A/N: A fill for a prompt at the Star Trek kink meme I wrote a few months ago. WARNINGS: Graphic sex, wacky misunderstandings, ~emotions.
He loses his virginity at age fifteen. Jake is two years older and hell of a lot more experienced than Jim is. Jim doesn't really remember much of it; he had been kind of black-out drunk at the time. All he knows is that the next morning he's aching all over and suddenly he's got a reputation that will stick with him for the rest of his time at the Riverside.
At first Jim doesn't try to dissuade it. For the first time in his life he's being seen as someone else than just 'George Kirk's son' and even though he knows it's the bad kind of attention he can't help but revel in it. By the time he realizes it's doing him more bad than good, it's too late.
The Academy should have been a fresh start. There he isn't known as the town bicycle or even 'George Kirk's son'; there he's just another anonymous, fresh-faced cadet. Jim still has no idea how his reputation managed to follow him, but it did.
Still, it's better than the Riverside. At least he's not just some random slut; he's making something of himself. It wouldn't even be that bad if only the sex wasn't so… bland. It's always the same, a little preparation (if he's lucky), stick it in and it's over. Usually Jim just lies there and waits for it to be over. This is why he prefers sex with women, if he's in control he at least has something to do.
But Jim doesn't complain. As much as he would love to have someone stay for more than one night, to treat him like something else than just a convenient lay it's just not meant to be that way. His own mother wouldn't love him, why should anyone else?
It was strange and frankly, more than a little disconcerting. Jim wasn't sure what he'd done to warrant this kind of behavior.
Spock was being… well, he was being nice. Friendly even. It was so bizarre, so out of character for the Vulcan, that Jim didn't really know what to make of it. He tried to talk to McCoy about it, but the doctor had just rolled his eyes and said that Jim was reading too much into things, there was no way the green-blooded hobgoblin was capable of being friendly (McCoy's words, not Jim's).
Still, Jim couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. Maybe it was the friendly greetings every morning, the offers to share meals and play chess or the fact that Spock was actually calling him Jim without being prompted to. Or maybe it was the flowers, chocolate or the impromptu shoulder massages (not that Jim was complaining, he had been kind of tense lately but as far as he knew Vulcans had this taboo about touching so what was up with that?).
Yeah, disconcerting probably didn't cover it.
So Spock was probably just trying to make up for the… less than stellar beginning of their five year mission. The first five months had pretty much consisted of Jim trying feebly to extend an olive branch and Spock ignoring him whenever not on duty. They had eventually warmed up to each other and could even be considered friends as the first year came to a close.
But maybe Spock was feeling guilty about ignoring Jim all that time? It was the only explanation the young captain could come up with. It still didn't explain the flowers and chocolate though. Or the massages. Maybe Spock just didn't understand their significance? Yeah, cultural misunderstandings and all that. That was probably it.
With this thought in mind Jim carefully placed the newest bouquet of roses in a vase in the corner (so he liked flowers, okay? He was comfortable enough with his masculinity to admit to that) and set off to Spock's cabin dead set on straightening this mess out, even if the conversation was bound to become unbearably awkward.
As luck would have it he bumped into Spock right outside his own cabin. The Vulcan was ramrod straight and his hands were behind his back, carrying a… box of Swiss chocolate?
Right, that was it.
"Spock, I have to talk to you," Jim said determinedly.
Spock raised his left eyebrow. "Regarding what?"
"Just follow me."
Jim stormed back into his quarters and closed the doors as soon as Spock was in.
"Spock…" Jim paused, unsure of how to continue. Just how did a Captain tell his First Officer to stop inadvertently propositioning him? This should so be in the Captain's handbook… even though Jim was pretty sure no other Captain before had been in this particular situation before. "I've noticed you acting… different lately."
Spock seemed to stand straighter, if possible. "Indeed?"
"Yeah. Look, I don't mean to be a… what I'm trying to say is… do you know what it means?" Jim finally settled on. "The… flowers, the chocolate and the… uh, the massages?"
"I do," Spock confirmed. "Doctor McCoy informed me of their meaning."
