Three days had passed since Indiana Jones, Adolf Hitler and Rebecca Black had been thrown into Evil Guy's dungeon. Indy had barely stopped pacing the cell for the last three days, even sleep-pacing when he need to. Rebecca Black was curled up in the foetal position in a corner, rocking back and forth saying 'Friday... Friday... Friday...' over and over while Hitler was licking the concrete walls.
"I've got an idea of how we can escape" Indy exclaimed right in Hitler's ear, causing him to stumble back and trip over Rebecca Black, who also fell over causing them both to hit their heads, knocking them both out.
"Shit, it's all up to me now," Indy said in a grim tone as he put his dark shades on. Suddenly, Indy heard a dungeon door slam shut from somewhere down the hall and he heard footsteps approaching quickly. A guard began walking past, but was interrupted by Indy.
"YOU SIR!" Indy shouted as he pointed directly at the dungeon guard and added the second part to gain his attention, "I want to take you to a gay bar!" This caused the dungeon guard to turn and face Indy.
"Really? Which one? I quite like Double Stuffers and Gays Of The Week," The guard blushed. This was when Indy realised he'd hit on the only gay guard in Evil Guy's castle.
"Shit... I don't want to catch the gay germs..." Indy muttered to himself. The guard opened the cell door and started skipping toward Indy in a gay way, causing Indy to back up into a corner, holding his fingers out in front of him in the shape of a cross.
"STAND BACK, DEMON!" Indy screamed at the homosexual. The guard stopped right in front of Indy.
"So, big boy, where do you want to go?" The guard smiled cheesily.
"I want to go and see a show," Indy nervously said in a high-pitch tone.
"The Nutcracker," Indy said grimly as he kicked the guard in the ballsack. The guard groaned as he started puking rainbows. Indy looked at the rainbows in disgust, "Typical gayboy." He looked at his two comrades in the form of Rebecca Black and Hitler before stealing a permanent marker from the gay guard's pocket. Indy then drew a moustache on each of their faces and a penis on the cheek of the gay guard's face. Indiana Jones then kicked Rebecca Black in the head before picked both her and Hitler up and placing them over his shoulders. He walked through the cell door, closing it and locking the gay guard inside. He then walked down the hallway, knocking Hitler's and Rebecca Black's heads against the concrete walls on numerous occasions. Once he got to the door to Evil Guy's Castle's foyer, he could hear noises on the other side and he carefully opened the door to Evil Guy's party he was holding.
"Chug! Chug! Chug!" Everyone was cheering as Bad Guy – Evil Guy's younger brother – was drinking from a beer bong. Indy tried sneaking around the room to the front door to sneak out, until he realised he wasn't looking where he was going and had walked up beside Bad Guy, in the middle of everyone else, and no way near the door. Everyone stopped partying and stared at Indy with his companions over his shoulders.
"Uh..." Indy started sweating, then began pumping his fist in the air while looking at Bad Guy, "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" but no one else joined in on the chant. Somewhere in the room, Indy could hear someone golf clapping, then Evil Guy slowly stood up from his throne on the far side of the room. Everyone made a path for Evil Guy to walk up to Indy.
"Well, well, well, the mighty Indiana Jones has managed to escape my dun –WHOA" Evil Guy began casually saying before he tripped on his untied shoelace. "Fucks sake, I specifically told the shoe store I wanted Velcro shoes! But noooooooo, shoelaces are back in fashion, they said, you won't pick up any chicks with Velcro, they said." Indy just stood there awkwardly, staring at Evil Guy mumbling to himself on the ground. Evil Guy remembered what he was doing and quickly threw his shoes away before turning back to Indy.
"So, you escaped, now what?" Evil Guy snapped.
"I was hoping you'd let me leave," Indy smiled sheepishly.
"How about this, I challenge you to a sing-off, either you or one of your unconscious friends can sing a song, then I will sing a song and whoever wins gets to decide whether you leave or not." Evil Guy said as he flipped his cool coin.
"You've got yourself a deal," Indy said as shadows fell over his face, before he dumped Hitler and Rebecca Black's limp bodies to the ground.
TEN MINUTES LATER...
Simon Cowell, Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga took their seats at the judging table as Evil Guy proudly stepped onto the stage to begin his song.
"Okay, Evil, what are you going to be singing to us today?" Simon said in his droney british accent... the ponce.
"Hi guys, I'm huge fans, it's so nice to finally meet you!" Evil Guy said.
"Just tell us what you're going to sing," Justin Timberlake said.
"Oh my god, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you all, Lady Gaga you look so beautifully masculine as usual," Evil Guy gushed.
"For God's sake, shut up and sing," Simon said as he threw his pen on the counter.
"I'm going to be singing 'U.G.L.Y.' by Daphne & Celeste" Evil Guy grinned toothily.
