Watching A Very Potter Musical.
(A Note from Huff: Yes, it was a Sherlock reference... I hope you FIND that very amusing ;) )
(A/N from Optimistic Dreamer: Here is the next chapter. I edited some parts.)
Chapter 7: Part 5.
Quirrell (*coming on stage with Voldemort on his head*): Fools! They're all fools… They think they're safe, they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses. Or should I say… Right on the back of their heads…
(*He lifts up his turban to reveal Voldemort*)
'Harry' grabbed his scar as he saw Voldemort's face.
"How did they know –"Hermione started.
"Never mind that shh!" Fred yelled back, staring intently at the screen.
Voldemort: NYAAAA! (*Coughs*) I can't breathe in that damn turban.
"You-Know-Who cracks me up…" George said laughing loudly.
"His name is Voldemort." Harry said, turning around to face him. George was wearing a look of terror at the name.
"Shut up Harry and watch…"
Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord is a necessary precaution. For if they knew that you lived and when Harry Potter destroyed you your soul lived on…
"Hey Harry! They mentioned you!"
Voldemort: Yes when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and ugh – Unicorn blood.
Quirrell: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.
Voldemort: Yes nobody must know any of that. Now… Quirrell … Get me some water!
(*Quirrell gets Voldemort water*)
Voldemort: Now Quirrell! Pour it in my mouth!
(*Quirrell opens the bottle of water and pours it into Voldemort's mouth*)
"Now Weasley! Get me some water!" Fred laughed at Ron.
"Get your own water…" Ron replied, missing the joke.
"You ruined it…"
Quirrell: Your plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my league.
Voldemort: Yes, yes I'm done with the water! We must not have any more foul ups like tonight in the Great Hall.
"Hey, you're the one who sneezed!"
Quirrell: I'm sorry My Lord, you sneezed.
"I know he did that's why I –"
Voldemort: I KNOW THAT! Get me some Nasonex you swine!
(*Quirrell gives Voldemort Nasonex*)
"What's that?" Remus asked Harry who simply shrugged.
Voldemort: And wash that turban! It tickles my nose…
"You have no nose!" Sirius shouted at the screen.
Quirrell: Yes my Dark King!
Voldemort: Okay… Just relax with the Dark King okay… I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort, we're there! We've reached that point!
Everyone was in hysterics by this point. Even the corner of Snape's mouth was twitching.
Quirrell: I – Yes – Yes my… My Voldemort.
Voldemort: Now Quirrell. Get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Mmm… Tonight in the Great Hall he was so close. I could of touched him, revenge is at my fingertips Quirrell. I can taste it… It tastes like… Cool mint.
Fred and George howled with laughter as Fake Quirrell drank mouth wash.
Quirrell: That's our Listerine Voldemort.
Voldemort: Yes… Excellent. Well er… Goodnight Quirrell.
Quirrell (*leaning over backwards so Voldemort's face is towards the bed*): Good night.
"Serves you right!" Harry said grinning broadly.
Voldemort: Okay, okay I can't do this! You gotta roll over! I can't sleep on my tummy.
"I sleep on my tummy…" Fred murmured.
"Yeah what's wrong with sleeping on your tummy?" George said.
"Sleeping on your tummy is awesome…"
"Don't you mean totally awesome?"
Quirrell: I'm sorry I always sleep on my back. I have back troubles it's the only way I'm comfortable.
Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll – I'll eat your pillow! You'll be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favourite goose feather pillow will be missing!
Only Harry and Hermione actually understood this Muggle joke, they both received weird looks from the others.
Quirrell (*while turning over to sleep on his side*): Okay we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side.
Voldemort: Okay I guess I can do this…
Quirrell: Well good night…
Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell.
(*Voldemort looks at the clothes on the chair*)
"It's so obvious what's going to happen…" Draco mumbled.
Voldemort: Hey Quirrell … How long have those robes been on that chair?
"Okay maybe not…"
Quirrell: I think they're from last night I just put them there for now.
Voldemort: Well do you plan on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?
"Who knew Voldemort was such a neat freak?"
Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and put them away in the morning okay?
Voldemort: Ugh – No! No! No, that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing that there's dirty clothes on a chair! The chairs going to start smelling of dirty clothes!
Quirrell: Look I promise I'll put them away in the morning.
Voldemort: You put them away RIGHT NOW! I COMMAND YOU TO GET UP AND – FOLD THEM AT LEAST! Make it into a neat pile!
