A/N: Yes, I wrote another one of these. But since Dan is only in a few scenes, I hope you can forgive me. It's Chuck's POV, so it's obviously a CB fic.
Summary: He hated when she got this way. When in her inebriated state she understood how truly helpless he was against her merciless seduction. How much he loved her.
Disclaimer: Inspired by events of LOST's episode 1x13 "Hearts and Minds." Should definitely check it out. It's awesome. Thanks to comewhatmay.x who beta-ed this super fast to my impatience. And thanks a lot to The Very Lasy Valkyrie who encouraged me to post.
His fingers tightened, wrapping around the ornate glass of scotch as it cut into his palm. He knew exactly how he looked. Because it wasn't the only time he had seen someone in her presence that didn't deserve to be there.
This wasn't the first time his light brown eyes darkened with all-consuming jealousy.
"Stay away from her."
He didn't know if it sounded pleading, or as he truly intended it.
But either way, Dan Humphrey didn't seem to care.
"You're really going to tell me what to do?"
"You're really going to pretend you understand any of this?" Chuck asked in reply.
"You weren't there for her," Dan said. "I was. That's what this is."
"No," Chuck laughed harshly. "I mean you don't understand her."
"She's smart and she's special," Chuck said. "I knew that before you. Before anyone. And that is something you can never understand."
"It's interesting," Dan said, "that you seem to have all of these advantages over me, and yet I'm not the one she's ignoring."
"I owe you a lot of pain, you know," Chuck promised.
"She doesn't belong to you."
"Parts of her do," Chuck answered. Dan recoiled but they both knew he didn't mean it that way. The truth was there were parts of Blair that were so dark and undiscovered that only Chuck could understand. "And I was talking about my father."
"I buried that story."
"There are some things that can never be healed," Chuck answered. "And Blair understands that."
"You just can't stand the fact that she wants me more than that."
"If only it were that simple."
The truth was that Chuck couldn't stand the way that she made him feel. She could manipulate his emotions so easily with whatever she did.
And she didn't even have to try.
Chuck gasped, sitting up in bed. It hadn't been the first time he had woken from a nightmare, a hip flask on his bedside table. It wasn't the first time he had dreamed of being Blair Waldorf's destruction.
But this time he didn't dream in film noir, nor did the shrill screams of a violated and fragile girl ring in his ears.
This time all he dreamed of were wide, staring, and blank eyes.
This time it wasn't that she had been carried away, never to be found again. This time his nightmare was that he did find her.
It was just too late.
"Let's leave together."
Her eyes were wide and disbelieving, but despite that, he could only be relieved that they weren't filled with death like he dreamed of every night.
"Don't delude yourself into thinking you matter."
Her voice was cold, but it was a small relief that her outer borough lover hadn't turned her into something that she wasn't.
"I want to make things better."
"That's the problem," she said. "You always want to make things better. You never want to stop yourself from making the mistakes in the first place."
"I never make the same mistake twice," he said.
"There will always be a surplus of mistakes you can make," she answered. "You're never going to run out."
"I'll never stop loving you."
But it still wasn't enough.
"She doesn't want to go anywhere with you."
"I didn't think anyone invited you into this conversation," Chuck snapped at the interloper.
But Dan's fist came out of nowhere and he was finally vindicated. Because Blair was screaming and Chuck's back hit the floor as his nose began to spurt blood.
She pleaded for Dan to get off of him.
But Chuck was still getting hit in the face.
"Get off of him!"
And it still hurt.
"I don't understand you."
The last thing Chuck wanted was the vile filth that had wormed its way into his world, only to take the one thing he ever truly cared about.
"Why do you do it?"
It was for naught because Dan Humphrey wasn't going anywhere.
"Are you seriously asking me this?"
"Don't you get bored of making it up to her all the time?"
"You really don't get it," Chuck sneered.
"She's not," Chuck snapped, "just anything. You're the one who doesn't understand. How I love her. The way you've never loved anything in your life."
"You don't have a soul," Dan said bluntly.
"I may not have a soul," Chuck said. "But that doesn't mean that I don't love her with everything I do have."
"So why bother with me?" Dan asked. "Or any of the rest of them?"
"She left you," Chuck realized, "didn't she?"
"I guess we weren't really together to begin with," Dan said. "But she's not with you either. So why do you bother?"
"Because none of it is worth it without her."
"And her suitors?" Dan asked. "All of them? Why don't you just bribe them? Pay them to leave."
"Is that what you would do?"
"That's what I figured you would do," Dan said.
"That's cheating," Chuck said. "All I've ever done is for her. I would never do it under false pretenses. When she's with me again, I want it to be because she knows how much we belong together."
Standing with her shoes in her hand at his door, he wanted to tell her to get out too. But holding an icepack to his face, he let her brush past him anyway.
He could never deny her anything she wanted. Unless it meant being without him.
"I knew you'd come for me," she said breathily.
"Trying to make me jealous?" he asked callously. "That's a little high school, don't you think?"
"Whether I was with someone else or not, I knew you'd come."
"You're drunk," Chuck said, not having to smell the gin on her breath to feel her intoxication. He just had to look at her once to know.
It had always been that way.
"You always come for me," she taunted. "Sooner or later."
"Stop it," Chuck said, grabbing her wrists. He hated when she got this way. When in her inebriated state she understood how truly helpless he was against her merciless seduction.
How much he loved her.
"You're a coward," she accused. "And you're pathetic. Letting yourself become weak for some woman. Letting me believe you've forgotten about me."
"Shut up," he snapped, crushing her bones beneath his grasp.
She didn't even flinch.
"You're desperate," she said coldly. "And you're not even the shell of the man I was in love with. You're not even worth it."
"Stop!" he yelled, hating the pain ripping through him.
"There it is," she laughed. She made him feel more himself than he ever had and it was intoxicating. But he had to hate her for it. Hate her as much as he loved her.
The way he always had.
"You're still so in love with me," she laughed again.
"And you're still such a self-centered bitch," Chuck snapped coldly.
But she was smiling at him in that way she hadn't in the longest time.
"I've missed that person," Blair whispered, stroking his face. "That strong person who isn't so easily manipulated."
He shoved her away. He hated her. He had always hated her.
"You love me."
"You're doing this to punish me."
"Yes," she answered.
He let her kiss him anyway. He let her peel away his clothes as he laid her down on his bed because at least for tonight, he could have her. But her kisses were painful and her love made him ache because he knew what this was.
He knew the next morning she would be gone.
He knew that they were both doomed.
"When she's with me again, I want it to be because she knows how much we belong together."