SM owns it all… I just like playing with her toys!

Now, I promised a OS to many of those who reviewed the last chapter of THaTH! Here it is!

Balti K… Beta'd this baby for me! She's has the best red pen in Bellaville! Thanks, Chickie! ;K

**Funnies from THaTH**

A/N: These are two short lil tidbits of THaTH that were never used or Posted… I thought that someone might enjoy them…

**(This was going to be the start of Chapter 33… But I didn't use it…It was to take place after Bella and Jasper went to her LAST swim class in Washington…)**

Chapter 33


Edward and Emmett were now hugging and congratulating Bella, but there was apprehension flowing off of Bella as she slowly backed away from the both of them. I couldn't figure of what was going on, but whatever it was, I had a feeling that she didn't want it go down now, that she was the center of everyone's attention.

What's going on, Sug?

I pulled a couple of pranks before we left. I knew that this was the last time get Edward and Emmett back before everyone left. I just want to stop it from happening now, that they are being so sweet to me. HELP! She begged.

After she explained to me mentally what she'd done, I knew that there was no turning back on either one of her stunts now. I was laughing out loud when I heard what she'd been up too.

When Esme saw that Bella's glass was empty she'd offered to refill it for her, but Bella insisted that she was fine. Her nerves were on the edge and her eyes were shifting nervously between Edward and Emmett.

Whatever you do, please, don't make Esme use the sink, she begged again, which made me laugh again. Everyone was noticing that Bella was nervous, and as usual Emmett tried to make her laugh with one of his stupid jokes.

"When I say a word you repeat it, ok?" He asked my girl. Bella rolled her eyes at him, but he wasn't letting up on her. "Come on, Bells. Just play along."

When Bella nodded her head he smiles, and said. "Apple," Bella repeated him. "Apple," again, after the fifth time he said Apple, Bella had had it with him. She huffed in anticipation as he asked her to repeat the word. When he said, "Orange," Bella's eyes grew large but she still repeated him.

"See, 'orange' you glad I didn't make you say Apple!" Everyone in the room groaned at Em's horrible joke, but Bella had a moment of pure inspiration.

"Umm … Em, I guess I am kind of still thirsty. Could you please go and get me a glass of water?" she asked asking all bashful. That there should've been Emmett's cue that something was up, but the fucker didn't see it coming.

"Sure, Sis. I'll be right back,"

I listened carefully and when Emmett screamed like a girl everyone but Bella and I went on alert. We were too busy laughing our asses off to get all up in arms about Em's cries of protest. When he walked outta the kitchen covered from his head to the bottom of his shirt with water, everyone else started laughing at him too. Emmett eyed me carefully and then he eyed Bella like she was the evilest lil thing on earth.

"You knew, and you still let me walk into the lil woman's trap? You're whipped, man," Emmett said to me as he crossed the kitchen doorway. He walked right up to me, then said, "Give me a hug," he wrapped his bear like arms around me covering me in water as well. He was laughing his head off when he saw the expression that was written all over my face.

As he pulled away he shook out his hair like a dog would do, coating not only me, but Bella as well with a good amount to water that was cold from where it'd sat on his skin.

"Emmy, how did you get wet?" Rose asked as she backed away from the flying water droplets.

"Well, it seems that someone," Em stopped talking and puffed out his chest, hovering a lil over a foot taller than my girl and said. "Wrapped a rubber band around the sink faucet sprayer, so that the first person that turned the water on would get drowned. I wonder who could have done such a thing?" he asked as everyone looked wide eyed at Bella who was hanging her head in shame.

"I don't have a clue Emmett, but someone in this house has an evil streak a mile wide," I said, trying to sound all innocent and not really pulling it off very well.

"Umm … hum, I doubt that you had anything to do with me getting all wet Jasper, if I had to wager a guess I'd say it was this little thing right in front of me," Emmett half growled, half laughed out.

