Author's Note: HELLO EVERYONE~ As far are all of you goers know, I've only ever attempted humor. I thought that I'd share my first ever yaoi story with you guys, since you're all that awesome :'D Only one other person has seen this story (cough, UnderMissTaken, cough) and she assured me it was good, so I thought "why not"? ^^ I hope you all enjoy~ Don't worry, this is only the first chapter of it so far ;)

Side note: All of it is written in Lavi's POV. Sorry for any sort of mistakes or OOCness.

WARNING: Contains yaoi, bad language, Laven, and some one-sided Lucky if you squint


*Lavi's POV*

Chapter 1: Love, Lies, Lifeless

Cautiously I crept forward, nearly pressed to the grimy wall. Yuu trailed behind me and I noticed his gaze was on the giant cut in my side. He shook his head, as if pitying me for not having his fast recovering abilities. I glared at him, slightly pressed on it, and winced as sharp pain shot through my nerves and fresh blood stained my bandages. I pulled my hand away and decided it would be best to leave my injury alone. Suddenly, chilling laughter sliced through the night like a frozen blade. Shivers ran down my spine, but my heart nearly stopped when I recognized who the sickly sweet chortles belonged to. I turned around to face my comrade and mouthed the words "Millennium Earl." Yuu's eyes widened then narrowed, dark cobalt irises flaring with loathing.

It was then when we heard him crying.

"P-Please. No more," he whimpered. My blood turned to ice in my veins when I recognized the new voice. Yuu's gaze met mine and realization lit in our eyes.

"Moyashi," we breathed simultaneously. Yuu looked at me pointedly and I nodded. Moving very slowly, I chanced a peek around the corner. Allen was crumpled on the ground, sobbing.

"Please! Stop it!" my love choked and I felt my heart ache for him. The Earl only leered.

"Join me, brother, and these visions will cease," the Earl said in a voice dripping honey. Allen apparently had enough strength to life his head and glare.

"N-Never," Allen spat, yet his voice lacked ferocity. I burned with the need to pour strength into his words.

"Perhaps I will stop these painful memories. Maybe you would rather focus on the present," the Earl said with a smirk.

"What do you mean?" Allen demanded and I felt my pride for him soar as he forced a little murderous intent into his words. Yet the Earl's smile only widened.

"You were separated from your comrades early in this battle, weren't you, Allen Walker? You are currently unaware of their well-being at the moment, am I correct?"

Allen gritted his teeth and didn't reply.

"Perhaps I will do you a favor and tell you how they're faring," the Earl said mockingly.

"What have you done to my friends?" Allen screamed. The Earl chuckled.

"Don't act as if we didn't give them the chance to surrender," the Earl chortled. "We offered to let them go, but they were persistent on fighting us," The Earl said, feinting sadness.

"You didn't answer my question, Earl," Allen snarled. The Earl smiled again.

"They're dead. Every one of them."

Yuu and I exchanged outraged glances. That disgusting bastard! I was about to jump out from our hiding spot and yell to Allen that we were fine, but somehow Yuu sensed what I was preparing to do. The next thing I knew, Yuu had clamped one hand over my mouth and wrapped his other arm around my middle, preventing me from springing forward. The most I could do was flail as much as I could, but his grip was like iron.

I glared at him furiously, but his eyes told me to remain quiet; that we alone were no match for the Earl. I looked at him pleadingly, but he shook his head firmly. I saw that his decision was strong and I sagged with defeat. As soon as Yuu sensed my regretful surrender, he released me with a warning glance as poisonous as a death glare. I winced from the murderous aura that poured off of him and sighed. But my exhale froze in my throat when I heard the Earl's next words left his mouth.

"Perhaps you would like to witness the demise of your friends?"

I peered around the corner again, and Yuu joined me this time, anxious curiosity getting the better of him. The Earl summoned a holographic screen out of nowhere and Yuu and I exchanged glances. We hadn't been aware the Earl could do that. Apparently Allen hadn't known either, because not only did he look weakened, shocked, and scared, but also baffled to top it off.

