Update 12/26/14: The completed fanfic of Pros and Cons has been removed to prepare for publication. This outtake from the story was written for Fandom Fights Tsunami. Because it was written for charity, this outtake and will remain on the FFn site.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight universe. I am not a bank robber, so please forgive the liberties I've taken with the safecracking in this outtake. I did do some research, but I didn't find a lot of information about breaking into banks. I can't imagine why! :)
"This should be it," Jasper whispered as we dropped down through the elevator shaft. "Eighth floor."
"Are you sure this time?"
"Am I ever going to live that down?"
"It's not my fault that you can't count," I smirked.
Jazz had spent the better part of two days hacking into the security codes, and that part of the plan had gone flawlessly. Unfortunately, the entire operation had nearly been blown to hell when – once inside the bank – he'd miscounted the elevator floors, nearly dropping us onto the wrong floor and into the lap of an evening security guard. Thankfully, the guard's lap was already occupied by one of the loan officers that I recognized from the bank's surveillance video, and I'd quickly climbed back through the ceiling shaft like a scurrying rat.
"We're in, aren't we?" Jazz remarked smugly as we found our footing. I looked ahead, and sure enough, we were.
I felt a sense of pride as our eyes roamed the black and silver bank vault. It really was a beautiful piece of craftsmanship. I was glad that Jasper had acquired the security codes so that we wouldn't have to blow it up or dismantle it in any way. We could just key in the code, open the door, and help ourselves to the treasures it held within its steel walls. We wouldn't take it all, of course. We weren't greedy bastards. We'd take just enough. As usual, Jasper and I had differing opinions on what constituted enough, but we'd work it out. We always have.
Jasper and I took slow, quiet steps across the tile until we were standing in front of the vault. I felt a strange sense of reverence toward the safe. I wanted to drop to my knees and worship it before desecrating it. If we pulled this off, it would be our most successful heist to date – solidifying our names and reputations in the industry. No longer would we be compared to the team of Swan and Brandon. We would now be on equal footing.
"Would you like to do the honors?" Jasper said as he pointed toward the keypad.
"You do it," I grinned, knowing he really wanted to. Besides, it was his technological expertise that had made this operation so seamless. He deserved this.
Grinning like a kid on Christmas morning, Jazz began to tap the numbers on the keypad. I took a deep breath and turned the dial, and I nearly wept with happiness when the door disengaged easily. Too easily. As a matter of fact, the safe door didn't seem to be locked at all.
Amazed at our luck, I shot a grin in Jasper's direction before walking through the mesh day gate. My smile faltered when I was greeted by a voice.
"You have to be kidding me."
Standing there, looking too damn sexy for her own good, was Bella Swan, and she was holding an armful of our money. Standing behind Swan was her tiny, spiky-haired partner, grinning like a Cheshire cat as she glanced over my shoulder.
"Jasper Hale," Alice giggled as she tossed more of our money into a duffel bag. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Alice Brandon," Jasper replied with a wicked twinkle in his eyes. "You're just as beautiful as always."
Swan sighed heavily. "I may vomit."
That made two of us.
I watched as Jasper's feet carried him right to Brandon while my own feet led me straight to the three black duffels on the floor.
"Saving any for us?" I smirked.
"Wasn't planning on it," Swan said as she rose to her feet. "How the hell did you get in here, anyway?"
"Jazz got the codes."
"Security codes to the elevator and to the vault," I clarified.
Swan seemed impressed.
I looked around for any signs of forced entry. "So what about you?"
"Alice is quite the safecracker," she explained, her voice laced with pride. "She used an autodialer. Opened it right up. It took forever, though. I'm not sure we'll do this again."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, at least the security guard is occupied. We should be safe for a while."
Swan smiled knowingly as she continued filling her duffel bag. "I bet Jessica is showing him a good time."
"The loan officer?"
She smiled up at me from her position on the floor, and for a moment, my eyes glazed. Why did she have to be so beautiful?
"She isn't a loan officer, Cullen. Jess works for us."
