Welcome to the NHK!: Satou's Counterattack!

(A one-shot by stepawayfromtheyam)

Part Un:

Three young adults kneeled at a table in a small, six-mat apartment.

"It's a conspiracy."

"Yes, a conspiracy."

"That's the only way we can explain our despair: it's a conspiracy."



"We're being targeted."

"We are. It's a conspiracy."

"We're being targeted by a large organization."

"We are; we are…"

"They know where we are, but where are they?"

"It's a conspiracy."

"Yes, that's the only explanation."

"Let's go, let's go! There's only one way to resolve this issue."

"And that way is…?"

"We must hunt this organization…"

"We must! That's the only way we'll ever have our lives back!"

"We must hunt…"

"We must hunt…"

"We must hunt…"

All three young-adults said at once, "We must hunt… the Nihon Hikikomori Kyoukai!"

Suddenly, a knock came at the door.

"It's them…"

"It's them…"

"It's them…"

Then, suddenly a booming voice… "Tatsuhiro, we know you're in there!"

Satou Tatsuhiro quickly got to his feet, bumping the small table, knocking over several containers. White pills went everywhere.

"Shit, just as I though… The NHK! They know my name… It has to be them!" Satou exclaimed. He lifted the cushion he had been kneeling on and grabbed a pistol that had been laying under it.

"Tatsuhiro, we're giving you until the count of three to come out quietly!"

Satou flipped the lock off his gun and cocked it. He slowly peered around the corner and watched the door.

"One…" said the voice.

A bead of sweat rolled down Satou's forehead.

"Two…" the voice continued.

The bead brought an army along. His face suddenly started dripping…

"Three…" the voice finished.

Satou's chest raised and lowered with each unsteady breath. His body shook.

"SLAM!" The door violently swung open. Satou jumped from the corner. His eyes met with the man who entered. Satou didn't hesitate, despite his nerves. He slammed down the trigger of his pistol. A bullet whizzed through the air and struck the man in the stomach. A fountain of blood erupted. Satou finished the man off by releasing another round.

Two more men stormed in, but Satou was there to greet them with a hail of gunfire.

"Misaki, Yamazaki, we have to split before backup arrives!" Satou exclaimed.

The other two were already standing with weapons drawn. They both nodded.

Satou and his gang hurried down the stairs of the apartment complex and jumped into his car, a black Mitsubishi. Yamazaki crawled into the back and Misaki sat shotgun. Satou quickly flicked his thumb across his nose. "We're off!"

Part Duex:

Satou sped down the rural roads far outside of Tokyo. Some time had already passed since the encounter at the safe house. Who were these three –Satou, Misaki and Yamazaki– exactly? It's simple. Three subjects who were all being targeted. They are all a part of a plan… A plan to ruin the lives of young adults… A plan created by the shady, omnipotent organization: the NHK.

What exactly is the plan? The plan is to ruin these three's lives, of course.

Satou Tatsuhiro is a 22-year-old, male, hikikomori/NEET. Misaki Nakahara is a 17-year-old female whose life is full of nothing but rejection, suffering and sadness. Yamazaki Kaoru is a 20-year old male who once strived to become a world-renown video game creator, only to have his dream and his love-life crushed.

Now, who could come to such a conclusion? "Just because somebody's life is nothing but utter despair doesn't mean they're caught up in a conspiracy," you might say. However, you're far from right. These three were in the middle of a conspiracy. These three were being targeted by an organization. These three were nothing but lab-rats. However, they aim to change that by rebelling… Rebelling against the tyranny that is the NHK!

Satou suddenly slammed on the breaks. Misaki and Yamazaki, who had both fallen asleep, shot up from their slumbers.

"Jesus, Satou, learn how to drive…" Yamazaki muttered as he rubbed his eyes. "Satou…? What's wr-…" Yamazaki didn't finish. He understood exactly why Satou stopped. Red and blue lights flashed in the darkness of night.

"You have nowhere to go, you three! Come out with your hands up. We will shoot if you try to resist!" yelled a man with a megaphone.

"Shit," Satou swore under his breath.

"Damn it," Yamazaki swore under his breath.

Misaki looked at Yamazaki, then quickly at Satou.

"D-…Darn," she innocently peeped.

Satou reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a couple small, white pills. He gulped them down and stepped out of the car with his hands up. Misaki gulped down a couple white pills and exited, too. Yamazaki followed both by swallowing the mysterious white pills, leaving the vehicle.

As the three stood outside the car they realized: those weren't police. Who stood before them was a line of men in black suits.

One man stepped from the line, clapping his hands together. "Well done, Satou and 'co.' You almost got away from me… Little do you know that I know everything about you three…"

"Conspiracy, conspiracy!"

Satou spun around. "Shut up, Car, or they'll shoot us on the spot…"

"Conspiracy, conspiracy, conspiracy, conspiracy…"

The words echoed in Satou's mind. It wasn't just his car, but the men in black's cars, too. They were warning him. These men had no interest in arresting the three friends.

The man in who stepped out of the line spoke up again. "This is what happens when you break the natural order, Satou! Don't bite the hand that feeds you, don't rock the boat, etcetera, etcetera and etcetera. You should have stopped while you were ahead."

The man pulled a long, shining revolver out from his coat. "Any last words, you three?"

Satou chuckled. "Yea…" He flicked another pill up into the air and caught it in his mouth. "We three have been wanted to tell you something… We're taking our lives back… FUCK THE NHK!" Satou yelled. He pulled out his gun and fired.

A bullet struck the man in the leg, dropping him to his knees. Two more caught him in the chest. The man fell flat on the ground, silent.

