A/N: Cannon gives me fun ideas. It is stated in the show that Sheldon does fall victim to—arousal! Dun, dun, dun! Who better to help him than his bestie, right?
Warning: Graphic boy love, some swearing, and you might go to hell for reading this. But heck, I'm going too, I mean, I wrote it. So, meet me there with a bottle of tequila and YAOI!
Disclaimer: Does not own! Does not own! Does! Not! Own!
Summary: Sheldon is not above the evil animal instinct that is arousal.
Leonard was of the belief that many peoples shared. Sheldon simply had to be asexual, if anything. Sheldon and sex did not mix. It was unfathomable. The man was incapable of basic physical urges… This is the part of the story where the narrator switches the established convention with the trifle statement, "Or so he thought." However, what else was Leonard to think? The only reason the belief was shattered was all Leonard's fault for the benefit of understanding.
Leonard, for some reason he could never quite figure out, had forgotten to knock on Sheldon's door before entering. He entered the room rudely, shirtless, about to see if he could borrow one of Sheldon's. To his roommate's credit, he never panicked; just sort of froze, eyes snapping open from whatever fantasy he had conjured. Leonard, on the other hand, was a tad more rattled and wanted to leave hurriedly. He turned around, readying to slam the door behind him, until Sheldon spoke up.
That was all that was said, yet the way in which it was said… It made Leonard's stomach tighten in that biological way that announced arousal. Perhaps that was the sole factor for why Leonard stood, waiting for something. Sheldon had been entirely too quiet, sitting on his bed, doing only Sheldon and God knew what. It wasn't long before Leonard felt incredibly warm, almost uncomfortably so. He was unaware of his own blush as Sheldon breathed steadily somewhere behind him. A shiver passed over him, hopefully from the lack of a shirt to hold his body heat. Suddenly, he was all too aware of how hard his hands were gripping his pajama pants, and his glasses were slipping down his nose because his stare was intently pointed toward his feet.
Then, Leonard was jolted, Sheldon's balmy hand pressing against his shoulder. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing Sheldon's typical expression of neutrality. "I need to get to the bathroom now."
"Why?" Leonard asked, scaring himself by how unfazed he sounded.
"To wash my hands, of course," was the answer. The next moment was a mixture of Leonard's legs giving way and Sheldon carefully redirecting Leonard back down the hall.
In the morning, Leonard was less perplexed and had a better mind to question Sheldon about what exactly happened after Leonard walked in. Sheldon explained it as simply as he could. Which is as follows:
Sheldon is, as unfortunate as it is, human. To be human is to be part of a species that was once more animalistic than intelligent. Although mankind has made decent strides to a more Vulcan-esque society, man's downside is the baser drive to be sexually active. Despite Sheldon lives in the realm of science and logic… he, too, succumbs to times of pent-up hormonal levels. Ignoring his need to procreate is foolish; as to do so can in fact only lead to a stressed body and mind. Even Spock has his weak moments. Plus, it does increase his lifespan by occasionally releasing the metaphorical beast within.
Or something to that nature. Leonard was mostly listening. He could care less about Sheldon and his need to lecture about the significance of sexual relief. At a pause, or maybe even the end, Leonard interrupted harshly with, "Yeah, whatever, but why did I have to wait?"
Sheldon became quiet for a moment, unprepared with Leonard's insistent inquiry. Finally he opened his mouth and asked incredulously, "You don't know?" Leonard shook his head vehemently. Sheldon made a bemused hum. "Well. I'll be damned." He turned on his heel and left the kitchen, exiting out the front door. Leonard blinked, and waited for a moment. After a few feet tapping moments he sighed.
"Guess that means the conversation's over…"
The conversation progressed eventually. Eventually being dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. Penny was asking the guys what they wanted and was unprepared for Howard's sudden request for a side of pineapples.
"Pineapples?" Penny asked.
"Well, pineapples make your, uh, stuff taste better," he shrugged, "It'll make the old lady more eager."
"Which one, Bernadette or your mom?" Penny deadpanned. Howard glared as Raj tittered beside him. Leonard looked across the table skeptically.
"Really? I always heard it was sugar," he said. Sheldon turned his head, raising a brow.
"What exactly do you mean, sugar or pineapples? Are we making a cake?" he asked, confused but growing excited. Penny rubbed her forehead as Howard cringed. The whole conversation made Leonard cough awkwardly, unable to look Sheldon in the face.
"Uh, he's talking about… uh, well, you know," Leonard mumbled, face reddening.
"No, I don't know," Sheldon insisted, crossing his arms.
Howard rubbed the back of his neck, "Ya know how certain foods do different things? Like strawberries are good for the skin and… weeell, some foods make you taste better…" he tried, waving his hands in a circle. Sheldon blinked.
"Oh for God's sake!" Penny growled, throwing down her pad and pen, "We're talking about semen! Oral sex! A blowjob! Cum! That stuff!"
