Disclaimer: Still don't own Hetalia...even though I've been gone so long you'd think I went on an epic journey to acquire it. I did meet Jerry Jewell though! :D


Alfred took the stairs to his boyfriend's 3rd floor apartment two at a time and knocked frantically. He heard shuffling, then the locks of the door releasing their hold. Kiku opened the door and looked up into the sad blue eyes of his deeply troubled boyfriend of two weeks.

"Arufured!" the small Asian boy gasped as he was immediately locked into a tight embrace.

"I love the way you say my name," he said into Kiku's shoulder. "Arufured! It's inappropriate," he said attempting to push the blond off of him.

"Take off your shoes and come in," he said heading into the house. "Would you like some tea?" he asked looking back at Alfred. He was shocked to find him just standing and looking at him pitifully.

He grabbed the American's hand and led him into his room and closed his door. "None of my brothers or sisters are home, so...what happened ?" he asked eying Alfred warily. That bruise on his eye looked terrible, but it made his already handsome face a little wild looking.

"I-I made a really messed up deal with that creep Mattie was making out with last night," Alfred said his head in his hands.

He missed the deep crimson blush that lit his boyfriend's face. Kiku was remembering what had been happening just before Alfred had spotted Matthew and the "creep".

He'd been putting Kiku in a very similar situation on the couch.


***The previous night***


It's all the American's fault! I've never had that much to drink, just the occasional taste of saki on holidays. Kiku thought in a drunken haze as he stared at drunk teenagers dancing and humping each other in the dim lit, cigarette smoky living room.

However, Alfred had protested his insistence that he only have one beer.

"Kiku,I always study when you want me to, can you drink a little when I want you to?" the smug, sexy American baka had said. In retrospect that was complete bullshit, usually Alfred spent the whole time complaining and then watching Kiku study. Those blue eyes would be the death of him.

He'd eyed the American warily, but couldn't say no. He looked so damn good tonight! For once he'd worn a button down and attempted to tame his usually unruly hair. As much as Kiku loved the unruly Alfred, this neat Alfred was a novelty and he'd wanted to indulge himself.

So, he'd obliged, by taking two shots of vodka and two more beers than the one he'd already had. It didn't take much.

Now he was drunk and in a daze on the couch.

A sudden jostling of the couch made him turn his attention to the person next to him. Alfred was close to his face blue eyes focused somewhere on the region of his mouth. His sober self would have recognized his tactic, but his drunk self was mesmerized by the blue of Al's eyes.

"Aru-" he managed before the tipsy – and horny- American closed the distance between them.

They'd just had their first kiss only a week before, and they'd kissed sparingly since because of how embarrassing it was for Kiku. Even those kisses were chaste and short, all lips no tongue.

Normally Kiku would be mortified by kissing his boyfriend in public but even that sense was dulled, the only thing that seemed amplified was his libido.

Al, whose personality and libido were also amplified by the alcohol hadn't wasted time slipping his tongue into that little Japanese mouth and doing battle with that innocent pink tongue.

He'd been so glad Kiku was drunk enough not to care, but he was utterly surprised when the little Japanese boy had pushed him back against the couch and crawled into his lap. He'd been so startled in fact that he momentarily thought that he'd kissed the wrong person.

When he opened his eyes and saw those sexy slanted dark eyes made more cat like by his inebriation looking at him from a drunk flushed face and licking his lips, he'd nearly lost it.

"I'm going to wreck him," Al had thought as he'd grabbed Kiku by the hips and pressed him against his body and started to fondle him in front...and began questing to the back.

But that was when Al had seen Mattie pressed against the wall over Kiku's shoulder, and his dream bubble had popped, and his drunk self had launched at the demon, he'd thought had be raping his brother.


They'd never kissed like that before. In fact, that was Kiku's first deep kiss. He'd gotten tongue from the American! One minute Alfred was telling him how much he loved his accent, his eyes, his...well everything, and the next he had nearly been in the blond's lap, with one of those big hands questing south. And he'd almost let him, because he had been so drunk.

The silence between them was awkward, because they had not ended their night on a normal note. Al had been punched then kicked out of Francis's house. Kiku was left to ask his older brother Yao for a ride, which had been awkward since his brother hadn't known he was there and had never seen him drunk before.

Kiku cleared his throat. He was sure he looked like a red balloon about to pop. "I'm going to get us something to drink," he said willing away the nervous tone in his voice.

Alfred seemed startled by the sudden change of subject and quickly grabbed Kiku's hand before he could leave. "I need you," he said looking into his boyfriend's red face. Why is he so red? Fever?

"What should I do, Kiku? I mean I don't think Gilbert would just not do it, and I'm scared to tell Mattie! I mean what will I say 'I told him he could get a piece of you if he showed what a jerk he is after?' He's gonna kill me..." he whined pitifully hugging the little Asian close.

All of this touching was making Kiku feel like he might just overheat and pass out. "Um...maybe...it's not such a bad plan," Kiku finally forced out.