The rest of the black-suited men looked down at the body, then back up at Satou, Misaki and Yamazaki. They all reached into their coats and pulled out guns.

"DIE~EEE!" Satou yelled as he ran towards them, continuing to fire rounds from his shining, black pistol. Yamazaki dove for the car and pulled out two Mac-10 sub-machine guns and proceeded to follow Satou in his pursuit. Misaki also went, firing her small revolver at the crowd of enemies.

It was raining bullets, but the freedom-fighters seemed to not get hit. That was when a bullet whizzed past Satou, grazing his black-coat. "Tch, you jacked up my coat!" he yelled as he lunged for the man. Satou dropped him to his knees and fired a round into the man's head. A bloody ribbon spewed onto the man behind him, who was preoccupied with trying to shoot Yamazaki.

Yamazaki dodged every bullet the attacker fired. He stopped to hammer the triggers of his Mac-10s. The man's stomach and chest were ripped open from the torrent of lead. Another agent of the NHK turned and attempted to aim his gun at Yamazaki. Yamazaki didn't allow it, of course. He responded by unloading an entire clip into the man.

Misaki stood a ways back, picking off the occasional straggler that Satou and Yamazaki missed, all the while trying not to lose her gun from the kickback. With every shot, the gun jumped back at her, causing her to tightly shut her eyes and sound out a small, "Eep!" Satou and Yamazaki just let her do her thing. "S-…so kawaii*…" The two young men said in unison, blushing as they watched Misaki.

At long last, every agent was half way to hell. Not one bloodied man even cried. The night now lay silent. The three looked at each other and smiled. It was a disgusting site, three young-adults covered in blood, organ and bone-fragments, but it was a happy site.

"We did it."

"We did it."

"We did it."

"We stopped them for now, but who can say how large their organization really is?"

"This is good for now."

"It is."

"Definitely, it is."

"Who's hungry for ramen?"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"I am!"

"Wait, who was the third 'I am?'"

They all turned around and noticed Satou's car… "Cars can't eat ramen!" the three harmonized.

"Well then," began Yamazaki. "How about we get the hell out of here, eh?"

They all climbed back into the car and headed back down the road.

The three young adults kneeled at a table in a small, six-mat apartment. The household-appliances danced around them as they gulped down ramen.

Suddenly the door was kicked open. Men equipped with SWAT-like armor quickly detained Satou, Misaki and Yamazaki and hauled them away in the back of an armored truck.

"The story continues," Satou said with a smile.

"So, it does," Yamazaki agreed.

Misaki just smiled.

"The NHK may have won this battle, but we will escape from prison, right soldiers!" Satou enthusiastically preached.

He was right. It end of this battle, but these three were saviors of the modern world. They were the only ones who knew the true intent of the NHK. They were the only ones who could bring down the shady-organization known as the Nihon Hikikomori Kyoukai. This was not the end of their journey, nor was it the start. Rather, it was a turning point. The three now knew exactly what and who they were up against. It is but a matter of time until retribution is brought upon the NHK. No longer will they be able to ruin the lives of the Japanese. The conspiracy must be brought to an end… The conspiracy will be brought to an end.

Part Trois, Epilogue:

"Conspiracy…" Satou said, sitting on the ground of the padded, four-walled room. "I was blind, but now I see… I've been able to see for some time now, and it's my duty to cure the masses of their blindness. The NHK is out there, wreaking havoc that is going unknown to the common citizen… If only I could find a way out of here…"

Behind him, the door to his cell suddenly creaked open. He felt his neck pop** as he twisted to look. "You scum! Do you know how many good men you killed!" a guard said, kicking Satou and dropping a plate of near-edible food on the ground. "You're shit!" The guard continued.

"No, you're shit…" Satou replied.

"W-…What did you say, asshole!" the guard cried. As punishment for the insult, the he threw his fist at Satou, trying to teach him a lesson.

Satou skillfully grabbed the guard's wrist and twisted his arm. There was a funny look in his eye as he continued to twist it. "Bad move, Bucko!"

"H-… How the hell did you get out of your crazy-nugget***!" the guard exclaimed.

Satou ignored the question and swiftly brought the guard to the ground. He grabbed his gun and aimed it at the man. "You shouldn't underestimate a freedom-fighter, but too bad an 'NHK-grunt' like you hadn't already learned that lesson…" Satou fired at the guard. Within second, an alarm sounded. Satou smiled. "Now, time to round up the team…" He left the cell, smiling, as he thought to himself, The truth is: conspiracies exist… and I, Satou Tatsuhiro, have stumbled upon one…

*Of course: means cute in Japanese…

**Sometimes, if a person who has done a hallucinogen such as LSD pops their neck or back, they can begin to hallucinate again. This can happen days or years after taking the drug, even if it's only been taken once.

***A funnier word for straightjacket…

Author's note: This story has absolutely NOTHING to do with the actual story of "Welcome to the NHK!" and was written out of sheer boredom and insomnia one fateful night. I was super bored, and not being able to sleep, decided to write a quick "Welcome to the NHK!" story. So there you have it: I wrote this mess after 24-some hours without sleep.

Oh yea, I based this story completely off the novel version of "Welcome to the NHK!," so if you don't understand the whole "hallucinating" aspect of it, that's because Satou and Yamazaki trip balls throughout the entire novel, and go on some crazy adventures. The anime version cut the drug-abuse aspect completely out, but I'm not sure if the manga did or not (too lazy to read it… I'll get around to it though, since the anime is my second favourite anime, and the novel is my favourite novel…).

One more thing: Satou's Counterattack is really a Mobile Suit Gundam reference, which is Char's Counterattack (for those who didn't get it...). This story has nothing to do with Gundam in any way, shape or form, just in case you thought it might because of the name...