Behind The Lyrics' Contest
Title: Last Kiss
Disclaimer: I don't own anything remotely related to Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.
Lyric prompt that you were given: Kiss me, please kiss me. Kiss me out of desire not consolation – Jeff Buckley Last Goodbye
Rated: M for sexy times
Summary: Edward and Bella's futures are headed in two very different directions. Can their love endure their looming separation and the promises held within their last kiss? Entry for the Behind the Lyrics Contest
"I'm so sorry, baby. I love you so fucking much, and probably always will. Please be happy. That's all I'll ever want…" As soon as those words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back and tell her that I didn't want to go, that we could continue our love affair as we had for the last two years, but deep in my heart, I knew it would be a lie. We would both end up regretting the choices we had to give up in order to stay together and I just couldn't allow that to happen.
"Please, one last time…," I whispered, cupping her cheek gently before descending my lips on to hers, allowing all the love that I had for her to seep into it, just as she kissed me back with the same passion. Tears streamed down our cheeks, intermingling with the sorrow we both felt at our dissolution. Breaking off the kiss, I turned towards the airport shuttle that would whisk me off to my future. A future that at the moment didn't include her.
It's amazing how quickly time speeds past when you aren't looking forward to its passing at all. I knew this day was coming, hell, we both did, but it still snuck up on us like long shadows at twilight. When I had made the decision to join the Peace Corp right out of college, I didn't know that I would be in love at the time of my departure, nor the fact that my love would be unable, and maybe even unwilling, to join me in my pursuit of the betterment of our world.
I met Isabella my sophomore year when I was taking a necessary biology class to fulfill one of the many science classes for my major. She too was taking the class to fulfill one of her Premed requirements. I would like to say it was love at first sight, but my life is anything but a fairytale and I didn't believe in that crap. We were forcibly paired together the first day of class and had a battle of wills for the entire semester. She was logical, practical, and so serious about everything. Everything that I wasn't.
I had dreamt of making the world a better place since I was a little boy. My parents would laugh at my 'hippy' ways, but were ultimately proud of the recycling program I started in my little elementary school, and the tree planting initiative I started to replace what the logging industry took from our little town. Every year there was something new and exciting in the world of environmentalism that would get me dreaming of a better world. I had been planning on the Peace Corp for more than six years and tomorrow was the day that I would be leaving to go do a 27 month stint in Paraguay, with the possibility of extending my assignment once that time commitment was complete.
Bella on the other hand had mapped out her life since she was eight. She had graduated early from high school and was doing an accelerated Premed program to allow her to enter Harvard Medical School by the time she was twenty one. So while I was off to the balmy lands of South America, she was headed to the Northeast to pursue her dream of becoming a world renowned pediatric oncologist. Her older sister, Marie, had passed away from acute myeloid Leukemia when she was only ten, affecting Bella so profoundly that it became her mission in life to become a doctor who could treat and save the children affected by cancer.
Our love hate relationship thawed to friendship once the class had finished, allowing us to put our battling study methods to rest and actually get to know one another at a much deeper level. While we were polar opposites, our conflicting viewpoints allowed us to really broaden our perspectives, usually in the midst of a heated debate. Then one night the heated debate turned to steamy sheets and we were inseparable from that moment on.
But now our two year love affair was coming to a close. She was off to medical school in another month, and I was on the first plane to Paraguay by way of Houston in the morning. We had decided that it would be best to break up now; both wanting the other to be able to see other people during our long absence. We loved each other with all our hearts, but felt we were too young to be tied down over the course of the next two to three years. She wanted to be a doctor and I wanted to be a roaming environmentalist, they just didn't mesh with each other. She would be living in the same place for a long time while I was hoping to travel and drift around the world when the fancy struck me. As much as it pained us both, it was better to have a clean break and try to move on with our lives.
I wanted to believe that. I tried to believe it, but in my heart I knew that she was the one woman who would make me feel the way I did. It saddened me to think that the push and pull of our tumultuous relationship would never be realized by someone new. The prospect of only having a watered down version of the passion we felt for each other left a bitter taste in my mouth. I was terrified that I was making the wrong decision, but since we had come to this resolution together, I had no real recourse. It was too late for that. Much, much too late for that.
Loaded down with my oversized duffle bag and a large backpack, I knocked lightly on her apartment door, knowing that this would be the last time I stood here waiting for her to stumble down the steps of her walkup apartment to let me in. She offered to give me my own set of keys so she wouldn't have to come down every time I came over, but it just felt wrong knowing that one day we wouldn't be together. It felt safer and less stalkerish to not take the key. Besides, seeing her all flushed with embarrassment at her feet's less than stellar attempt at descending stairs was endearing.
"Hey, come on in…," she breathed, yanking the old door wide to allow me entrance.
Kissing her gently on the lips I replied tenderly, not knowing how she was feeling about our imminent dénouement.
