"You're better than this."
"It's going to be okay."
"I'm here for you."
I was waiting for the day that, that would too become a lie.
Finally, my clenched face relaxed, and I gave up. I let go.
"Thank you." He whispers, rushing to the other side of the room, putting the razor on my dresser. I just stand because my legs aren't even strong enough to understand how badly they want to give out. Pretty soon it doesn't matter, because he's hugging me, supporting all of my weight.
"I'm so sorry." He mutters.
"I love you."
It had to be. Who could love me? He could pretend. They all pretend to, but I'm smarter than that. They're all liars. They have to be.
His arms close even tighter around me, and he kisses me forehead and apologizes over and over, as if it was his fault.
As if it was his fault that I hated myself, his fault that my parents ignored me, and his fault that I had a burning sense of worthlessness and emptiness in my stomach , that made the sharp physical pain of a razor on my wrist more satisfying than the bland emptiness of a tortured soul.
At least I knew the physical pain was real. When it came to my emotions – sometimes I'm not sure if I even have them, because that's how little they matter to me or anyone else. But the razor on my wrist – I was sure that that was there.
"Everything's going to be fine."
"Nat, you're perfect."
"Promise me, that you'll never do this again?"
His brown eyes meet the blue in mine, and I answer,
"I won't, I promise."
This was basically me venting through Natalie - sometimes putting the words into terms of someone else, makes it less scary to say them in terms of myself. I realized how much my relationship with someone (some people too) parallels a lot to Natalie and Henry, and...here we go. I hope you're all well, and liked it at least a teensy, tiny bit. Thank you for reading, and to my Henry, who will never read this. Hopefully. If I ever found my Henry in this situation reading N2N fanfiction...well, we'd have a big problem.