"I feel TERRIBLE for Quirrell!" George said.
"Yeah! I mean who wants to be told to clean up by You Know Who?" Fred asked. "I mean he never looks great either?"
Quirrell (*sitting up*): Look if we're going to be in this situation for a while then we're going to have to learn how to live with each other. Now I've been single for all of my life and I have some habits and sometimes I leave laundry around.
Snape let out a low chuckle at which he received some odd looks.
"He's been single for all of his life…" He slurred.
"So have you." Sirius replied.
Snape clicked his tongue but took no notice.
Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place… Mudbloods have their place… And so do your clothes! Namely – A dresser!
"He shouldn't say that word!" Ron yelled.
"It seems like the thing he would say Ron…" Hermione laughed.
"But – How do you find this funny? He just insulted you!"
"Ronald, I try not to take insults too personally from You-Know-Who."
Quirrell: Well aren't we an odd couple?
George fell off the couch as he was laughing so hard as the music began to play; Ginny who was getting frustrated at him threw a pillow at his head.
"No need to resort to violence." George chortled, chucking the pillow back at his little sister.
Quirrell: You won't sleep on your tummy!
Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back!
Voldemort & Quirrell: We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree.
Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers.
Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers…
Voldemort & Quirrell: We're just about as different as anyone can beeeee!
"Got that right…"
Voldemort: You like plotting a garden… I like plotting to kill.
"Evil git…" Harry mumbled.
Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world… I think books are a thriiiilll. Sipping tea by the fire is swell.
"I agree! Sipping tea by the fire is most certainly swell! Wouldn't you agree Fredrick?" George said, pretending to sip tea.
"I most certainly would my fine chap!"
Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well! I like folding all of my ties…
Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise.
Everyone howled with laughter, except Draco (Though he did let out a low chuckle) and Snape who never laughs.
"Hey, wait… It's not a surprise he has no friends…" Ron said.
"Ron – Quirrell – I mean fake – I mean –"Hermione tried to tell him Fake Quirrell was being sarcastic but she just couldn't find the right words.
Voldemort & Quirrell: I guess it's plain to see! When you look at you and me!
We're different, different as can be!
Voldemort: You're a sissy! A twat! A girl! I'm the darkest of lords!
"That's not something to be proud of…" Remus said shaking his head.
Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here! I've won several awards!
Snape snorted, they could just about hear the words "You were a dim witted Professor… I'm brighter then you…"
"Hey if your brighter then Quirrell why don't you wear some red instead of the same old black robes?" Fred snorted not really paying attention to what he was saying.
"Excuse me Mr. Weasley?" Snape said, walking over to Fred. Hermione who sensed trouble paused the video.
"Er… I mean – You look absolutely gorgeous Professor. I don't understand why Professor Quirrell thinks he's brighter then you! It's absurd! What with your black robes and such…" Fred coward underneath of the Professor becoming aware of insulting Severus Snape, the one man whom you would never want to insult.
"50 points from Gryffindor."
No one seemed to point out that it was Summer vacation. Snape wouldn't of cared anyways.
Hermione played the video again, hoping nothing bad would happen.
Voldemort: My new worlds about to unfold.
Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old.
"Good work mate!" Ron said high fiving Harry.
Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through.
Quirrell: Though you may just give him another tattoo.
"It's not really a tattoo…" Harry murmured, clutching his scar.
Voldemort & Quirrell: You must agree! When you look at you and me! We're different, different as can –
Voldemort: I'LL RISE AGAIN! AND I'LL RULE THE WORLD! BUT YOU MUST HELP ME RENEW! FOR WHEN OUR PLAN SUCCEEDS –
"What? Voldemort's coming back?" Harry asked. All heads turned towards Hermione. As usual.
"I… I don't know!" Hermione said, wondering how they would expect her of all people to know.
Voldemort: PART OF THAT WORLD GOES TO YOU!
Quirrell: When I rule the world I'll plant flowers!
Fred and George sniggered at what the Quirrel on the screen said.
Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have SNAKES!
"Typical… You-Know-Who rules the world and he'll get snakes. Typical." Ginny muttered.
Voldemort: And Dragons and Werewolves and fleets of Dementors and Giants and Thestrals and –
Voldemort & Quirrell: When I rule the wooooooorld!
Everyone watched in amusement as the screen blacked out and Hermione clicked the next part.
"He won't ever rule the world…" Harry said, pushing his glasses further up his nose.
"Well I guess if he does… We'll have some fore warning right?"