Title: You've Got the Love
Ships: Predetermined Alex/Olivia
Summary: Olivia goes undercover to catch a serial rapist terrorizing Hell's kitchen, Alex isn't completely comfortable with the idea. However when Olivia disappears something just isn't right about it? Can Alex and the rest of the SVU team figure out what the hell is going on?
Authors Note: Alright so here is the deal everybody this is slightly AU in the facts that:
Alex never got shot so WPP never happened
Sealview and all its nastiness occurred
The title comes from a song by Florence & The Machine off of their album Lungs
"I'm going undercover."
She speaks the words into the dead silence of the apartment, broken only by the clinking of glass on wood and metal on china as they eat. The words do not come as a surprise to the ADA, she had been suspecting a move like this for a long while. She had had time to prepare herself, emotionally, and come up with what to say, except now that the moment arrived, she found herself tongue tied.
There's a slight undertone to the detective's voice, almost begging, but the ADA knows Olivia Benson better than that.
"Lex, please say something."
She doesn't know what to say because 'okay honey, just go undercover and try to lure a rapist/murder to come and take you as his next victim' doesn't really seem appropriate, so "When?" is all she can choke out.
Surprise, then anger (because that's barely enough time to say good bye), flickers in the ADA's crystal blue eyes, however the anger is quickly masked by an overwhelming sense of foolishness. Alex knows that Olivia will still be in New York, sure it may be under a different identity with communication between them limited to none, but in the same city nevertheless, and that provides her with some comfort.
"What time?" her voice is still quite, her hands still wrapped around her knees, hugging them to her chest.
The detective on the other side of the table is fighting back tears, there is some part of her that knows this whole undercover operation is a bad idea. Some part of her knows, a very large part of her, is still very uneasy about going undercover to catch a rapist. Mostly because the last time she did it she herself almost got raped. She hadn't been so eager to dive back undercover since then. The tears aren't from her own fears though, no, the tears that are threatening to overwhelm her are because she knows how scared Alex will be. How scared she will be and how well the ADA will hide it.
"Three am. I'm 'moving in' to my new apartment it Hells Kitchen early tomorrow morning." Olivia says, studying her girlfriend as she finishes speaking.
Alexandra Cabot is not a woman who gets frightened easily, she faces child murderers and rapists every day, few things can legitimately scare her. Her girlfriend playing bait for a violent rapist well, that carries a special exception. Uncurling her arms and legs, Alex wordlessly picks up her plate and walks it over to the sink where she begins to clean the dishes, the silence between them heavy.
As she scrubs a particularly stubborn stain Alex feels Olivia's presence next to her and she knows what the detective is about to say "Are you mad at me?"
Setting the plate and scrubber down in the soapy water Alex turns to the brown haired detective and meets her questioning gaze "Mad, no." she says, her voice showing more confidence than she actually feels "Worried" she paused "Definitely. Liv" she breaks off again, averting her eyes to the sink full of murky grey-ish brown water "I know you can handle yourself but"
Alex continues to voice her fears, but Olivia doesn't need to listen, not because she thinks that what is being said is trivial but because everything that comes out Alex's mouth is what Olivia is afraid of.
"…I don't want to prosecute your murderer, or your rapist."
Alex stands a few inches away from Olivia, watching as her girlfriend seems to process her words and then react to them. Her reaction though, is far from what Alex had expected. She had expected the calm reassurance that everything would be alright, not this overload of self doubt and fear.
The flip flop of emotions is so unexpected, so new to the couple that for a brief instance they are unsure of what to do, or at least Alex is. Olivia has always been her rock, her constant, and while she has seen the barriers come down, or crumble, she has never had to hold the detective in her arms like she is now.
The gentle sobs of fear, of terror and of other less easy to define emotions are felt by each wrack of Olivia's shoulders. The shockwaves travel through her built form into Alex's, who feels them. Each gentle sob, each lukewarm tear that collides with Alex's pale skin is like a knife piercing her. Some part of Alex knows that these tears are not in fear of the undercover operation but instead the tears that (until now) had remained unshed for her terror at Sealview.