I could tell that he was feeling an easy win when he cornered my poor pregnant, and yes, guilty girl. Though I'd never let him know for sure if he was right or not. I sent a shit load of mischievousness, to Bella in hopes that she'd be able to play along with me. I was just like everyone else in this house, and had suffered many a stupid prank from my brother dear. I was more than happy to play along with anything that got the big lug a taste of his own medicine.

"I really hope that you don't think it was me, Em," my girl said acting as if her feelings were hurt. "I mean, I've been in Port Angeles doing my pregnancy swim class all afternoon." She said as she rubbed the baby bump making her look more like an angel than anything ever.

Wow, you're gettin' good at this shit, Sug, I praised.

Yep, let's hope it works? Because Edward's going to be pissed!

Everyone was now on Bella's side, and Emmett's emotions were going fucking nuts, because he now knew that he's lost this fight. For maybe the first time ever, he'd been shown up, and by a lil pregnant elf no less!

Em bent down and whispered into my girl's ear, "I'll get you, my little pretty," trying to sound like the wicked witch from Oz, and failing at it miserable. When Bella laughed in his face he was more confused than ever, but determined to find out who'd done the deed.

Bella played her part perfectly and was hoping to get upstairs before everyone to stop Edward's parting surprise…

(This one was supposed to posted … But it just didn't fit… This is what Bella, Jasper, and Peter were going in Galveston… It was supposed to be the start of Chapter 42, right after the 'Charles in Charge' Chapter 41)


The last few days have been heaven sent, let me tell ya. Peter, Char, Garrett, and Ashling have all been dedicated to making this break as perfect for Bella as they can. Hell, I'm impressed that they've given me a break as well.

Usually, when I'm around so many of my own kind their emotions are so intense that I have a hard time keeping their feelings and mine separate, but not with these vamps. Nope, it's been a lil bit of heaven smack dab in Texas.

Peter, Garrett, and I are currently sitting under the shade from the upper level veranda shooting the shit, smoking some huge Cuban cigars, and playing our guitars. Bella's sleeping, and that is just what the doctor has ordered for her. Carlisle isn't happy that we aren't home to have her weekly check-up, but Ashling has assured him that Bella's BP is great, and she's eating and resting more here than she ever did back in Montana.

Poor Charlie has more shit on his plate than one vampire deserves, but when I've talked to him I can tell just by his voice that he's lovin' giving that Fucker all the shit that he can right now. Aaron has painted himself into a corner that I don't know if he'll ever be able to get the fuck out of. Which suits me just fine.

Sure, Bella is going to be the Heir, but she's actually putting the fucker in his place, and has stopped taking any shit from him, or anyone for that fact.

Last weekend we sat outside and talked about our future. She'd left it to me to handle my family, saying that she has more than she can handle with her own, and I have to agree with her on that front. Shit, I'd probably kill every one of 'em expect for Charlie if I was her. At least with the Cullens I get some type of input. She doesn't even get that with her own family, with the exception of Charlie.

Now there's a man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall with right now. He's been texting Bella and I nonstop the last few days and hearing that he finally hauled off and punched the Lil Fucker is the best news I've had since we found out about the baby.

"Yeah, I heard a new song that I love man, listen to this one," Peter said. Garrett's just sitting here listening to us banter back and forth, gotta love a man that knows when to sit there and listen until he has something important to add to the fuckery we shoot half the time.

Peter started strumming his guitar, and then started singing.


Bobby Joe and Betty got a real nice farm
Everybody knows that they work real hard
Bobby Joe sweatin' in the noonday sun
Betty right beside him 'til the work's all done

But every now and then they get a strong desire
To crawl up in the hay and set the barn on fire

God, did this sound just like Peter and Charlotte. They both loved working out on the farm here in Texas, and I knew for a fact, that if they were in the barn you better knock before you go inside. I caught them making hay in the hay before, and it wasn't all that wonderful of a sight to see when you weren't prepared for it.