We studied the blank screen for a moment, ponderous and suspicious, but suddenly it sprang to life, moving images of us and our comrades fighting flickering across the screen in amazingly clear quality. I almost wished we could get some of those screens for the Order; our high tech technology was looking pretty crappy next to the Earl's.

At first the battle looked accurate, like the one we had really fought. Yuu and I exchanged confused glances. We hadn't perished in the real battle, so how was the Earl going to convince Allen that we were dead? Our question was answered almost immediately. The events on the screen took a drastic turn and Miranda's time barrier fell, leaving the wounded vulnerable. The Akuma and Noah took the chance and fired on the crowd of injured people. The finders screamed as their bodies dissolved into dust. Miranda and Krory also fell, their shrieks of agony ringing in our ears as they dissipated into dust as well. Allen was sobbing once again, whimpers of "No" and "That's impossible" escaping his quivering lips every now and then. Pain for my love twisted my features, and I could see a hint of Yuu's anxiety for Allen on his face as well.

Next it showed Lenalee springing forward and attacking the main group of Noah and Akuma that had just destroyed her friends. Her screams resounded in my head, making me feel dizzy as I watched her body consumed by an enormous sphere of Tyki Mikk's electricity. Allen sobbed even more heavily.

"Lenalee… No… She… It's not true… Lena…" Allen choked between sobs. I felt a little twinge of jealousy as he sobbed for Lenalee, but then guilt poured into me. Sure, I didn't really like Lenalee that much, but that was no reason to despise her because Allen regretted her death.

Next, Yuu came into view and I felt him stiffen beside me, his eyes narrowing further. It showed him leaping from the ground, trying to rescue Lenalee from her demise. But the second that burning electricity came in contact with Mugen, it shot through his body and an arm of the purple electricity grabbed him and pulled him into the sphere as well. And the worst part was that Mugen slipped from Yuu's hand as he was sucked into the burning electricity. Both of them were screaming now, and we watched the two of them disintegrate right before our eyes. Tyki smirked as he approached the ashes, picked up the glowing sphere that contained Yuu's regenerative abilities, and crushed it into dust as he would have done with innocence. Yuu inhaled sharply and I saw that his face was livid, but there was a trace of fear in his eyes. I knew he was wondering if it was possible for a Noah to really do that to his recovery powers.

Then it focused on… Me. The Panda and I were the only ones left, yet we looked prepared to put our lives on the line. I felt my breath catch in my throat as the screen displayed me and the Panda starting forward to destroy the Akuma that had killed our "comrades." I felt guilty to think about the word comrade with air quotes, but it was necessary, or at least that's what Panda said. I knew that if defeat looked this certain, the Panda and I would have fled without a second thought. Because my friends were only ink on paper, right? Their untimely deaths were simply just another entry in the Bookman record logs, right?

My shameful thoughts were shoved away as I gaped in horror as bullets fired on us and ripped through our bodies. Our echoing screams made chills run down my spine. It sounded and looked exactly like us, and it was starting to really freak me out. How was the Earl doing this?

Allen's sobs were on the brink of transforming into screams. My heart burned with the need to run to him, to take him in my arms and tell him that everything was fine. Yet, Yuu's warning glare stayed fresh in my mind and I knew that if the Earl didn't murder me, surely my Asian comrade would.

"STOP! NO MORE! PLEASE!" Allen howled, tears flooding down his cheeks. A sick, sad feeling tied my stomach into knots. It hurt so much to see the one I loved in so much agony. I couldn't bear it. I felt hot tears forming in my own eyes as a reaction to Allen's pain. It made me feel weak, but I didn't mind as I usually would. After all, Allen believed I was dead, that we were all dead.

"Your friends had quite a courageous end, didn't they?" the Earl mocked.

"YOU BASTARD!" Allen screamed. "Lavi… No… Anyone but Lavi!" Allen wept. My heart sank even lower when I saw the Earl's smile widen at the mention of my name.

"Lavi, huh? I've heard a little rumor that he's your current… how do the kids call it these days… boyfriend?" the Earl leered. Allen sobbed even harder.

"Let me tell you a secret, dear brother," the Earl said. Allen's sobs were slightly smothered as he glanced up at the Earl.