Alfred looked up at him as if he'd just said Pearl Harbor had been bombed again...and he'd ordered it. "What do you mean? It's a terrible, mean, and unheroic idea. I came up with it because I needed to get that freaking albino to agree to show his true colors to Mattie!" he yelled as if that would make Kiku understand.

"Listen to me, Arufured." Kiku said taking a deep breath now that Alfred wasn't squashing him. "Your idea is messed up and it is going to hurt Matthew for sure. However, Matthew is not a child. He is going to fight you no matter what on this. If Matthew doesn't find out then he is going to hate Girubaht...the creep," he finally settled. Why were L's so damn troublesome to pronounce? One or two was fine, but they really gave him a problem when they were in someone's name."If he does find out he will be mad, but eventually he is going to forgive you, but he is still going to hate him. Besides...what is done is done, ne?" he breathed a sigh of relief.

He hated English with a passion.

Alfred nodded slowly, then smiled slightly at his boyfriend's ever present war with the English language. Leave it to Kiku, ever the strategist, to be able to make his shitty and terrible plan sound beneficial to all parties in the long run. "You even make his name sound sexy," he said snuggling his face into Kiku's hair.

Kiku blushed. "Do you feel better now? Would you like something to eat? Or Drink?" Kiku asked trying to create a reason to not be so close to the American.


Francis knew this Saturday was going to suck but he'd hoped for the best. After getting his house clean again he was ready to spend the rest of his Saturday seducing his Anglais.

It was not to be.

First, the Brit's older brother (such an asshole!) had called and demanded that his brother come home immediately. His Anglais had put up a valiant fight, tossing numerous expletives at his brother and even dropping into the dreaded cockney insults for a moment, but alas he didn't pay the bills and in the end he asked Francis to give him a ride home.

"Mathieu, would you also like a ride home? Once I come back here I do not plan to go back out for a while," Francis said sighing.

Matthew stiffened.

Going home meant he would have to deal with his brother...sober. That thought was not appealing.

He didn't think Al would hit him back or anything (that wasn't very heroic), but he didn't want to have to explain or talk about why he was being humped into a wall by a randy delinquent German.

"I-I don't think..." he started looking at Francis and Arthur.

"What is it Mathieu?" Francis asked looking a little concerned.

"Um...it's just...Al will be..."he stammered.

"Look suck it up!" Arthur cut him off. "At least your brother loves you, he'll get over that petty love tap you gave him. Besides, he knows he was being a wanker, even if you were being a bit of a whore on the frog's wall," he said irritably.

Matthew blushed furiously. He remembered all of what had been happening on Francis' wall, even if it was a bit hazy and rose colored around the edges.

"Despite his lack of tact," Francis said chancing a sidelong glance at Arthur, "Mon Anglais is right, Mathieu. Alfred was at fault and I do believe he will realize this." Francis said putting an encouraging hand on his cousin's shoulder.

"Ok, but Francis can you take me to Gilbert's house first so I can apologize for yesterday," Matthew said fidgeting. "I mean I think Al hit him, and that was very rude, and I just feel bad."

Merde! He wants to go to Gilbert's house to apologize for his brother's actions last night!

This is bad! Francis thought as he tried to make up an excuse not to take his cousin to Gilbert's house. If he knew Gilbert he was either passed out still or trying to deny to his brother and/or cousin that he'd indeed been making out with a guy.

Francis was very well acquainted with Gilbert's drunken lack of defined sexuality. Originally it had been hilarious to watch Gilbert get felt up by other drunk guys and respond.

However, he and Antonio had learned that he turned into a total homophobe every morning after, having a night out with guy. He really didn't want Matthew to get his feelings hurt.

"He probably isn't awake, mon cousin. I will take you home today and introduce you properly on Monday," Francis lied. He had no intention of ever having his cousin interact with Gilbert again.

"Besides, no one wants to see you two going at it again. I almost lost my liquor to the floor watching your disgusting display yesterday," Arthur added a scowl on his face and attempting to take Francis' keys from him.

Francis noticed and raised the keys and watched his adorable, super punked out, and irritated Anglais jumping to try to get his keys. "He's jealous – oof!" he said winking at Matthew before he was punched in the side.

"Come on, bastard, I gotta get home, Jaime has to work," he said heading out the door.

The three teens made their way to Francis' alpine white 2009 BMW convertible. Arthur scowled, once in the car and strapped in. "This pisses me off!" he grunted.

"What does, mon ange?" Francis asked absently as he started the car and put his arm over the back of Arthur's seat while he looked behind him to back out of his driveway.

"The fact that you have the nice car and this huge bloody house all to yourself!" he yelled a little louder than necessary.

Francis glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Ohonhon, would you like to share it with me mon ange?" he asked sneaking a hand onto Arthur's leather clad thigh.

"Fuck no! Stop touching me you rich good for nothing French twit!" he yelled scooting as far as his seat belt and the seat would allow and looking out the window to hide his red face.

