Chapter 23 Carlisle's POV
Here we're going to deal with Carlisle's willingness to kill as a vampire.
With the thoughts of blood running down my throat, I followed behind my- for all intents and purposes- mother. She led me through the castle, passing many a delicious looking human going about their daily chores.
Briefly my thoughts flew back to my father and his endless chorus of hateful words. All slandering the race that I myself am now. Calling vampires vile creatures that didn't deserve to live and needed to be extinguished from this earth. He had been pleased when I had followed his example and joined him in the war to protect mankind from the bloodsuckers. Because while I did not enjoy ending a life no matter how undead that life might be, I comforted myself with the knowledge that I was probably saving more lives than dowsing.
But what was happening now? What was I about to do?
Amy's voice cut into my thoughts. "Here we are Carlisle. Pick any one you want."
I looked up to what she was referring to.
She had taken me to what I assume is the dungeon of this palace. It was cavernous, and lined with cages holding what must be hundreds of humans. I could see but I could tell by the sparse sources of light that it must be very dark down here in the depths of the building. The conditions of the humans seemed good enough. They didn't look ill fed or as dirty as I might have imagined, but the space still smelled of grime and rust.
I felt my insides turn at the same time my senses heightened at being presented my potential meal.
I did not feel any comfort at being down here. My rational mind wanted to leave at the same time The Monster inside of me was clawing his way to the food. I was disgusted with The Monster, he could not even see these creatures as living things with hopes, dreams, and families. He was a terribly selfish entity with only thoughts of satisfying himself and his thirst.
There was a nudge on my arm. I looked down to Amy and saw she had a worried look on her face. "Are you alright?" She asked simply.
I took a moment to calm The Monster enough to get words out and said to her "I don't want to be here."
She nodded understandingly. She pulled us out of the dungeon, but called to one of the guards by the door "Bring one to the dining room."
I had to stop here. The Monster was trying to wrench free my control of it, trying to get back into the room with the decadent buffet of food. I tried to speak, but it was hard. I wanted to be using my mouth for different things at the moment. "No, I can't…"
Amy stopped and turned to me. "What do you mean Carlisle?"
My hands flew to my temples, trying to if I could physically keep The Monster inside me. "I can't… eat one of those… things."
The guard in question came in with one of the prisoners from the dungeon. The Monster rejoiced and briefly took control with a step towards the human. But I managed to take the step back and look away.
I felt Amy's small hand on my arm. I didn't look at her. "Carlisle, what do you mean? What things? ...Do you mean the people in there? Carlisle, we can go to the village to feed if you want."
I jerked away from her and the distracting sound of the beating heart in the room. The doors burst off its hinges in my haste to escape the sounds. A couple of humans had been walking by and had jumped away from the splinters. The Monster delighted in their fear and forced me forward before I could stop him. He rushed forward and grabbed the ladies by their throats, lifting them up the wall.
My mouth was at one throat when I felt something covering my mouth. I bit savagely into whatever it was. There was a cry of pain that brought my control back. I looked over my shoulder and saw that the thing I had bit into was Amy's hand.
I let the girls slide to the floor and hear their footsteps run from where we stood. Guilt instantly filled me. I had bit the hand that fed me, literally. "I'm sorry." I bit out sharply past my clenched fangs. Because even as my guilt came The Monsters frenzy never waned.
She shook her head simply and wiped the blood away with her other hand. "Not a problem Carlisle, I knew what I had been doing when I got between a newborn and his food. The only thing I don't like is that you were trying to eat some of the ladies who are under my protection. I provided you with a perfectly good meal in the other room. While the packaging isn't nearly as nice as the ladies it doesn't taste any different."
I felt my jaw stiffen even more. "No! It's not the 'packaging' as you put it! I will NOT drink from a human. That was a momentary lapse that will never happen again!"
She chuckled at my speech and even The Monster's hackles were starting to rise. "No Carlisle, you will lapse again. You will feed from another human. It's not really a negotiable role. We are vampires, it's what we eat. A biological function of our bodies. What do you think you're going to eat Carlisle? You cannot have normal food anymore."
"I will find another way! One that does not have me ending a human life." I stated with conviction.
Amy shook her head "There is no other way!"
I stepped right in front of her and put my face close to hers. "I will find another way, or I will die trying."
Hardness was in her eyes, but I knew it was the same for myself. "And I will be there when you fail. You're will is not as strong as The Monsters."
A cold numbness filled me. "We shall see."
So there we go, another chapter out there. I know it has been a long time but better late than never.