Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.
Learn to Breathe
There are many things about pregnancy nobody tells you. I was expecting to be glowing and pampered by strangers allowing me to go first in line, or at least not glare at me when I had eleven items instead of ten, but that is all fantasy.
The glow is sweat, from carrying a bowling ball in front of you all day, and men in three piece suits push me out of the way to purchase their bottled water and organic fruit. Come on, the water comes from city pipes in Cleveland, and organic means bug turds instead of pesticides. I'll take the pesticides.
Poor Edward had to deal with my mood swings which turned on a dime. The pitiable man was afraid to come home most evenings.
"Edward," I screamed one morning.
He came running with a look fear on his face. "Yes, love?"
"I can't tie my shoes," I cried.
"I'll gladly tie your shoes, love." He got on his knees and froze when he saw my face.
"I'm not asking you to tie my shoes, I'm saying I am such a fat lard I can't tie my shoes. Why would you make fun of me, and try to tie my shoes? Do you hate me that much? You want a divorce, don't you?"
"Bella," he said with frustration, "do you want them tied or not."
"I can't go to work without my shoes tied; of course I want you to tie them." And then I completely fell apart, and began blaming Eddie for everything from climate change to my constipation.
I noticed Edward started wearing pajamas to bed, to protect his beloved Eddie from a possible revenge killing while he slept. He was actually using my Lamaze breathing exercises to keep himself from strangling me.
Everyday seemed to drag by at an unbelievably slow pace. I grew larger, Edward grew terrified, and the babies slept totally content, with no desire to leave their warm, snug, environment.
I saw myself in the reflection on the glass doors as I walked toward the school, and began to cry. I waddled, actually waddled, with the huge bulge in front of me. Why did I have to have twins? It didn't run in either of our families, but I got cursed.
I woke up the morning after my due date, and was so deep in despair Edward decided to stay home with me. He was going to help me into the shower when I peed myself. I began to cry, thinking I was so huge I couldn't even control my bladder, when I realized my water had broken.
"Oh thank god," Edward mumbled, sending me crashing into full blown hysterics.
Another thing nobody tells you, and Google lies about, is the beauty of childbirth. There is no beauty. It is bloody awful, and Edward never looked at me with adoration and respect. His face clearly said, "Glad it's you and not me!"
And then to top it all off, the crowning moment in all my preparation, the hours spent in practice, the togetherness we were supposed to feel as Edward coached me, was a bunch of shit. How in the hell are you supposed to breathe, and remain relaxed, when something as large as a baby fights its way out of your vagina. Never going to happen!
I screamed for drugs like a stripper screams for a pole. I didn't care if it gave my baby three heads and a toe for a nose. I would still love it all the same, and I would name it Eddie, to remind me why Edward and I will never have sex again.
When I finally had both babies out another type of fear set in; I could only hear one cry and Edward was white as a ghost. I sat up to see nurses frantically working on one of the babies. I reached out for Edward and held onto his arm as my lifeline. My poor, overtaxed heart, couldn't take it anymore if something happened to one of my babies.
When the second wail could be heard I collapsed onto the bed and began to cry, but they were tears of joy. Edward brought our son, and daughter, over to see me, and I couldn't believe how beautiful they were. Jonathon Edward looked just like me and Elizabeth Joy looked just like Edward.
I watched Edward in fascination and knew I would remember these moments forever. He was mesmerized by his two children, and I had never seen him looking so proud, and so touched. Tears poured down his face as his traced their little bodies with his fingers.
"Thank you, Bella," he cried. "Thank you for everything you have given me."
I actually wanted to try and push out a third baby. I loved him so much, and he put up with all of my complaining, and whining, giving him two children was the least I could do.
The next year was a total blur. It was a whirlwind of diapers, bottles, teething, laundry and sleepless nights. Jonathon was a quiet baby, but very stubborn. Elizabeth was very demanding, but easily appeased. I missed Edward, I missed Eddie, and I missed adult conversation.
Elizabeth began to walk first, which really bothered me, since she was so tiny and easy to carry. Jonathon was a Mack truck, and still demanded to be carried everywhere. I couldn't complain since he was so good natured most of the time. Elizabeth and I began the mother daughter tug- of-war for power at the age of two.
"Do you want milk or juice?" I asked her at lunchtime.
"I do it," she replied.
"No, mommy will pour it. Which one do you want?"
"I do it," she said, more forceful this time.
"It is too heavy, mommy has to do it."
"Well, if you're going to cry that loud at least produce a tear or two," I said shaking my head.