It was my turn to be impressed.
"I know," Swan smirked, but then she was suddenly all business once again. "So, according to Jess, there's about half a million here at the end of closing each day."
"$456,000," I corrected, and Swan shot me a questioning look. "Jasper hacked into the daily ledger."
"Impressive," she noted. "Well, Cullen, we don't normally share…"
"Neither do we."
"…but since Jasper went to so much trouble to get the codes, I suppose we could be persuaded this one time."
"You're all heart, Swan."
"I know this."
Swan and I spent the next few minutes divvying up the cash. Actually, she was doing the dividing. I was too entirely distracted by the tip of her tongue while it snuggled against her lip as she concentrated. When she announced that we were all done, I didn't have the balls to admit that I hadn't counted one of the bundles as she dropped them into each of our bags. I'd been too entirely fixated on her face…and her tongue…
"Cullen, did you hear me?"
I tried to focus. "What?"
"All done," Swan repeated evenly. "We should probably get out of here."
"Right," I muttered. Climbing to my feet, I offered her my hand, and she surprised me by taking it as I helped her stand.
"Thanks," she whispered softly as she looked up at me with those big, brown eyes. Someone could drown in those eyes. Someone was drowning, and it was only when she nervously cleared her throat did I find the strength to look away. It was then that we heard the soft moans coming from the back of the vault, and the sounds did nothing to combat the raging desire that was suddenly coursing through my veins. Swan hesitantly looked over my shoulder, and she sighed deeply and closed her eyes.
"You've got to be kidding me," she muttered.
Curious, I turned around, and there was her best friend being pressed against the vault wall by my best friend. They were kissing frantically…hungrily…and I felt the strongest desire to push Swan up against the wall and re-enact their entire love scene.
What the hell?
But I didn't. We just awkwardly stood there, staring down at our feet and waiting for the two of them to come up for air. They finally did, and neither of them looked a bit embarrassed to realize that they'd had an audience.
"So we're good here?" Jasper asked happily. His arm was wrapped around Brandon's waist.
I was fuming.
"Are you ready, Casanova?"
Jasper shook his head. "Actually, Alice and I are going to find a place to crash for the night. We'll catch up with you two in the morning."
"Will you at least help us carry the cash to the vehicles?" Swan asked heatedly.
"Of course we will," Alice smiled dreamily. Swan and I both rolled our eyes as we made our way out of the vault, closing the door behind us.
"You know," I smirked as we watched our two best friends drive away in my car. "Maybe they have the right idea.
Swan raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
I grinned my crooked grin that seemed to melt the heart of most women as I leaned closer, effectively pinning her against the back of her SUV. "Breaking and entering is sexy, don't you think?"
"Hmm," Swan smiled softly before sinking her teeth into her bottom lip and gazing up at me with her wide, almond eyes. "It's dangerous…exhilarating…"
"Yes," I breathed as I leaned closer. Our noses were nearly touching.
"Absolutely," I murmured, gliding my nose against hers.
"Did you have fun?" She whispered sexily, and I was beginning to have my doubts that we'd even make it to a hotel. I bet her black SUV had a big backseat.
"So much fun…"
"That's sooo good," Swan said softly, "because that's all the fun you're having with me tonight."
Suddenly, she ducked under my arm and walked swiftly toward the driver's side door.
What the fuck?
Like a puppy dog, I raced behind her. By the time I made it to the window, she was slamming the door shut and snapping her seatbelt into place. The SUV's engine came to life, and I sighed dejectedly as she rolled down the window.
"Such a tease," I mumbled.
"Aww," Swan smirked. "I could always call Jessica. She might be finished with the security guard by now."
"I don't want Jessica," I grumbled.
Swan glanced in her rearview mirror before shifting the SUV into gear. "Good night, Cullen."
It was only when she drove away that I realized that the backseat of her SUV contained the duffel bags full of money. All of the duffel bags full of money.
As her taillights disappeared into the night, I couldn't help but smile.
It was going to be so much fun getting my money back.