Summary: AU. Sam is struggling to cope with his anger, and his girlfriend is on the receiving end most of the time. Soon, Sam starts to get violent, and when his lover turns to his older brother, it gets even worse. Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters. I only own my Lily Nolan.

A/N: Okay, my first Sam/OC and it's an abusive!Sam fic. I feel kinda bad, but I think Sam would be the type to have anger management issues, so here we are.

Hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll put warnings up if there's going to be any violence or abuse in a chapter.


Because Of You, I Am Afraid


Lily Nolan finished her third assignment of the term, sighing with relief and turning off her laptop. She brushed a hand through her dark brown curls, her hazel eyes blinking tiredly as she rubbed them, taking a quick sip of coffee. Sam stormed into the apartment, throwing his bag onto the couch and growling, shocking Lily so much she almost dropped her laptop. He was having a mood again. He almost always had them, and Lily was constantly on the receiving end of it, which made her sad, considering the fact that Sam promised her he loved her, and people who love someone don't speak to them or treat them the way Sam did her. They were graduating this year and hoping to get married not long after.


"Bad day." Sam replied, Lily getting the message and leaving him to calm himself down.

Then came the shout.

"Lily? Why haven't you washed my sweater?"

Lily bit her lip and grimaced, realising she'd forgotten it when she did the laundry that morning. God, now she'd get a mouthful, she knew that. But later on, Sam would come and say sorry and they'd probably end up making love. Same as usual.

"Sorry." She replied, Sam coming out of the room with his sweater in hand.

"'Sorry'? I gotta wear this tomorrow for the fucking football tournament, Lily!" He yelled, throwing the sweater on the floor, "Thanks a lot!"

With that, he marched into the bathroom, slamming the door as he went, leaving poor Lily standing there feeling so hurt that he'd just spoken to her that way. With a trembling lower lip, she stood and grabbed the sweater, finding her purse and heading down to the laundry room in their building, just to wash his sweater so he had it for the next day.

In the shower, Sam slammed his fist against the wall, muttering to himself about what a stupid fucking bitch Lily was to have forgotten his sweater. He'd asked her to that morning too. How the fuck could she have forgotten it when he'd only told her that morning? But then, the anger began to subside as the hot water cascaded over his body, and the guilt began to creep under his skin and it filled his body, making him remember that he shouldn't have spoken to Lily like that at all. She'd used her day off that week to clean the apartment and she'd just forgotten the sweater by accident that was all. It wasn't like she'd left it out of the wash on purpose.

He climbed out of the shower, looking at his reflection in the bathroom mirror after wiping the steam from it and sighing.

"Get a grip, Sam." He told himself, heading into the living space to find Lily gone.

He spotted a note on the coffee table and he went to read it, sighing as he did.

"Just gone to wash your sweater. Be back soon. Lily. xxxx."

Sam sighed and sat on the couch, running his fingers through his hair and looking to the clock. It was five-thirty and the January sun was beginning to set over Lawrence. Sam had decided against going to Stanford in the end, when he'd been given the opportunity because he loved Lily far too much to let her go, and she couldn't go to Stanford. His family lived here in Lawrence, Kansas, and he decided to stay by them, what with John dealing with cancer and Mary needing her children around her. His friends were all here in Lawrence too, like the Novak brothers, Castiel and Jimmy, their cousins, the Miltons, Anna, Michael, Gabriel and Lucifer, Jo Harvelle and her adopted brother, Ash, their British friends Bella Talbot and her cousin Crowley, and who could forget Chuck Shurley and his girlfriend Becky Rosen.

With another sigh, Sam got up and got a candle out of one of the kitchen counters, finding two plates and two glasses before setting the table and beginning to make dinner. He had an apology to make and some making up to do tonight.

"Sam?" Lily asked as she entered the apartment, "What's all this?"

Sam was just serving the pasta he'd prepared when she came back and she was stunned by the sight of the candle-lit table and Sam stood making dinner. She normally made the dinner since her hours weren't as long on her course as Sam's were. She was studying performing arts and drama was her favourite part. She loved it, even if it meant having to act in front of others and write tons of scripts for the group to use, she still loved it.

"I...I'm sorry," Sam breathed, "For speaking to you the way I did..."

"Sam..." Lily began, Sam cutting her off and taking her hands in his own, putting his now clean sweater on the one of the counters.

"Lily, it's not fair on you. I shouldn't treat you like that, okay? It wasn't like you purposely left that sweater." He breathed, "It was a stupid thing to get so pissed about, but I've had a hard day and it..."

"Just tipped me over the edge." Lily recited in her head.

"Just tipped me over the edge." Sam said, "I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, Sam." The young girl said, kissing her fiancé's lips gently, "I'll go put your sweater away, alright?"

"Thank you for going to get it didn't have to do that." He said softly, Lily just cupping his cheek.

"Shhh," She soothed, "You needed it for tomorrow, and it didn't take long to do."

With that, she smiled softly at him, wiping a tear that slid down his cheek. He always shed a tear when he felt guilty about something he'd done to her. He never wanted to hurt her, but he seemed to manage it every other day. He'd had problems with anger management in all the years that Lily had known him and been with him, but she'd made herself promise to stand by him and help him. Counselling didn't seem to be doing him much good, but it did help a little. The woman who he saw, Pamela Barnes, always taught him good techniques that seemed to calm him pretty quickly, which brought great comfort to Lily.

She headed into the bedroom and put his sweater on the wicker chair that rested near the closet, knowing that it would be the best place for it if he needed it in the morning, since he always put his clothes for the next day on that chair. Lily's always rested on top of the chest of drawers that rested closest to the bed, and sometimes Sam would sneakily swap Lily's underwear for his favourite set, which often made her laugh on a morning.

They really were a cute couple, a sweet, nice and very in love couple. But Sam's anger, and the fact that he took it out on Lily since she was the only one in close enough range to, was putting enormous strain on their relationship. Even once when they'd been sleeping together, Sam had been way too rough, and Lily had cried afterwards because he'd hurt her. There had been times when they'd made love that Lily hadn't been in the mood to, but Sam had to relieve the tension somehow, so she'd just laid there and taken it, faked it and she'd just stared at the wall as he'd climaxed. That was the way it was sometimes. She knew that they'd probably make love that night as a make up kind of thing, and if she was honest, she was in the mood tonight.

"Sam..." Lily breathed, gripping her lover's hair as he kissed his way down her stomach slowly, being as tender as he could, feeling her shiver beneath him.

Their lips met in a tender kiss, Sam moaning into it as he entered Lily's body, his chest brushing against her body which sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through him. Her long legs wound around his waist, his huge hand sliding up to cover her tiny one as he linked their fingers. Lily gripped his hand, squeezing it as they began to move slowly. Because Sam was about seven inches taller than her, his body covered hers and she felt so safe when he held her like he was now. They had to be close when they made love, like they were one another's only lifeline. Sam dipped his head to kiss her, and Lily reciprocated, opening her eyes to meet his as they moved closer to climax. He bent her legs back, beginning to move faster to get there as soon as he could because he just felt like he was going to explode at any moment.

When he came, Lily kissed him deeply, breaking it to throw her head back as her orgasm rushed through her, her breathing coming out in heavy pants as she moved her hips and rode through it, Sam resting on top of her and pressing gentle kisses to her face and neck.

"I love you..." He whispered, Lily smiling and resting her hands gently on his body, rubbing his back before sliding one hand into his hair.

"Love you too."


Hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for reading so far!