So, I wrote this O/S about a month ago as an anon entry for the Jukebox Contest and just now I'm able to post it. You can go and read the rest of the stories here: http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/The_Jukebox_Contest_Entries_Winter_2011/90643/99/0/1/
This story was inspired by the song "Magic" by Colbie Caillat. You can find a link to the song and the lyrics on my profile.
Many thanks to my beta Songster with her help in betaing this and, well, everything I send her way.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight characters or Colbie Caillat's song. I just use them for fun.
Ok, hope you like it :-)
The sun was shining brightly up in the sky. Thank God the day was not that far from ending, otherwise I'd be fried. Still, it was hot as hell. I had always loved the sunlight and how it was almost impossible to hide anything from it: the good, the bad and everything in between. It was all there for the world to see.
I could feel the sun's rays warming my skin, hitting it almost as if they were fighting to get past the barrier of my skin, reaching inside and lighting everything within. However, at that moment, it was her skin against mine that I could feel warmer above it all; it was her light that was reaching inside of me, something I gladly welcomed, because Bella's light was what I craved and needed.
We had rented the beach house for the weekend and since it had its own little private beach and the day was almost over, making everyone go back to their own homes, we were safe from wandering eyes. After some convincing, with the help of my hands and lips, I had Bella lying naked on top of me on the back porch in no time.
I was resting on my back on this incredibly comfortable lounge chair as Bella was kissing my neck, jaw, face ... everywhere she could reach, but staying away from my lips. She knew how that avoidance drove me insane.
We were facing the ocean and the cool breeze felt amazing against our naked bodies, allowing some comfort from the heat of the sun.
Her legs were tangled with mine and she was gripping my hair while I ran my hands down her back, kneading her hips and her back side from time to time. If her tiny moans were any indication, I could tell that she liked it. I could feel her soft skin, hot not only from the time spent under the sun, but also from my explorations. I affected her just as much as she affected me.
She looked amazing, slightly tanned with a thin layer of sweat covering her. Her skin smelled a little of coconut and I bet she tasted just as great. I placed my mouth on her left shoulder and started kissing my way up to her earlobe and then down again to where I had started, on my second passing I let my tongue follow the same path that my kisses had, ending with me nipping at her earlobe. I could feel her panting against my ear by then and that made me harder than I already was at that point.
"God baby, you taste incredible. I want to lick every inch of your body," I whispered.
Bella moaned and pushed her hips harder against me.
It was true, she tasted incredible. A little salty from the time spent at the beach, even after the shower we took earlier. You could smell the salt everywhere, the ocean breeze surrounding us with it.
She parted her legs and placed them at each side of mine, and moved her hands to cup my cheeks, her thumbs running little circles on my cheekbones. Her eyes were so beautiful, brown pools with little golden specks lighting them. But it was so much more than that. Her eyes told me everything there was to know. She loved me with such a force; it was easy to see that it scared her sometimes, for it also scared me from time to time. It was so much, almost like it was more than love ... if such a thing existed.
Her hair fell around us, leaving the rest of the world on the outside. Right there, at that moment it was just the two of us, naked under the sun, feeling each other's touches, looking at each other's souls, her breath hot on my face.
"I love you, Edward. God, I love you," she said with little tears trying to escape her eyes.
"And I love you, my girl. For always and forever," I said with certainty, because I knew that Bella was the one for me; there would be no one else.
Bella lifted herself, placing her hands on my chest for support. God, she looked like a goddess like that.
He hair was moving softly against the breeze and it looked wild after all the time I had spent running my hands through it during the day. It had always been a beautiful shade of brown, but the time spent under the sun brought out some red and even blond little streaks, nothing too much, but somehow it made her skin glow even more and even accentuated her eyes, making them look brighter.
The sun was at her back and it looked like there truly was light shining from within her, trying to reach out. I ran my hands from her hips to her breasts and down her sides again. I couldn't get enough of the feeling of her soft skin under my fingertips, the feel of her body moving against mine, skin soft and firm at the same time. With these movements, she pulled her head back and moved her hands to my thighs, starting to rock her hips and whispering my name over and over.
Her breasts rose with each laboured breath she took and beads of sweat were rolling down between them. I was absolutely mesmerized following their paths down to her belly button and the ones making their way even further below.
As much as I wanted to make love to her at that moment, and God did I want to, I was in awe of the sight in front of me. How lucky was I that this woman had chosen me. She was gorgeous, intelligent, funny, witty and most of all, she loved me. And I loved her just as much.
I sat up from my spot and brought our chests flush against each other. She hissed at the contact of her hard nipples against my skin. Like this, I was finally able to kiss her plump lips; I knew she would not deny me now.
It was something we always did when we made love; she knew how much I loved to kiss her, which was why she teased me by avoiding it as much as she could in those moments. She wanted them as well, but the fact that it drove me crazy not being able to kiss her, only made the time when our lips made contact that much more intense.