Jim pinched the bridge of his nose. "Of course he did. And what did he tell you?"
When Spock provided no answer Jim looked up. His First Officer was fidgeting ever so slightly and actuallyblushing around the ears. "Mr. Spock?"
"I apologize, Captain," Spock said hesitantly. "Doctor McCoy informed me that giving such gifts had a romantic significance in most Terran cultures. He told me as well that humans generally enjoy receiving physical contact from potential suitors. If this is not the case-"
"Romantic significance?" Jim cut in. "Potential suitors? You knew what you were doing?"
Spock appeared confused. "I did. Now I am not as sure. Did Doctor McCoy deceive me?"
Jim rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "No. He didn't. I just thought…"
"Thought what Captain?"
"I thought you didn't know what it meant," Jim explained. "I… thought you were trying to be friendly."
Spock blinked. "I see."
They fell into an awkward silence. Finally, Jim had to ask; "So you're actually interested in me… that way? Romantically?"
"You sound surprised by this."
Jim grimaced. "Well, it just doesn't make much sense."
"Attraction rarely does," Spock said quietly.
Attraction. Right. Of course. Of course Jim had to misunderstand it. Spock wasn't looking for a relationship or anything permanent like that, he was just looking for a roll in the hay. Well this Jim could do. If Spock didn't believe it would be awkward afterwards then there was no reason for Jim to think so.
Spock blinked. "Okay?"
Jim stepped closer to Spock and leaned in, his most charming (fake) grin on his face. "If you want me, I'm yours."
From the corner of his eye Jim could see the tip of Spock's ears turn pale green. He felt a small thrill go through him at the sight and the grin on his face turned just a little more genuine. "You wanna do this now?" He asked.
Spock backed away slightly, still keeping his eyes on Jim's. "I am free tonight," he said.
"Why put it off?" Jim asked.
"I wish to do this right," Spock explained. The green tinge on his ears had reached his cheeks. "I will need time to prepare."
"I shall pick you up at 8 pm, standard ship time."
Jim grinned. Only Spock would feel the need to elaborate the time zone. Then he caught onto the other thing.
"Pick me up?"
But Spock had already fled the scene.
The day seemed to fly by. As time sped up, Jim got more and more nervous. He hadn't been on an actual date for years, not since he'd turned fourteen. He for some reason doubted Spock would be taking him to an arcade and end the night by trying to feel him up in the men's room.
The last half hour time came to a screeching halt. No matter what Jim tried to occupy his time with, he grew bored within one minute and went back to drumming his fingers on his desk. He'd already taken a shower and changed into the only pair of civilian clothes he owned.
At 8 pm on the dot Spock entered, carrying yet another bouquet of flowers, looking just as stoic and calm as always. It really wasn't fair, he had been the one to ask Jim on this stupid date and yet Jim was the one sweating buckets whilst Spock was completely nonplussed.
He handed the bouquet to Jim, who awkwardly put it down on the desk, promising himself to find an unoccupied vase later. "Good evening. If you would follow me, I have prepared a dinner for us on the observation deck." Spock sounded incredibly stiff, even more so than normal. In fact, he sounded rehearsed.
The thought made Jim smile. "After you."
The walk to the observation deck was quiet, but not awkward. Now that Spock was actually there, Jim didn't see what the big deal was. This was only Spock after all, his long time (by Jim's terms) friend, and it wasn't as if this date was going to change anything anyway. Jim had nothing to be nervous about.
While they walked, Jim took in Spock's outfit. He had at least ditched the uniform for the occasion, but his current outfit wasn't much better. It was a formal, all black ensemble better suited for a funeral than a date. Jim felt a wave of affection for his socially awkward First Officer and his smile widened.
It was kind of a shock arriving at the observation desk. It was dark and quiet as always, but in the middle was a table laid with an honest to God candlelit dinner. Looking closer at the plates Jim could see several of his favorite dishes.
Well. That was a lot of effort for a one night stand. When Spock went out, he really went all out. But then, it really shouldn't have come as such a shock. This was Spock after all, a perfectionist if there ever was one.