"Beautiful song," Justin nodded.
"U G L Y you ain't got no alibi you ugly! Eh! Hey! You ugly!" Evil Guy began shouting into the microphone as he stared at the judging panel. Indy was blocking his ears for the entire song, until Evil Guy finished his 'extended' version... 9 minutes later.
"Great song, great singing, your pitch was perfect, what was your inspiration behind picking this song?" Lady Gaga said in her monotone, annoying, stupid, idiotic voice.
"My inspiration was you, Miss Gaga ," Evil Guy said... including the words 'smiley face'.
"Well, it'd have to be a great follow-up performance to beat that," Simon said as he and Justin gave Evil Guy a standing ovation.
"Next up, we have Indiana Jones, from wherever he's from," Ryan Seacrest said on-stage. Indy nervously walked onto the stage as his knees wobbled beneath him.
"Hello Simon, Justin, Lady... yuck," Indy cringed when he finally saw how ugly Lady Gaga truly is.
"Hello, Indiana, sing whenever you're ready," Simon nodded. Indy stood on stage with all of Evil Guy's party-goers staring at him in the crowd, he began nervously thinking in his head, what song can I sing? Shit, they're all staring at me, is there something in my teeth?, everyone in the crowd began boo'ing Indy to get off of the stage, until a lightbulb went off above Indy's head. He had to duck and cover his head as broken lightbulb shards rained down onto him, then he suddenly thought, I know the song...
"Indiana, are you going to start singing?" Simon sighed loudly. Indy then placed the microphone near his mouth and opened to begin singing.
"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN, NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND DESERT YOOOOOOOOOU" Indy began dancing as he belted out his favourite song... until it happened. Indiana Jones lost his voice. All the judges could hear was little squeaks coming from Indy's mouth.
"Indiana, either get someone else to sing, or you lose," Simon said.
"But both of my friends are knocked out, Simon," Indy said as tears began forming in his eyes, "Please, one more shot, I'll sing a different song! I quit my job for this opportunity!"
"I'm sorry, you had your shot," Simon shrugged. Then a hand gripped Indy's shoulder, causing him to turn around and see Rebecca Black standing there with her awkward smile.
"I can sing, Indy, I'll save us," She nodded, causing Indy to wonder why she's nodding, he didn't ask her a nod-worthy question. "god, you're such a stupid bitch," Indy muttered under his breath as he handed her the microphone. Rebecca Black went to the centre of the stage and held the microphone to her mouth. Everyone cringed as they prepared for 'Friday' to escape her lips.
"This is my moment... my mooooment... it's my time flying high my my.." Rebecca Black started singing her new song and managed to get through the whole song. Rebecca Black closed her eyes as she soaked up the glory and heard people cheering her name and she smiled, until she opened her eyes. Turns out, they weren't cheering her name, they were shouting 'Kill Rebecca Black' while charging the stage with burning pitchforks. Indy and a now-awoken Hitler rushed the stage to Rebecca's side.
"Everybody stop... Rebecca, that was an awful performance, the winner is Evil Guy," Simon Cowell said as he and his fellow judges left.
"Looks like the better man won," Evil Guy smirked as he came to the front of the angry mob.
"Evil Guy, before you make your decision, can I say something?" Hitler said his first words this chapter.
"What is it, you stupid moustache?" Evil Guy said angrily.
"Look over there!" Hitler pointed to the upper corner of the foyer, away from the trio of heroes, causing Evil Guy, Bad Guy and the rest of the angry mob to turn and look where he was pointing.
"RUN!" Hitler said in his comical, stereotypical German accent. Indy Jones, Hitler and Rebecca Black sprinted from the stage, and out the front door of the Castle.
"There's nothing there you stupid piece of – Where the hell did they go?" Evil Guy screamed as he turned back around.
The Indiana Jones and The Joneseys stopped running to catch their breath once they'd run a few metres down the road. He turned back to make sure no one was following them.
"What do we do now, Indy?" Rebecca Black puffed as she looked at the protagonist of the story.
"We plan...," Indy stared into the sun, "we plan an attack to take down Evil Guy once and for all, he's a smart opponent, we'll need a well thought-out strategy. Hitler, you're good at organising attacks, do you have any ideas?"
"Not yet, Indy, I just want to go home and watch the newest episode of The Bachelor, I hear two of the girls get angry at each other in this episode," Hitler jumps from foot to foot in glee.
"Right, I guess it's up to me then," Indy said grimly.
"I can help with the strategy, Indy," Rebecca Black awkwardly swayed from side to side. Indy looked at her and scoffed.
"Go make me a sandwich, woman," Indy said as the trio continued walking down the street. The camera panned away from the group as they walk into the sunset, showing the castle in the foreground as they continue on their journey with a techno remix of the Indiana Jones theme plays in the background.