Now was not the exception.
She brought her arms around my shoulders just as I took one hand to hold her head and the other down to the small of her back to push her closer to me.
I tilted our heads and kissed her with everything I had, like I truly had spent a long time without them. And in my opinion, I had. She parted her lips immediately and let my tongue enter her mouth, moving hers against mine. The heat from each other's mouths made us groan, the vibrations of it making its way right down to my groin.
Her lips were so soft and sweet. I started nipping at her lower one and she passed her tongue over my upper lip, from left to right, right to left, over and over. This only made me push her hips harder against me.
After God knows how long of feeling her tongue roam my lips and the taste of her, we couldn't take it anymore and parted from the kiss. I opened my eyes and saw her panting in front of me, her lips red from all the kissing and her cheeks flushed as well.
I moved both of my hands to her hips and lifted her up to her knees. Bella brought her hand down and gripped me tightly, stroking a few times, making me buck against it. Her hand felt amazing, but I knew it paled in comparison to the feel of her around me, the anticipation making me even more anxious to be with her. Slowly she aligned us until I was at her entrance and then she brought both her hands once again to my shoulders, steadying herself.
We stared into each other's eyes for a second, and we could see so much in them. Love, protection, desire, even a future. It was that way every single time we were together like we were at that moment, even when it was what some might call a quick fuck, because it never really was. We were giving each other everything we had, completely raw and exposed for the other to see.
She lowered herself slowly until I was fully inside of her. I had to close my eyes at the sensations that movement brought as I gripped her hips. Not moving, she rested her forehead against mine and I was able to breathe her in. Our hard panting and the sound of the waves were the only sounds we could hear around us. Then Bella started moving up and down and I let her guide us until we could find our rhythm.
"God Edward, yes ... so much. I can feel you everywhere." She panted.
We continued like that, Bella moving up and down, moaning from time to time, just gripping my shoulders, and me, helping her guide her hips against mine with my hands. All the while I kissed and licked her neck, Bella tilting her head to give me access.
I loved seeing her like that, wild and without restrain. Her skin getting hotter and sweatier, her muscles flexing and stretching before my eyes and under my hands from the movements of our bodies. And best of all, she was mine.
After a while our movements were getting frantic and I started guiding her hips more forcefully to me, while she tighten her grip on my shoulders, almost painfully but not unwelcome. Our rhythm was faltering and that only meant we were both getting closer to release.
"Come on, baby. Let it go ... I want to feel you come around me." I panted in her ear. I knew it drove her crazy when I did that.
"Oh, God ... Edward, please ... harder... faster," she whimpered.
And that was what I did. Not only our breathing and movements were out of control by now, but also our voices. Thank God for private beaches.
Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I realized that she was looking at where we were joined.
"See, baby? That's how you take me in. We belong together, fitting perfectly. Just made for each other," I said and I lightly bit her shoulder.
And that did it. She came hard around me, screaming my name and I followed her a few seconds later with my own release. Would it ever stop being that intense?
I brought her down with me to lay on the chair, just spent from it all. We lay there for a few moments, trying to catch our breaths, unable to part from the other's touch. I could feel her heart beating hard against my chest and mine was not doing any better.
"Well, I have to say, weekend at the beach is beating cabin weekend from last month's ass," she said breathlessly.
I laughed at that. That had been quite a weekend as I recalled, just the two of us in that little cabin up in the mountains, making love by the fire and even some wild action against a tree on one of our walks. Yes, this had topped that. I could only imagine what next month would bring.
"I'll say. We are running out of places though," I teased and kissed her sweaty temple, moving a strand of hair behind her ear. I wanted to see her face, all the time.
"Oh, shut up. That won't ever happen. Worst case scenario, we move to another continent." She winked and rose from her spot. "I'm going to get some water; this is leaving me dehydrated."
I swatted her ass and she yelped mumbling 'jerk' under her breath, disappearing into the house.
I lay there, closing my eyes and thinking of our weekend that was almost over. Suddenly I felt a shadow over me, covering the sun, which was weird since there hadn't been a cloud all throughout the weekend and the sunset was at least an hour away.
Just as I opened my eyes, hoping to maybe find Bella standing in front of me, a cold and strong wind made its appearance. It had suddenly turned very chilly and when I looked toward the ocean there were high waves crashing by the shore. The sky was grey and the ocean dark. It looked like there was a storm coming our way.
I was scared about this new development. How could a day as beautiful as the one we were having just until a few moments ago turn into a full out storm all of the sudden? It was getting colder and colder and while sitting there naked watching the scene, I felt a sudden chill ran up my spine. And it was not because of the wind, it was something else, something was very wrong.
I got up and ran to the house looking for her but I couldn't find her anywhere. The house was empty, all the laughter and sun from moments ago, gone. And so was Bella. I ran outside to see if she was on the beach and all I could see were footprints from the house leading to the ocean. Had she gone to the water?