The rest of the evening went fairly routinely. They ate, they talked (mostly about work and when had Jim become the kind of person to only talk about his job and why did it bother him so little?) and when they had finished their dinner, Spock escorted Jim back to his quarters without so much as a kiss goodnight.
Someone really needed to explain the mechanics of the one night stand to Spock. They'd barely even touched, a brush of the hand here and there, but really not what Jim had been expecting. It left him feeling confused and yet oddly satisfied, which only confused him more.
Just what was going on?
It took Jim three weeks to realize he was dating Spock, and even then it was only because of McCoy explaining it to him.
"Of course you're dating," McCoy said. "You spend all your off duty time together, you eat your meals together, you go on dates. What did you think was happening?"
Jim explained. McCoy stared at him dumbly for about half a minute, before coming to the brilliant conclusion of; "Jim, you're an idiot. Even if Spock of all people wanted you just for sex, then there's still the fact that I was the one to give him tips on how to ask you out. How did none of this ring any bells for you?"
Jim shrugged helplessly.
"You're an idiot," McCoy felt the need to repeat.
"Just why were you giving Spock archaic dating tips anyway?" Jim asked, because he had been honestly curious.
"Because it was funny as hell seeing him give you flowers and back massages," McCoy said with a snicker and Jim kind of felt like smacking him just then, but this particular conversation was taking place during Jim's medical exam, so he decided not to risk it.
McCoy stopped snickering and his eyes softened slightly. "But I also thought it might do you good, being in a real relationship. Spock cares about you, kid." Then his eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute, you accepted his advances thinking he was asking for sex. Do you even like him?"
"He's my friend, of course I like him."
That earned him a hypospray to the neck Jim was sure he didn't even need. "That's not what I mean and you know it."
Jim shrugged helplessly again.
Then he passed out because as it turned out, the hypospray was filled with sedatives. The conversation ended there, but it lingered in Jim's mind.
He'd said yes to Spock thinking it would just be a one night stand never spoken of again. It wasn't as if Spock wasn't wildly hot anyway. But dating was something different.
Did Jim even like Spock that way?
There was something keeping him from coming to a definite conclusion. On one hand, Spock was, as previously stated, wildly hot. He was also the smartest person Jim had met, not to mention freakishly strong. Of course he was desirable. That wasn't the question.
And he liked Jim, for some unfathomable reason. He treated him like no one Jim had ever known. With respect and affection (although the latter was severely toned down due to Spock's innate Vulcan-ness). He might even love Jim. And Jim wanted nothing more than to return that. But he wasn't sure he could.
Then something happened to change all that.
"When are we gonna have sex?"
Spock was Vulcan, so he didn't spit out his tea all over the chess table, but he came pretty close. "Pardon?"
"You heard me," Jim said. "We've been doing this dating… relationship thing for weeks now, and we've barely touched. Hell, we haven't even kissed yet."
Spock put down his cup. "We have kissed on numerous occasions," he disagreed.
Jim rolled his eyes. "No, we haven't. I'm pretty sure I would have noticed that."
"We have," Spock insisted. "Admittedly we have yet to exchange a human kiss, but by Vulcan standards we-"
Jim cut him off. "Wait. You're telling me Vulcans kiss differently than humans?"
He hadn't even thought of that. Stupid, in hindsight.
Spock looked almost vaguely confused. "Yes. As our hands are quite sensitive we press our fingers together to express affection. It is not quite like a human kiss, but the closest Vulcan equivalence."
He demonstrated this by stretching out two of his fingers and laying them on top of Jim's. "Oh," Jim said stupidly. "Well, anything else that I need to know about? I haven't been accidentally giving you blowjobs, have I?"
"You have not," Spock assured him. "Exchanging Vulcan kisses is the farthest we have gotten."
Spock glanced regretfully at the chess table. They wouldn't be finishing their match tonight. "I take our relationship quite seriously. I did not want to rush the physical aspect of it, for I did not want to be grouped with your other trysts."
Jim felt vaguely insulted that Spock would think he'd do that, but the fact that he probably would have had they just had sex the first night kind of took out the righteous part of his righteous anger.
