Sexy 101

Disclaimer: I own... nothing. :(

AN: I was surprise there weren't more stories about the Sexy episode! It cracked me up so bad! This is dedicated to the fact I feel so bad for Kurt and I believe he's sexy!

"Sit down, Kurt. This is an intervention."

"Why are you in my room?" Kurt slowly sat down on his bed, staring wide-eyed at the two girls who had somehow managed to sneak into his room. Okay, well, maybe Finn let them in the house, but it were still scared the life out of him when he walked into his room today. It was not often two girls were waiting on his bed for him and most of the time those turned out to be nightmares.

The dark-haired girl smiled at him as she strolled up to him and leaned forwards slowly. This caused Kurt to lean back, uncomfortably. "A little birdy told me you've been having some problems with sex appeal."

The girl next to them paused to think then offered a confused expression. "What little birdy? I thought Artie told me."

"Yes, Brittany," Santana rolled her eyes at her friend, "Finn told Puck who told Artie who told you who told Mwa. And there is definitely a reason this all circled back to me. I am the only one in glee club who knows the first thing about sexy, hence the reason I'm here."

Kurt shook his head slowly. "That still tells me nothing. Why are you helping me again? We've never even acknowledged each other except that time my dad was dying or when I was on the cheerios."

"We're beginning to understand how you must have felt when you were at McKinley," Brittany replied softly.

"Brittany!" Santana snapped, giving the other girl a sharp look before glancing back towards Kurt. "Look, Hummel, it doesn't matter. Comprendo? All you need to know is that we are here to help. I own sexy, you hear? So you better stop asking about us and let us get to the real meat of the problem."

"Wait, why does the problem have meat?"

Santana continued to ignore her friend for time restraint's sake.

Kurt slowly looked from one girl to the other before letting his eyes narrow slightly in interest. "What did you have in mind?"

Both girls grinned at each other in approval before Santana turned back to Kurt, "Hang on to your innocence because you're about to get a crash course in Sexy 101."

"So… where do we start?"

"Let's talk about that little hobbit of a boy you lug around by the scarf. Barry, is it?"


Santana smiled. "Yea, him."


Now Kurt had his doubts about his first assignment from Sexy 101. The lessons were easy enough but the assignment was so dumbing simple that he had no idea how anything productive would come from it.

However, he was willing to try. If he was willing to make constipated faces at Blaine and make a fool out of himself, he was pretty much ready for everything else.

So, Blaine found him in the meeting room, staring out the window, waiting for the rest of the warblers to gather. Kurt always seemed to have a slight obsession with windows and staring out at them. It was quite amusing actually.

However, that was not all that caught his attention today. Blaine slowed to a crawl when he witnessed exactly what Kurt was doing shamelessly in the public room. His eyes widened and his knuckles turned white, clinging onto his bag strap a little too tightly. The warbler glanced around nervously as though wondering if anything else was as horrified as he was.

This could not be, by all things holy, legal.

His sight narrowed on Kurt's hands, the dampness of them, listening slightly in the light, and followed the fingers as they curled sensually around the object in his hands. Blaine might have been gawking or drooling or a mixture of both.

Then, those mouth and lips… Oh it was such a crime. Kurt's tongue run along the underside as his teeth dragged lightly over the top. Blaine could have sworn he heard a low, sensual moan coming from the other teen.

"Omph!" Totally mesmerized by his friend, Blaine absolutely forgot about the step leading down into the room and tripped, hopping forwards awkwardly.

This caught Kurt's attention. The boy glanced at the junior warbler as he finally bit a piece off his pickled cucumber. "That was graceful," he muttered as he chewed.

"Oh hush, you," Blaine replied back with a grin. His gaze lingered on the green vegetable in Kurt's hand for a moment before straightening himself up and going over to sit by Kurt. He glanced over and offered his usual grin, attempting to keep him mind off certain… breakfast choices.

However, he could not help but follow the sight of the cucumber leading slowly towards Kurt's lips. The boy took a large chuck in his mouth, sucking the juice from the cucumber with soft noises for a torturous minute. Blaine felt a disturbing shiver run down his spine and in between his legs. He shifted, trying to keep his mind clear.

Then Kurt did that thing with this tongue. He dragged his tongue along the top then along the bottom again. He then made a slight disapproving noise as he realize a trickle of pickled juice was flowing down his hand. He leaned forwards with his lips and tongue to lap it up. Blaine's jaw and head probably dropped with the movement of Kurt's lips.

Blaine snapped back and tore his eye away by sere force as he heard other member start to make their way into the room.

Kurt, on the other hand, had no idea what was going on besides him. Santana and given him a jar of pickled cucumber with a wicked smile. She merely instructed him to eat them during a time he and Blaine hung out.

He also couldn't help but notice Blaine was unusually silent besides him. He frowned, wondering if Santana was wrong about this all. Then again, it wasn't like he was doing anything. He had just been pleasantly surprise at how much he enjoyed pickled cucumbers. They were actually really good. However, he had to eat them slowly since they were so sour.

He bit off another piece and made a noise in appreciation.

Suddenly, Blaine jumped up from besides him. Kurt glanced at the boy in worry. "Blaine, are you okay?"

Blaine had no idea what to say now. He was so turned on that it would have become a problem if the stayed next to Kurt any longer. "I… uh," he stuttered awkwardly, "need to use… the restroom." With that, the boy all but ran out of the room, leaving a very confused Kurt behind.

Kurt stared after the boy for a moment before continuing to eat his cucumber. He sucked it softly, tasting the tasty pickled juice. Meanwhile, he was very unaware that some other warblers were beginning to notice and eyes lingered.

Who ever said Kurt was not sexy?

AN: Sorry it was so short! I hope you liked it enough to drop a review. :] I shall continue when I think of more ways for Kurt to be sexy-fine!