Dread coursed through me at that thought. How had I not seen her going into the water? She'd never do that, be so reckless. I jumped from the porch and started running toward the water trying to see if she had gone there, screaming her name to the wind, but the faster I ran, the farther the water seemed to get. I would never reach it.
Panic overtook me at that moment, realizing that I could very well never see Bella again. If she was there, I couldn't see her from where I was and she might've drowned already, and if she wasn't in the water then, where was she? Had she left the house ... me?
Tears were streaming down my cheeks at the notion of losing her and thoughts of how I couldn't go on without her now were making it hard for me to breathe. I stretched my arms to the ocean, trying to get to the water somehow and screaming her name.
But I was trapped by the sand at my feet and just as I was falling hard against the ground …
I sit up, covered in sweat and finding it hard to breathe, safe in my bed. But when I look to my right, to her side of the bed, she is not there. Panic is making its way through my body once again, but after some calming breaths and looking around the room, I realize that it had all been a nightmare.
I feel little relief at this however, since now that my brain is starting to function once again, I start to remember why her side of the bed is empty. Bella had not drowned in the ocean like in my dream, nightmare actually, but we had a big fight the night before and she had left our place upset.
But just like in my dream, I did not know if I'd ever see her again or not.
I couldn't believe that damn dream. I remember that weekend at the beach, we'd had such a great time, just resting and eating seafood at little restaurants by the shore. They had been such perfect days. It seems like a lifetime away now. How long ago was it? A month? Two? Still, it was one of our last weekends alone like that before work and real life started kicking our asses. We had been planning a trip to Napa for next weekend, finally able to get away once again. God knew if that was going to happen now.
I'm lying on my bed, without much desire to get up and start my day. What is the point in doing so? All there is now is an empty apartment filled with memories of her and the uncertainty about whether she will come back or not. She had been so final last night and knowing Bella, she is a very determined woman. Or stubborn as I always say.
Every time I close my eyes all I'm able to see is her face. Her eyes filled with playfulness in the mornings, as if she had dreamt a secret that none of us were privy to; her lips in that beautiful smile of hers; the little freckles on her cheeks that for some reason are only visible under the morning light; and even her tangled hair, which she curses every single morning while trying to tame it.
But what kills me the most, is not being able to feel her touch. Every morning that she woke up first, I could feel her hands on my skin, drawing little patterns on my chest and stomach, trying to wake me up, alternating them with little kisses. That is the main reason why I sleep without my shirt on, that and the fact that I love feeling her skin against mine during the night.
What started as a little game between us, turned into a necessity in time, I needed to feel her touch just as she needed mine. She would start kissing my stomach, going up to my neck. When she felt me groan from the feel of her lips and the movements of her eye lashes tickling my skin, her little giggles would fill the room. God, I love her giggles. She knew exactly what she was doing and I was a willing participant. Crawling up my body, she would settle her mouth on mine, morning breath be damned, with her hair shielding us from the world.
It was like that every morning, whether it was her waking me up or the other way around. Although my way ended up much further south.
I feel very thirsty this morning so I decide to finally get out of bed and head for the kitchen, but first I stop by the en suite to at least wash my face. I don't feel like my body has the energy for anything more than that, so a shower will have to wait.
It's hard to recognize the image that is staring back at me in the mirror, so tired with purple circles under the eyes, hair all over the place, at least more than usual, but what strikes me the most are my eyes. They look dead and tired, nothing like the bright green Bella always talks about. I guess it's fitting though, she walked away and took the light with her.
I head for the kitchen and as I pass the small hallway outside of our room, I scan all the photos hanging there. Most of them are black and white, and I had taken them in different occasions, here in the city or in our little weekend getaways.
There are a couple from that trip to the beach and even with the lack of color in them you can see how her skin glowed under the sun. Some are at the beach or at the house and even one was taken by the waiter at one of the restaurants we went to, our hands clasped together with her head resting on my shoulder and her eyes closed. She looked so peaceful.
Others are from the trip to the cabin. As a joke I even took one of the tree we fucked against on one of our walks. To anyone it was just a photo of nature, but Bella blushes every time she looks at it … and pinches my arm while at it.
And there is a special set that shows different shapes and curves. It's a set of photos of both of us naked in our bed. They are also black and white and you can't see our faces, but I had been wanting to take those for such a long time, wanting to record the beauty of her, so that when Bella agreed to pose as a birthday gift to me, I jumped at the chance and wanted to make them even more beautiful for her.
They show her hips, her legs and even her breasts. Some are of her laying on her stomach, sunlight shining down her beautiful back. Others are of the both us, our bodies intertwined or her head resting on my chest. I only ended up hanging a couple in the hallway, the rest is in our more private collection and others, with her permission, I hung at the gallery. Everyone wants to know the woman in them.
