He was young. He had raven hair, with a huge smile always plastered on his handsome face. Now I long to see his smile. I long for him to be near me; for no one else understood me as he did. I loved him; I still love him, like no other man. I loved him more than anyone else in the world. I never told him how I feel and now I will never be able to. I do my kingly duties as before but with less enthusiasm now he's not by my side. I lie around waiting for him to return even though I know he never will. My memories serve me no good as all the time we spent together comes rushing back into my head…
"Merlin you really need to stop getting yourself locked up in the stocks. Do you really want to smell like rotten food for the rest of your life?" I was over exaggerating but it really did smell bad. I teased him while helping him remove the bits of vegetables lodged in his unruly hair. He was smiling then laughing. 'What a wonderful laugh he has,' I think to myself. Soon I'm confused as to why he's laughing, so I ask him.
"I'm laughing because you're helping me get food out of my hair. Which is the oddest thing, considering I'm your servant, sire," he chuckled.
"That doesn't matter. You shouldn't have been put in the stocks in the first place. No servant of mine should have to do anything without my consent." Concern laced my words as I continued to stroke my fingers through Merlin's hair.
"There's no need to worry, for I've not been hurt, have I? Please Arthur whatever your father finds best is what should be." I finished washing his hair and went into the closet to find him a shirt.
"Here's one of one of my shirts. You can wear it." I said while tossing it to him. He caught it and started taking off his shirt. I watched him intently as his muscles rippled while taking off his own dirty shirt. I always had depicted Merlin for being more lean than muscular. Apparently I was wrong. He finished and I was still staring at him.
"What?" he asked.
I blinked a few times coming back to reality. "Oh, uh, it's nothing," I looked away blushing and cursing myself for my own stupidity. Then something slipped from my mouth I never thought I was going to say. "Except you are one of the most beautiful people have ever seen." As I turn a darker shade of red than before the room falls into an uncomfortable silence. The light is leaving and soon it becomes dusk. Merlin gets up and starts towards the door.
"If everything is to your liking I would prefer to take my leave, sire," this time he is not mocking with his tone.
"Wait," I say and grab his hand before trapping him between my body and the door. "There is one more thing I would like to do before you depart. But only with your consent." I hear his breath hitch and he says a quiet 'yes' before I lean down. His lips are soft, he opens his mouth giving me access to roam with my tongue. He moans as I deepened the kiss, putting my thigh between his leg and holding his neck with my hand. I break it off, gasping for air. Pulling back I lift my weight off his body and turn around afraid he was going to reject me, after he realized what I did.
Instead what he did surprised me. Grabbing my arm he turned me to face him again and pressed his lips onto mine. The euphoric joy that crossed my entire being was amazing. He pulled away first this time and drew me into a hug.
"Please look at me," Merlin said. I raised my eyes and immediately all the shame of what I just did left me. The deep blue pools that stared kindly into mine showed no anger, but affection.
"I thought you would be angry with me for kissing you. That maybe you didn't want to kiss me. Like I forced you to do it." I was nervously wringing my hands; which I noticed was an extremely queer thing to do.
"I'm not angry with you," Merlin soothed. "If I wanted to get away I would have already."
"How? You're practically half my size. How would you be able to get away from me?" I was highly confused by now and needed an explanation.
"Well I kind of have to show you…" He looked nervous. "But if I do you must promise that you will accept my ability and not report me to your father, please." He was pleading with me. Merlin never pleads with anyone, especially not me. But why would he ask me not to report him? I was curious.
"I promise, Merlin, you will not be reported for whatever you are going to show me. I will accept your ability and keep you safe at all cost." I was sincere with my promise and wanted him to believe it was true.
"Thank you," he said quietly. Then something odd happened; his eyes flashed gold and he raised his hand. "Turn around." I did and couldn't believe what I saw. A glowing light blue/silver ball of light was floating in the middle of the room. I was in awe at his power, knowing that this was the same ball of light that led me out of the cave when I was getting the flower to cure him.
"But how did you know that I was in trouble when I was getting the plant?"
"I didn't somehow my subconscious knew and sent it. Truly I was so far out of it didn't even know that you had even gone until Gaius told me that you saved me."
"I never even realized something this amazing could be. You have probably saved me so many times without my knowing. Thank you, I mean that, Merlin. This… how can I ever repay you for what you've done for me?"
"I don't want anything in return, sire," as he said this there was something loving and kind in his voice. "There is nothing I can ask you for that you would give me willingly."
"What do you mean nothing I would give you willingly? Merlin I would give you anything, I risk my life for you time and time again as you do when you use magic for me. Why would I not give you anything you wanted?"
"Because what I ask is too much for me to even ask you. I don't want you to think that you're obligated to feel the same way about me. That is why I don't ask you to give me what I want, not only because I can't but I am also afraid of rejection. It stings more than you know." The hurt in his eyes was apparent like he had gone through something the same before. Before I knew it I was reaching out to him. I put my hand on the side of his face, caressing his cheek with my thumb. He leaned into my hand subconsciously and closed his eyes.
"Merlin something is bothering you. Please, tell me, I'll understand, you know that. I understand about a lot of things, but you don't tell me." His eyes shot open immediately and pupils dilated. In anger?
"What do you know of rejection Arthur?" my name was spat at me like venom. "How could you know when you are loved your entire life? You're worshipped like a god and no one would defy you or can defy you. I was rejected by my entire village, save my own mother. Then she sent me here to make a better life for myself in no magic or else you die Camelot, which is ruled by an unfair king and his prick of a son, Arthur!" Now I felt it. That sting that makes you want to gasp out loud. I immediately saw the regret in his eyes at what he had just said. "I'm sorry! I really am. I don't know what came over me; my emotions have never been that out of control."
Regret in his eyes and the hate towards someone was so clear but I didn't know which one was more apparent. "Merlin…"
"Please forgive me, I… ever since I was forced out of my village I've had this anger rising up in me that I didn't think would come out so easily. I'm-"
"Merlin! It's fine. You're forgiven, but please tell me what's wrong. You said something about being forced out of your village, tell me about that."
He looked like he was about to cry. "Come here," I said and pulled him into a hug. He buried his head in my neck and cried. He was so vulnerable, I never noticed it before. He's always so strong and cocky that I never noticed the storm raging inside my best friend. I stopped crying a little while later and began to talk of his life.
He talked. He wept. He brought forth all these things I never knew. This caused my heart to feel heavily for him and his sorrows. I care for him even more than before. He trusts me with his entire being and I would protect him with mine.
He stopped talking and we just sat there. I heard his breathing become heavier and his head sunk even further into my neck causing my heart to speed up slightly. I sigh contentedly and pull him onto the bed. After taking off my shoes and shirt I crawled into my bed next to him and fell asleep with my head on his soft, warm chest…
Please comment I don't know if this is a very good idea and I need your opinion. Thanks for reading!