Matthew was ignoring the bickering in the front, all he could think about is what he would say to Al when he saw him.

He very rarely hit Alfred, mainly because he was bigger, but also because Matthew was not a naturally violent person.

Was he jumping the gun...I mean Alfred was his brother and this guy he technically didn't know anything about, except that he was hot, a great kisser, and had ridiculously good rhythm with his hips.

But he noticed me! His little voice in his head screamed at him. Whether for only carnal reasons or not, he had wanted him and not for any reason than who he was...er...what he looked like. He hadn't been a comparison, or a substitute for Gilbert, even though it was a purely physical and drunken thing.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't realized that they had stopped in front of Arthur's house.

"Bloody hell..." Arthur muttered. Matthew looked up to see Arthur's rather tall, rather well built, red-head older brother standing on the curb glaring at the car.

"He is such a bastard, but his is a hot bast-" Francis started being slapped before he could finish. "Jaime.." Arthur greeted as he opened the car door. Jamie arched one super thick red brow at Arthur and replied with a simple "Artair."

"Don't call me that, wanker," Arthur sighed...not really mad, but definitely resigned.

"Why? It's your name after all, mo bhràthair." Jaime said softly as his brother brushed past him.


Francis pulled up in front of Matthew's house and let him out of the car. "All will be well Mathieu! And if it isn't, you can always call me and stay at my place." Francis said smiling at his obviously worried cousin.

"Thank you, Francis," Matthew sighed. "Oh, and don't forget you need to introduce me properly to Gilbert. I don't want him to have the wrong idea about me," Matthew said smiling a little sadly.

"Oui," Francis sighed. "We'll talk about it Monday, enjoy the rest of your weekend" he said rather hurridly.

As soon as Matthew was in the house he whipped out his phone and called Gilbert.

"What?" Gilbert grunted into phone.

"Well Bonjour to you too, Gilbert, what are you doing, besides trying to deny you tried to fuck my cousin yesterday, of course?" Francis asked as he drove.

"Smoking with Lars, and shut up I thought he was a girl!" he yelled into the phone. He heard loud laughter in the background and the sounds of Gilbert yelling at Lars in German hitting him. "He was fucking hot!" Lars said in the background, "And he can smoke with me any day!"

"Anyway," Gilbert said obviously done beating his cousin. "Since you've admitted that he's related to you, I think you should hook me up with him." Gilbert said before taking an audible hit of the pot he was smoking.

Francis' jaw dropped. "Quoi?" he asked.

"Dammit Francis, I still want to fu-" Gilbert said before there was mayhem in the background. A low and older voice was yelling loudly in German and the sounds of teenaged boys being hit with things was heard.

He heard Gilbert accidentally drop the phone and then Lars saying "Tut mir leid, Opa!" before the sound of feet escaping. "Get that shit out of my house, Dummköpfchen!" he heard before more hitting and the eventual end of the call.

Francis was home by this point so he open an MSN window to message Gilbert.

Francy Pants: O.O are you alive?

10 minutes went by and Francis had settled on his bed watching TV when his phone finally vibrated.

Gilbo Baggins: Of course I am! Awesome can't be killed by an angry grandpa!

Francis shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Francy Pants: So what's this business about you wanting to hook up with Matthew? I thought you didn't like boys!

Gilbo Baggins: Don't worry about it Fran-fag, just hook me up!

Francy Pants:...

Francy Pants: What are you up to?

Gilbo Baggins: I have no idea what you mean, Frenchy! ;)

Francy Pants: With Matthew! Why are you suddenly all gay friendly for him?

Gilbo Baggins: Fuck you, Francis...

Francy Pants: I'd rather you do that than anything with my cousin! :(

Gilbo Baggins: LMAO, like that would ever happen!

Gilbo Baggins: Just hook me up!

Francy Pants: No! I'm serious! I'm going to tell Mathieu all about you!

Gilbo Baggins: Do it, and then I'll tell Emma, Romano, and Arthur all about what you and Antonio were doing together up until 8 months ago, while she was still dating him. XD

Gilbo Baggins: You know she is scarier than Romano sometimes...but Arthur...would flip your shit!

Francy Pants is offline.


Translation:

French:

Mon Ange My Angel

Quoi?-What?

Scottish Gaelic:

Artair-It's Arthur's name in Gaelic (which by the way means "high or noble" "eagle-like")

mo bhràthair-My Brother

German:

Tut mir leid, Opa!- Sorry, Grandpa!

Dummköpfchen – Little Fool. Literally "little dumb head".


A/N:

I'm sure you're asking yourself...is she going to act like she hasn't been gone for like a year? The answer is yes.

BTW if you want to know what happened between Antonio and Francis, I'm posting a separate one-shot called Meet Me Halfway. So that's kind of like two chapters! FORGIB MEH! and R&R is loved. Next chapter will be Gilbert heavy...haha