Looking at them I have to close my eyes at the flood of memories, happy memories, that just won't stop playing in front of my eyes. Her laugh and smiles and the way she moved when the photos were taken. It's so painful to relive them over and over again now when I just don't know if she'll come back after last night.
I take a few breaths and head for the kitchen, I desperately need some water now ... and air. God, I'm choking in the hallway. On my way there, I pass the living room and have flashbacks of our first day at the apartment.
It had taken a while to convince her that it was the right move to make. I knew she loved me and I her, but something seemed to hold her back. Once she saw that I wanted this, us, for the long run, she agreed and we had been happy ever since, or so I thought. In retrospective, I should've seen that hesitance as a sign that something was wrong. I had been so fucking blind.
That first night, after our friends left, we christened every single room and surface we were able to reach … vertical and horizontal surfaces. We had been so exhausted after that, our bodies covered in sweat in our bed, the only furniture truly ready for use that day, that we stayed in bed all the next day. And that was how our lives together started, tired limbs on sweaty bodies, surrounded by boxes that held our past. A night routine we repeated constantly ever since, happy as ever to be able to touch each other.
Except for last night ... No, I'm not ready to think about that yet.
I go straight to the kitchen from there, not allowing myself to look at anything else in the apartment that can remind me of her. Once I reach the counter, I grip it like it's my lifeline and at that moment, it is; it's the only thing keeping me grounded, keeping me from falling apart. I can finally breathe now, not realizing until this moment that I had been holding my breath the entire walk here.
After taking some deep breaths to calm myself, I go to pour myself some water. The liquid calming my throat for the moment, making it easier to breathe. I lean against the counter and my eyes roam the room without me thinking about it.
Once again, the room is full of memories of her. Bella loved to cook, but most of all baking. She spent hours in the kitchen trying new recipes and mixing exotic ingredients. They all turned out amazing; she could always prove me wrong when I scrunched my nose at some of her experiments. I used to tease her that her master plan was to make me fat so no one could get close to me, except for her. She just smiled and patted my cheek … and never truly denied it.
I see her silly Spongebob oven mitts laying on the counter, her "How does this taste?" apron next to the door. I can't help but nip and lick at her neck every time she wears it, making her giggle. Even the little cookie cutters shaped like stars and hearts are bringing me to my knees right here. I have to get out of here. Now.
I go back to the couch in the living room and just stare at the blank TV. She fought me so hard to not put it in our bedroom. She wanted us to lay peacefully there, to be able to talk, read, play and make love with no distractions from the outside world.
Of course she had been right.
I rest my head in the back of the couch and let my mind wander to the time when I first met her.
I had been dragged to another one of Alice's parties. God, that girl liked to entertain. If it was not that Jasper was my best friend, I wouldn't have even make an appearance. According to Alice I had to stay at least an hour and get three people's names and info, if not, there would be hell to pay. She was scary, so I listened.
I was almost ready to leave when I saw her by the window talking to some guy. She was so beautiful in that green dress, her hair flowing down her back in soft waves. I was only able to see her profile but I could tell she was gorgeous. Her features and her petite body taking my breath away. If that was how I had reacted to that little glimpse, then I could only imagine what would happen to me if I was ever given the opportunity to actually meet her.
Suddenly, she grabbed the guy's arm and started laughing with him. I couldn't believe I was so jealous of a guy I didn't even know, touching a girl I had barely seen. That and the way my heart swelled from listening to her melodic laughter, were making me feel dizzy. I decided that I had to leave then, she was obviously with that guy and obsessing over a girl that was taken was going to be the death of me.
Or so I thought, because it turned out that no matter what I did for the next couple of days, I was already obsessing. I couldn't even bring myself to ask Alice about her, but suddenly her parties were that much more appealing.
A week later I went to another one of Alice's parties and all I did was look for that mystery girl. Would she go? Would she take that guy? Who the hell was he to her? They were obviously close. It sure was driving me crazy and if I didn't calm down soon, I'd be making a fool of myself in no time. I needed a beer so badly at that moment.
It all came to a halt the moment I saw her entering the room. She was wearing another dress, black this time, which made her skin glow under those lights. Behind her, the same guy I had seen last time approached her and encircled her with his arms, whispering to her ear. It was a true test to my self control to not go and beat the shit out of him in that moment. She leaned against his chest and closed her eyes. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, I wanted to be the one bringing her that kind of peace.
Alice approached me at that moment with a smile on her face, like she knew something I didn't and told me she wanted me to meet her best friend. While she dragged me through the crowd I realized she was pulling me to the mystery girl. I was sweating in two seconds and nervous as hell. Great, I was fifteen again.
"So, Edward, this is Bella, my best friend in the whole world. And Bella, this is Edward, Jasper's best friend," Alice introduced her, grinning like crazy. What was up with Alice?
