Author's Note: Torchwood is owned by the BBC.
Gwen was in a foul mood, "and after all that, he fell asleep! Asleep I tell you! All night he had been moaning, saying that we're never intimate anymore. I'm bloody knackered but…" Gwen let out a long suffering sigh, "and then when I'm in the mood he goes and does that. He's a pain in the arse that one. Then when I fell asleep, he woke up expecting morning sex! I only got a couple of hours kip, the man snores like he's trying to wake Cardiff and then he wanted morning sex!"
Jack, Toshiko and Owen couldn't help but laugh at Gwen's rant.
"Ah but everyone has bad habits like snoring" chuckled Tosh.
Owen smiled fondly, "Katie used to keep me up all night chattering away to herself. At first it was cute and then it got damn annoying!"
A moments silence followed Owen's statement. Owen was lost in good memories and the others couldn't help but smile and treasure this titbit of information; Owen rarely opened up about himself and even rarer still spoke about Katie.
Jack jumped off of the desk that he was sitting on, "see that is why I am the ideal person…no annoying habits."
A loud snort made the team look at Ianto who was still filling out paperwork at his desk, not joining in, in their impromptu break. Ianto looked up and coloured slightly as he realised that the team were looking at him, Owen with a grin that would mean no good.
"So Ianto, what's Jack's sleeping habits like eh?" Owen said.
Ianto's blush deepened, although he knew that everyone knew that he and Jack…dabbled, he was an intensely private man and didn't want to talk about it.
"Hmm?" he murmured, "nothing, just this paperwork…" his voice trailed off as Jack's eyes narrowed.
"No come on, what on earth do I do that's annoying?" Jack demanded.
Ianto sighed and said, "nothing."
Jack grinned at the group, "see, I'm perfect…Ianto on the other hand…"
Ianto looked up, "what?" he said sharply.
"Nothing" Jack said pointedly.
The team watched on in amusement. Jack looked at Ianto who by now had stood up and had his hands on his hips, "no go on, what?" asked Ianto.
Jack rolled his eyes, "where do I start? You snore."
Ianto's eyes narrowed and Jack swallowed nervously, he knew that Ianto didn't like lots of attention He also knew that he had a lot of bad habits and it looked like Ianto was going to spill.
"At least I snore properly" Ianto retorted.
"What's that meant to mean?" scowled Jack.
"You don't snore! You do this god awful 'pshht' noise, like air valves going off on a fairground ride and then if you wake yourself up, you blame me! But I'm only awake 'cause you've been 'pshhting' for hours."
The team began to laugh at the indignant look on Jack's face. "Yeah well at least I'm not that grumpy in the middle of the night that I kick innocent 'pshting' people out of bed!"
Tosh couldn't help but grin to herself as the image of an irate Ianto kicking out the great Captain Harkness came to mind.
"That's because you take all the room! I have never met somebody who can take up all the room in a bed like you do, I even bought a bigger bed Jack and yet I still end up clinging to the side!" Jack opened up his mouth to speak but Ianto interrupted, "and for the last time I am not going to start sleeping on top of you!"
Gwen giggled as Jack looked sad for a moment and then grinned, "good, wouldn't want you drooling all over me anyway…" he looked over at the team, "seriously he drools all over his pillow when he sleeps."
Ianto flushed, "you toss and turn all the time!" He looked at the team, "I'll be almost asleep and then I get a foot in my knee or an elbow in my back."
"You hog the covers" retorted Jack.
"You take all the pillows!"
"You…" Jack faltered and Ianto grinned, "you…you're so anal about everything!"
Owen was slightly disturbed to see both men smile for a second and then return to their argument.
"Like what?" Ianto asked indignantly.
"Your DVDs" said Jack triumphantly.
"Is it too much to ask that you put the correct disk in the correct box?" asked Ianto.
"No…" said Jack, "but Ianto, you alphabetise them and totally bollock me if I don't put them in exactly the right place."
Ianto looked at Jack in disbelief, "it's easier to find them, surely that's obvious."
"But Ianto you alphabetise everything, all your books and CDs are too."
Ianto looked at the team, "don't you all do that?"
Toshiko, Gwen and Owen all looked away, anywhere but at an increasingly irritated Ianto, which made Jack smirk.
"You" said Ianto, "are messy." Jack looked affronted but Ianto began to speak again before he could deny it. "If you cook the kitchen looks like a bomb site, you never make the bed, you always leave toothpaste in the sink and you manage to take over my living room in a matter of seconds with all your crap!"
"Well at least I can cook you'd live on takeaways if you could..."
Ten minutes later, the rest of the team were sat with their heads in their hands as Ianto began to go on about how, even though Jack was supposed to be an evolved human being compared to the rest of them, he still got horrific morning breath and Jack began to complain about Ianto's smelly feet.
"What have you started?" Owen moaned.
Gwen grimaced and began to wish that she hadn't brought up the conversation at all; she made a mental note to be extra nice to Rhys when she got home, because by the sounds of it she lived with a bloody saint.