Alex had given Olivia the space the detective asked for, that involved many nights on the couch if she did remember correctly. Nights spent on the couch while her lover thrashed and moaned in her sleep, while Olivia would take one, two and even three showers during the course of the night. Never once, through all of those nights, the days, the hours of silence and even the brief moments when Olivia did open up to Alex about the events of Sealview, did Alex see a single tear.
She hadn't realized it until now, how unattached (emotionally) Olivia had been after Sealview. Only now did Alex pin point the exact moment when Olivia began to trust again (or at least trust her). The moment that the detective had reopened herself up to Alex hadn't been the night that they slept in the same bed again. It wasn't the night that Olivia recounted, down to the detail, of what happened to her in the basement. Nor had it been the first time they had made love. No, it had been a cold winter day during a particularly violent and heinous crime. You know the type, the one that gets under everybody's skin and keeps them up at night. Alex had been in her office, working on some motion or something along those oh so exciting lines, when Olivia had walked in. Olivia had walked in, sat down on the couch in Alex's office and vented.
The venting process had been about three parts anger and one part sad-confusion. However it wasn't the contents of the venting that were important Alex now realized. Instead it was the simple fact that the detective had trusted Alex enough to come to her when she couldn't handle her own emotions. It was that moment, beyond all others, that Olivia began to trust Alex again.
They've been sitting on the kitchen floor for a long while, long past the time when the candles sitting on the table have been reduced to smoldering stumps of wax, long past the time when the dishwater has turned frigid. Eventually weariness is overcoming Alex, she can only go so long without sleep (she's currently on her forty eighth hour with no sleep), and Olivia has already fallen into a gentle, if not to restful, slumber.
From her position on the floor Alex can survey their apartment, the one that she and Olivia bought together. That step had been an emotional one for the both of them, Alex remembered it well as she did the beginning of their relationship. It had started innocently enough, shared coffee breaks at three am or late dinners and had evolved, of a rather short period of time, to crashing on each other's apartment when on a case that required both of their attention. It had all come to rather dramatic head when sociopathic serial rapist, Andre Young (and his lawyer), had been discussing the terms of a deal, or at least his lawyer had been.
"Come on Alex, you have no case. Your evidence is about to get thrown out and along with it my clients confession. After that, there's not much left."
Alex rolls her eyes, this is a classic defense attorney cop out because they know she has a kick ass argument and the only way they can 'win' is through a plea bargain. However the man sitting across from her had methodically raped, tortured and murdered seven women before being caught by SVU Detective's Benson and Stabler "That's bullshit and you know it. Your client will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and the DA's office has already filed the paperwork for the death penalty."
Alex glances over at the man she will be prosecuting. His hair is newly shaved and the tattoo on his neck shows a throbbing veins, however beyond the Nazi symbol emblazoned on his neck, it is his eyes that get to her. They are emotionless, cold, calculating, and right now they are focused on something outside this meeting cell. Something, or someone just behind Alex, Olivia.
It happens in an instant, Andre lifts the table up with a mighty swipe of his hands and in the same motion sends his attorney flying into the wall behind him. Alex backs up out of her seat but Andre is on her in seconds, swinging his cuffs so that the chain is pressing into her throat, cutting off her oxygen supply.
Alex fights back, boy does she fight back, but every kick she lands seems to just bounce right off him, he maintains his choke hold around her neck without wavering "You talk about how the victims felt as I killed them" he whispers into Alex's ear, and this is the first time she's heard him speak "but you don't know what it feels like, to have the life slowly choked out of you." His voice is like gravel, rough, and it is as emotionless as her eyes are.
Olivia and three guards are in the cell now, guns raised but unable to shoot for fear of hitting Alex in the process. Her vision is beginning to be speckled with black spots, explosions of blackness that temporarily cover her vision before vanishing in time for new ones to replace them.
"Let her go Young." Olivia commands
"You're already going to stick a needle in my arm Detective, one more life won't kill me."
As he says this, Alex continues to struggle although the cold metal chains against her throat are slowly killing her. However some part of her, the primal part of her that is still fighting for her survival takes over and she raises a heel-clad foot and nails him, hard. She feels the temporary slack in the chain and she whirls around, trying, violently to escape.
At the same instance a shot rings out, a single shot, and the warm spray of blood covers her face, neck and upper body as she gasps for air.