Bella, which was such a fitting name, extended her hand to hold mine and when we touched it all fell into place. It was like a wave of warmth was spreading all throughout my body, beginning at the tip of my fingers, up my arms and all the way down to my toes. The longer we stayed touching, the waves only intensified, matching the beat of my heart, which was pounding like crazy by then. I could see or hear nothing but her and at that moment I knew without question there was no way I could walk away from Bella. I was hers now, it felt like … magic.
And from the look in her eyes and her tiny shudder, she felt the same. God, those eyes. They were looking right at me with such intensity. I was right, she was even more beautiful now, her delicate features, combined with her faint blush had me rooted to the spot, unable to notice anything else in the room, in the world for that matter.
"Edward, nice meeting you," she said so low, it was like she wanted only me to hear her. Such a lovely voice, sweet and sexy at the same time.
Someone cleared their throat and broke the spell. I hadn't noticed we were still holding hands, so I let her go, very reluctantly and perfectly willing to kill the one that made me do it. I looked and saw Alice really grinning now and even the guy that was behind Bella was grinning as well. What the hell was going on?
"Edward, this is Jacob, one of Bella's oldest friends, oldest married friend." Alice gestured to the guy and the look of confusion must had been clear on my face because she continued. "His wife Vanessa caters my parties and he comes to help her from time to time, but since usually she's so busy bossing people around, Jacob hangs out here with us, including Bella."
I was beyond relieved to hear that and sighed with relief. They were not together after all, not that that meant she didn't have anyone else, but at the moment, right here, she was free.
I looked at her and saw that she was smiling up at me, like she knew what I had been thinking all along. I knew she felt the same when we touched, but we hadn't even talked.
"Want to dance with me, Edward?" she asked me while taking my hand and pulling me to the little dance floor Alice had arranged, not caring to leave our friends behind. I didn't even get the chance to open my mouth to say anything, not that I'd deny her.
Once again, the waves of warmth spread through my body when we touched; and when we settled on the dance floor and I brought her body close to mine, they intensified by a million. Every time her fingers touched my neck, it felt like the warmth was pouring down her fingertips to the rest of my body, making me melt against her.
Her body felt so perfect against mine, her curves molding perfectly to it. I placed my hands at the small of her back while she clasped hers to the back of my neck, neither of us felt uncomfortable about the closeness, even when we had just met each other. It felt like home being in her arms like that, swaying gently to the music, whispering the lyrics to her ear.
She rested her head on my chest and we closed our eyes, just letting the feel of it all fill us.
"Do you feel it too?" she asked after a while.
"Yes," was all I could say at that moment, because in the end, it was that simple.
She moved her head and now we were touching our foreheads, just staring at each other's eyes. I could really lose myself in them. The way she was looking at me told me that she felt exactly the same as I did and that I was it for her as well. There was such intensity in her look, for a moment it felt like I needed to sit down from the force of it. She truly brought me to my knees.
"Let's go," I said determined.
"Yes." She smiled and took my hand once again without hesitation, gripping it and letting me know that we were in this together. The warmth was still there, but different somehow, for when we first touched they were waves of warmth that kind of shocked me, but now they were soothing me, filling me with a feeling of love and forever that I had never felt before.
We left the party that night and never spent a night apart since then.
The grumble of my stomach brings me back to the present. We had fun at those parties after that night and attending was also a way to thank Alice for introducing us; it seemed like she'd been wanting to do so for a while but never got the chance.
My body is hungry apparently, so I put on a hoodie and sneakers, grab my wallet, keys and phone and head out to buy something at the deli near the apartment. I know I could've called and have them deliver, but it's so close and I really need some fresh air after a day of reminiscing.
When the cool air of the city hits my face, clearing it a bit, I just take notice that it's late afternoon by now and the sun is beginning to set.
When I get back home, I feel new waves of sadness, seeing it all so empty, so dark. By now we would usually be sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating take-out, while talking about our days as well.
But now, there was none of that. The apartment is getting darker and darker with the retreat of the sun and there is no noise, except from my breathing. It all feels … lifeless.
I go sit by the window. The place has floor to ceiling windows that allow us to see the entire city below. It was the main reason why we bought this particular place. We usually just kept the curtains wide open to let the light in and since we were so high up, nobody really saw inside.
I'm nodding off; my body finally catching up to the day's emotional roller coaster, remembering our fight from last night.
I had been preparing all week for that night. I had everything perfect for it, but most importantly, perfect for her.
It was our one year anniversary since we started dating and six months since we moved in together. We'd had our ups and downs, just like everyone else, but we made it work. We were both very passionate and stubborn as hell, but once we realized our mistakes, we had no problem in admitting them and saying we were sorry if we needed.
I had made reservations at our favorite restaurant, a quiet little indian place we found by chance one day while looking for refuge from the rain. The scents of spices and incense enveloped us and the decoration made it feel like we were in a different world. In time, we befriended the owner and his family and it became our place to eat and have romantic dates from time to time.
I had been right last night, it was the perfect place for our date. She loved it and Malak, the owner of the restaurant, even prepared us a special dessert.