"There is no Lavi. Lavi is but a mask, a personality for that Bookman Junior to adopt to get near to his comrades. Bookman Junior doesn't love you. Lavi does. But Lavi does not exist. It's fake. It's a lie. He's been using you to get the information he needs. In fact, 35 years ago, the Bookmen were on our side to record what was needed. He's a liar and a traitor. He would leave you at the first sign that their work is done and there is nothing more to record. Why do you think that Bookman Junior had so many names? Each name was a different mask, a different personality to wear to get close to the people around him. "

The Earl's comment sliced through me like icy blades, hurting me deeply as I felt the words slash at me, yet also managing to chill me to the bone. I wanted to tell myself that it wasn't true…. But part of it was. I am a Bookman's successor. I am meant to record and nothing more than that. Attachments are a no-no, especially intimate romantic ones. Yet, I do love Allen. I cherish him more than my own life. And that's where the Earl got it wrong. I would rather quit my duty as a Bookman's successor than leave him. No… Leaving my love behind is not an option.

But there was no way Allen could know that. And it showed on his face.

He was horrified, shocked, and obviously hurt deeply. My chest was so tight that I ached for the need to cry and release this tension by spilling tears. I couldn't let Allen doubt my love for him. It was too strong to be broken simply by the words of another. But then the mask slipped back on, and suddenly Allen was furious and out for blood.

"Lavi isn't a traitor!" Allen spat. I felt my grief dwindle slightly and I silently cheered at his faith in me. But my joy faded when the Earl laughed heartily at Allen's statement.

"Do you sincerely believe that Bookman Junior holds you dearer than his precious records? Lies!"

"No! Lavi wouldn't-!"

"Do you need proof, Allen Walker? Do you need proof that 'Lavi' is not loyal to you?"

That's when the world started spinning again and I had to hold onto a startled and irritated Yuu for support. I felt bile rise in my throat and I prayed that the Earl wouldn't show me and Panda having our casual conversations about our loyalty only to the records. No… I'd only ever had those talks with Panda to assure him I wasn't losing my place as a Bookman-to-be… even though I was.

I could say Allen trembling. "T-There is no proof! You're lying!" he accused.

"Lying? I should think not."

"YOU ARE! LAVI IS LOYAL TO ME!" Allen screamed.

"My, my," the Earl sighed. "It seems that I must show you the proof or you'll continue slandering my honesty." The Earl's glasses glinted with evil intentions. "And don't act like I don't know you're there, little rats," the Earl said without turning around. Our jaws dropped and we started backing away, but we stumbled into the chests of two Noahs.

"Kill them," the Earl stated simply.

"NO!" I yelled. "ALLEN, ITS ME! LAVI! WE'RE OKAY! DON'T BELIEVE HIM!" I screamed as I tried to wriggle out of Tyki's grasp.

"Not so fast, lovely," the Noah breathed in my ear. I snarled at him and jerked myself away. I tucked and rolled at just the right moment and came to a halt right next to where the Earl was. A shadowy barrier was surrounding Allen and the Earl, and I immediately tried to destroy it with a fire seal. No avail.

"ALLEN! ALLEN!"

"He can't hear you," Tyki's voice sneered and I whipped around just in time to see the Noah dive for me. He grabbed me around the middle, nearly squeezing the air out of me. I gasped like a fish out of water and flailed, trying to shove him off.

"The Earl's trapped him inside a soundproof, indestructible barrier. Cheating boy A won't be released until the Earl's shown him everything he wants to," Tyki said smoothly as I struggled.

"No… No… Allen…" I murmured and I felt new tears sting in my eyes. "The Earl… can't lie to Allen. He's just accepted my love for him… We've just started to become close!" I screamed and kicked. I felt my foot connect with something solid and Tyki let out a pained grunt. His arms loosened for a moment and I slipped out of his grasp.

"YUU! WE NEED TO GET ALLEN OUT OF THERE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. The samurai, slashing at everything and everyone that came near him, scowled at me.

"I think we'll need to take care of these Noah before we can get to Moyashi," he pointed out irritably. I sighed in agreement and frustration as I neatly dodged a blow from Tyki.

