There's No Place Like Home
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, that's CBS. I also don't own The Wizard of Oz, it belongs to Frank L. Baum and MGM/Warner Bros.
Summary: AU fic. While in hiding Emily falls asleep watching The Wizard of Oz and takes a trip there herself.
A/N: This story came to me while watching ABC's Best in Film's The Greatest Movies of Our Time.
Thanks for reading, please do remember to leave a review.
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you." Christian Morganstern
'There's nothing to do here.' Emily thought to herself walking around her Paris apartment.
Looking outside she sees the Eiffel Tower and people stopping to take pictures, but all Emily wants is to be back in America with her friends.
"This sucks," Emily said to herself.
'JJ gave me three different passports for three different countries, and all I want is to go back home.' Emily thought 'But I can't because of him.'
"Might as well watch a movie" Emily said to herself.
'Maybe watching a movie will distract me from missing them...' Emily thinks.
Walking over to her new dvd collection she mulls over her decision.
'No action, no violence' Emily thinks 'Had enough of that in my real life.'
"A ha" Emily said picking up The Wizard of Oz.
"A light-hearted movie, with some catchy tunes." Emily said to herself.
'I really need to get a cat, so I can stop talking to myself.' Emily chuckles at that.
Placing the movie in the dvd player, Emily settles in on the couch wrapping her blanket around her.
Emily falls asleep right during the tornado scene.
Emily felt like the room was shaking and awoke to see she was still in her apartment but it wasn't in Paris.
"Uh oh" Emily said looking around "I got a bad feeling I'm not in Paris anymore."
Emily walks out the door and sees a colorful outside, like something out a movie.
Looking all around Emily noticed how peaceful and almost childlike it seemed.
Emily hears laughter and sees two small children run around and hide.
Walking to the clear fountain Emily turns around at the laughter.
"Hello?" Emily said "Look, I know someone's there."
Emily sees a big pink bubble coming down from the sky which materializes into a blonde woman wearing a crown in pink gown.
"Now I know I'm definitely not in Paris anymore." Emily mutters to herself.
"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" the blonde woman said.
Emily looking confused said, "You talking to me?"
The blonde nods and Emily said, "I'm not a witch, I'm Emily Prentiss former FBI Agent."
"Well where's the witch?" the blonde said.
"There is no such things as witches." Emily said confused.
"Well I'm a little confused, the children called me because a new witched dropped the house on the wicked witch of the East." the blonde said.
The blonde and Emily turn to the house, "There's the house and here you are and that's all that's left of the wicked witch of the east" the blonde said pointing to a pair of legs with red slippers on them.
'Ah crap, I'm trapped in this movie' Emily thought looking at the legs.
"And so the children want to know, are you a good witch or a bad witch?" the blonde asked again flipping her hair over her shoulder while holding her wand in the other hand.
"Look, I already told you, I'm not a witch at all." Emily said, "Witches don't exist."
Emily hears childlike laughter, "Who's that?"
The blond smiles, "The children. They're laughing because I am a witch. I'm JJ, the Good Witch of the North."
Emily raises an eyebrow "You are?" Emily asked "Sorry, never met a real witch before. An epecially a beautiful one."
JJ chuckles, "Only bad witches are ugly. The children are happy because you freed them from the wicked witch of the East."
"What children?" Emily asked "Where are they?"
"The children of Lollipopville, live here in this land with their parents." JJ said "And you are their hero, my dear."
JJ turns around, "It's all right, it's all safe. You can come out and thank Emily."
'Please no singing' Emily thought 'I cannot stand to actually hear a Technicolor sing-a-long.'
"Come out meet the lady who fell from a star." JJ said sweetly.
'Good no singing.' Emily thought with relief.
"She fell from the sky and fell from very far from Paris the name of her star." JJ said.
'God I wish I had my remote to fast forward this.' Emily thought staring at the children.
Two young boys approach Emily with a basket, a lollipop and a flower.
"We represent the Lollipop Guild. I'm Henry." the blonde boy smiled, handing her a flower.
"And I'm Jack. We wish to thank you for knocking off Ashley the wicked witch." said Jack handing her the basket and lollipop.
'Wow, don't remember that in the movie.' Emily thought 'Ashley?'
A big puff of red smoke broke out sending the children running off as an old witch appeared.
The old witch went over to the house and looked at the dead witch's legs from under the house.
"I thought you said she was dead?" Emily whispered to JJ.
"That was her sister the wicked witch of the east, this the wicked witch of the west, Strauss." JJ said, "She's worst than the other one."
'Of course' Emily thought, 'I kinda remember this part.'
"Who killed my sister?" Strauss said "Who killed the witch of the East?"
The witch approached Emily and JJ who had her hand on Emily's shoulder.
"Was it you?" Strauss demanded.
"Look it was an accident" Emily said 'Like I'm afraid of an old witch'
"Well, my pretty, I can cause accidents too." Strauss said holding her broom.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" JJ said "The ruby slippers?"
"The slippers" Strauss whispered going back to the witch's body.
The slippers vanished off the legs as the legs rolled up under the house.
"There gone, what you do with them?" Strauss demanded "Give them back JJ."
"There they are" JJ said pointing to Emily's feet "And there they'll stay."
