Disclaimer: I do not own Warehouse 13 or any of its original characters or plots. If I did, the original soy sauce really would be a cleaning detergent =D (tell me if you know what movie this references!)

Author's Note: I totally meant to put this up monday, but I forgot! I forgot yesterday too XD I've had it written for like a week! Anyway, here it is! More poking fun at mehself =P Have fun!


Document 3 – Arthur Nielson

Kat Bee Dee: Sooo! Artie! What's up, man? I hear you're on a diet! How's that workin' out for you?

Arthur Nielson: Is this a joke? A test? Did Leena send you in here?

KBD: Oh, no! I've just got some questions for you, so I hope you don't mind…

Nielson: Actually, I do mind. I am way to busy to deal with this nonsense. Leena!

KBD: Wait! Hold up, gramps! It won't take long, just give me a couple seconds of your time and then you get back to barking at everyone, I swear.

Nielson: Well. …alright. But make it quick.

KBD: Awesome sauce! Okay, so, who's your favorite? I mean, c'mon, we all know you have one. Is it Pete? Because you favor men and their lack of baggage? Or Leena? Because she looks after you but doesn't annoy you like everyone else? How 'bout Myka? I'll bet it's Myka. 'Cause she is the sensible one who can actually speak to you on your own level. Y'know, scratch that! I think it's Claud. I mean, come on! Claudia's your little minion who loves you and makes you the father you never got to be. So, what's the verdict?

Nielson: Uh…

KBD: Want a cookie?

Nielson: Ooh! Are those shortbread?

KBD: Mhm! So, you were saying?

Nielson: Well, between you an me—

KBD: Yay! Sharing!

Nielson: —I'd have to say that I do favor Claudia. But I swear! If this gets around to her, it'll be your death! By God, I would never hear the end of it!

KBD: No! Dude! My lips are sealed! Please, proceed.

Nielson: Well, I don't know, Claudia wormed her way in and I can't seem to get rid of her…the other's will eventually go, but not Claudia.

KBD: That's right! Claudia is supposed to be the next caretaker-person-mahjig!

Nielson: Huh?

KBD: Y'know! The next Mrs. F!

Nielson: Oh, right. Of course.

KBD: So that whole deal about her "controlling her own destiny"; was that just a bunch of baloney to make her feel better?

Nielson: Eh…pretty much.

KBD: Figures. That's just like you.

Nielson: How do you even know me?

KBD: Uhm….mother's ex-cousin twice removed?

Nielson: What in the world is an "ex-cousin"?

KBD: …me?

Nielson: Do you have anything else to talk about or can I get back to work?

KBD: Are you or have you ever been a child molester?

Nielson: Wha-? No!

KBD: Just checkin'. 'Cause, you see, there's this creepy pairing called "Clartia", and quite frankly, it disgusts me and I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page.

Nielson: Clar-WHAT?

KBD: Don't worry about it. So, do you know where Myka is?

Nielson: What is this with all the switching of the subjects? What we even talking about!

KBD: Have another cookie.

Nielson: Thanks.

KBD: You were saying about Myka?

Nielson: Right. Well, I don't know. The only person who might know is Pete. I don't want to know. If she's gone, she's gone. If she's back…good riddance.

KBD: Don't you have that a little mixed up? Shouldn't it be "if she's back she's back, if she's gone, good riddance"?

Nielson: Wha-? Sure. Whatever that means.

KBD: So, Artie, last question of the day.

Nielson: Hm?

KBD: Are you a religious man? Because I get the vibe that you might have been a little warped in your childhood by a certain kneeling before a priest if you take my meaning.

Nielson: (exits)

KBD: Damn. I've got to get less offensive questions.


A/N: Reviewww! =DD