A/N: Hi, guys. So sorry for the wait! I had some major writer's block and then all of a sudden inspiration came to me – how weird is that, eh? Well, if any of you are still with me (*crosses fingers and chants under breath: "Please still be with me; please still be with me!"), then enjoy the wrap-up of this crazy, kooky crossover! It's been great fun! :D
Hey, Arthur, I Know What We're Gonna Do Today!
Chapter Six: Secrets, Time Machines, and Narnia?
It took a while, but finally the Camelot bunch had explained the truth to Phineas, Ferb, and the others, who were looking on with dumbfounded expressions. The story in itself didn't take long to tell (especially since Merlin conveniently left out anything that might pin the magic on him), but rather it was the interruptions that made it so. With each passing minute, Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine, Lancelot, and Morgana succumbed more to the ten-year-old they were becoming.
Gwaine giggled at the most inappropriate moments, jumped up and down, and almost flattened Buford in an attempt to get to the ice cream truck – the driver of which was so terrified by the sugar-lusting ten-year-old that he abandoned his vehicle and ran down the road, screaming, arms waving in the air. Gwaine had happily licked five kinds of popsicles before going into another sugar coma. His antics caused the biggest distraction.
Then there were the snappy, immature insults going back and forth between Arthur and Morgana. She called him a gross cootie-man and he called her a psychopathic platypus, which was the first thing that came to mind, and to which Perry gurgled indignantly. Isabella and Gwen kept whispering about boys, giggling girlishly while staring at Arthur, Lancelot, and Phineas in turn.
Suffice it to say, getting the story straight was hard, made even more difficult by the fact that Merlin himself was really wanting to catch that hoppy grasshopper that just darted by. He supposed his magic was giving him a bit of protection, but not for long, he feared. He didn't want to be a kid forever; he had to find a way out of this.
When he was done telling their story, Candace snorted. "Puh-lease. You honestly expect me to believe that you're Merlin and Arthur from those stupid kid stories Grandpa likes to tell? The same guys that dad rants and raves about at history museums?" She scoffed. "Yeah right." She laughed at little Merlin. "You don't even have a beard!"
Merlin's lower lip trembled and he had to force himself not to cry. He hated himself for being so emotional, but he was ten years old, exhausted, and Candace was yelling at him. To his surprise, Arthur stood in front of him, forty pounds of pure defensiveness, and said, "Hey, you leave him alone! And why would he have a beard? He's only ten!"
"But it's not possible – they don't have time machines in the past!" Candace protested.
"We didn't come here by machine," Lancelot said, his eyes following a flitting butterfly curiously, "but by magic."
Merlin glared at him, warning him to say no more.
"BAHAHAHA!" Candace laughed. "Magic? There's no such thing!"
Phineas scratched his chin (or rather, lack thereof) and said, "Well, Candace, maybe they did travel with some kind of magic. After all, in the stories, Merlin was the greatest wi—"
"—window cleaner of all time!" Merlin quickly cut in, desperately trying to keep his secret safe. He didn't know how Phineas and the others knew about his magic, or who he was, but he couldn't let Arthur know, even if he was ten years old, two-dimensional, and currently chasing a shrieking Morgana around the Flynn-Fletcher backyard with a stick.
Arthur stopped bugging Morgana and turned. "You are not a good window washer!" he protested loudly. "You leave smudges every time!"
"Oh, so sorry, Prince Dollop Head," Merlin retorted crabbily, crossing his arms over his skinny chest.
"Heh," Buford said, chuckling, "'dollop head'. I'm gonna hafta remember that one."
Merlin grinned. "I know, it's catchy right? I made it up myself."
Buford clapped Merlin on the back so hard the dark-haired boy did a face plant in the grass. "Ya know, dude," the bully said, "you're alright."
Merlin stood up, spitting out dirt and grass. "Thanks," he said, brushing himself off. "I think."
"Can we get back to the subject on hand?" Candace demanded. "As in, these kids are not Merlin and Arthur and the knights of the loud table—"
"Round table," Ferb corrected, and Perry chattered in agreement. Candace rolled her eyes impatiently.