"I….sniff, sniff…do….it…sniff, sniff."
You have constant learning moments as a mother. Is it worth spending half an hour cleaning the floor to let her see she can't do it, or let her cry it out and get over it? I stood there thinking about it when Elizabeth suddenly screamed with joy and yelled, "Cookie, Daddy."
I looked up to see Edward, standing in the doorway, holding up two cookies. I wanted to throw the entire gallon of milk on him.
"They haven't eaten lunch yet," I complained.
"A cookie won't hurt them," he smiled, as he kissed both of their heads and handed them the cookie.
Then he came to me and pulled me into his arms. "How about a little sugar for momma."
It would have worked; I was truly up for a little seduction, until he began pulling bits of oatmeal out of my hair from my morning battle with Elizabeth over a spoon. I sighed and pulled away to finish making lunch.
"Let's get away, Bella, just you and me."
"And go where?"
"To Brazil, to the island. We'll take a late honeymoon."
"Aren't you forgetting about two very important obstacles?"
"We can have Renee stay with them. She would love it, and you can relax a little, take a breather."
"I don't know." I had to admit my childhood memories left me with a lot of doubt in Renee's skills as a caregiver.
Edward snuck up behind me and pulled me against him. "I need you Bella, let's go take some time for us."
I turned to face him and marveled at his beautiful face. I put my P,B,& J fingers on his face and kissed him hard, as he pushed me back against the counter. It was heaven and familiar and oh so wonderful, until Jonathon cried out because Elizabeth threw her cup at him.
"Yes, we'll go," I said quickly, before one of them did something adorable and made me change my mind.
I was so excited for our little get-a-way, but my heart was breaking, as I said good bye to our two babies. I told Elizabeth to be good over and over again, as she sat on Grandma's lap looking smug. I looked over at Jonathon, sitting like a content blob, listening to his sister babble on and on.
"Be a good boy, snuggle bug," I said as I leaned in to kiss him. He smiled from ear to ear and I put my purse down. "I can't go," I declared.
"You are going," Edward said, as he led me away, "before you turn my son into a momma's boy."
"Bye, bye," giggled Elizabeth, and I began to turn, but Edward kept marching me forward.
I was distraught on the way to the airport and I was sure Edward was regretting the whole decision to take me away, heck, he was probably regretting marrying me in the first place. By the time we reached the plane I was in a much better frame of mind.
I slept on the flight and didn't have to listen closely for a baby crying. I felt wide awake when we reached the island, and ready to play. Edward carried in the bags and asked me which room I wanted them put into. I walked over to my gorgeous husband, and began unbuttoning his shirt, as he stood there holding two bags.
"Bella," he warned. "Don't start something you can't finish."
"Oh, I'm going to finish all right. You're going to be begging me to finish by the time I get done with you."
He dropped the bags and began removing my clothing as well. We never made it to the bed, and took up on the couch, just like we had the last time we were here. I had to admit Edward just got better with age. He was still the professor, and I purposely failed his course in order to take it over, and over again.
We were lying on the couch wrapped up in each other, talking about silly stuff, when I asked him if he had any regrets. His pause terrified me and I began imagining all sorts of things.
"Sometimes I wonder if leaving Cullen Enterprises was a wise thing to do for Jonathon's sake. I wonder if I robbed him of something because of my pride."
"What the Fork? Leaving was the best decision you could have made for Jonathon's sake. Do you really want him influenced by your father?"
"Maybe he will be stronger than me?"
"Edward, we are doing pretty well with what you have done on your own. Jonathon will be proud to learn from you, and work with you. I couldn't stand it if he became anything like Carlisle. I want my son to be just like you," I said as the tears began to fall.
He smiled and pulled me closer. "Want to make another baby?" he whispered.
"We can always try," I smiled, as I started something again.
When Edward fell asleep I got up and wandered around the house. I looked at the windows and remembered how we worked that entire day to cover them. I looked at the room where I found out about Victoria, and then stared at the pier, where I had cried my eyes out.
I began making my way back to Edward, when I suddenly couldn't breathe. I grabbed my chest and gasped as I fell onto my knees. I tried to scream for Edward, but I couldn't get enough air. I pounded on the wall hoping desperately he would wake up and hear me.
My last thoughts were of my babies. My headstrong daughter, who wouldn't get the chance to tell her mother about her dreams and fears, about the boys she crushed on, or the man she hoped to marry. And my tender son, my little man, who would always have a hole in his heart, like Edward did. I felt my hand fall from the wall, as I gave up the struggle to breathe.
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