Um... I actually don't have any explanation for this one... other than Crack!fic... And that it's Fern's fault. If you hate it, you know who to blame.

Oh and we don't own Merlin... Just you were wondering for some strange reason.


Merlin glowered as he picked himself off the floor. That was the final straw. This would never happen again. Not if Merlin had anything to say about it. He quickly formulated a plan.

Smiling to himself, he immediately ran to get everything he needed. Merlin would implement the plan now.

And no one would stop him.

Arthur Pendragon was lost in thought about something. He forgot whatever it was right after he sounded a corner. What he saw made him stop and stare in shock.

"Merlin! What are you doing!" Arthur yelped in horror.

"Fixing things," Merlin said determinedly as he picked a slender piece of wood.

"Fixing!" Arthur's voice cracked. He stared down at the warlock who was now holding the stick against the wall. "What you're doing is illegal!"

Merlin's eyes flashed gold. He let go of crude wooden rod that was now stuck to the wall.

"What's illegal?" Merlin asked absently. "Attaching wood to the castle?"

Arthur sputtered. His servant had taken leave of his senses. "No, but that's probably illegal too—"

"Then I don't see what the problem is. Do you know how many times I've fallen down these stairs?"

Arthur's jaw dropped. "But you can't—"

"Yes I can!" Merlin shouted fanatically. "With all the stupid things you make me carry up and down these blasted stairs—I have to! Or they'll be the death of me. Remember those thugs that were posing as your friends? And their stupid trunk! I thought I was going to die when I had to haul it up these stairs."

"Merlin," Arthur said weakly, "why would I remember anyone's luggage? Just stop defacing the castle."

"I'm not defacing anything," Merlin defended, "I'm making it so that you would have to fall as theatrically as Morgana to get hurt here."

"Merlin, be reasonable. Stop."

"No." The warlock attached another stick to the wall.

"That's it, Merlin. You're under arrest!"

What'd you think? Please review and tell us!

Just in case you're confused: No, I don't hate this AT ALL. I wouldn't have put this up if I did. I was just... a little worried for Fern's sanity when she presented the idea to me. I wondered if she had finally gotten a concussion from her klutzy-ness. Notice there's never anything about me in our notes? It's always little stories about Fern. Lets see here, Zab. You're sane and you do most of the talking. We can talk about when you almost put up the wrong chapter once. Or I can make up a ridiculous story that no one would ever believe. It was tired and I was late. And no, I'm fine, thanks.

Anyway. Please, oh, please review.