"Whatever. The fact is, there's no such thing as magic." She saw that the rest of her companions were looking around at each other, exchanging thoughtful glances. She turned to Phineas. "Phineas, Ferb – you guys are nerds—"
"Hey!" Baljeet protested. "I am a nerd, too. And nerds do not like to be left out."
"Shut up, nerd!" Buford snapped.
"See? He understands me," Baljeet said timidly, cowering from 'his' bully.
"Fine. Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet – you are nerds, you like science and junk like that. So you can't seriously tell me you think magic could be real?"
"Why not?" Phineas said, shrugging. "After all, you didn't think Santa was real, but you found out otherwise last Christmas when we met those elves and brought Christmas back to Danville."
"Yeah, but— I mean—it's different… Fine." Candace crossed her arms and sulked. "I'm telling Mom as soon as she gets home."
"No please," said Gwen, "just wait until we leave. I don't want anyone trying to stop us from getting back to Camelot." She burst into tears. "I wanna go home!"
Lancelot flew to her side and hugged her. "There, there," he said.
"Crybaby," Morgana muttered.
Arthur glared at Lancelot, who let go of Gwen and went to try and revive Gwaine from his sugar-induced stupor.
"C'mon, Candace," Jeremy said, putting an arm around the red-haired girl. "Have a heart. Don't tell your mom, because if it gets out that the Arthur and Merlin are here, people will be swarming to see it. Besides, it'll be fun, right, helping out a king?"
"Prince," Merlin and Arthur corrected simultaneously.
Candace hadn't heard a word Jeremy said from the moment he put his arm around her but she grinned dopily and agreed. "Course, Jeremy. Whatever you say!"
Susie glowered at her big brother giving attention to another girl but couldn't do anything to sabotage Candace with so many witnesses, so she settled with sulking, which turned out could be a group activity, since Morgana was doing it too.
"Now that that's settled. We've used the time machine at the museum plenty of times before," Phineas said.
"Yep!" Isabella chirped chipperly, batting her eyelashes at her red-haired friend, who obliviously didn't notice.
"But…. We're still young," Merlin protested (or rather, whined, because he was just a kid, after all!). "We're supposed to be young adults. I don't know how we changed, but it wasn't magic that time."
"How would you know?" Arthur asked. "You don't know anything about magic."
Merlin rolled his eyes. "It just wasn't."
"Well, if it was technology that did that to you, then Ferb and I can find a way to counter it. Right, Ferb?"
Ferb gave his brother a thumbs up.
Phineas snapped his fingers excitedly. "Hey, Ferb, remember what our plans were before we decided to make Ferb-e-lot?"
Ferb nodded and pulled out a set of blueprints for a handheld device that made people age and de-age. "We wanted to see what Ferb would look like when he gets older," Phineas said. "I think he's going to have a moustache. A big one."
"Yeah, I can see it," Lancelot nodded seriously. "A big green moustache on the small, oddly shaped boy." His head was spinning from everything he'd seen and he really wanted to throw a ball to someone.
"So Ferb," Phineas grinned. "What do you say?"
"I know what we're going to do today," Ferb acknowledged, and they set to work.
"What's this?" Gwaine asked, eyeing a small device with a lot of buttons that had fallen out of Ferb's pocket while helping build the aging/de-aging machine with Phineas.
"Oh, that's a prototype of an invention we're working on," Phineas said, grinning. "A real-life remote control."
"What does it do?"
"Done!" announced Ferb.
"And it's not even dinner time!" Phineas crowed excitedly. "Let's test this baby out!"
Candace whimpered and turned to Jeremy. All the inventions and tattle-worthy happenings were making her crazy. "Can't I tell Mom, just a little?"
"No, Candace, let's let the nice figures of legend go home first." He touched her shoulder and she melted. Susie growled and Morgana did too, just because she could.
"Alright, who's first?"
At the same time, Merlin said, "Arthur," and Arthur declared, "Merlin."
Arthur glared at his servant and Merlin sighed. "Okay, okay. Me first."
He stepped out into the open and Phineas pointed the device at him, turned some dials, and pushed some buttons. He pushed the big red button and suddenly it wasn't a ten year old Merlin standing there, but what looked like a one hundred and ten year old Merlin. "Oops," Phineas said. "That's a little too old." He went about adjusting the dials, but the damage had been done.
