Robert Fischer first saw Mirra Cavandar at a runway show. She was the designer of a line presented near the end. She came out after her segment in a pencil skirt and sparkling red shirt with a hole in the center bust to wave to the applauding critics.

Ever since, he's been thinking of ways to grab her attention. He asked his Uncle Browning for advice. He told him, "First you decide to end your fathers empire, now you're after some woman? I don't know you anymore."

Robert then turned to his former fraternity brothers. He was at Hooters having drinks with his five closest friends; Dave, Luke, Tony, Charlie, and George. Robert felt free and at ease with them. As they had their drinks, a woman entered the bar.

She had short strawberry blonde hair and tan skin. She was also in a sailor themed bikini and was wearing skates. In her hands were flyers. The woman skated around the restaurant handing out flyers to all the men.

"Come see your favorite derby team, the Naughty-cal Sailors as we take on the Badlasses this Saturday night!" She told everyone. Everyone at Roberts table got a flyer.

"Excuse me miss." Robert looked over but she was already rolling out.

"What is it?" Tony asked. Robert looked at the flyer to see a roller girl dressed similar to the player they just saw.

Naughty-Cal Sailor #$0

Lady the Tramp

"This is the girl I saw at the show. That's Mirra Boleyn."

"Then you better go." Dave told him. "What's great about derby girls is that you can talk to them after the games."

"Really?" Robert asked. "It's casual, right?"

"Well if you show up in a suit, they'll think your proposing." said Luke. "We'll come."


"Nah, we just want to see women in skates and fishnets pushing each other to the ground." George laughed.

That Saturday Robert appeared at the arena wearing a KISS t-shirt, a rather unusual selection of clothing. He had suicide seats right at the edge of the track. The guys sat down with their beers as the announcer turned on his microphone.

"Hello derby animals and welcome to the first event of the season! Are you ready for some roller derby action?" The arena roared in screams. On the track came out a team of derby girls who all wore different outfits, all with the same nautical theme. "For the first bout of the night, please help me roar for the Naughty-cal Sailors!" He started introducing all the girls by number and derby name. Robert looked at the program to see Mirra's picture under the sailor themed page.

"It's her." Robert told Charlie.

"And our final two skaters, here comes #Under 21, Tinkerbitch!" the fans in the room screamed as the girl handing out flyers glided on the track, a stripe on her helmet. "And her twin sister #$0, Lady the Tramp!"

That's when Mirra skated into Roberts heart. She came on, wearing a monokini that was vintage like her sisters bathing suit. On her white helmet was a navy blue star.

The second team came out, all in green and gold. The other side of the dome roared. Robert saw a lot of "Team Lioness" t-shirts and signs. The last girl on the team to be called was Lioness.

"She may be small, but she is a predator on wheels! If you try to outrun this animal, it's your funeral. Here's #PR1DE, Lioness!"

A rather short brunette zoomed onto the track and the recording of a lions roar traveled through the dome. She would be the jammer battling against Mirra. What took Robert by surprise is that the opposing jammers hugged before the whistle went off.

The first bout was very rough and unclean with a lot of girls going in and out of the penalty box. Being the best two teams in the league, it was a nail-biting brawl. The scores most of the time were identical. First the Sailors scored, then the Irish. There was a jam where all the blockers fell down like dominos.

It was the final jam. The Naughty-cals and the Badlasses were tied, 133. Lioness and Lady the Tramp were lined up at the jammer line. Anne Brawlyn and Tinkerbitch were pivoting. The whistles went off. Both jammers fought to break through the pack. Both of their pivots whipped them forward and they both sped like demons. Lady attempted to knock down Lioness with her hips, but Lioness did the deed first. She scored four more points for her team. The Irish won.

"Ahoy sailors, the ship back to Losertown will be departing in five minutes. And Lioness, I knew my lucky charms would help…"

"Close game." Said Charlie. "You wouldn't think a short girl could knock someone that tall down."

"Remember folks, there will be an after party at Sookie's Bar and Grill. Come meet your favorite roller girls and party all night!"

"Looks like we have an after party to go to." Said Luke.

The second bout was going to start in a half hour and the G.I. Janes and Cave Babes were already out on the track warming up. The Sailors had just left the arena only to return later with no skates on. Charlie saw Mirra go and sit down by the edge of the track.

"She's over there." He said. "Now's a good time."

Robert looked over nervously. "She looks busy."

"No way, it's now or never." Said Luke. "I'll come."


Robert's heart inflated, as he got closer to her. He felt it about to pop. "Hello Lady." Said Luke. "If you don't mind me calling you that."

The skater turned around. "You an call me Mirra, since I'm not playing now."

"Hey Mirra, my friend Robert here wanted to ask you something." He pushed the ex-heir toward her after whispering "Go get her." The girls around her started giggling.


"Hi." Robert was shaking like a storm. "So… are you a fashion designer?"

"Yeah, I am."

"I went to that fashion show and saw your line. I liked it."

"Thank you."

There was an awkward silence before Tinker whispered something in Mirra's ear.

"So, I was thinking…" Robert began. "You don't have a boyfriend right?"


"Because she can't keep a guy." Said Tinker with a giggle.

"Fuck you." Mirra sneered. "So is there something you wanted to ask me?"

Robert swallowed. "Yes, actually. I was hoping that when you're not busy…"

"I'll go out to lunch with you." She finished. "I know, asking someone out in person is not easy. But you had the nerve to anyway and for that, I'll say yes." Robert's heart deflated back to its normal size.

"You will?"

"Sure." Mirra nodded. "I know a great burger joint."

"Great. I love burgers." He stumbled nervously. Mirra smiled causing his heart to melt. Robert looked over at his brothers and nodded. At that, they started high-fiving.