Suddenly, a bright purple light enveloped the immediate area outside of the shadowy barrier the Earl had created. We all shielded our eyes as the barrier began to bulge and rip in some places. In seconds, the shadows had dissipated into nothing after an immense explosion of purple light.

"Come," the Earl said cheerfully. "Our work is done for now." The Noah obediently left the scene. But Tyki Mikk didn't leave as quickly as the others. He grabbed me from behind and laughed at my gasp of surprise.

"Until next time, lovely," he whispered in my ear and pressed a kiss to my cheek. Then he was gone. I collapsed on the stones, frantically rubbing my cheek as I tried to rid myself of Tyki Mikk's touch. I slowly got to my feet, my knees shaking and my wound bleeding profusely again. I staggered over to Allen and Yuu joined me as well. My love was unharmed as far as I could see, but he was still crying quietly.

"Allen…" I murmured and brushed his snowy hair out of his eyes. "Are you okay? Whatever he showed you isn't true. I promise. We're fine. Everyone 's safe," I assured him. He still wouldn't look at me.

"Allen?" I asked softly. I put a finger under his chin and made him look at me. Tears filled lifeless, stormy gray eyes. He stared at me numbly then jerked his chin away from my grasp.

"Allen, don't be like that. I promise that whatever he said was a lie. A total lie," I said sincerely. I reached out a hand to touch his cheek and felt my heart shatter when he slapped it away. "Allen?" He didn't respond. He only looked at me with those wide, expressionless gray eyes. Eyes that once held sadness, anger, joy, and love.

"Allen, say something, please! You're scaring me!" I begged. Allen looked at me and I thought I saw a hint of grief flicker in his eyes. But as soon as the spark had appeared, it was gone. "Allen, talk to me!" I pleaded. He lowered his eyes and shook his head. I grabbed his hand. "Allen, please!" He shook his head more vehemently, pulled his hand out of mine, and back away from me, trembling. I felt my broken heart being squeezed and crushed.

"Allen…"

That was the day that Allen Walker, my one and only love, became lifeless.


Not a word left his mouth and his eyes rarely showed the emotion that should have been there. For the next two days, we traveled back to HQ without our other comrades, seeing as they had already returned home. Allen refused to eat, sleep, and talk to me and Yuu for those 48 hours. When we finally reached Headquarters, he'd fainted from lack of food and rest and we had to rush him to the hospital wing.

He stayed in bed with an IV for the next week. I visited him every night, but my time with him was always short. The moment I came into sight, the tears would come again, spilling down his cheeks as he sobbed heavily. When I would frantically try to calm him down, the Head Nurse would shoo me away.

Then I was banned from the hospital wing unless I was injured…

I was frustrated, sad, and completely heartbroken. The emptiness in Allen's eyes would never fade, and when it did, it always showed fear. At least to me. Yuu said that Allen was lifeless and fearful of him too. But he also added that Allen seemed a bit… angry at him. I pondered what this could mean, but couldn't conjure up any explanation. He never talked to anyone. He didn't even bother gesturing to what he needed or what he wanted. He just lay there in bed, limp and empty. The boy that was so full of happiness, tragedy, and love was gone. He was a hollow shell of who he was.

And the worst part was that I didn't know why. My jaw clenched and my hands became fists. It took all my self-control not to punch the wall. I hated not knowing. It made everything harder. I usually knew everything; I was a Bookman's apprentice after all. And all this uncertainty was irritating me. And maybe I could deal with the uncertainty, if Allen was getting better. But he wasn't. Everyone was putting in their best effort to bring some life back into Allen, to make him speak again.

But nothing was working.

Silently, I continued down the hall. I wasn't allowed to participate in helping, and they had forbidden me from coming near Allen again… But I had to try. I knew Allen the best out of all of them. I knew his likes, dislikes, fears, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. Surely I could come up with something to bring some life back into him. I was a self-proclaimed genius after all. I smiled a little.

And thus my plan to bring life into Allen began.


So what did you think of the first chapter and first attempt at yaoi? Want me to post the rest of the story up here? Tell me in a review~ I appreciate all of them ^^

Special thanks to UnderMissTaken for being my beta reader for this!