Ch. 4 The Evil Plant Child...

(So my Microsoft Word is being a bitch. :p I'm having to type this on Google Docs. FUUUUUUUUCCCKKK.)

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Bakura seriously didn't know what he was doing anymore. He'd willingly invited two of...them to go on this quest with him. Two fangirls... Two yaoi fangirls. Bloody hell.

He looked over at Tobi, who also had an obligatory anime motorcycle...Somehow. She insisted on calling it Thunder Tires III, in memory of her favorite bicycle. Which, as she told Bakura, had had an unfortunate rusting accident. Plus she'd ridden through so many allies the tires had gone flat from all the stickers and broken glass.

It had taken forever to get her mother to say yes to letting her go. She had to promise to be back in a week, Bakura had to pay for all her expenses, and if Brevyn couldn't go, she had to come home right away.

"Just one more thing," she said before they went out the door. She grabbed a thick black book with gold trim pages and held it out to Tobi. "Swear you're not sexying with him."

"Mom!"

"Do it."

Bakura could hear Tobi mumbling as she hesitantly placed her hand on the Bible. He definitely wasn't "sexying" with her, whatever that meant, but for some reason he expected her to burst into flames when he touched it.

Satisfied, her mother drew her into a hug. "Bye, Pumpkin," she said with a sniff.

"Bye bye Mommy!" Tobi mocked, pulling away to make an exaggerated crying face.

Her mom poked her in the stomach, then looked down as if just seeing the expansion of skin for the first time. "Go change your shirt! You look like a hooker."

Tobi looked down at her midriff, which looked way better in this story than it would in real life, especially in this outfit. "I look badass!" She made a sad face. He mom gave her the mom look. Tobi sighed and zipped up her coat until only the top of her shirt was showing. "Better?"

"I'd still rather have you put on a longer shirt."

"Mom! May I remind you there are lives at stake? There's no time for concealing shirts!"

"You said it was just some pretty boy's tan."

"if we don't get Marik's tan back, he'll probably die!"

Bakura twitched.

"Well then...Good luck. And don't die yourself."

Tobi laughed and they said their good byes, and then they were outside, Tobi closing the door. She turned to Bakura and smiled, unzipping her coat again.

"You don't conform to any of your mother's standards, do you?"

Tobi laughed. "Nope! I make it my hobby to stand out."

Bakura looked at her rainbow bangs. "So I see."

They got to the motorcycle and Tobi hummed. "How are three people going to sit on one motorcycle?"

Bakura hadn't thought about that.

"Oh! I know! I'll go get Thunder Tires III!"

"Thunder...Tires...III?"

Too late, Tobi was already running off towards the garage.

A few seconds later and a motorcycle peeled out of the driveway, swung into the street and then back up beside Bakura.

"Nice," he nodded, looking the Harley up and down.

"Yup, let's go!"

Bakura jumped onto his own bike and they raced into the street, which lead them to where they were now, Bakura having needless and distracting flashbacks and Tobi mumbling about having nowhere to put her deck.

Suddenly Bakura's phone rang.

"That's not safe," Tobi commented as he answered.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bakura~"

"Marik?"

"What, you don't recognize my voice? You're such a jerk, Bakura!" Marik screamed in his nasal voice. "Anyway, I was wondering, could you get me some Kedahs while you're out?"

He wasn't serious. "Marik...I'm kind of busy...You know...Saving your tan?"

"Oh, I know, but I'm really hungry and I am so in the mood for Kedahs! And the guy always hangs up when I call!"

"Maybe because your father threatened them with his pet snake?"

"No! They just don't want me to enjoy the tasty Kedahs! They want to keep them all to themselves!"

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"I want you to get me some Kedahs, DUH. Has the fluff on your head finally choked your brain?"

Bakura hung up on him.

No one. Insulted. The fluff.

He was pushing the phone back in his pocket when it rang again. Knowing it was Marik, he was about to turn it off, but then he remembered something he'd seen on TV that he'd always wanted to try.

"Hello?" He greeted sweetly.