"Trust me," he promised Spock. "You're nothing like the rest of them. But… since we've already reached the Vulcan equivalence of first base without me even knowing, I think it's only fair we do it the human way too."
He stood up and leaned over the chess table, crowding Spock's personal space in a manner the Vulcan would not have tolerated from anyone else. "Well?"
Spock's lips met his and an electric current went through Jim. It was an unfamiliar feeling, something like lust, only more and less so. It churned Jim's stomach and lit him with pleasant warmth.
He was so busy trying to analyze this new feeling, he didn't even notice Spock had moved until their bodies pressed flush together, no table in the way anymore. Spock's arms encircled Jim's waist and Jim tangled his hands in Spock's hair, eager to mess it up. There was no urgency in their movements, and although there was lust it did not spurn their actions.
Jim had never been kissed like this before. Admittedly the technique was somewhat lacking – Spock probably hadn't had much experience- but the unidentified emotions flowing through Jim at the contact more than made up for it. This was the first time he could remember kissing someone without intending to take it further.
Spock broke the kiss and Jim had to hold himself back not to lean back in. Spock's hair was messy in a way Jim had never seen before and his lips swollen. Jim felt another pang of lust go through him at the sight.
"We'll stop here," he muttered. "You're right, we don't have to rush anything."
And although Spock's demeanor didn't change, Jim could tell he was happy.
They did take it slow. Really slow. In fact, Jim was pretty sure he'd seen glaciers melt away in less time than it took them to take their relationship to the next physical level.
Jim was fine with that. If it were up to him, they'd never move past first base. Because although it was kind of frustrating, cutting themselves off every time things got a little hot and heavy (Jim had jacked off more in the past two months than he had during the entirety of his teenage years. Of course during most of his teenage years, he'd been having sex), there was also the slight problem of… well, Jim.
He couldn't remember ever actually getting off with another man. Women were one thing- having the active role was a big plus, but with men… Sometimes Jim didn't know why he even bothered. It was always dull or, worst case scenario, really just painful. And Jim might have some slightly suicidal tendencies and the survival instinct of a lemming, but he was no masochist.
But he liked men. They were hot and when jerking off, most of his fantasies were about men (although lately all his fantasies had centered around the same person). But Jim didn't enjoy actually having sex with them.
There was something wrong with him, Jim knew. Which was why the thought of having sex with Spock, rather than excite him like it should have, made him feel nervous and just slightly nauseous. Because if they had sex, that would be it. Spock would know what a freak Jim was (touch telepathy had its drawbacks), and he'd doubtlessly reconsider their relationship. Not that Jim thought Spock was shallow, but no one enjoys having a partner that can't get off with them.
So after almost three months together Spock finally seemed ready to take it to the next logical level. Jim spent days ignoring his very obvious hints and advances, playing up the dumb blond card for all it was worth. Which was admittedly kind of difficult when they spent whole evenings discussing who should top (Spock, since he preferred being in control, and Jim didn't really expect anything different), but Jim was a pretty talented actor if he did say so himself. But when Spock came up to him and plainly stated: "We are having sexual intercourse tonight" it was kind of hard feigning obliviousness.
After a whole evening of Jim trying to stall the inevitable; reflecting the conversation whenever it turned to sex and backing off when Spock tried to touch him, Spock seemed to give up.
"Have I angered you in some way?" The Vulcan inquired, and Jim could tell he was pissed.
"No," Jim responded truthfully.
When he didn't elaborate further, Spock's expression got just a little more annoyed. "Then why do you continue to dodge my advances?"
"Wha- dodge- who's dodging?" Jim stuttered. "I'm not dodging."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "And now you are lying. Was it a mistake to come here tonight?"
Jim felt something like panic flare up in his chest. If he let Spock leave now, what kind of affect might that have on their relationship? Would Spock think that Jim didn't want him? The thought was unbearable. "It wasn't," he said quietly and grasped Spock's hand. "I'm sorry, I'm just… I don't know what's wrong with me."
Liar. But Spock's expression softened and he squeezed Jim's hand back. "Perhaps this was too soon."
