Uh... hi everyone, remember me? Sorry about the long absence. I'd been trying for a while to write a chapter from Rue's POV, but everything I came up with was extremely depressing. Then today, a thought came to me. What if Alma Coin... well I'll let you read to find out.

I own nothing btw.

Alma Coin: The agricultural unit has produced a surplus of grapes this season. Therefore, for the next two weeks each citizen will be granted three additional raisins in their oatmeal.

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Olga Herring: Good job farmers!

Alma Coin: yes we're all quite proud.

Walden Morse: But I don't like raisins. Can I have blueberries instead?

Alma Coin: No, ask again and you'll be severely punished. :)

Alma Coin likes District 13 exists!.. in secret, Agricultural successes, and I'm the Boss!

Plutarch Heavensbee ~ Alma Coin

Hey Alma! What's shakin' down in D13? Hope things are doing well. Listen I have a plan to bring down the Capitol, you in?

Alma Coin: No, I don't work with Capitol scum.

Plutarch Heavensbee: Pretty please, with sugar and sprinkles on top.

Alma Coin: No!

Plutarch Heavensbee: I'll make it worth your while.

Alma Coin: Alright shoot.

Plutarch Heavensbee: I'm sure you know about the Capitol's Hunger Games.

Alma Coin: Yes, I've heard of your gruesome, disgusting Games that I only approve when Capitol children are used.

Plutarch Heavensbee: Well, our plan is to break into the arena, smuggle Katniss Everdeen out into District 13 and make her the symbol of the revolution. We'd need your cooperation, and one of you hovercrafts. What do you say are you in?

Alma Coin: I guess, but who's Katniss Everdeen?


Alma Coin: I don't follow the Capitol's frivolous pop culture.

Plutarch Heavensbee: I'll send a few clips so you can see how big Katniss is right now.

Plutarch Heavensbee sent you video clips of Katniss Everdeen

Alma Coin wrote on Plutarch Heavensbee's wall:

I saw your video, the girl's alright, but who is that boy with those gorgeous blue eyes?

Plutarch Heavensbee: That's Peeta Mellark.

Alma Coin: I want him!

Plutarch Heavensbee: Why?

Alma Coin: Because he's a total dreamboat!

Plutarch Heavensbee: Uh… What?

Alma Coin: Err… I mean, the girl's temperamental. He'd probably be easier to work with.

Plutarch Heavensbee: That's true, we were going to recuse him too, so will work out the details later.

Alma Coin joined the group Peeta fangirls.

Alma Coin: is encouraging all citizens to clean up their compartments as we are having some very special guests coming soon.

Walden Morse: are they coming into our compartments?

Alma Coin: I highly doubt it.

Walden Morse: Then why do we need to clean them?


Edith Ott: Ooh special guests… who's coming?

Alma Coin: Peeta Mellark! :D

Edith Ott: who's that?

You poked Edith Ott.

Alma Coin sent Plutarch Heavensbee a Hovercraft.

Plutarch Heavensbee ~ Alma Coin

Thanks for the help, the plan didn't go as smoothly as we would have liked, but we managed to get Katniss, Finnick, and Beetee out of the arena.

Alma Coin: what about my Peety-pie?

Plutarch Heavensbee: Who?

Alma Coin: Err… I mean Peeta.

Plutarch Heavensbee: We failed to rescue him along with Johanna and Enobaria.

Alma Coin: What! I thought he was your first priority?

Plutarch Heavensbee: Nope, Katniss was first.

Alma Coin: So what happened to poor Peeta? Is he… dead?

Plutarch Heavensbee: we don't know.

Alma Coin: NOOOOOO!

Alma Coin: Wallowing in self-pity. Do not disturb.

Alma Coin is now friends with Katniss Everdeen, Finnick Odair, Beetee, and Haymitch Abernathy.

Gale Hawthorne ~ Alma Coin

Hi, District 12 got destroyed. Can me and my 800 or so friends come crash with you?

Alma Coin: Depends, are you guys fertile?

Gale Hawthorne: Uhm… yeah, I think most of us are.

Alma Coin: Then welcome to District 13.

Gale Hawthorne: Awesome!

Alma Coin is now friends with Gale Hawthorne and 800 other people.

Alma Coin wrote on Katniss Everdeen's wall:

You're going to be the Mockingjay, the symbol of the revolution

Katniss Everdeen: No thank you.

Alma Coin: Well, I tried. I'll leave Plutarch deal with you, and I'll daydream about how Peeta would've been so much better for this job.

Katniss Everdeen: You got that right.

Alma Coin likes I cannot deal with whiny teenage girl antics, and I hate cats, especially ones named Buttercup.

Katniss Everdeen ~ Alma Coin

Can I please, please, please, go to District 12?

Alma Coin: No

Katniss Everdeen: Please!

