Author's Note: I do not own any character or setting. It all belongs to the awesomeness that is Nintendo and the respective creators. This story is rated T for very mild suggestive themes and references to drug use. The author in no way endorses the use of drugs.
My kids have been watching the Super Mario Bros. Super Show! quite a bit lately and from the episodes we have I have concluded that A) Peach is a hippie feminist (she is the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom and says some pretty outrageous things) and B) Bowser has some interesting fetishes (he likes his feet licked, has a tendency to dress up, and has eight children) C) There is more to the Peach/Bowser background than is ever said (in the episode Do You Princess Toadstool Take this Koopa? Peach agrees to marry Bowser way to easily). This is my version of the madness that ensues when Peach gets kidnapped. If you notice it happens a lot. This is just a fun little piece and not to be taken too seriously, so if I mess something up in the overall Mario storyline, please forgive me. I heartily welcome critiques and pointers on my grammar. Enjoy the story folks!
The Games We Play
By Trixie Falsae
The princess sat lazily on her throne, drumming her fingers on the polished wood. 'Bored,' she thought, 'I am so bored.' A crowd of toads was gathered before her, engaged in a petty argument about a matter she could not bring herself to care about. 'I need is another adventure,' she thought to herself. She ran her hands along the polished gems adorning her throne before rising gracefully. The princess slowly descended the diadem amid the sudden hush of confused toads. She smiled at them. She couldn't help but love them. They were simple folk, loyal and endearing. They were just so sedate. The current squabble over colors for a new painting had been the most exciting thing to happen in months and the next sports tournament was still a long time off. She smiled out at her people, eliciting grins from the gathered retainers. She was so desperate to escape her boredom she had sent a letter to Mario asking for his company. Mario would come as he always did. It also meant he would come.
"Princess?" Toad spoke questioningly as he gazed up at his princess's absentminded countenance. She smiled down at her close friend.
"I think I would like to go for a stroll," the princess spoke softly. "It is such a lovely day." The toads agreed, and the fight over paint was forgotten. 'Sedate,' the princess thought to herself again. The princess heaved a small sigh and started down the posh runner towards the door. She never made it.
The rumble of collapsing masonry echoed through the marble hall. Toads ran in terror as koopa troopas raced into the throne room. Once the troopas had thoroughly terrorized the fleeing toads, the monstrous form of King Koopa appeared over the pile of rubble. His gravely laugh filled the ruined hall as he lowered his newest invention which was responsible for the current damage. A small group of unlucky toads cowered in the corner as they watched their wailing princess carried out of her palace by the menacing King Koopa. They did not, however, see the sardonic grin their princess flashed her adversary before she began her cries for help.
"Is your castle much farther?" the princess complained from her perch on the back of King Koopa's motorcycle. "I'm getting tired and the seat isn't too comfortable." Bowser swerved purposely to hit a bump which made the princess squeak and tighten her grip. Bowser laughed at her reaction. The entire koopa army trailing him swerved likewise and began to topple over the bump.
"Not too much longer Peach," he replied in response to her ineffective punch to his hard back. "Do you need to stop and rest for a bit?"
"No," Peach replied. "I just want to get there."
"I've never seen you so eager to get to my castle," Bowser teased as he sped up his motorcycle to shorten the journey. The landscape grew hotter as they approached the lands Bowser controlled. The princess was fairly flushed by the time Bowser stopped his bike in front of his castle. "Home sweet home," he smirked as he extended his claw to help the princess off the motorcycle. She gracefully floated to the ground.
"Too hot," she complained looking around at the familiar castle. Lava was nowhere to be seen from her vantage point but she still felt the effects of the nearby source.
"You say that every time," Bowser retorted. "It isn't my fault I am stuck in the underground. I've tried to take better real estate but someone seems to take issue with that."
"Firstly," Peach countered with her hands on her hips, "not everyplace in the underground is as awful as here. I happen to know several underground kingdoms that are quite pleasant…"
"Such as..?" Bowser interrupted.
"The Goblin Kingdom," Princess Toadstool shot back without missing a beat. "Secondly, I am not one to hand over my kingdom. I am quite adept at ruling myself."
