Title: Scratch Paper

Summary: Thirteen, perhaps, in not really that unlucky. AU, mangaverse Shinji/Takako

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Rating: T (for language as always)


One sunny Algebra discussion, Shuuya Nanahara decided to get bored.

Shinji Mimura was about to doze off himself, if not for the nudge from his seatmate. The player only glanced at him slightly, and Shuuya passed him a paper.

The Universal Ultimate Uber Love Test, it read.

Shinji snorted silently in his chair.

This test is a product of boredom and is also a for-surely-failed attempt at matchmaking skills of boy genius and hottie extraordinaire Shuuya Nanahara.

Shinji rolled his eyes and read on.

By the number of correct answers, your compatibility will be measured. Aim high, shoot high and the prize is yours—she would agree to go out with you (!).

You wish.

He laughed a little and proceeded.

The test is easy for a genius i.e. Shinji Mimura. (I can hear your head expanding from here.) It only consists of thirteen questions and that is strictly not coincidental. At all. Hints are even thrown to aid in answering this test. Are you ready, (insert name here)?

Shinji decided it could help pass the time. Without thinking twice, he wrote his name, Shinji Mimura, on the blank with a kiss mark beside it. He chuckled silently.

01. Of the Class B girls, with conviction and adamant belief, who is the prettiest?

a. Girl seated beside Hiroki Sugimura on his right

b. Girl seated beside the door's left

c. Girl in between Hiroki and the door

d. Girl you are most likely thinking about during cold and lonely nights

Shinji looked at where Hiroki was seated and looked back at the choices. He also looked back at Shuuya who just flashed him a grin.

The player encircled letter D. And then he wrote in a messy scribble:

why the fuck are they even called choices if they're all the fucking same?

Shinji continued reading.

02. You don't have the right to tell me what to do, (insert name here—and Shinji put his name). The next question would be, the initials of this girl is:

a. T. C.

b. G. # 13

c. HS's BF (Hint: Hiroki Sugimura's Best Friend)

d. CCCRH (Hint: Cross Country's Current Record Holder)

e. Others (BG, SH, PGATSTA are also valid; see legend for meanings), please specify:

BG – Baby Girl

SH – Sweet Heart

PGATSTA – Prettiest Girl According To Shinji's Taste Anyway

Shinji encircled the letter a…and then he also encircled letter e; beside it he wrote the letters, W, T and F.

Later, Shuuya would put a star beside the number because he interpreted it as Want To Fuck.

03. Was that number hard? The test gets more challenging from here; we go into a little math. Universal Fact: Shinji Mimura likes Girl No?

Hint: (1+2+3+4+…3) = ?

Shinji was no longer able to cast away the smile that had been threatening to escape his lips ever since the first question. He didn't even do the math; he just answered 13.

04. I knew you answered that with your eyes closed. Keep it shut and answer this question; what is the color of the highlights of her hair?

a. Orange

b. Mix red and yellow

c. A color which is also a pulpy round fruit

d. Is it a type of monkey minus the –utan + e?

The Third Man mused that it had been only four questions but he could not stop laughing anymore. For the very few occasions, this is actually one of the reasons why it was such a good thing to be friends with one Shuuya Nanahara. He encircled a… and b, and c and d.

He glanced at his best friend who was pretending to do some notes. He snorted.

"Anything wrong, Mimura?" the teacher asked.

"None, sir," answered Shinji, slouching on his chair. Takako was looking at him, he noticed, and he sent a grin her way. She only rolled her eyes.

05. Trying to flirt again I see? Theoretically speaking, you send a smile her way. What would this girl do?

a. Roll her eyes

b. Roll her eyes

c. Roll her eyes

d. All of the above

Shinji hastily encircled d, and looked at Shuuya dumbfounded. How the hell did he know that? Shinji proceeded to read on the little note beside the previous question: That's what always happens.

As an answer, he drew a fist with the middle finger stuck up beside the little note.

06. Let's get a little deeper in here (take your mind off the gutter). Say you ask this girl out and she says yes, but she totally doesn't give you a clue what she wants to do. Where would you take her and why?

a. In the movies where it's dark so that you can fuck

b. In a love hotel where it's dark and cozy so you can fuck

c. In a bar where it's dark and cozy and you can make her drunk so you can fuck

d. Hiroki Sugimura says she would love to go paintballing or wallclimbing in the weekends

This question was sure no brainer for Shinji. He encircled the letter d, although he hesitated at the other obviously pleasing choices—then again, he just opted for option d. Beside it, he scribbled: Thanks.

07. No problem. I did tell you this might give you a date. Going further up the clouds in here, she finally agrees to be your girl. But she knows you're a commitment phobe. What can you do to assure her that you're not here to waste your time? (Oh I see this is a serious question)

The question took Shinji by surprise. That much was true—he was not really into the whole committed relationship thingy. Hell he was young and if he could have all the girls that he wanted, then why the hell not. He caught a glimpse of Takako listening intently at the lesson. He would not know if this question would ever come to life but he kind of had a hunch that this was what he would do if it ever did:

Someone's going to meet Uncle Hajime in his grave.