Alma Coin: No, it's much too risky.

Katniss Everdeen: PLEASE, I need to see it.

Alma Coin: No, and that's final.

Plutarch Heavensbee: Oh, just let her go, it's better to waste a day than another month.

District 13 Guard ~ Alma Coin

We found these people stealing bread.

Venia: Please, we didn't mean to.

Alma Coin: who are they?

District 13 Guard: Katniss Everdeen's prep team.

Alma Coin: Chain them up, do it. NOW!

District 13 Guard: Isn't that a bit harsh?

Alma Coin: No, it isn't harsh enough.

Alma Coin: Peeta Mellark's alive :D!

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Katniss Everdeen: It's great that he's alive, but why are you excited for this?

Alma Coin: Um… because there's still a chance that Peeta could take your place as the Mockingjay.

Katniss Everdeen: actually, there isn't

Alma Coin: why's that?

Katniss Everdeen: you'll see tomorrow.

Katniss Everdeen wrote on Alma Coin's wall

I will be the Mockingjay on the following conditions

1. I get to keep our cat named Buttercup

2. I get to hunt with Gale

3. I want Gale with me through this

4. I want immunity for the captured tributes

5. I kill Snow

Alma Coin: I'm ok with 2, 3, and 5, but 1 and 4 get a no.

Katniss Everdeen: then find yourselves a new mockingjay

Plutarch Heavensbee: can we please just work this out

Alma Coin: oh, alright, fine to all of them but you'd better perform.

Katniss Everdeen: Oh, and I want you to make it public. Tell all of D13 about the immunity.

Alma Coin: Is that really necessary?

Katniss Everdeen: Yes

Alma Coin ~ District 13

Citizens of 13, I'm gonna give immunity to the victors that are being held in the Capitol, but Katniss is gonna devote herself to the cause. If she does a bad job, I'll take back my promise.

Katniss Everdeen likes this

Haymitch Abernathy ~ Alma Coin

We're sending Katniss into combat for footage, is that ok?

Alma Coin: Can't you think of any other ways to get footage?

Haymitch Abernathy: nope

Alma Coin: Fine, just make sure she doesn't die.

Plutarch Heavensbee sent you a Propo clip

Alma Coin: Not bad, but I still think Peeta could've done a better job.

Plutarch Heavensbee: Well, I think she did wonderfully, most people seem really moved by it.

Alma Coin: I didn't say it was bad, in fact it was very moving. Let's get some more clips out ASAP. We can air them the next time Peeta's on TV.

Alma Coin: Attention citizens of District 13, we are doing a level 5 security drill tonight, please proceed to your assigned bunkers in an orderly fashion.

Haymitch Abernathy: It's not a freaking drill Coin. We're actually being attacked!

Syd Chackles: There's an attack?

Walden Morse: PANIC! Every man for himself!

Alma Coin: Way to go Haymitch, I only said drill so people wouldn't panic, like they're doing now thanks to you.

Alma Coin likes Keeping a certain amount of order, Peeta Mellark's a major hunksicle, and Seriously, I don't work with kids for a reason.


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Beetee: and Johanna Mason

Finnick Odair: and Annie Cresta

Alma Coin: yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alma Coin is now friends with Peeta Mellark, Johanna Mason, and Annie Cresta

Alma Coin wrote on Peeta Mellark's wall:


Peeta Mellark: Grrrr…

Alma Coin: Oh… you're so sexy when you're hijacked.

Peeta Mellark: Must… Kill… Katniss

Alma Coin: I know, I feel the same way

Katniss Everdeen: HEY, I heard that! I'm not dying anytime soon! And stay away from my man!

Alma Coin: he's not your man!

Katniss Everdeen: He will be soon enough, have you read the end of chapter 27?

Katniss Everdeen ~ Alma Coin

I swear, if you did anything funny with Peeta while I was in District 2, I'm gonna shoot you with my fancy bow and arrow.

Alma Coin: Yeah, like that will ever happen.

Finnick Odair ~ Alma Coin

Guess what, me and Annie Cresta are going to get married.

Alma Coin: Congratulations, I'll get the paper work and you can move into your new compartment next week.

Plutarch Heavensbee: What? Just papers! No, no, no, we are going all out for this wedding. Champagne, caviar, a twenty piece orchestra, it's going to be the social event of the season!

Alma Coin: And how do you expect to pay for all this?

Plutarch Heavensbee: Well, uh… We'll film it, and use the propo budget.

Alma Coin: There's not much left, since we bought the right's to Claudius Templesmith's voice, so good luck with this "spectacular" wedding.

Katniss Everdeen ~ Alma Coin

Why aren't you letting me go fight in the Capitol! It's not fair

Alma Coin: Well, you never once showed up for train.