We walked back to our place, talking about everything and nothing, mostly remembering the year that had passed.
Once we got home, Bella gasped when she saw that the living room was surrounded by candle lights. They were everywhere, the mantle, the coffee table, adorning the window. It looked beautiful, giving the apartment a warm glow that I thought I could find in Bella as well. I had asked Alice to do so while we were gone and she had gone all out with it. She truly was a great friend.
"Alice?" she asked with a little smile while admiring the room.
"Yes, I only said candles, but she truly outdid herself with this," I chuckled while walking toward Bella who was now staring out the window of the living room.
I went and encircled her waist from behind resting my head on her shoulder. She leaned back and rested her body against mine. The picture I could see reflecting back at us in the window was so familiar to the one I was so jealous of all that time ago. Both of us admired the city lights down below. It was so peaceful, the only sound of our breathing.
This was it, this was the moment I had been waiting for all week. I slowly turned Bella so that we were facing each other. I was so eager and nervous to get the words out, but when I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes, she looked … scared?
"Bella? What's wrong, baby?" I asked a little scared; those were not happy tears.
"Please, Edward. Don't- don't ask what I think you're gonna ask, because you won't like my answer and I don't think I can stand breaking your heart," she pleaded.
"What do you mean? What do you think I was going to ask?" I knew exactly what she was talking about. It was obvious the moment we entered the apartment what I was doing and now hearing her say that she didn't want it, hurt so much. I couldn't believe the turn of this night.
She sighed, realizing that she had been right and now she had to do something that pained her.
"My answer is no, Edward, I will not marry you," she said with such finality, that I could tell she was struggling with the words that were coming out of her mouth.
In the meantime, my entire body was aching, my heart breaking with those words. Had I been that wrong about us? I couldn't have been. I knew she loved me and I sure as hell loved her. Was this some sort of game to her?
"Why?" Was all I could say at that moment without breaking or getting angry and saying things I didn't mean.
"Because why ruin what we have now? Aren't you happy with this? We are having fun and I love being with you; I love you."
"Having fun? Yes, I'm having fun, but this is more than that. I thought we were heading somewhere; we moved in together for Christ's sake. I want a future with you, a forever and being roommates it's not enough anymore, Bella. I love you and I want to marry you; I want us to make a commitment in front of the world that says that you are mine and I am yours." I was almost screaming by now.
Bella was crying and shaking her head, probably trying to deny what was happening now.
"But I am yours Edward; we don't need a piece of paper that says that. I'm not going anywhere without you. This is it for me. Why can't you be happy with that? Marriage ruins everything, can't you see?"
And I did understand what she was saying, but marriage was more than that for me. I wanted her to be my wife and I wanted to be her husband. I wanted rings on our fingers and I wanted her to carry my children in years to come ... as my wife. Maybe I was being irrational about it, but just as much as Bella didn't want it, I did.
"I just can't, Bella. I want to be your husband and for me this is the next step. I'm sorry, but that's how I feel." I sighed defeated, realizing that this was probably it for us.
"But it's not how I feel, Edward. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you, I just can't. I- I have to get out of here. I'm sorry." And she ran from the apartment, tears falling down her beautiful face. I didn't know if I'd see her again.
I stood there for I don't know how long, not moving. Not going after her, not running away from her. Just still. I didn't know what to think of it. She didn't want to marry me but she did want to be with me. It had been hard to convince her to move in together; I should've seen that as a sign. She was afraid of commitment and here I was asking her to marry me.
I was such a fool for not seeing that sooner. I should've talked to her a long time ago, cleared her doubts and talked about what we saw for our future. I just assumed we were going down the same road. But then I had scared her and the damage might be irreversible.
I tried her cell phone and left dozens of messages just telling her to call me, to talk to me. I knew deep down that our next talk would decide our future, both of our arguments were completely opposite.
It was a make it or break it kind of situation now.
I'm startled by the knock of the door, I hadn't noticed I had fallen asleep by the window. The light had finally receded, giving way to darkness, darkness that enveloped the entire place. Only the little lights from the city were visible now. I'm not sure if I heard right so I make no move to open the door, I don't want to see anyone else but her and she has the keys to our place.
The person keeps knocking softly and I realize now I have to get it, otherwise they will never leave. They will just have to deal with someone who hadn't taken a shower all day and feels like shit.
I get up and go to open it without even bothering to turn on the lights, wishing whoever is at the other side would take it as a hint to leave soon. After taking a few deep breaths, I open it and when I do, what I see breaks my heart.
Bella is standing there in sweat pants, t-shirt and a coat, her hair a mess and her eyes puffy and red from crying; they even have some tears in them now. Her eyes look like mine when I looked at myself in the morning.
"Why didn't you use your key? This is your place too." I whisper, hoping that she still sees it as our place.