Emily looked down at her feet, 'Crap. They really look nice. Wonder if I could keep them after this is over?'
Strauss said, "Give me back the slippers, I'm the only one who knows how they work."
JJ told Emily, "Don't give them to her," JJ told the brunette, "They must be powerfully important if she wants them back."
"You stay out of this JJ or I'll fix you as well." Strauss threatened.
"You got no power here, now get lost before someone drops a house on you too." JJ said.
Strauss looks around in the sky.
"Fine, I'll leave for now. And as for you" Strauss said to Emily "Just stay out of my way."
'Great' Emily thought, here comes that cliché line on every tv commercial for this movie.
"I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too" Strauss said.
"I don't have a dog." Emily told Strauss who she and JJ looked confused.
"You know what I mean." Strauss cackling and disappears in red cloud of smoke.
"It's all right, she's gone." JJ said to the children "You can come out."
"I'm afraid you made a bad enemy out of the wicked witch of the west." JJ said sympathetically "It will be a lot safer for you to get out of Oz."
"Oh, I'd give anything to get out of Oz, but which way is back to Paris?" Emily asked "I can't go back the way I came."
"No, that's true. The only person who might know would be the great and wonderful wizard of Oz." JJ said.
"The wizard of Oz?" Emily asked "Is he good or wicked?"
"The wizard is very good but very mysterious." JJ said "Lives in the Emerald City but that's quite a journey from here."
"I guess I'll have to walk, since I don't got a broom" Emily chuckled.
"All you'll have to do is follow the yellow brick road." JJ said pointing to the yellow on the ground.
"Oh, ok." Emily said.
"And remember never let those ruby slippers off your feet, or you'll be at the mercy of the wicked witch of the west." JJ told Emily.
"I'll remember." Emily said as JJ kissed her forehead.
Emily followed the yellow on the brick road, and walked out of the Lollipopville.
'Not so bad' Emily thought not like in the movie until she got to a crossroad of yellow in every direction near a scarecrow.
"Ok, I followed the yellow brick road." Emily said to herself "Now which way?"
"Pardon me, that way is a very nice way." Emily hears but sees no person.
Emily turned all around "Who said that?"
Emily shook her head "Don't be silly, there's no one here?" Emily said to herself.
"It's pleasant down that way too" The scarecrow said.
"Crap, it's that part." Emily said
"Of course, people go both ways" the scarecrow said.
"You did say something didn't you?" Emily said.
Emily saw the young scarecrow shake his head twice than nod.
"You doing that on purpose or can't you make up your mind?" Emily asked slightly annoyed.
"That's the trouble, I can't make up my mind." The Reid scarecrow said "I haven't got a brain."
He lifts up his hat "Only straw."
"That's silly," Emily said "How can you talk if you don't have a brain?"
"I don't know." Reid said "But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"
"Yes, I guess your right." Emily said. "Well we haven't met have we?"
"No, we haven't." Reid said "How do you do?"
"Very well, how do you do?" Emily asked.
"Not so well, it's tedious being stuck up here all day long." Reid said. "With a poll up your back."
"That sucks, that's got to be uncomfortable." Emily said. "Can't you get down?"
"Down?" Reid asked "Down well you see..."
"Here let me help you" Emily put her basket down and went to it "Well I can't see, seem..."
"Well I'm not terribly bright but if you could bend the nail back, maybe I can slip off." Reid said.
"Oh yes." Emily said bending the nail and seeing Reid slip on to the ground.
"Whoops! There goes me again" Reid said "Just let me slip it back in."
"Does it hurt?" Emily asked.
"Nah, I just shove it back in." Reid said laughing.
They got up and Reid said "It's good to be free"
Emily gasped when he fell over the fence "Oh no."
"Did I scare you?" Reid asked.
"No I just hope you didn't hurt yourself." Emily said.
"But I didn't scare you?" Reid asked
"No, of course not." Emily said.
"I didn't think so." Reid said as a crow landed on the fence behind the cawing, "Boo! Scat."
As Reid wandered back over the fence, a crow went over on his shoulder taking his straw.
"You see?" Reid said to Emily "I can't scare a crow, they come from everywhere to eat in my field and laugh in my face. I'm a big failure because I don't got a brain."
"Well, I'm going to Emerald City see the Wizard to find my way back to Paris..." Emily said.
"Where's Paris?" Reid asked.
"Well that's my temporary home for now." Emily told Reid.
"Your going to see a Wizard?" Reid asked "Do you think maybe I could go with you and see if the Wizard could give some brains?"
"Well I don't see why not? Even if he didn't you would be worse off now." Emily said as they got off the grass.
"But I got a witch mad at me and I don't want you to get into any trouble." Emily said to Reid.
"A witch?" Reid asked "Well, I'm not afraid of a witch. I'm not really afraid of anything."
Reid leaned in "Except a lighted match." Reid said pointing to his straw.
"Don't blame you." Emily told him.
"But I'd face a boxful of them for the chance to get some brains. Look I won't be any trouble, I won't try to be in charge because I don't got the smarts for it. Please?" Reid asked.
"Why of course you can." Emily said to him.
"Hurray!" Reid said jumping up in the air.
Both went down traveled down the yellow brick road happy.
To Be Continued...