"Hi. How are you?" My words were bland in comparison to the meaning that was laced within them.
"I'm okay, Edward. You can take the kid gloves off now…," she huffed, stomping up the stairs to her small apartment with me trailing behind her like a wounded puppy.
"I'm sorry. I just…" The sentence died in my throat because I had no words to explain that in my heart I wanted to call the whole thing off and stay in our little love cocoon for the rest of our lives. But that's not what she needed to hear on the eve of my departure. She needed to hear words of comfort and reassurance that she'd meet her 'Mister Right' after I was gone, even if I didn't believe there was another man in existence that could be as right for her as I am. And my tongue refuses to allow any words past my lips, a lie or otherwise.
"Edward, stop being so dramatic and sit down. Dinner's about done." Bella pointed to the chair that was my chair at her cozy little flea market found table for two and turned to stir something in a big pot on the stove. A pain hit me right in the gut when I realized that soon this chair would belong to another man who will sit here and have her serving him dinner at my place at this table. Maybe not in the next week, month, or year, but she's smart, and sexy, and combative, and I know that someday someone will fill the void that I will ultimately leave behind. And it rocked me to my core.
"So… are you all packed and ready to go?" Her eyes were large and expressive as she asked the question so nonchalantly. If I didn't know her better, I would have been upset that she seemed unaffected by my leaving. But my girl became stoic in times of duress. She had shown this side of herself to me time and time again, only reaching her breaking point once she had time to allow the feelings to wash over her. Apparently tonight she was swallowing them like a bitter pill, not allowing herself to show me that side, and I didn't push her to do so. I knew Alice would notify me by e-mail after I had gone, filling in all the blanks that fit between 'I'm fine'.
"Mmm…hmm, although I never would have thought all my worldly possessions would fit into a duffle bag and backpack. Astonishing really…" Our attempt at small talk was tense and I could feel our mutual discomfort as we sat across from one another with nothing really to say. How had two years of antagonistic give and take debates come down to one last night of uncomfortable silence? We were staring at each other from across the table; her eyes speaking volumes with the sadness I could see deep within them.
"God, we're really doing this? Sitting here without a single thing to say to one another?" Disappointment radiated off of her expression as she sighed deeply in frustration.
I shrugged, not knowing how to do this. I'd never had to say goodbye like this, never let the love of my life go supposedly so easily. With my head hung low, I heard the scrape of Bella's chair against the worn linoleum floor as she picked up our dishes and tossed them into the sink, allowing them to clatter against one another.
"Bella, I just… I don't know what you want from me? I love you and our situation fucking sucks. I'm leaving in a little over fourteen hours, and I can't believe we're wasting it on small ta…"
I had barely gotten my rant out when her mouth clamped down on my own, sending the little metal chair skidding slightly across the floor. Her legs wound around my waist as her hands began fumbling with the buttons of my shirt.
This was the type of reaction I was used to. Most days we could barely keep our hands off of one another until we got somewhere private. Once we started fucking we never turned back. It was wild and crazy and amazing, even when we were making love slow and reverently. The undercurrent of unbridled passion was always skimming along the surface. This was one of the things I knew deep in my heart I wouldn't find again.
My hands tugged on the worn t-shirt she wore, pulling it impatiently over her head. She had finally given up on my buttons and ripped the bottom half of the shirt apart, scattering the little plastic disks across the floor. Our mouths moved in sync as our hands played over as much of our body's surface area as possible. Her leggings came off in a flash of black fabric while my jeans were pulled down my legs into a heap around my ankles. She straddled me at once and we both sighed in relief as she settled down onto my stiff cock. We just sat like that for a moment, basking in the feeling of being joined. Her head was cradled into my neck, murmuring sweet nothings against my skin as I stroked her long hair from root to tip. I tugged gently on the ends to get her to tilt her head up and kiss me.
My mind began to once again whir with thoughts of my departure and how I didn't know how I was going to be able to live without her when her head popped up, anger flashing through her eyes.
"Get the fuck out of your brain. Whatever you're worried or thinking about right now, cut it out. Be here, with me, right the fuck now. Please… One last time. Be here with me," she begged, kissing me with everything she had and began to ride me more forcibly, her hips banging down onto my lap. I struggled to keep the chair upright against the force in which she was fucking me with. Our kiss was almost violent, teeth banging together and tongues battling for supremacy.
She was right. This was our last night together and I needed to focus and be here with her. My desire for her raged hotter than it ever had before. I needed her to know exactly how I felt before I left, not wanting to leave anything unsaid, even If I couldn't actually say it. So I showed her the only way I could.
The chair had skittered back. My head was now banging against her little refrigerator with every hip thrust and it was beginning to really annoy me.
"Enough!" I snarled, picking her up while kicking my pants out from underfoot and carried her into the bedroom. Throwing her down onto the mattress, I rolled her over so that she was on her knees before reentering her. I pulled her back against my chest as I thrust upwards, my hand cupping her breast roughly, knowing that's how she liked it.