"I didn't want to just come inside and upset you more than I already had, Edward. I wanted to give you the chance to open the door or not." She says hesitantly.
I open the door widely and move to let her in. I'm relieved that she's here, but also afraid of what will happen now. I want to close my eyes and be back in our bed like the morning before, making love and celebrating our anniversary, wrapped in each other's bodies.
Bella goes straight to the window, looking out into the world. It always calmed her to do that whenever we had a fight.
"I'm so sorry for leaving like that, Edward." She says not turning from the window.
I slowly approach her, I really want to touch her, but it could make her run away again and I'm not sure I could stand that again. If we end things after this night, it has to be mutual. I can't let her run away again, leaving me with more questions than anything. I would let her go if it made her happy. Even if it broke me.
"I understand what happened, Bella. But I truly thought we were happy like this. I now see that I probably pushed you too hard, taking you down the road that I wanted for us; and instead of asking you what you wanted, I just assumed it was the same for you." I move to stand behind her by the window.
"You are everything I want and more, Edward. You have no idea how much I love you and it's breaking my heart to see you like this. When you ache, I ache and to be the reason for that look on your face was too much. I had to leave last night."
Bella turns and looks at me pleadingly. She needs me to understand her reasons.
"I can't say I'm all that surprised by you proposing. I had been seeing the look on your face for the past month. You looked so determined about it and it scared me," she whispers.
"I understand if you don't want to marry, Bella. Marriage is not for everyone; hell, it wasn't enough for my parents, but that is where I see our future heading. I had been thinking about it a lot. I can't go back to roommates now. I want to get married and you don't; I just don't see where do we go from here." I run my hands through my hair; I'm finally saying the words that I'd been dreading for the past day.
"But that's what I mean, Edward. You said it yourself. Marriage it's not for everyone, even when they love each other." She moves to seat on the chair I had used before and hides her face in her hands.
"For the longest time I had fun dating and just hanging out with friends, I thought I was happy and didn't need a man by my side. But in time, all my friends started to settle and seeing them that happy made me long for that a little bit. I started wondering for the first time in my life if my chance would ever come and almost gave up on that notion. And that's when I met you." She raises her face to look up at me.
"That night when we danced, I knew it, I just felt that you were the one for me, Edward, the one that I'd spent the rest of my life with. I had absolutely no doubts about it. And you're right about my hesitance about moving in together. I had my doubts about it, but not because of you, never you, but because of me." I move a little closer to her.
"None of my relationships worked in the past. I always got bored or when things started to get serious; I got out of them. And it scared me to death that it could happen to us, because I wanted us to work so much; I want us to work so much. For a moment I thought that maybe if I was what you wanted me to be, then we'd had a chance."
I back away instantly at hearing this. Had she been pretending all this time? Is the Bella I fell in love with even real?
"But I couldn't do that. I found myself being myself when I was with you, more than I was with anyone before. I wasn't pretending when we were together, Edward, on the contrary, you saw the real me.
"In time, I saw that I truly wanted more with you, not just living together, but maybe marriage and kids. God, Edward, kids with you would be amazing, and that's what scared me the most."
"Then I don't understand what happened, Bella. From what you're telling me you want to be with me, even marrying me. So what happened?" I'm getting frustrated.
"Our parents happened, fucking life happened. They loved each other and look at what happened to them. Your parents divorced when you were eight and even though mine are still married, they barely talk to each other anymore. Neither of those paths is the one I want for us. If love wasn't enough for them, how could it be enough for us?" Bella is looking at her lap when she says this, rubbing her hands together.
I go to her instantly and kneel in front of her, holding her hands in mine. I have to make her listen to me.
"Bella please, look at me."
She raises her face and it's so beautiful, even with the tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. She looks so tired; I know then that she had barely slept all night and kept playing the fight over and over in her head. She's scared about my reaction to this. Just like me, she's afraid of what would come from this talk.
"We are not our parents, Bella. And do you really have such little faith in us that you think we won't work? Yes, marriage didn't work for them, but we are different. I'd love to promise you that we'll be together forever and that nothing will happen to us, but I can't Bella, nobody can. I don't want anything to happen to us of course, but marriage no- relationships need work and until last night I thought we'd been doing pretty well so far."
She looks slightly hopeful at hearing my words.
"We will work for this, for us. We will talk things through, our doubts and frustrations, the good and the bad, because it's worth it, we are worth it. You'll drive me crazy with your OCD tendencies, always telling me to pick up after myself, and I'll drive you crazy with my mess and my taking pictures of you when you least expect it. And we'll fight, Jesus, we will fight, because God knows we can't live without infuriating each other." We both smile at this.
"The only thing I can promise you is that I'll work hard for us to work, Bella. I'll fight for us with everything I have, but you have to talk to me, you have to tell me these things, just as I'll tell you my fears. I can't be the only one working here." I have to make her understand what I'm saying.