Arthur stared incredulously, shocked out of his ten-year-old state of mind by what he was looking at. "You—you're—Dragoon the Great!"
"Who?" said Gwaine, Lancelot, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet in unison.
"Long story," Arthur griped. "But that means – you have magic!"
"Erm, yes," Merlin said, rubbing the back of his neck (which was much too wrinkly and saggy for his liking, and holy root beer, was that a mole at the base of his neck? Gross. "I guess you could say that."
"You have magic!" Arthur said again, eyes wide.
"Uh, yeah, I do, but I swear, I've never used it for evil, nor will I ever—"
"You have magic!"
"Yes, I do, Arthur, I'm pretty sure we've covered this already!"
"You have magic!"
"Okay, okay, who's got the remote control?" Phineas laughed. Everyone turned to see Gwaine with the prototype real-life remote control pointed at Arthur, pressing the 'instant replay' button over and over, grinning like a madman.
"Sorry," he giggled, not looking sorry in the least.
Ferb shrugged, pocketing the remote. "At least we know it works."
"I so want to tell Mom," Candace muttered but shut up when Jeremy held her hand.
"Wait, did you bring us here?" Arthur asked, glad to not have to accuse Merlin of magic again, especially since he'd already done it four times.
Lancelot looked between master and servant tensely, as if afraid he might need to intervene.
Merlin started to rub the back of his neck again, nervous, but didn't want to touch that mole again. Instead he sighed, "Yes. But, Arthur, I didn't mean to take us here, just away from Morgana and her army, I couldn't let you die!"
"Merlin, I trust you. Even though you've lied to me, I know there's no way that you're evil. It's like saying that Gwaine is… normal."
"Hey!" Gwaine protested. "That's… probably true," he admitted.
"No, I'm actually more offended now that I know it was you that told me I was a, what was it again, Merlin, oh yes – 'a spoiled arrogant brat with the brains of a donkey and the face of a toad.'"
"Oooh," said Buford, "That's a good one too."
"Sorry, sorry," Merlin apologized. "But, you see, I had to get you back for the bucket and cloth incident, and that seemed the perfect time."
Arthur grumbled but finally said, "Touche."
Merlin would have responded but Phineas and Ferb had fixed the age dials on their devices and announced, "Done!"
Merlin grinned feeling like a weight had been lifted off of him now that Arthur knew and had accepted him. He didn't know if Arthur had been so trusting because he had the mind of a child, and children were usually trusting, but whatever the case, he was glad for it.
Phineas zapped him again, and this time, he was back to himself – twenty-one years old, tall, skinny, and all powerful, baby. Merlin was back.
Arthur went next, then Gwen, then Lancelot, and Gwaine (but Arthur had to chase him around with the Aging Machine first, because Gwaine did not want to grow up again, but when Arthur mentioned the ale back in Camelot, he reluctantly surrendered). "Wait," said Merlin before Phineas could zap Morgana, too.
"Something wrong, Merlin?" Phineas wanted to know.
"No, but… Morgana, I want you to swear to me that you will call off the attack on Camelot and call off your undead army."
"Undead army, huh?" Buford interrupted yet again. "Where can I get me one'a them?"
Morgana ignored him. "And if I don't?"
"Then Phineas won't turn you back into yourself and you will be stuck as a child here in Danville instead of returning back to Camelot with us."
"I don't see why we just don't do that anyway," Gwaine muttered. "Why give her another chance?"
"Because," said Merlin, "Arthur's given me one, and besides, I'd hate to leave Danville alone with her."
"Deal or no deal, Morgana?"
"Hey, I love that show!" Baljeet cheered, but a wedgie from Buford shut him up.
She scowled. "Fine. But even if I leave you alone for now, I'll be back eventually."
"And when you do, we'll be ready for you."
Morgana was zapped back into herself.
Merlin smiled at his new friends, who were now much shorter than he was . He found he was going to miss being a kid, miss Phineas and Ferb, and miss Danville. Still, it was time to go home. "Well, now that my secret's out, I guess we won't need that time machine after all," he told Phineas. "I'll just use magic to take us back." He glanced around at Ferb-e-Lot. "This was so cool, I wish we didn't have to leave."