Now the hay needs haulin', the hogs needs slop
The corn needs cuttin' but the tractor's stopped
They climbin' up the ladder, clear to the loft
Shuckin those dirty ol' work clothes off

Singin' brown chicken brown cow
(Ain't nobody watchin' but the)
Brown chicken brown cow

Brown chicken, brown cow? Holy shit! This was perfect!

Black crow sittin' on a weather vane
He can see 'em comin' from a mile away
Yeah, he's call-call-callin' out a loud alarm
Hey ol' Bobby Joe and Betty headin' for the barn

Now the chicken ain't peckin' and the cow won't eat
They're fightin' each other for a front row seat

Peter was wagging his eyebrows at me as he sang, and I watched as Garrett who'd been laughing his ass off fell outta his chair and onto the boards of the first level porch. I was thanking God that the land Char and Peter owned had its own private beach out in the front of it, or there would've been hell to pay, I'm sure.


Now the hay needs haulin', the hogs need slop
The corn needs cuttin' but the tractor's stopped
They climbin' up the ladder, clear to the loft
Shuckin' those dirty ol' work clothes off

Singin' brown chicken brown cow
(Ain't nobody watchin' but the)
Brown chicken brown cow

Now the hay needs haulin', the hogs need slop
The corn needs cuttin' but the tractor's stopped
They climbin' up the ladder, clear to the loft
Shuckin' those dirty ol' work clothes off

Singin' brown chicken brown cow
(Ain't nobody watchin' but the)
Brown chicken brown cow
(Ain't nobody watchin')

I was starting to help Peter out with the different riffs that he was playing and adding my own where I thought that they'd be appropriate. Gotta love Trace Adkins, is all I can say. The man knows how to sing and write the prefect song, and anyone who's ever listened to him knows it.

Brown chicken brown cow
(Ain't nobody watchin' but)
Brown chicken, brown cow
Only one watchin', baby
(Ain't nobody watchin')


I couldn't stop myself, and started singing a song from that same CD that Peter just sang from. Knowing what was going down in Seattle today I thought that this song fit perfectly…

Every now and then ya gotta take it on the chin
Gotta turn the other cheek
But then there's times your old stubborn pride
Don't back down so easily
And you got no choice but to let your voice
Be heard and hold your ground
And that's the point that he'll get the point
And he'll probably back down
But if he bows up and steps across that line
Ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes

I'd closed my eyes as I was singing thinking about all the trouble that Aaron was in right now, and loving every fucking minute of it. He's proven himself to be nothing more but a pain the ass, and now he's getting what he's had coming to him all along. I just wish that it wasn't at my girl's expense.

Man, I'll be the first one here to call you crazy
If you let me catch you cussin' out a kid or roughin' up a lady
And God forbid that anybody mess with mine
Ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes
God, I gotta love being me sometimes. It's taking me years to understand when it's time to fight and when it's time to let shit go. But I gotta tell ya if someone hit my truck they'd have hell to pay if it was me.

Yeah I let it slide when that liquored up guy
Asked me, "Boy, what you lookin' at?"
And I kept my cool when the reckless fool
Put a dent in my Cadillac
And I don't care that my long hair
Draws stares the way it does
Long as you ain't throwin' stick
And stones you'll probably be all right 'cause
I'll take the high road if I can out of a bind
But you gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes

Man, I'll be the first one here to call you crazy
If you let me catch you cussin' out a kid or roughin' up a lady
And God forbid that anybody mess with mine
Ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes

Man, I'll be the first one here to call you crazy
If you let me catch you cussin' out a kid or roughin' up a lady
And God forbid that anybody mess with that little girl of mine
Ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes
Ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes
Yeah, ya gotta whoop a man's ass sometimes

Just singing that song, it made me feel like my girl and I really could handle just about anything together. That's what we've been working on since we got here. She and I both have some trust issues going on, but they seem to be working themselves out, and we can't be happier.

"Jasper," slipped from her mouth, and I could tell that she and the baby, were both awake. Without any thought I throw my guitar in Garrett's direction and took off like a bullet up the stairs my fiancée.