"Did you just hang up on me?" Marik screamed.

"I don't know, did it sound something like this?" He hung up again, switching it to silent.

"Little harsh."

Bakura scowled and put the phone back in his pocket. "He'll thank me later when he has his tan back."

"He'll also be reminded of this randomly as you two are in the middle of hot wet sloppy steamy sexy man sex and bitch your ear off so you don't reach climax and go totally limp."

Bakura looked over at her, horrified, about to retort, before something much more urgent struck him. "How the hell are we even having this conversation now?" he called, suddenly remembering the wind ripping at his hair and clothes, the purr of their engines and the houses racing past them.

"Look, we're fanfiction characters now. We don't need to obey logic!"

Somehow, that made sense.

"So anyway, remind me as to where Brevyn lives."

Tobi clicked her tongue. "Uhm...A few states away."

"STATES?"

Tobi shrugged. "Yeah. I thought you knew."

"Apparently not."

Tobi shook her head and pulled out in front of him. "Just follow me," she said, her tone exasperated. Bakura glared at her back, not liking being told what to do, but his attention was stolen by a giant blue disk forming in the middle of the street but a few yards in front of them. He started to swerve to avoid it, but then he saw Tobi ride right into it. There was a bright flash of light, and then she was gone. He stared at the gaping hole in the disk, then figured it was some sort of portal. He switched back into the right lane and sped through.

Immediately he was blinded with bright blue light and surrounded by horrible pressure. It was like riding through gelatin! He didn't see Tobi anywhere ahead. That made him worry a little bit (not for the girl, but what would become of him if he had speculated wrong) but the feeling ceased when he saw a much brighter light at the end of the tunnel. He eyed it warily, but revved and sped through, hoping he wouldn't be met by men in dresses and wings when he came out the other end.

He was slapped in the face by a wall of fresh air and slammed on the brakes, leaving a beautiful skid mark five feet long behind him. He looked back to admire it in time to see the portal, this one orange, close up. Then he looked at his surroundings, searching for Tobi, and finally found her making her way up a long sidewalk.

"Tobi!" He called, getting off his motorcycle. He ran to catch up. The sidewalk he'd seen was actually just a lot of steps up to the porch. They looked to be made of large rocks and concrete, but as he stepped on the first one, one of those rocks slipped out from under his foot and he was hardly able to catch himself.

"Yeah, watch out for that one. Got me the first time too." Tobi came down and helped him up.

Bakura scowled at the step, following Tobi up to the porch. She rang the doorbell and a bunch of dogs started barking (did everyone in this fanfiction have dogs?). Someone inside yelled at him, and then a girl with short light brown hair and glasses opened up.

"Tobi!" She screamed in a high-pitched, airy voice, throwing her arms around the other girl.

"Brevyn!" Tobi cried back in her own version of the voice, hugging the girl back and nuzzling her chest.

They talked excitedly for a few minutes before Bakura cleared his voice.

Brevyn looked up at him. "Hello to you too."

At least she didn't glomp him.

Tobi poked her arm. "Ready to go?"

Brevyn nodded, grabbing a small backpack from inside. Her outfit, like Tobi and Bakura's, was also pretty badass, having a long white scarf with tattered ends, a long, sleeveless purple coat that also ended in holes and tears, a red tank top and green pants, and black shoes with pink flamingos all over them.

Tobi and Bakura spent the walk back to the street explaining the situation to her while she listened and nodded, taking everything in and throwing in her own thoughts every so often. Once in a while she and Tobi made a crude joke and Bakura had to look away and groan, having been the subject of said joke. When they got to the street Brevyn informed them that she was the only one without a motorcycle, and Tobi offered her a place on hers. She looked from her friend to Bakura, then back to Tobi, and climbed on.

"I feel dumb," she said, wrapping her arms around Tobi's waist.

"Aww, me sorry," Tobi cooed, unable to think of a real apology.

Brevyn "pfft"d and then they were off, riding dramatically into the sunset.

Worst. Chapter. Ever. D :