"Take it with you," Ferb offered. "To remember us by."
"All of it?"
"Sure," Phineas chimed in. "We'll move on to a new project tomorrow, anyway."
"But, no!" Candace protested. "Then there'll be nothing to tell Mom… unless I get her now. Mo-om!" She disappeared into the house.
"Well, guess we'll get going," Merlin sighed.
"Yeah, it was fun," Arthur admitted, "but I've got to get back to my kingdom now."
"I'll miss the ice beer and the root cream and the Red Star and the Rock Bull," Gwaine said, mixing up the names of his favorite sweets and energy drinks, but everyone got the point.
"Don't worry, Izzy," Gwen told Isabella, hugging the girl. "It'll work out with Phineas. You'll see."
"Yeah, and good luck with your love life," Isabella said. "You'll need it."
"What was that?" Gwen cocked her head.
"Well, it was great fun!" Phineas said. "Say, Merlin, if you're ever wanting to time-travel again, give us a call, 'kay?"
"Definitely." He closed his eyes and started a spell but Arthur cut him off.
"I don't know if I feel safe traveling with you and your magic, Merlin, seeing as you were the one that brought us here in the first place."
"Don't worry," Merlin said, grinning, "I was nervous last time. I'll get it right this time!"
He said a spell and he and his Camelotian friends, as well as the whole of Ferb-e-Lot, vanished into thin air. Seconds later, a breathless Candace led her annoyed mother into the yard. "See, Mom, see, right here, they made a medieval town and everything!"
"Oh, don't you guys look cute in your medieval costumes," Linda said, smiling at the kids. "Way to use your imaginations." She gave her daughter a look. "Maybe a wee bit too much imagination, Candace."
"But, but but—"
"So. Who wants pie?"
There was a chorus of "me"s and even Perry gurgled his agreement. Candace sighed as everyone went in for a snack and then shook her head. "One day I'll get them," she said to no one in particular.
"You coming, Candace?"
She smiled slightly, having to admit that when she wasn't spazzing out, the day had actually been pretty fun.
She disappeared into the house and everything was back to normal once more.
They ended up in the middle of a snowy, freezing forest next to a lamppost. "This doesn't look like Camelot," Arthur said.
"Um, I'm sure I got the spell right this time," Merlin said anxiously, but no one looked convinced.
"Merlin, we've been to ancient Egypt, a place called Hogwarts, and on a flying blue box that says POLICE, and we're still nowhere near Camelot! I thought you were a powerful warlock!"
"I am… I'm just not good with directions."
"We should've used the time machine."
Merlin found he didn't disagree.
"Hullo," said a half-man, half-goat that stepped out of the trees. "Welcome to Narnia! My, you are Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve, aren't you?"
"Um, my mum's name is Hunith," Merlin said, scratching his head.
Arthur, a bit of the ten-year-old still plaguing him, sniffled. "I never knew my mother!"
"So sorry," Merlin said hastily. "We just got a bit lost. We'll be going now."
They vanished again, finally returning to Camelot – forty years in the future.
Watching an older Merlin walking beside an older Arthur across the courtyard, Arthur decided that would never happen in his future because he was going to kill Merlin here and now. He turned to his friend and yelled, "MERLIN!"
"You'd better be glad you're my ride home, Merlin, or you'd so be dead by now!"
Merlin gulped and they disappeared again.
It was a long and eventful trip home, but eventually they made it back to their Camelot, and by the time they did, Arthur had decided he was too tired to strangle Merlin so he settled for a hot bath and warm bed instead.
Morgana kept her promise and withdrew her army and disappeared for the time being.
And as for Merlin, he was just happy his destiny was finally piecing together the way it should. All it had taken was a misdirected spell, a Young-Inator, and a couple of inventive, fun-loving kids to point the way.
A/N: It's over! It was a great ride and I enjoyed it immensely! So sorry, once again, for the delay! Please REVIEW and let me know what you thought, 'kay? Especially about the little misdirectional twist at the end, LOL! Thanks for your time and attention; see you soon! ;)