When I opened the door my girl was sprawled out on the bed wearing nothing but a sheet and smile on her sleepy face. We'd made love just hours before, but her elfin scent and her blossoming body seemed to be glowing to my eyes. I was naked in less than half a second.

I swiftly removed the sheet that was covering her body from my eyes, and I watched as our son squirmed inside of her. His lil heart was beating fast, and I knew it was caused by my girl's pulse accelerating. She and I have been an unstoppable force with our loving lately, and I was more than willing to show her just how much I needed her.

I started kissing her neck, right above her carotid artery and below her ear. Her hands were fisting my hair, and she was moaning my name as my erection rubbed up against the side of her thigh.

A perfecting ending to the perfect day. Me and my fiancée, making love with the afternoon light streaming through the windows was how we spent the rest of the day.

But I wondered what was going on Seattle…

A/N: Songs are 'Brown Chicken, Brown Cow' and "Whoop a Mans Ass.' Both are by Trace Adkins…

Now this is the Timeline for THaTH: Someone once asked what date it was, so here ya go!

Timeline for THaTH:

Chapter One: 1986 and Before

Chapter Two: Friday August 20th, 2004 Bella moved to Forks/ Saturday Night August 21st, 2004 Bella meets the Cullen's.

Chapter Three: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Four: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Five: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Six: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Seven: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Eight: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Nine: Sunday August 22nd, 2004

Chapter Ten: Monday August 23rd, 2004

Chapter Eleven: Sunday August 29th, 2004

Chapter Twelve: Monday August 30th, 2004

Chapter Thirteen: Starts on Monday August 30th, 2004/ and ends on Tuesday August 31st, 2004

Chapter Fourteen: Renee POV Wednesday August 18th, 2004/ (JPOV) Wednesday September 1st, 2004

Chapter Fifteen: Starts Wednesday September 1st, 2004/ ends Early AM Thursday September 2nd, 2004

Chapter Sixteen: Starts and Finishes on Saturday September 11th, 2004

Chapter Seventeen: Monday September 13th, 2004

Chapter Eighteen: Starts PM Monday September 13th, 2004/ ends AM Tuesday September 14th, 2004

Chapter Nineteen: Monday October 4th, 2004

Chapter Twenty: Starts PM Monday October 4th, 2004

Chapter Twenty-One: Starts real late PM Monday October 4th, 2004/ ends 10am Tuesday 10-5-04

Chapter Twenty-Two: Starts on Tuesday, October 5, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Three: Starts on Thursday, October 7th, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Four: Starts on Friday, October 8th, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Five: Starts on Friday, October 8th, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Six: Starts on Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Starts on Friday, October 15th, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Starts on Friday, October 15, 2004

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Starts on Thursday, October 21st, 2004

Chapter Thirty: Starts on Thursday, October 21st, 2004 ends on Friday, October 22nd, 2004

Chapter Thirty-one: starts Friday, October 22nd, 2004 ends AM Saturday, October 23rd, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Two: Start date Friday, November 5th, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Three: Friday, November 5th, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Four: Saturday, November 6th, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Five: Start Saturday, November 6th thru AM Sunday, November 7th, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Six: Start date Friday, December 3rd, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Start date December 5th, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Start date December 5th, 2004

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Start date December 5th, 2004

Chapter Forty: Start date December 6th, 2004

Chapter Forty-One: Start date December 6th, 2004

Chapter Forty-Two: Start date December 24th, 2004

Chapter Forty-Three: Start date December 24th, 2004

Chapter Forty-Four: Start date December 31st, 2004

Chapter Forty-Five: Start date February 13th, 2005

Chapter Forty-Six: Start date February 14th, 2005

Chapter Forty-Seven: Start date March 28th, 2005

A/N: If there is a scene from THaTH that you want written, let me know... And I might just grant your request! Never know unless you try! Hugs~Izzy