That sounds creepily, with all pun intended, right.

08. Are you still alive or have you gone to limbo now? We take a break question here. Do you think Yukie is more than a good girl for me?

Note: Answer yes, and you just might get your date (don't ask me how), answer no and we're over.

Shinji answered with confidence.

Sorry Shu, don't swing that way.

09. Oops, the we're over part—fuck it, I really don't mean it that way, you asshole. I just don't want to erase it and make a mess out of this very brilliant quiz. But answer the question now!

Shinji answered, yes.

And he added a little afterthought of, Question is, are you of more than a good boy for her? and some...

OOOOH FUCKING BURN YOU NANAHARA WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS

10. Right, I'm done stalling. 3 more questions to go after this. Will you kiss her if you ever get the chance? (Hint: A little bird by the name Hiroki Sugimura told me she doesn't do kisses on the first date)

a. Yes (explain)

b. No (explain)

c. Others (explain)

Now this question, Shinji only shook his head. He encircled option c.

I'll ask her if I could kiss her.

She says no, I will make her change her mind

11. What is her most attractive feature?

a. Her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining

b. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying

c. Her lips, her lips you could kiss them all day if she'd let you

d. Her laugh, her laugh that she hates but you think it's so sexy

e. All of the above

Shinji wouldn't admit it, ever, even at gunpoint but he sang through the choices and thought that it might be just a teeny weeny bit right for her. Oh fucking fine, maybe—he encircled e.

12. This is an essay question. Answer this as honestly as you can. Don't make a novel though.

Question: Why her?

He started scribbling, she is amazing—no, no, that sounded vague. She kicks ass most girls could never do. Honestly that was a good thing but he wasn't sure if that sounded right. She is pretty, sexy, brilliant, fierce—well, that was a plausible string of adjectives but Shinji nevertheless still crossed them out. She's a nice girl. But only Uncle Hajime would understand what that truly meant.

Suddenly he heard the sound of the bell, signaling the end of the period. And he still had one question. (Oh look at him getting fuzzed over a stupid—brilliant quiz like his future depended on it. On second thought, maybe it really did).

Why not?

13. Hello again, (insert name here—and Shinji wrote his name AGAIN). You're officially done for this quiz. This question is to be answered by (insert name here—you girl who are reading this). Hello (insert name of girl AGAIN), the question for you based on this compatibility matchmaking assessment test is;

Will you go out with (insert name of boy here, for the last time—and Shinji wrote his name for the last time) on a date?

a. Yes

b. No

c. Others _

Shinji Mimura passed his paper to quizmaster Shuuya Nanahara to which he read the answers excitedly. The two good friends went over the exam made of boredom and they mocked and laughed at each other and their antics. No one in class got it, but they weren't bothered anyway.

When Shuuya reached the ninth question, he started tackling his best friend on the floor. Hiroki came over and laughed at their combined stupidity—which was a very grave case of stupid—and asked them to pack their bags and go to practice.

All was well.

Except that they left The Ultimate Universal Uber Love-Test on the floor and Takako Chigusa was head cleaner.

EPILOGUE

"Oh my God, so Mimura likes you?" chirped Sakura, another cleaner of the day, rather amusedly. She was going over the questions AND the answers of the forgotten love test on the floor, the creators of said test unaware of the traces they left behind.

In the background, Yukie Utsumi was prancing and chanting, Shuuya likes me, Shuuya likes me, Shuuya likes me.

"Shut it, Ogawa," retorted Takako who took the paper, obviously annoyed.

"He's not that bad Chigusa and you know it, but this?" Chisato Matsui took the paper from Takako's hands. "This reeks of stupid."

Takako grinned. "Really?"

Chisato continued, "I mean, he's freaking rockstar Shinji Mimura. He wouldn't do something as overly childish and stupid as this. Maybe this is a joke—maybe Nanahara was the one who made them all by himself—"

"Maybe you're just jealous," answered Takako with a deadpan expression on her face.

Chisato stuck her middle finger and walked off. Takako did not care; she never liked the girl anyway.

When all the other cleaners left, Takako was in charge of taking the bin to the garbage warehouse. The forgotten paper was on the floor. By natural law, scratch papers left unattended especially on the floor go directly to the bin. But Takako debated for a while. Curiosity finally getting to her, with some cautious glance, she finally took a peek and read.

On her way home, she made sure to drop by Shinji Mimura's locker to return the quiz to him. She felt that it would be sad to just throw away their stupid without them knowing. She also could have done it for preservation purposes—the amount of stupidity in that paper was as rare as Halley's Comet.

13. Hello again, Shinji. You're officially done for this quiz. This question is to be answered by Takako. Hello Takako the question for you based on this compatibility matchmaking assessment test is;

Will you go out with Shinji on a date?

a. Yes

b. No

c. Others Try asking in person. (Hint: Tomorrow I have practice at 5.)

End.

A/N: It's silly. I was feeling silly. No judging. I hope you enjoyed my silliness though, I feel like I was drunk when I wrote this or something. Thank you!