"I love you, baby, and I see a future with you, years and years to come, but if that's not what you truly want, then I think we have to end things here and remain great friends, because we are heading in two different ways. I can't say it won't hurt, but I'll let you go." I swallow hard at this notion; I would do it if it made her happy.
"But if you don't want to marry me because you think we'll break up someday and are afraid to take a chance, then I say bullshit. I'm scared as shit as well, but I trust us to work out. Each day brings a choice for us to stay in this together, a choice not to let go and keep fighting, and is a choice I gladly make. I choose us."
"God, Edward." She cries and launches herself into my arms, making us both fall to the floor. It's such a relief to feel her in my arms once again.
We stay like that just feeling each other, remembering the warmth of our bodies. The waves of love were once again crashing against our bodies and pouring down to our toes.
After a few minutes of hearing only our breathing, Bella shifts slightly to look me in the eyes, while her face remains resting on my chest. Her eyes are red from crying but they also hold something that had been missing until now. Hope?
"God, Edward. Of course I choose you, every single day. I never thought I could find someone like you and I let my fears cloud my feelings for you. I've been alone for such a long time, always making decisions for myself, by myself, and then suddenly thinking about an us, well, I wasn't prepared for how good it felt. I've been such a coward for not talking to you sooner, for hiding my fears from you. Everything you said is what I want as well, but I've been so afraid of wanting it and then maybe losing it. I just couldn't bear to have you walk away from me if you thought you didn't want to be with me anymore." She sighs and lifts her body to slowly start kissing my face.
Again, avoiding my mouth.
"You're right, we'll fight and laugh and make love and always, always come back to each other. I won't run away from you anymore, I can't. It killed me to do that and to know the pain it caused you, just-" She chokes.
"Please, baby, don't think about that anymore. You are so strong and beautiful, I wish you could see the way I see you and have more faith in yourself. But I promise you, I'll spend the rest of forever remind you of that, showing you how wonderful you truly are." And I kiss her, because it's been too long. And it's a kiss filled with love and relief and such promise that I don't want to break apart.
We remain on the floor for a while, just touching and kissing. Relieved, excited and scared for the future.
"Baby?" She asks while nuzzling my neck.
"You smell like ass." She giggles and the vibrations of it shake me and made me laugh as well, really laugh. It feels so good to be laughing like this, letting all the tension of the day go away.
"Thanks, baby. I love you too."
I look into her eyes and finally I see the cloud of doubt lifting from her eyes, how had I missed it before? I want to propose to her right then and there, but just as I'm going to, she lifts from the floor and offers me her hand, helping me stand up.
I'm confused by her change in behavior and wondering what she wants while pulling me to our bedroom. Surely she doesn't want to make love now, we are both tired and I'm stinky as hell, not having had a shower all day.
"Um, Bella, baby. Where are we going?"
And she stops abruptly, facing me. Her face is so serious, it worries me a little.
"Well, dear, we are going to take a shower and change into some clean and fresh clothes. Because I'm telling you right now that there is no way I'm telling our children that the love of my life, their father, proposed to me while smelling like ass. And being our kids, you know they'll ask a million questions."
The grin that I'm wearing at her words is so big, I think my face will split in two. So I take her in my arms and hug her close to me, our noses barely inches apart, while she plays with my hair. It's so soothing.
"Well, Miss Swan, when our kids ask such a question, we'll tell them the truth, smelly ass and all because that is what they deserve, the truth. That is where the magic of it all is."
We head to our bedroom while removing our clothes, leaving a trail of them along the way. I kiss her hard when we reach the bathroom and close the door behind us. This will be the first night of many years together.
2 years later
"And then I took the ring from my pocket and placed it on her finger, finally making her mine. The End," I say softly to the little bundle on my arms.
"God, Edward, I send you to do one job. Put the baby to sleep and half an hour later, she just fell asleep?" Bella says with a smile from the door to the nursery.
She looks tired from the night time feedings and little sleep but she still looks as beautiful as the day I met her at that party.
"Well, she wanted to know the story of the proposal. I had to tell her, baby. Well, the G rated version of course, she doesn't need to hear how we celebrated afterwards."
Bella laughs and makes her way to the rocking chair I'm sitting on.
"Well, did you tell her about your smelly ass? That's G rated, right?" She leans and kisses our little girl's head.
"Well, of course I did, but I don't think she got it though. She only blinked at me. Tough crowd, baby, tough crowd." Bella rolls her eyes and takes the baby, placing her in the crib.
Looking at both of them I still can't believe how lucky I am. It all started with a party I never even wanted to attend, but who knew I'd find the magic that had been missing from my life until that point. And the fact that it keeps on growing and that I can see it even in our little girl, takes my breath away every single day.
We head to the door of the nursery and when I take Bella's hand I feel the familiar waves traveling up my arms and spreading through my entire body.
Yeah, it never gets old.
And there you have it, hope it made sense, LOL.
Thanks for reading :-)