It's been a long,
a long time coming,
But I know, I know,
A change's gonna' come
Change had come.
She should feel victorious. It's what she's wanted, what they've all wanted-
"The last Circle has fallen."
-but not like this.
Yes, change had come. They'd forced it to.
And some days- like today- when that victory finds her waking with a scream, covered in sweat that feels too much like blood- like holy blood- that she can't help believe that forcing the change had damned them all.
But he's beside her in seconds, holding her, rocking her back and forth, burying her head in his chest. She can feel the tentative tendrils of his healing magic caressing her body, touching, probing, but unable to find the source of the wound. It's an unconscious thing, she knows and lately when he holds her it gets stronger. Now, mere proximity sends a cool rush of mana her way.
But for all his healing powers, he can't fix her and it's killing him. This, she knows, troubles him far more than any guilt he might have felt for the people he'd murdered- a disturbing thought that only makes things worse.
Did the means justify the ends? He certainly believed so, even in the beginning. As the Circles of Thedas came crashing down, it was hard not to believe.
It would be easier to hate him if he'd been wrong. If his actions hadn't lit a fire that was long since overdue.
But it had.
And she can't bring herself to hate him for what he's done.
So instead, she hates herself for what she didn't.