Boilerplate Disclaimer: Disney owns the characters from the Kim Possible series. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

My profile gives a fast overview of the Best Enemies universe. NoDrogs created the twins in A Small Possibility, their origin is different in the Best Enemies series.

Out of Court Settlement

The buzzer on her phone caused Shego to look up from the objection filed by opposing counsel. She reminded herself that fifty-percent of lawyers graduated in the bottom half of their class. "Yes?"

"Ms O'Ceallaigh? DA on line three."

"Thanks."

Shego punched the button, "Steve?"

"Sharon, got a minute?"

"For the DA? Always. This about pre-trial on the Linquist case?"

"No. Just found out someone filed a complaint on your family."

"What! What in the hell for?"

"Charge is running an unlicensed daycare center."

"That's bullshit. You know that."

"I'd like to think so. I checked the statute. As I read it I'm not sure what a judge might say."

"Well can you make sure a judge never sees it?"

"Sharon, Sharon," the DA scolded softly, "you know I don't work like that. Besides, my Briana would probably be considered a co-conspirator in the nefarious child care provider ring. If I ignore the complaint it would be all over the news."

"Maybe the judge will lock them all up until they're eighteen and get them out of our hair."

"You need to take it seriously. I'll email the statute to you, probably send an officer out next week. If there's anything legal I can do, just call."


Shego spent twenty minutes looking at the law, then called Kim. After several minutes of talking Kim confessed, "I don't really see the problem. The girls are just there with a couple kids."

"The problem is the number of kids and the fact they aren't all relatives."

"That's just Francis… I guess Briana has Tommy over a lot too."

"Don't stop there Princess, Ron and Bonnie are in Middleton enough that Aaron and Becky probably count–"

"They're not home that often!"

"Statute looks broad enough to cover them. Hell, depending on the judge Hana, Briana, Jessica, and Jason might count against us. I need to count how many days a year Monique and Will stay with us."

"That's ridiculous."

"The Legislature wrote the law broad to protect kids from daycare providers who endanger children."

"That's not us! The older kids just do homework and help Kasy and Sheki with the younger kids."

"I said it depends on the judge, and if it goes to court we'd probably draw Judge Reynolds who hates my… Monique may even be in Middleton enough with David and Louis for them to count… I'd be willing to take this case for the prosecution."

"You're joking, right?"

"Think of it, Princess, save us a ton of money on snack foods. Tell Tim and Joss, 'Sorry, can't watch your kids anymore. Court order.' I'm starting to like the idea of closing down the Babysitters' Club."

"I hope you're not serious. You're the lawyer – figure out how to do this… I wonder who filed the complaint?"

"The Griswolds, obviously."

"Steve told you that?"

"He wouldn't tell me, even if he knew. I just mean, duh, isn't it obvious? They hate us."

"Well, Smaug did kill their cat."

"They should have kept their damn cat in the house! And they have no business taking it out on the kids."

"I can see where she could be a little upset about the soccer balls, baseballs, footballs, croquet balls, and the Frisbees in her flower garden."

"Damn it, Princess, stop being reasonable. I'll try and fix this, and then I want to do something petty and mean-spirited."

"Fixing is fine. Petty and mean-spirited is not," Kim told her firmly. "The girls need to be warned we'll have a family talk after supper. You should call them, you can explain the legal stuff."

"You call them. I've talked with the DA. I've talked with you. And I'm going to lose a billable hour looking for a loophole… Maybe I'll send you a bill for services rendered."

"I'm a little short on cash at the moment, Dear. Will you let me work off my debt? Wink, wink, nudge nudge."

Shego smiled for the first time that afternoon. "I think we can figure out an arrangement."

"Can I give you a retainer tonight," Kim purred, "or will you be too tired?"

"We can definitely work something out," Shego laughed.


Kids playing basketball moved aside when Shego turned into the driveway. Jessica was stretched out on the floor in the library with Jane and Catlyn on either side of her. Jessica was keeping them entertained with coloring books and crayons were scattered all over the floor. "It's nice to have a house where the kid's friends feel welcome," the green woman reflected. "Also nice to know where they are instead of them running all over town."

After dinner Jane was given the choice of staying for the discussion or pulling weeds in the herb garden. She wisely decided to pull weeds.

"Shego," Kim asked, "any kind of good news?"

