed it too confusing to understand and went back to whatever they were doing.
Two weeks had past since their arrival at Midnight and Gaius had decided it was high time to visit the Sapphire Waterfall. So, the next day, Uther and Gaius, Arthur and Gwen, Merlin and 'his parents', a creepy-looking woman and a skinny man in a long brown overcoat boarded the shuttle bus.
"Come on! Trekking across a diamond planet called Midnight with a bus load of strangers, what could possibly go wrong?"
A/N: I'm not trying to confuse you here. With all the Merlin characters and the Doctor Who characters I thought it would be overly confusing so I've MERGED the characters not REPLACED.
Professor Hobbes=Gaius (not much difference between them)
Dee Dee=Gwen (same as above except Dee Dee has a brain. Just kidding, guys!)
Everyone else is as normal: the Doctor, Arthur, Uther, Sky Silvestry, Biff and Val Cane (Jethro's parents), the hostess, the driver and the mechanic.
Not too confused? Good! Hope you enjoyed it!
Reviewer's will get a chance to have a game of anti-gravity football at Midnight Leisure Palace with a character (from either show) of their choice!