Draco Malfoy and the Extremely Mean Boggart Prank

By Serpent Heart

Setting: 5th year

Narration: Hermione

Pairing: DM/HP with slight mentions of GW/HP and HG/RW

Rating: Teen for some language and violence

Charaterization: very OOC

Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction and I do not claim to own any part of it, besides the story and plotline.

Status: COMPLETEā€¦but I might end up doing a sequel with reactions to their relationship and plots to break them up (I'm thinking Pansy, Ginny, Lucius, Dumbledore)

Hermione was extremely against this plan. She wasn't even sure how the two boys had managed to procure a boggart in the first place, but, if she had to guess, she would say Sirius or Fred and George. Either way, when they got caught, and she had no doubt they would, she would happily tell Mrs. Weasley her suspicions. Harry didn't seem too into the idea, at least not now that they were really going to do it. At first, it had been his idea but now it seemed he was merely biding Ron. That's how Harry was when it came to Malfoy-he'd get mad at him, sometimes without reason, but he'd never seriously want to hurt him. Ron, on the other hand, would go to any lengths to get one over on Malfoy. If only the red head had a more productive way of dealing with his jealousy. It was Hermione's private theory that, while Harry was the best friend he could be to Ron, it won't be long until Ron turns on Harry out of jealousy like last year.

As it was, the trio stood in a dark hallway everything but their feet covered by Harry's invisibility cloak. Hermione observed the two very different reactions of her friends. Ron was positively giddy, and she was positive he was only barely containing the urge to jump up and down like a child in a candy store. Harry, however, was visibly nervous, and Hermione wasn't sure it had anything to do with the prospect of getting caught.

"Stupid Potter, trying to tell me what I can and cannot do. I'll do as I please, the bloody idiot," the familiar voice huffed as it got closer.

Hermione felt Harry tense up behind her and even thought she heard a bit of Parseltongue slip out.

The blond was progressing further up the corridor still muttering about what a complete idiot "Potter" was. Just a few more steps. Ron was smothering his joyful squeals with his hands, and Hermione was only a second from slapping him. Malfoy got to the X and past it. Hermione could feel the emotions bouncing off the two boys-disappointment from Ron and relief from Harry. To be honest, she was rather relieved herself.

"Draco," came a voice that was all too familiar to the trio.

Hermione grabbed Harry's hand to make sure he was still there. The blond turned around, a silly grin appearing on his face. She'd never seen the boy smile before. He was actually a bit cute when he smiled.

Out from the shadows emerged Harry. But that didn't make sense, because Harry was clutching her hand very tightly now. Was Malfoy afraid of Harry? Ron had tensed up as well. There was no denying that the boggart had take Harry's form.

"Harry? What are you doing here? I thought you said there was something dangerous in this hallway and not to take it anymore? Did you come to protect me? I'll admit, that is rather sweet," Draco said, a long sigh coming over his words.

"Kiss me, we both know you want to," the boggart said, cracking one of Harry's trademark smiles.

"You know me too well, Love," Draco said, walking into the embrace of the boggart.

Harry and Malfoy?

The pair started kissing as Harry stood frozen in shock. Malfoy had twisted his hands into the boggart's messy, black hair. Looking at the pair now, Hermione couldn't believe she hadn't noticed the chemistry between the two boys. Clearly, they were meant to be together. How had she not processed the stolen glances, the late night "strolls", the constant bickering from nowhere? It was so obvious! They were in love. So, why was Malfoy's biggest fear Harry? As the thought crossed her mind, the boggart pushed Malfoy to the ground.

"What the hell, Harry?" the blond screamed from his place on the ground.

The boggart's face twisted into a look of utter contempt that Hermione had never seen Harry's face hold. It vaguely reminded her of Professor Snape. She heard Harry suck in a breathe.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Draco asked, and Hermione could see his fear.

"Our relationship," the boggart sneered. "We're done."

"Did I-did I do something wrong?" the blond asked, his voice close to breaking. "Is it something I said? Did I say something to Weasley or Granger that I shouldn't have? Did I go too far with the mock fighting? Whatever I did, I'll fix it! I love you!"

"Look at you, groveling like the insignificant pest you are. What would Daddy Dearest say, Draco?" Harry hissed.

"What's wrong with you? You're not acting yourself, Harry. Are you sick?" Malfoy kneeled on the ground with the boggart towering over him.

"I'm not sick." the boggart spat viciously.

"Cursed then," Malfoy concluded.

"No, Malfoy, I'm as sane as I've ever been," the boggart said, its voice chilling the air.

"Of course you're not sane, Harry! You love me!" Malfoy pleaded, finally rising to his feet. "C'mon, let's get you to the hospital wing; we wouldn't want you exhibiting this odd behavior in front of your friends."

The Slytherin made a grab for the boggart's arm, but it flung him to the unforgiving ground once again. When the blond looked up again, he was bleeding from several cuts on his face and hands.

"Blimey! You've gone mad, Harry!" Malfoy exclaimed, backing up against the wall. He had never done well with being hurt.

"I'm mad? You're the one who's mad, Malfoy! Did you really believe I ever loved you? Why would I love you? You're nothing but a worthless Death Eater in training! Why would I choose you when I could have anyone I wanted? You're not special, Malfoy. You're not even all that pretty!" the boggart's green eyes flashed dangerously.

