Full Description: Harry struggles to find his place in a world he never thought he'd be a part of. He unexpectedly finds comfort in one Draco Malfoy, and together they teach each other how to live with solace. Caring for his Godson, dealing with new emotions and living a life he never dreamed possible. Can Harry suffer the slings and arrows? Post-Hogwarts, Deathly Hallows compliant, EWE.
AN: This is my first Drarry fic, I've been thinking about it for a LONG time and have finally gotten the chance to write it (and I'm so happy I did). I'm going to go ahead and give you some warnings: This is going to be an angsty fic, of course there are going to be nice fun moments along the way, but in general it's not going to be an easy ride. It's also slash and rated M for a reason. There will be violence and there will be sex so ye be warned. OH and hey, guess what! I love reviews! They make me want to write more, therefore update faster so please leave them no matter how short or long.
Disclaimer: Wish I owned it but I don't. All right's go to J.K Rowling and her crew.
Chapter 1, "Out of the Fog"
The funeral for Severus Snape was held in a small cemetery a few weeks after the war had ended. Harry had vowed to make sure the man got the recognition he deserved. He wanted Snape to be remembered for the man he truly was. Unfortunately, neither the press nor the Ministry cared enough to change the public opinion on Snape, leaving Harry to pay for a funeral that only a few would attend.
It was a beautiful day, in a sad sort of way. It was springtime so the grass was remarkably green and the trees made a canopy over the gravestones. The cemetery was on the coast, overlooking the ocean. There was no beach, just a short cliff where the grass cut off. And it was foggy. The air was so quiet as only the soft words of Minerva McGonagall's eulogy rang out.
Teddy squirmed in Harry's arms a bit as he looked around. The Weasley's had come, their company Harry would be forever grateful for. And of course Hermione was there, along with a few professors from Hogwarts. Andromeda Tonks stood at his side, reaching out now for the fussing baby in Harry's arms which he carefully passed over. As Harry turned away, a flash of golden blonde hair caught his eye. Draco Malfoy was standing down by the path, no doubt there to pay his respects to his favourite teacher.
Before Harry could ponder this, the funeral had ended. The others were starting to drift away back down the path from where they came, but Harry didn't want to leave just yet.
"You coming Harry? Mrs. Weasley's made tea and sandwiches; we're having a bit of a reception at the Burrow." Hermione said while placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Yeah, I'll be there in a bit, go on without me."
"You alright mate?" Ron asked with a bit of concern in his voice.
"Yeah I'm fine; I just need to stay her for a minute." He knew they would understand, this was one of the reasons he loved his friends, they were never ones to pry too much. Hermione and Ron headed off with the others. He watched them go for a bit, thinking of how grateful he was for them. How he could have lost them just as easily as Lupin, or Tonks, or Fred. How much danger he put them all in.
He wandered off near the edge of the cliff, staring out into the calm ocean, hands in his pockets. His hair had grown a bit longer and was blowing in the wind. He heard someone approaching and knew it was Malfoy before he even spoke. He could tell by the cautious footsteps. Nobody else would be so afraid around Harry anymore.
Without looking back, Harry spoke.
"He was always on the side of the Light you know. His loyalty was to Dumbledore, up until he died."
The footsteps stopped just behind him. "I didn't know." Draco stated curiously.
"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't." There was a silence then, but it wasn't awkward. Draco stepped beside him and they both were looking out over the coast. "I think more would come. More people would come if they knew whose side he was truly on."
Draco laughed without any real humour. "Somehow I doubt that. He wasn't the most likeable man." He paused to think for a bit before adding quietly "But he had his moments."
"I'm sorry; I knew you were close to him." Harry said then. Head hanging low.
"Don't apologise to me Potter, it doesn't suit you." He sneered and Harry looked over at him for a moment then away quickly, both gazing out to the sea in a long silence. This wasn't their first meeting since the war. Harry had sought the Malfoy's out shortly after it had ended, to return Draco's wand. He still had dreams about moments like this.
When Harry found them, they were being heavily questioned by Aurors. Lucius Malfoy was bound and looked as if he were being taken into custody, they were about to do the same for Narcissa and Draco. Quickly, Harry ran to them.
"Wait!" He shouted as they incarcerated Narcissa Malfoy. "This woman saved my life, there's no need to bind their hands." They all looked at him incredulously. Draco's mouth literally fell open.
"They have the Dark Mark. They will be taken into custody."
"Draco and Mrs. Malfoy both had opportunities to turn me over to Voldemort." Nearly everyone cringed at the name. "And neither did so. They should be shown the same respect as anyone here."
Draco shifted his feet beside him and Harry was brought back to the present.
They hadn't taken Draco or Narcissa into custody that day. They did, however, take Lucius. He was currently in Azkaban, serving out what would likely turn out to be a life sentence. Harry had heard that Draco's mother was going mad without him, that her pride had been so badly damaged she was becoming a recluse.
He remembered then that he never really did have a chance to give Draco back his wand. It was sitting in his bedside drawer, forgotten. Alone.
"I still have your wand."
"Yes, well I won't be needing it much now, will I?" He bit out. Harry remembered now that Malfoy Manor had been seized by the Ministry. As had most of their belongings. Anyone who had ever been associated with the Dark Mark had been virtually cast out and spat upon by the wizarding society. The Malfoy's had been trying to get by in the Muggle world for the past few weeks.
Draco sighed and it was awkward then. They had this strange acquaintance that neither of them knew what to do with. This laying down of arms, both knew the race was over but they had no idea where to start again. Harry heard Malfoy turn to leave, watching him go, wishing he knew what to say.
"Malfoy, wait. I really am sorry. " Harry called after him; he had reached the path now and was standing under the shade again, waiting. "For everything."