She remembers Olivia's hands, frantically feeling for a pulse on her neck, stopping not when Alex speaks but when she feels the racing of Alex's heart. Andre Young was shot and killed by a near impossible shot made by former Marine Sniper turned prison guard Michael Hale, Alex thanked him multiple times for saving her life but all he ever said was "Just doing my duty."
That night, when sleep would evade her, Alex had sat on her couch, a mug of coffee clutched tightly in her hands, as she jumped at every sound. The weight of the chains remained on her neck, in the form of harsh bruises, and his voice lingered in her ear, his face loomed in the shadows. The single vibration of her cell phone had startled her so badly, Alex had dropped the coffee mug, shattering it.
"Cabot." She said into the mouthpiece of her phone, hoping her voice wasn't shaking as bad as her body.
Alex lets out an audible sigh of relief, the sound of the detectives voice overwhelmingly calming to her at this late, or early, hour.
"I'm fine." Alex responds, not because she likes to lie to the detective, but because after almost getting killed she has been asked that same question so many times, she's sick of it.
Olivia detects the irritation in her voice and apologizes "That was a stupid question." She says "How is your neck?"
As Olivia mentions her neck Alex raises a hand and runs her fingers over the bruising, in the light it appears that is wearing a purple and green choker necklace but up close the bruising is distinct, each link clearly outlined.
"I'm going to get a lot of strange looks in court." Alex replies "Why aren't you asleep?"
"Couldn't." Olivia said simply, she had tried for a long while to fall into the abyss that was sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she would see Alex's face, pale and desperate as Andre Young choked the life out of her.
There was a beat of silence "I don't think I'm going to sleep very much and it doesn't sound like you are either so" Alex broke off "you want to come be an insomniac ay my place?"
"Do you mind?" Olivia asked, a smile on her face as she spoke.
"Not at all, I'm sure there's a movie or something we can watch 'till we start work."
"I'll be there in twenty." Olivia said
Twenty minutes later Olivia had knocked on Alex's door and Alex opened it with a sheen of sweat covering her brow, the bruises on her neck standing out even more against her alabaster skin and her pulse racing faster than the speed of light.
Unbeknownst to Alex, and clearly spotted by Olivia, the ADA's hands were shaking. Olivia had seen this and with one hand reached out to take on of Alex's in her own, ceasing the shaking. Taking two steps forward, so that she was fully inside the penthouse apartment, Olivia took Alex's other, still shaking, hand so that both of Alex's hands were held in her own.
"He can't hurt you." Olivia said quietly, making sure not to use her 'victim' voice with the ADA
"I know." Alex said quietly, the same clear as she avoided eye contact with Olivia "I know he's dead, I know he can't hurt me but I still feel the chain around my neck, the suffocating feeling will come out of nowhere."
Slowly Olivia pulls the ADA towards her so that the space between them is smaller than before "Someone tried to kill you today Alex, it's all expected, the nerves, the flashbacks…" Olivia trailed off, her mind wandering for a moment back to her own experiences, before she dragged herself out of them and back to the present.
Alex nods "Doesn't make it any less scary." She says, not caring that she sounds like a whiny ten year old "But having you here helps." She says, so quietly that not for the dead silence of the apartment Olivia would have missed it.
"I will stay as long as you need me." Olivia said, just as quietly, both women aware of the subtle subtext of their conversation.
The moment is ruined by the sound of a car backfiring and even though they are eleven stories up, sound travels and Alex jumps and clutches at Olivia (mostly because she was the closest thing to grab). Olivia responds by pulling the ADA into her arms, protecting her from her memories.
"Thank you." Alex mumbled, beginning to extract herself from Olivia's arms.
They froze, noses almost touching, looking into each other's eyes and suddenly Alex acted on impulse…and kissed Olivia.
Want to see more?
Or do you never want to hear about this again?
Send me a review, hit me up with a PM or try it telepathically…whatever your method I will respond and take any advice into consideration.
Up Next: Olivia's first day at her new job, undercover. Alex tries not to worry about her love. Elliot, Munch and Fin take a trip down memory lane, hoping to find even a shred of evidence that can point them in the direction of their killer.