"You don't mean that Harry! Come with me! Whatever's been done to you, I'm sure Madam Pomphrey can undo it!" Malfoy was pleading with the beast now, but it was clear to Hermione that he was cracking.

"Do you know why I picked you when I could've had anyone in the world? You were just easy! A couple sweet words and you melted!" the boggart came closer to Malfoy now.

"You're lying," was all Malfoy said.

The boggart slapped him across the face. "Call me anything you want, but I will never be a liar. You know, when I leave every night, it's because I can't stand the look of you! I go back to my friends and we laugh about what a gullible sap you are!"

"No! That can't be true! You love me, Harry!" the blond shouted, clenching his eyes together to hold back his tears. Hermione had been under the impression Malfoy didn't know how to cry.

"Face it, Malfoy. You were nothing more than a sex toy!" the boggart was laughing now.

It turned to leave and Hermione vaguely thought she should stop it before it unleashed terror on all of Hogwarts. It got to the end of the hallway and was making to turn-

"Wait," came Malfoy's small whisper.

The boggart turned around, an evil smile radiating up to it's eyes. "Yes, Malfoy?"

"Don't go," he was broken. "I'll do-give you anything-anything you want-could ever want-I'll do it all just-just please-please don't go." Everything about him was broken.

The boggart was slowly working it's way towards Malfoy again, and Hermione couldn't stand to see what it would come up with. She poked Harry harshly on the shoulder. His head snapped to her, tears steaming down his face.

"We were never here. Ron set this boggart up to scare Malfoy. You've confessed to your friends that you two are deeply in love. You came to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. Go." Hermione hissed quickly into his ear.

A quick smile at her and he was off. The boggart had just gotten to Malfoy and was kneeling down before him. As Harry got nearer, it clenched Malfoy's jaw in it's hands, harsh enough to leave bruises.

"You're really just a little cock slut, aren't you?" it mock whispered.

Before Malfoy could respond, Harry's fist connected with the boggart's cheek.

"Don't talk to him that way! Ridiculus!" sparks shot out from Harry's wand, and the monster became clad in a pink outfit rather similar to a 1980s flapper.

"H-h-Harry?" a reasonably confused Draco Malfoy asked.

"I do look good in those heels, don't I?" Harry laughed. "Really accentuates my calves, don't you agree?"

The boggart Harry covered himself as best he could and ran for it. There goes tomorrow's free time.

"What just happened?" Malfoy asked.

"You didn't listen to me and were worse off for it," Harry replied, effortlessly.

"No, honestly, what just happened?" the blond repeated.

Harry ran his hands through his hair, and offered Malfoy a hand. The Slytherin boy gladly took it and dusted himself off.

"Ron set up-"

"Oh, so it was Weasley, I'm going to kill-"

"Ron set up a boggart trap for you. That's why I told you not to take your usual way to the dorms; but did you listen? Not that I much expected you to. I was just coming down to make sure you had listened. Honestly, I much more expected to find you being hurt by Lucius than by myself. Do you really fear me that much?" Harry was lying effortlessly. Perhaps Malfoy had rubbed off on him.

"I'm not afraid of you, you prick! I'm afraid of losing you-finding out this was all pretend," Hermione had to coo at that it was so sweet. Who knew Malfoy had such depth? Harry, apparently.

"I'm afraid that one day I'll lose you too. I love you, Draco," Harry pulled Malfoy tight into his arms.

"I love you too, Harry," Draco smiled.

"I'll never leave you. I told them," Harry sighed.

"Told who what?"

"Ron and Hermione, about us."

Ron seemed to finally stir from the shock-induced coma he was in at his name. Hermione could only hope he kept quiet long enough to for them to get out of ear shot. She grabbed his arm and lightly tugged him toward the stair case.

"How'd they take it?" Hermione heard Malfoy ask behind her.

"Hermione's real supportive-you know, if you were a bit nicer, you two could probably be friends," she could practically hear Harry's smirk.

"I'll take that into consideration. How'd the Weasel take it?"

"I don't know yet. I guess I'll find out when he's able to move again."

"What about the she-Weasel? You were all set up to be marrying her one day, weren't you?"

"I don't know how she'll take it, to be honest."

Their voices faded into oblivion as Hermione nudged a semi-dazed Ronald Weasley up the steps. It seemed the two boys would be coming out officially tomorrow. Maybe she could claim to have known all along. At the very least, she could warn Ginny.

"'Mione?" her semi-illiterate friend called softly.

"Yes, Ron?" she asked patiently.

"We're going to have to be nice to Malfoy now, aren't we?"

"Yes, I believe we are."

They stumbled into the Gryffindor common room and made their way to a plush couch near the fire. Most of the students had already trickled into bed.

"They're in love, aren't they?" Ron asked.

"Yes, I believe they are," Hermione answered, feeling sleep trying to take hold of her.

"And they really are perfect for each other, aren't they?"

"I have no doubts about that."

"Ginny's going to be awful disappointed-fancied him since she knew how to fancy, she did."

"I know."

"You'll say something to her?"

"I will."

A pause in the conversation had them both falling into each other on the couch, both fighting sleep.

"Eh, 'Mione?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"I just have one question."

"What is it?"

"Why does I always have to be bloody Malfoy?"