Draco paused then before he replied in a tone so quiet Harry could have missed it. As if he was struggling to get it out.
"I know. It's fine Potter"
A week later not much had changed in Harry Potter's life. He had nightmares every night, would wake up in cold sweats and then try to coax his body back into sleep. Sometimes Andromeda would drop Teddy off so she could have a good night's rest. What was unexpected was that Harry actually slept better these nights. Knowing he had Teddy there, that was some sort of small comfort.
Not that the baby wasn't a handful. He was a screamer. If he wanted anything he would scream and scream until he got it. There were even times when he would just scream for what seemed like no reason at all and these were the hardest on Harry. But all in all he was grateful. He needed this in his life, something to care for. Some purpose to strive towards. He made a promise to Teddy and to himself that this child would never know what it feels like to not be loved. That he would always be provided for and cherished for all he was worth.
Harry owed that to him.
The guilt was another factor that kept him awake at night. Lying in bed, thinking of all those he could have saved, all those he should have protected. He had so much regret he thought it would eat him up.
One day he and Hermione were sitting in his kitchen, he told her all of these worries. It was a bright day and the sun was shining through the window onto his wooden table. They sat close, drinking their tea, Teddy napping upstairs.
"Harry nobody expects you to move on so quickly. You've suffered so much throughout your life, it's only natural that you would feel this way now that it's all over." She told him before taking a sip of tea.
"I feel like I should be out there, showing at fundraisers or charities or something. The more time I have to myself, the more time I have to just think about everything." He looked up at her then. "Hermione, do you think we could ever recover from this? Do you think we'll ever laugh again like we used to, without the guilt?"
"Yes, Harry I do. Right now we're all still in mourning. The Weasley's…even I can barely stand to be there for too long, the weight of their sadness becomes too much to bear. We all need a break from it sometimes." She took his hand before she continued. "But even they are mending, I see it every day. The light still shines in their eyes."
He thought about the Weasley's and how Fred's death had affected them. Of course, none had taken it harder than George, who in the past few weeks Harry had oftentimes caught just sitting, staring at a wall, unmoving. Harry would call his name but it would take a few tries before George would answer. He was broken. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were both emotional wrecks but tried to cover it up when Harry had visited. Ron was the only one who would actually talk about it. And Ginny had been avoiding Harry altogether.
Ginny. He still thought of her often. They never got back together after the war like they had intended to. They had hardly even talked after the war actually.
"How is Ginny? Have you been talking to her much?" He suddenly asked Hermione then.
"She's holding up. She misses you Harry. I know things are complicated and you've both changed so much, but I think you should at least try to reach out to her." Her voice was so comforting it was hard not to agree with her.
"Even if I did, even if we got back together, how long could it last? I don't have the same feelings I once did. I wish I did, I really do. I care about her so much. All I want is for her to find happiness." He paused then, thinking. "I just don't think I could ever give it to her."
"Try telling her that. She's a strong girl, I think she'll understand."
He sighed heavily. "Yes I suppose I should."
She smiled at him, patted his hand and then made to pour more tea. He was surprised at how easily she dropped the subject of Ginny. He had expected a full on rant on the matter. Although today it seemed like she had other things on her mind. She spoke to him again from the counter.
"I overheard Mr. Weasley in a fire call with Kingsley the other day. Normally I wouldn't eavesdrop but it seems to be the only way to find information these days."
"What did you hear?" His interest was growing quickly; Hermione wouldn't listen in on a conversation unless it was very important.
"It seems, from what I gathered, things are getting incredibly chaotic at the Ministry. As you know they're in the process of hunting down the remaining Death Eaters. Well there's been debate on how they should be persecuted."
"I thought each Death Eater is entitled to a fair trial?" His thoughts immediately flew to how he had managed to spare Narcissa and Draco Malfoy from incarceration with just a word of his mouth. He also wondered how long the power of his word would last.
"They still are, however, they are becoming stricter. It seems anyone bearing a Dark Mark will be yes, given a trial, however, it is mostly a formality. From what I gathered, these trials are far from fair. Two Death Eaters have already been sentenced to death by the Killing Curse."
"Why haven't I heard about this? Why is this not in the papers?" He was quickly getting worked up; he liked to be kept in the know when it comes to these things. What was the Ministry playing at?
"I assume they are trying to erase any possibility of a revolt. And I also assume it's not in the papers because they are obviously trying to keep this a secret for some reason. It won't be long now I bet before we start hearing about it."
And she was right. The next morning when The Daily Prophet arrived the front title read "Discourse in the Ministry of Magic: Heated debate over the proper persecution of former Death Eaters". Harry put it down before reading it from where he sat over the covers of his bed. Teddy was in his lap, cooing and holding his finger. Harry was trying to read, but Teddy clearly had other plans.
He picked the baby up and carried him over to look out the window. It was dawn and the sun cast a bright orange glow over the neighbourhood outside of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. Teddy had kept him awake for most of the night, and he was just starting to drift off to sleep in Harry's arms now.
After all he'd been through, after all they'd lost, how was he to pick up the pieces? He'd never really thought of his future past the war. He vaguely thought of Ginny and the life he had thought they would share together. That was before he was even sure if he would make it passed the age of seventeen.
The world was so open to him now, his options were endless and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. He didn't know what he wanted. He truly did not know. He wished he could go straight into Auror training, or do some volunteering, or anything. But it was all too much right now.
He looked back out over London and then closed his eyes, letting the glow of the orange sun warm his body.
And sometimes this was just the way it was. Just Harry, holding Teddy as he slept. Sometimes it was quiet, and sometimes it wasn't. Sometimes Harry would have a visitor, or sometimes he would have ten at once. But no matter who was there with him, no matter how many or how much he wanted them there, he would always feel alone.