Jim shook his head. "No. I want you." And he did. Oh God, he did. It didn't matter that he wouldn't enjoy it. Jim was suddenly overtaken with the urge to be as close to Spock as possible, to latch onto him and never let go.
He leaned in and kissed Spock gently. His soon-to-be lover melted under the contact and responded eagerly. Jim brought his hands up to cup Spock's face and Spock stood up, circling the table so it was no longer between them, somehow without breaking the kiss. Jim stood up as well, so they'd be on more even ground and they tangled around each other so that neither could tell their limbs from the other's.
They eventually had to come up for air and as soon as they did, Spock was impatiently tugging at Jim's shirt. Jim raised his arms in assistance, and then latched onto Spock's neck, licking a stripe from the collarbone to the jaw line before biting it softly. Spock let out a sound that was half-groan, half-growl and it rushed straight to Jim's groin.
They stumbled to the bed, losing their boots and socks on the way. Jim finally divested Spock of his shirt and took a moment to admire his lean figure, carrying so much hidden strength that made Jim shudder just at the thought of it.
Spock pushed him to lie down on the bed and Jim gladly complied. It was only when Spock's hands reached his hips and tugged down his pants that Jim realized where this was going. Before the panic had time to settle in however, his pants were gone and Spock's mouth was back on his. Jim responded with as much vigor as he could, desperate to keep Spock kissing him and only kissing him for as long as possible.
Spock finally broke it and Jim squeezed his eyes shut, preparing himself for the familiar sting. But no, instead he felt Spock's hot mouth trail down his neck, licking and biting in turn. It caught Jim off guard enough so that when Spock's mouth latched onto his nipple he was completely unprepared for it, and let out an embarrassingly loud whine. Spock seemed to like that reaction though, because Jim could feel him smile into his chest.
He took great care in lavishing attention on both of Jim's nipples, licking them and biting until they were pleasantly sore. Jim was letting out a near continuous string of moans, he was more sensitive in that area than he liked to admit.
He didn't know what to think of it. Oh, his body knew what to think. Specifically, his cock. But the way Spock took great care in making sure no part of Jim's body went unexplored- the way he did so without expecting anything in return. Jim knew foreplay, he'd done foreplay with women before, but it'd always been him doing all the work and he'd been fine with that. Sex with women was about making them feel good, and sex with men was about providing release.
Jim sat up just as Spock raised his head from his chest to kiss him eagerly.
Jim broke the kiss after only a few seconds. "Can we get on with it?" He asked in his huskiest voice, because he was starting to feel kind of uncomfortable. He'd gone into this thinking he knew what to expect, but as usual Spock had completely blown his expectations away. Not that this didn't feel incredibly good, better than sex had ever felt, but it made him so unsure of how to act.
Spock nodded briefly and made quick work of both his and Jim's briefs, nearly ripping them in his hurry. He produced a tube of lubrication from… somewhere… and slicked up his fingers.
Instead of thrusting them in right away he let them tease at Jim's opening, stroking the cleft softly. Jim groaned and let his head fall back on the pillow. Spock entered the first finger agonizingly slow, knuckle by knuckle and it felt endlessly long. Jim bit his hand to keep from moaning but then Spock twisted his finger to hit something inside Jim that made his body light up.
It was an entirely new sensation. He knew what a prostate was of course, but it had never occurred to him to seek out his own. This was indescribable and it was pushing Jim towards the edge embarrassingly quick. Then Spock's mouth closed over his dick and Jim was surprised he didn't shoot his load then and there.
Spock had barely gotten the second finger in when Jim managed to grind out; "Just stick it in already."
Spock paused and moved his mouth away from Jim's cock. Jim bit his lip in frustration, resisting the urge to push his hips against those fingers to get them moving again. "I do not wish to cause you harm."
"I'm not a girl you know," Jim said. "You don't have to seduce me."
Spock's eyebrows scrunched together in a very adorable way (not that Jim would ever say it out loud). "It is logical to see to ones mate's pleasure. You have had plenty of partners before, you should know this."
