Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Had some trouble figuring this chapter out!
After regaining some sort of composure I wandered back to the kitchen. I kept playing the last few moments back in my mind. For a second I had thought Jasper was going to kiss me. Worse, for a second I had wanted him to. I didn't understand any of it. Jasper was E- his- brother, for pity's sake! I should not be feeling like this about anyone, much less about Jasper.
As I entered the kitchen I realised Jasper was nowhere to be seen.
"Er, Jasper?" I said, knowing he would hear me from anywhere in the house. After a minute of silence I called again, this time a little louder. Still nothing. Hot tears pricked in the corners of my eyes. I had ruined everything. Again. He was gone, just like Edw-...
I ran to my truck, the tears blurring my vision. I couldn't believe I had wrecked this too, after everything I had done to hurt Jasper! I had been starting to make amends with this new friendship, but now I had driven him away again. I reached for the penknife in the glove box, and closed my eyes as I felt the pain seep away with the blood from my arm.
I don't know how long I sat there, but after what seemed like hours I decided it was probably time to head home. Charlie would be home soon, and I didn't want him to wonder where I'd gone. As I pulled out of the Cullen's driveway I was about to take the right turn back to Forks. Suddenly I swerved, turning left instead, towards La Push. I needed a friend right now, and I knew my personal sun would be able to help me.
As I pulled into Jakes, I saw him come jogging out of the house, a huge grin plastered on his face. I pulled up next to Charlie's cruiser. It was clearly earlier than I had thought.
"Bells! How are you? I didn't expect a visit from you today," he said, beaming. The smile left his face as soon as he saw mine. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Are, um, are Charlie and Billy here?"
"No they've not gotten back yet, do you want to go into the garage?" he said, worry creasing his brow. I simply nodded and followed him across the front yard. We sat on the old sofa in the corner and Jake put his arm round me.
"Okay Bells, spill. What's the problem?" He looked genuinely worried and it was all I could do to look at him. I opened my mouth, but the words stuck in my throat, I had no idea where to begin. Instead I looked down and fiddled with the sleeve of my shirt, biting my lip hard to stop further tears from giving me away. Not that it did much good. "Seriously, Bella, you're freaking me out now," Jake said, his voice wavering just a little.
At last I found my voice.
"Can we... can we go for a walk?"
"Sure, where do you want to go?" He pulled me to my feet.
"The beach." He nodded and took my hand. I didn't mind, my thoughts were so caught up elsewhere I probably would have walked in completely the wrong direction anyway. We wandered over to the washed up trunk we always sat on. Jake sat immediately, but I stayed standing, having no idea where to being. I told him so.
"Hey, Bella you can tell me anything you know," Jake said softly, smiling encouragingly at me, although the smile never reached his eyes. I knew I had to tell someone, and I knew that I trusted Jake more than anyone in the world. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and rolled up my sleeve.
The silence stretched for what seemed an eternity. When I eventually found the courage to open my eyes, my heart sank. Tears were falling from Jacob's eyes.
"Jake, I..." There weren't words to describe how I felt. Sorry, yes and no. Like I had let him down? Definitely. Embarrassed? Horrifically. Jacob shook his head.
"Bella, why...?" he whispered.
"I guess I'm just not coping too well right now," I replied, rolling my sleeve back down to my wrists. I expelled a breath and sat down next to him, feeling too much like a coward to look him in the eyes. Jake reached down and pick up a large pebble. I watched as he walked calmly to the shore and stood still for a few moments, before angrily throwing the rock with all his might and eliciting a loud expletive. I could see his body quivering with rage. I didn't know what to do, whether to let him get it out or try and calm him. I decided on the former.
We stood apart in silence for what seemed like forever. Slowly Jake visibly calmed. I cast my eyes to the ground as he turned around and slowly made his way back to me. Very gently he took my arm and kissed my wrist very softly.
"Bella..." he whispered. I looked up into his eyes. I saw hurt and betrayal, yet also worry etched into his features. Suddenly he pulled me into a warm, tight embrace. "Please... don't do that again. Whenever you feel like that, come straight here and see me, okay?"
I nodded, my eyes welling up. I actually felt better now that Jake knew. I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. We stood in that embrace for a quarter of an hour at least, looking out at the waves. Eventually Jake moved away, and held my hands in his.
"So, do you want to stay for dinner? I bet Charlie would like that. We could order in pizza?" He looked at me hopefully, clearly making an effort to lighten the mood and help me feel normal.
"Sure," I grinned, and we headed back to Billy's, hand in hand.