Katniss Everdeen: I'm Katniss Everdeen, the Mockingjay, the badass heroine taking down the Capitol. Training is beneath me.

Alma Coin: It's that kind of attitude keeping me from sending you to the Capitol.

Katniss Everdeen: Well, if you send me to the Capitol, I won't be able to keep you from Peeta.

Alma Coin: In that case, you start training tomorrow. We'll get you out of here as quick as we can.

Katniss Everdeen: Yay!

Alma Coin wrote on Peeta Mellark's wall:

Katniss, is gone and we're all alone. What do you think we should do Peety-Pie?

Peeta Mellark: … Plot more ways to kill Katniss Everdeen?

Alma Coin: I already spend way more time than healthy doing that. Wouldn't you like to do something more… intimate?

Peeta Mellark: No! Lady, get away from me!

Alma Coin: But Peeta, I thought we had something special.

Peeta Mellark: No, we never had anything! You're like 40 years older than me, completely insane, and you're perfect grey hair creeps me out. I want you to go away, never visit me again, and get some psychiatric help.

Alma Coin: I.. can't believe you don't like me :`(

Alma Coin left the group Peeta fangirls.

Alma Coin wrote on Peeta Mellark's wall:

I'm sending you to the Capitol to fight with Katniss. I hope you die painfully!

Boggs ~ Alma Coin

Why did you send Peeta to my Squad? Do you want Katniss dead or something?

Alma Coin: yeah, and her boyfriend Peeta too.

Boggs: but I thought you liked Peeta

Alma Coin: Not anymore!

Coriolanus Snow ~ Alma Coin


Alma Coin: Snow.

Coriolanus Snow: I hate you

Alma Coin: I hate you more

Coriolanus Snow: You're my arch nemesis

Alma Coin: You can go burn in Hell

Coriolanus Snow: Yo mamma so ugly, even the nastiest looking muttations wouldn't do her.

Alma Coin: Yo mamma so fat, she lives in Districts One, Two, and Three.

Coriolanus Snow: Why are we doing this?

Alma Coin: The author thought the readers would find it amusing.

Coriolanus Snow: I see. Well now that our witty banter is over with, I wanted to tell you my diabolical plan to kill Katniss. I had some scientists make reptilian mutts that say her name and smell like roses, and they're gonna rip her to shreds.

Alma Coin: That got nothing on my plan. I'm gonna use the bombs that her best friend invented to kill her little sister, and hopefully her lover Peeta too. She'll be so messed up, it'll be hilarious.

Coriolanus Snow: Coin, that's cruel, really cruel. Even I wouldn't stoop that low, and I'm the most evil character in the book.

Alma Coin: Please, I'm so much more evil than you.

Coriolanus Snow ~ Alma Coin

Told you my plan would work. IN YOUR FACE COIN!

Alma Coin: I guess you're right.

Katniss Everdeen: No, the mutts didn't get me. It got Finnick though, and bunch of other characters nobody cares about, but the three characters in the love triangle are still alive!

Coriolanus Snow: Damn it! I thought it was fool proof!

Alma Coin: So, Peeta's still alive?

Katniss Everdeen: yup

Alma Coin: NO! :(

Alma Coin wrote on Coriolanus Snow's wall:

Ha! My plan worked. IN YOUR FACE SNOW!

Coriolanus Snow: I guess it did. So what do I do now?

Alma Coin: Wanna make out?

Coriolanus Snow: uhm... no.

Alma Coin: The Capitol got overthrown, all thanks to me and my brilliant plan! Soon I'm going to be the new ruler of Panem!

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Alma Coin: -13 likes, how is that even possible?

Facebook President: We made an exception, just for you.

Alma Coin ~ Katniss Everdeen

I left Snow for you to kill.

Katniss Everdeen: uh… thanks

Coriolanus Snow: You're not really gonna kill me, are you, Katniss?

Katniss Everdeen: Oh no, I'll kill you… indirectly.

Alma Coin: What's that supposed to mean.

Katniss Everdeen: Nothing

Alma Coin asked a question

Should we have one last Hunger Games using Capitol children?

Yes 4

No 3

Alma Coin: good, it's settled then, I'm glad we came to an agreement

Katniss Everdeen ~ Alma Coin


Alma Coin deactivated her facebook account.

My question, what if Alma Coin was a Peeta Fangirl? The answer, this. Seriously, after writing this, it totally fits. Coin wanted Peeta because she thought he was hot, and sent him off to battle because he rejected her. Wow, that's probably my most cracked out theory ever.

Also, if you like stuff like this, ImagineAsian101 wrote a fic called Tweets. It's the Hunger Games done twitter style. It's a currently unfinished, but none the less hilarious. Even people like me who have no idea how twitter works can get the humor.

And those yo mamma jokes, I thought of them myself. Yeah, I'm proud, cause before today I'd never made a yo mamma joke.