"Oh God, Edward," she panted, meeting me thrust for thrust. I pinched her nipple with one hand and her clit with the other, sending her into hysterical moans. Her head thrashed from side to side, urging me on.
Turning her head, she slammed her lips against mine as we increased the tempo of our rhythm. Her body trembled; her tell tale sign that she was close.
"Come on, baby…" I urged, flicking her clit faster, anticipating her needs.
I felt her clamping down on me, milking me for all I was worth. Her orgasm triggered my own and we soon collapsed in a heap of sweaty, satiated limbs.
She wrapped her body around me tightly, as if she could keep me from leaving by holding me hostage with her supple curves and silky smooth skin. We laid together silently, her head resting on my shoulder with her hand over my heart, fingers tapping out the staccato rhythm of my heartbeat.
"Better?" I murmured into her hair, my hands softly running over her back.
"For now…," she sighed, kissing my chest before rolling away and padding towards the tiny bathroom.
The clock was teasing me, letting me know that time was running away quicker than I would have liked.
I watched as Bella's silhouette returned, her naked body curvy and enticing as she strolled languidly back to bed.
"Are you hungry? I sort of took your plate before you were finished…" she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, playing with pieces of my hair that I had let grow into curls around the nape of my neck.
"Only for you, my love," I growled, grabbing her by the waist and flinging her down onto the bed. Her surprised giggles lit up the room with its levity.
We played our little love games, allowing us both to forget what the sunrise would bring with it. Our bodies finally succumbed to exhaustion just as the rays of light began to crest over the horizon.
The soft beeping of my phone's alarm woke me from the warmth of Bella, tightly wrapped around me. I gently lifted her arm and pulled away to go retrieve it from my pants, currently lying in the kitchen where I had kicked them off. .
Switching off the alarm, I knew I only had about thirty minutes before the shuttle would arrive as I had scheduled. I internally debated about whether to go and wake up Bella with one more orgasm before I would no longer be able to taste her delectable pussy again, or allowing her to sleep until right before I had to leave, allowing us a quick and acutely painful goodbye. Like a Band-Aid, swift and aching, but not lingering in the thirty minutes of sadness I knew I'd see reflected back into my eyes if I woke her.
The coward in me won. I pulled out her coffee machine and began the process making some, knowing that we would both need copious amounts of caffeine to get our respective days started.
As I reached for the handle on the refrigerator, my eyes were drawn to a picture of the two of us that was adhered to the door by a snarky magnet Alice gave her for her birthday last year. The photo was taken after graduation. Our matching grins and the adoring looks between one another shattered my false sense of composure, causing me to sit heavily on the edge of the table and let out an anguished sob from deep within my soul. I couldn't contain them as they tumbled out in loud bursts of air and tears.
Arms wrapped soothingly around me, shushing me with hushed words of love and mutual grief. We sat entwined for a while, just trying to comfort one another when my phone chirped in my pocket. The shuttle was waiting outside.
The hourglass had finally run out of sand for us. The Bell had tolled and I was dreading the walk to the gallows. I cringed at my mind's use of so many clichéd endings and tried to focus on my feet moving down the stairs and towards the door, Bella's hand firmly encased in my own.
We stood forehead to forehead, gazing into each other's eyes as the shuttle's horn blasted us out of our little bubble of misery.
"I'm so sorry, baby. I love you so fucking much and probably always will. Please be happy. That's all I'll ever want…" I leaned in and nuzzled her neck right behind her ear, whispering, "And please, one last time…" Our kiss was laced with all the sorrow and heartbreak that were both feeling. I broke away from the kiss with one last peck on her lips before turning towards the shuttle and the next chapter of my life.
As I was half way down the drive I heard her call out to me.
"Edward, wait!" she shouted, running down the walk and leaping into my arms, causing me to drop my rucksack on the ground to catch her.
"Let's try… please, can we just try?" she wept into my chest.
A smile lit up my face as I tugged on her chin to get her to look back up at me. "You… You want to try? Really?"
She nodded her head vigorously, a smile radiating from her face for the first time since I arrived yesterday.
"I'm going to be insanely busy with school and won't have any time to date. Please. I love you so much." Her voice was almost shrill, as if she was trying to convince me that this is a good idea.
"Yes! Now, I really have to go, but yes. I love you and we'll try. We'll call and e-mail…"
"And Skype. We can have Skype sex, right?" She was bubbling over with enthusiasm at our new agreement, but I couldn't keep the shuttle waiting a moment longer.
"Yes, baby, we'll have lots and lots of Skype sex…," I teased, tugging on her ponytail in an effort to get her to look up into my grinning face.
"Now kiss me? One more time before I go?" She did and this time it was filled with something almost more precious than her love for me. Hope.