"They are kingdoms, not princessdoms, Peach." Bowser reminded her, enjoying the princess' growing ire. "They are the supposed to be run by a king, and I just so happen to be a king."
"I've been running my own kingdom for quite some time now, it doesn't need a king," Peach countered defensively.
"You are ruling through a loophole," Bowser reminded her. "Your father died without any male heir so you rule in his stead until a male replacement can be found. It just so happens there are no males with any claim to your throne so you are quite secure in your position." Peach glared at King Koopa, knowing full well he was right.
"It isn't fair!" the princess insisted.
"I never said it was fair, princess," Bowser said with a hint of sympathy. "Those are just the rules." He ushered her inside and Peach navigated the hallways with practiced ease.
"Wendy rules her own land," Peach added sulkily as she walked beside Bowser.
"Technically her land is an extension of my own," Bowser explained. "She is more like a governor. All my kids are. I just don't interfere; they can take care of things on their own." Bowser added with obvious pride in his voice.
"Are all of your kids ruling their own land now?" Peach asked as they neared their destination.
"Bowser, Jr. is still here. I'm going to appoint him my successor so he stays here and learns all the aspects of being king," King Koopa said with a shrug. He opened the door the room Peach always stayed in. He gave her a bow and let her pass into the room. "I'll have dinner ready in half and hour, then I'll let you come back and sleep. You've had a long day."
"Thank you," Peach replied and shut the door with more force than necessary. She walked into the room, sighed and began stripping off her gloves. The room was comfortably furnished. Bowser had made every effort to make the room pleasing to her, even constructing a crude air conditioner to lower the temperature. Even with these measures the room was still significantly warmer than she was used to. Peach kicked off her pumps and selected an airy cotton dress from the wardrobe. She smiled at the dye job. It resembled her usual garb in color, but was lacking in refinement and sophistication. She discarded her heavy dress along with the multitude of undergarments that were redundant in the current environment. Peach slipped on the light gown and twirled in front of the mirror. The dress made her look more free spirited and carefree than her formal gown. Peach decided her crown didn't match the cotton dress so she placed it on the vanity. She twisted her hair into a knot to get it off her neck and placed some jeweled combs to add a regal touch.
'He really does try to make me comfortable,' Peach thought as she straightened her appearance, wiping the perspiration gathering at her hairline and slipping into sandals to protect her delicate feet from the hot stone floor. She answered the knock at the door and followed her captor to the dining hall.
"Mama!" the joyous cry was heard as soon as she stepped into the stone hall. Peach couldn't help but break into a grin at the enthusiasm of Bowser's youngest child. "Are you staying this time?" Peach looked down at the youngster. He had grown considerably since the last time she had seen him and was almost shoulder height.
"Just until I'm rescued again," Peach replied sympathetically to his disappointed countenance. Bowser, Jr. gave her a half hearted smile but sulked quietly through the rest of dinner.
"Why not stay this time?" Bowser probed as the light meal was served. The juicy fruit was tantalizing to Peach and she chewed on a bite slowly before answering.
"Too hot," she replied cautiously before taking a long swig of water. Bowser stared at her from his seat. "What?" Peach demanded. "You kidnap me, Mario comes and rescues me. How long have we been playing this game?"
"Too long," King Koopa replied in his gravely voice. "I liked it better before he was in the picture."
"You know I had no control over that," Princess Toadstool explained apologetically. "Sometimes people from that world slip over into our world and changes the rules and we have to follow them."
"You don't have to encourage him as much as you do," Bowser accused.
"He is a sweet man," Peach returned. "Mario entertains me. He decided I was a damsel in distress and I play the part."
"You do more than 'play the part'," Bowser snapped. "Every time he comes you act like a completely different person."
"You're just jealous," Peach retorted acidly.
"I would have had you long ago if it wasn't for him," Bowser grumbled.
"I'm not going to hate him because you do," Peach chided. "He has been nothing but kind to me. Mario keeps me from getting too bored."
"We all know what happens when you get too bored," Bowser sneered as Peach shot him a dirty look. "I actually came for you this time because I figured you were getting restless."
"The fact I had just sent a letter inviting Mario didn't have anything to do with the timing?" Peach asked over arched eyebrows. Bowser shrugged.
"I like cake," he replied simply.