"Define good. I've looked at the law from five different angles and it isn't clear if it applies to the gang around our house most afternoons or not. Someone like Catlyn, doesn't count because she's family. But we've got enough unrelated kids who're here often enough that it could be a problem – especially if a judge decides that it doesn't matter how responsible the older kids are and wants to count them. If we draw a fair judge we could win, or we may need to close down the unofficial Middleton teen center."

"We could get licensed," Sheki suggested.

"Way too much work," Shego muttered.

"I don't know what you have to do," Kim seconded, "but it's probably not easy and would take a lot of time and money to get certified."

"They have three levels of licensing. For how many kids we have here a social worker can visit the house and sign off on certification in half an hour."

Shego frowned, "How much will it cost, and how do you know that?"

"After Mom called I looked it up. You must have just looked at the law defining daycare providers. I checked out the regulations on licensing. Oh, it'll cost fifty bucks for the person from social services to come out."

Shego beamed and turned to Kim, "That's my kid." The green woman looked back at Sheki, "Shek, you're going to law school."

Sheki blushed, "I didn't… I mean, I… Just in case you didn't look or something."

"You'd better check, just to make sure she's right," Kim suggested.

"I will," Shego assured her. "Good job, Kid. We might leave Smaug down in the garage apartment when the social worker comes. They're probably checking the place out for obvious hazards and he might be mistaken for one."

"Uh, one more thing to think about," Kasy mentioned.

"Yeah," Shego agreed, "revenge on the Griswolds!"

"No, I–"

"How about the flaming dog shit? It's old, but it's a classic."

"No," Kasy tried again, "that–"

"Shego," Kim hissed, "there will be no revenge."

"Flaming dog poop?" Sheki asked.

"Brown paper lunch sack," Shego explained. "Get three or four nice-sized piles of dog crap in it, twist the top closed. Put in on their front porch outside the door, set fire to the bag, ring the doorbell, and run like hell. They answer, see the fire and stomp it out. Of course, with the contents of the sack, hilarity ensues."

"Eemah!" Kasy protested. "You aren't listening to me! And why do you want to do that to the Griswolds?"

"Who do you think turned us in?"

"It doesn't matter," Kasy insisted. "And you don't know it was them. And that's just wrong."

"Who are you really?" Shego shot back. "Don't go all Sheki on me. I can always count on your wild and crazy vote against the forces of boring goodness from your Mom and sister. Don't tell me I'm going to be out-numbered three to one."

"Eemah, right now we need to work out some details on the licensing."

"And revenge is never right," Kim primly reminded her partner. "It will just get you in more trouble."

"I've got my pardon. I won't go to jail if I'm caught. I think anything I do would be justified."

"What would Alice do?"

Shego frowned, "She'd come down to the office and nail my ass to the wall for embarrassing the firm."

"Exactly. I don't know what threat I'll have to hold over you when that woman dies."

"You could go Lysistrata on me," Shego suggested.

"Eemah!" Sheki blushed.

"What's Lysistrata?" Kasy asked.

"Never mind," her sister answered. "You should have listened in world history instead of flirting with April and Paul."

"They were cute. Mr. Perkins is ugly. And the point is," Kasy continued, "we watched Jane for our allowance. Then Mom got all generous and now there are more kids, enough that we'll have to do this official stuff. We want raises. Raises and one of those things you make shakes with… You know with the long turny-thing and you put up the metal cup and it mixes the stuff."

"You could use the blender," Shego pointed out.

"No, the shake-thingy. And the raise." Kasy grabbed the pad used for the grocery list, wrote something, folded the paper, and slid it across the table to her mothers. "I'm thinking of a figure. Don't say anything until you've thought about it a minute."

"No!"

"I said think about it before saying anything! And you ought to pay Jessica and Briana too, maybe Hana. They all help with the kids."

"By that logic we should cut your allowance."

"Who talks Jessica and Briana into helping? I'm management."

Haggling continued for more than an hour.


As the twins got ready for bed Sheki asked, "Why did you make me say I looked up the law? It makes me an accessory!"

"It makes you a belt and purse?"

"No, a criminal co-conspirator."

"Well then, you won't be turning me in, will you? Hey, did you hear Eemah say you should be a lawyer?"

"Don't change the subject. Why couldn't you say you did the research?"

"Duh, you're supposed to be the smart one. They'd have smelled a rat if I started talking about the city code. You tell them you looked it up and they believe you."

"Yeah, and now if they find out you're the one who called the police they'll think I was in on it from the start!"

Kasy grinned at her sister, "See, you are the smart one. Now you have to help me make sure Mom and Eemah never learn I was the one who turned them in."

-The End-