Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Of the Fall

Author's note: This is a companion-piece to 'Of the Sacrifice' by Knightfall1138 - published right next to this one. It's a series of first-person shorts, in the voices of Revan's party-members. After years of missing KotOR, we decided to write ourselves a 'eulogy' for our beloved Darth Revan. ;)


We fell together, she and I. Shared an escape pod, I mean.

Revan. It never seems... right to call her that. She's so much more than that, that image we had of the Jedi Knight, or the traitor. I hope you'll forgive a little poetic licence at a time like this. She wasn't 'Revan' to me, when we first met, not at any level. She was a raw recruit, but with a remarkable facility for languages and a looted prototype vibroblade hanging next to her blaster. She was something special. Bastila, the uh... Commander, that is, said something pretty appropriate on that mission, before we reached Taris. Before it all went to hell. The brightest stars burn out fastest. There might be a lot of truth to that, if you... damn it.

I, uh... I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, here. I just want to talk about her. So here goes.

She was nothing but an unconscious soldier to me until the moment she opened her eyes. I was angry, hell I was... we lost a lot of good people on the Endar Spire. I was damn sure not satisfied with her as my only survivor. I got her to an old apartment in a rough part of Taris' upper city, and she laid there. She never seemed comfortable being still. She had to be moving, protesting, fighting against the bedsheets. She was... cute... I, uh, I don't mean like that. It was comforting.

Funny thing is I had my suspiscions about her all along. When she was a soldier saving my neck every five minutes and doing great acts of charity right in front of me, I didn't care for her. Couldn't trust that. Maybe I was right all along. She had this shifty way of looking around when she spoke. Like she was hiding something from me, from herself. Everyone. And when she was Darth Revan... I loved her. I, I loved her. Truly. Even all those... years back, in the... huh.

I suppose you always have good memories of your first meeting with someone you come to care for, even if it was on Taris. The memory of that apartment just seems so clear to me. I'll honestly never forget... well, I've said that before, and forgotten. I don't... think I'll forget that room. The window was dusty, greasy, thick. The walls were bare, no colour anywhere yet. We were high up.

There was ah... a feeling in there. Stuffy, but good. That window didn't ever open, you know, but if it did it wouldn't have let in anything but speeder exhaust fumes. I just think of grey all around us. But it was a safe haven, there was silence in there. Huh. Except when she was asking her questions. 'What's this? What do you know about that? Why do you say that? I should go.' She asked me so many questions on Taris. I wasn't ready for that! It had been a long time since I'd met a woman like her.

So, before she'd rubbed the sleep from her eyes I'd given her a lowdown on Taris, the Sith, Bastila herself... before we left the building we'd interrogated the janitor and gotten ourselves a solid field-briefing on energy shields.

It probably sounds... ridiculous, but my strongest memory is of her calling me a 'hairless Wookiee' after I tried flirting with her. It was the first time I'd laughed in a long time. She was beautiful, and I was just so drawn to her strength. Not her strength. Her... drive. She didn't necessarily make the right call every time. I'm talking about Taris here. She didn't always make the right call. But she made them. Call, after call, after call. With that shifty look, taking her time every time she spoke, before she comitted herself. Every time we stopped walking, she'd change somebody's life... or end it. That's what got me interested, as well as made me suspiscious. She just kept pushing things along like she was the best intelligence operative in the fleet. Like a Jedi, maybe, but not exactly. I never thought 'Jedi' when I was trying to figure her out.

Later that day, of course, we found a real Wookiee: rescued Zaalbar from Gamorrean slavers. Immediately she just started talking to him, in some kind of phonetic human trade variation of Shyriiwook. He was almost as impressed as I was, pledged a Wookiee life-debt right there. I can understand why he did.

I didn't do much of any great importance on this mission for the Star Forge, but I was right there at her side from the start. I like to believe we were in it together. I know Jedi operate in pairs, and I kinda like that aspect of their work.

She and I fell from the Spire together and, for whatever reason, we stayed that way.

'Til she left us.