"You know," Peach said humorously, "If you want me to come you could just ask."
"I tried doing that before and you were always too busy or had some excuse," Bowser pouted.
"When I first inherited the Mushroom Kingdom I was too busy!" the princess cried defensively.
"You also were really stressed and your bad habits start when you are stressed as well as bored," Bowser reminded her darkly. "I had to drag you out of there kicking and screaming before you did something stupid in front of your subjects. We've been playing this game ever since."
"I'm not the only one who used to have bad habits," Peach muttered. "You're making a fuss over nothing." Bowser sighed and pushed his plate away, having finished his meal.
"I outgrew those habits long ago, princess," Bowser countered. "I also never depended on them like you did."
"You never out grew them," Peach countered. "You merely changed them."
"What do you mean?" Bowser asked with amusement.
"You don't have eight children without liking something a little too much," Peach accused.
"I love women," he admitted, shooting Peach a lewd grin. Peach blushed furiously and Bowser laughed deeply.
"I'm done, Dad, may I be excused?" Bowser, Jr. piped up from his seat. Bowser controlled his outburst and gave a twinkling smile to Peach before turning to his youngest child.
"Go ahead," he said. His son hopped down from his seat and approached Princess Toadstool.
"Do you want to go play a game, Mama?" Bowser, Jr. asked the princess.
"She's had a long day," Bowser interrupted. "Let her rest this evening."
"No, I'm fine," Peach directed at the youngster. "I'll come play a game with you."
"Bowser Ball?" Bowser, Jr. asked hopefully.
"How about something a little less energetic?" Peach suggested.
"Try an indoor game, son," Bowser chuckled. Bowser, Jr. thought for a moment before dragging Peach off to play a strategy game in the parlor. Bowser followed them into the room and sat drawing new machinery at a small desk as he watched the two play. Bowser, Jr. was quite good at the game, but Peach was still out maneuvering him despite being her first time playing. Peach was not a dumb princess. In fact, she was hardly like any of the other princesses he had known. She could be uppity and prim but she was also clever and fiercely independent. She loved to dress nice and had a huge girly streak, but she had no problems getting down and dirty when the occasion called for it. Outside of her love of fashion she didn't bother with her appearance too much. She ate what she pleased and Bowser viewed with satisfaction the curves it had created on her body.
"What are you working on?" Peach asked with interest, peeking over Bowser's shoulder. He had lost himself in his blueprints and hadn't noticed the game had ended.
"A new tank," Bowser explained, turning the paper so Peach could see the design. She surveyed the page for a few minuets.
"This is going to cause so much damage," Peach stated matter-of-factly. Bowser grinned.
"I know, it's great," he grinned. Peach returned the smile.
"The toads built a new town hall in Pastaland," Peach smirked. "It is absolutely hideous. Let me know when this is done and I can hold a dedication ceremony or something."
"Sounds like a date," Bowser winked.
"Though I would prefer it if you would at least leave my castle alone. I was quite fond of it the way it was."
"You were the one telling me you were planning on remodeling the throne room."
"I was thinking about it, but now I really do have to remodel it. The toads will probably have it finished in who knows what manner by the time I get back now."
"Your little toadies give you so many problems," Bowser replied sarcastically. Peach rolled her eyes at his remark. "Hey, you've seen the damage the troopas can do, let alone the rest of the people under my rule."
"As I recall you chose to rule these people. You didn't just inherit the Koopa Kingdom, you conquered it," Peach retorted. She was right. Bowser wasn't born into royalty. He was barely an adult when he decided to conquer the Koopa Kingdom. He had poor odds but was extremely resourceful and had quickly established himself the new ruler and proved effective at maintaining the creatures of his kingdom. It wasn't his fault they had a propensity towards mischief but no sense at all. The kingdom was actually causing less trouble for the surrounding kingdoms since Bowser took it over. Except for the kingdoms he conquered. He had both the knack and the thirst for conquest.
Peach and Bowser grinned at each for a moment before Peach had to stifle a yawn. "You've had a long day, go to bed" Bowser commanded. Peach nodded her head sleepily.
"I'll see you in the morning. Good night, Bowser," Peach yawned.
"Good night, my Peach."
"Good night, Bowser, Jr." she said to the Koopa heir.