Jim fidgeted. This was a conversation he never thought he'd have with Spock- especially not with the Vulcan's fingers in his ass, still teasing ever so slightly at his prostate. "With women, sure. But men aren't like that. Men don't need all this foreplay shit, they just need a warm body to fuck into."
Spock retracted his fingers and sat up to look Jim in the eyes. "Are you speaking from experience?" He asked softly. Jim shrugged and lowered his head, suddenly feeling like he'd just said something really wrong.
"I'm just saying it like it is," he muttered. Spock's hand came up to grab his chin and pull his head up to look him in the eyes.
He moved his hand from Jim's chin so that it rested in a familiar position on Jim's face. "May I?" He inquired gently. "I understand if you do not want me observing your most intimate memories-"
"It's alright," Jim interrupted, surprised to find that he meant it.
The softest mental touch and then both Spock and Jim were being pulled into Jim's mind by an unidentifiable force. Spock seemed to reel back a little, but he didn't pull away. Instead he dug at Jim's memories until he found what he was looking for. Observing it with Spock, from Spock's eyes Jim could see his every lay, male and female.
It was a jumble of indistinct faces and feelings ranging from dissatisfaction to shame to pain. Spock was there alongside him through it all and Jim knew he should feel ashamed that Spock was seeing such an ugly part of him, but he wasn't. He was too busy observing those memories for what felt like the first time, seeing just how impersonal and detached they really were.
Spock pulled away quickly after that and they spent a good while processing what they had seen.
"You have never had a lover," Spock said and there was something almost like emotion in his voice.
Jim shook his head. "No."
The next thing he knew Spock was cupping his head in his hands and pulling him in for a kiss. It was soft and slow and fucking perfect. Spock ran his tongue gently over Jim's lower lip, and Jim opened his mouth in response, allowing him entrance. It didn't take long for the kiss to grow heated though, as they were still both stark naked and wrapped around each other.
"Allow me to show you," Spock muttered against his lips and although Jim wasn't sure what he meant, he nodded his consent.
Spock lowered him back onto the bed and proceeded where they had left off. He entered Jim with one finger first, but quickly added the second and spent a good while twisting them and scissoring, teasing against that nub inside Jim that made his whole body shake.
When Jim had been rendered nearly incoherent Spock finally added another finger and pumped them a little harder than before. He was clearly getting impatient and Jim vaguely recalled what Spock had told him about Vulcan hand sensitivity. The thought made him smirk and he tightened around Spock's fingers, just to watch the stutter in his movements.
Then Spock seemed to deem him properly prepared, so he removed his fingers and aligned his body against Jim's.
"Please," Jim begged and so what if it was a little embarrassing? He'd do just about anything at this point to get Spock's dick in him already.
Spock sunk into him, slowly, and when Jim flinched slightly he paused to give his mate time to recover. Finally Jim couldn't take it anymore, so he wrapped his legs around Spock's waist and pushed him in. Spock let out a loud groan which almost drowned out Jim's own. They both stilled for a moment, marveling in the wonderful sensation of filling and being filled so utterly.
Then Spock started moving and Jim pulled him in for another kiss, really just to stifle the loud sounds he was making, since he was pretty sure they could be heard through the walls of his quarters. Spock thrust into him slowly and for once Jim was in no rush. They moved at this leisurely pace for a few minutes, Spock careful to hit Jim's prostate with every thrust and succeeding almost every time.
He eventually sped up and both lost it. They moved harder, faster, and as Jim finally neared completion Spock's hand closed around his cock and he was gone. Spock swallowed his cry and then he was coming too, driving his load deep into Jim.
Their movements slowed to an eventual stop and Spock removed himself from Jim's body, lying down next to him. Jim wrapped his arm around Spock's torso, not quite ready to let go of him yet. Spock in turn wrapped his legs around Jim's and Jim sighed happily into his chest.
"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular," Spock muttered into his hair, and although Jim had no grasp of Vulcan whatsoever he suspected what it might mean. He didn't respond, but Spock seemed to be fine with that. "Jim, t'nash-veh taluhk, ashayam-"
Jim fell asleep to the soothing Vulcan words, knowing that when he woke up, Spock would still be there.