"Oh!" Sheldon declared. The rest of the table was sporting some serious blushes, but Penny stood there, hands on her hips and a frustrated expression flashing across her fine features. "Actually, if that's the case," Sheldon began, "It is nuts. You see its because—oh, and Penny you might want to jot this down to remember for your next date seeing as—"
"Finish that sentence Sheldon, and I'll make you eat your nuts," the waitress interrupted. Sheldon pressed his lips together quickly, looking down at the table in a pseudo attempt to appear interested in the menu.
"Nuts?" Leonard parroted, throwing a sympathetic face to the poor engineer who deflated instantly. Sheldon nodded, taking a sip of water.
"Really? Well, that's counter-productive for me…" Howard grumbled, "Damn allergies… Now I'll never get a BJ!"
"I don't even know why you'd want one," Sheldon scoffed. Penny simply shook her head as she picked up her pad.
"And why not?" she questioned, flipping open a page. Sheldon eyed her for a second, and then turned back to Leonard.
"You explain it to her, I don't care to be a eunuch," he stage whispered.
Penny smiled mischievously, "Aw, I thought that would have been a great gift to you. You might not have to have all those hormones flying around."
Leonard laughed lightly at the jab, while Sheldon frowned. "Sheldon just sees sex as DNA being shot everywhere, and that it's too messy," he enlightened. Penny waggled a finger at the both of them, a bemused glint shining in her eyes.
"Maybe regular sex," she conceded, Sheldon beamed in triumph for a moment, "But oral doesn't have to get that messy. What if she swallows? Or just gives you a hand job? Huh? Wouldn't that be something?" The table all swept their eyes over to Sheldon. He sat, jolted, eyes widened in an unreadable expression. Howard appeared smug, and Raj covered his evil grin. "I bet if she brushed her teeth really well, it would be clean enough, riiiiiiiight?" Sheldon began to sputter slightly, his brain obviously overloaded with possibilities.
Leonard suppressed a laugh, instead holding up his empty glass for Penny to take. "Alright, no more pushing Sheldon's buttons," he said calmly.
"He might just want them pushed now," she teased while taking the glass. As she walked away, Raj finally burst into giggles, and Howard played up his amusement. Meanwhile Leonard internally sighed, deciding not to think about Sheldon and sex in the same category for a bit.
Not that he had a choice of course. Sheldon came to him, a few weeks later, and handed him an itinerary and list of procedures he had to take before the end of the week was out. When Leonard read the sheets upon sheets, he was flabbergasted by all that his friend was demanding of him. "What makes you think I'll do this?" he shouted when he understood most of the packet.
"The Roommate Agreement," Sheldon explained simply. Leonard blinked, found his copy, and read over the section regarding sex in the apartment. Sheldon apparently drew up a clause that overlooked times, notices, and everything else Leonard never read about (but signed, unfortunately) regarding sex, because, the roommates were engaging coitus with one another. The conversation following said discovery went as such:
"Oh… wow… Totally skipped over that…"
"So? Go on now, get to work! You only have until Sunday," Sheldon shooed.
Of course, Leonard would have none of it: "I'm not performing oral sex on you, Sheldon."
"Then you're breaking the agreement, and I have every right to kick your butt out, and take you to a court of law, and—"
"What? Are you serious?"
"No, you broke the agreement."
"I didn't even know that clause what in there! What sort of maniac thinks—GAH! I'll live with Penny! I don't care!"
"You still have to give notice, and I still have to accept or deny, and if I do accept, our clause still falls within the time-span for approval, denial, and roommate acceptances terms of complying with your duties being my roommate until you are terminated. You still have to do it."
"I don't have to do anything! I'm going to Penny's!"
As Leonard headed for the door, Sheldon leapt forth and pointed out, "Then what are you going to tell everyone? Even if you lie, I can't. Not really, remember?"
Leonard stood there and thought about the situation for what seemed like days. His mind was like cartoon cogs, trying to turn, but a wrench was stuck in the works. Finally, the heaviest sigh Leonard expelled to date occurred, and he agreed to his crazy roommate. Sheldon buzzed about the apartment, and for some reason, Leonard found he was smiling softly at the sight. Which, ya know, killed said smile. Quite rudely too.
Leonard completed the itinerary. He got his blood work done (no STI's, hurrah!), got a physical (why, he wondered, when this agreement was purely for oral enjoyment?), visited the dentist for a cleaning (see, that made sense), went with Penny for a mani/pedi (manicure he could understand, pedicure was going a bit overboard), bought a sugar scrub set for his showering duties (that experience was weird enough), a completely new electronic toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, and water-pic set (back to making some sense), and expensive lip balm (regular 1.95 Chapstick couldn't work?).
So, that first Sunday night, Leonard was nervous. He was so nervous, even one of Sheldon's Texas idioms couldn't accurately describe his nervousness. Leonard had just finished reading a bunch of articles online pertaining to oral sex. At 7:30 Sheldon got in the shower. Leonard hoped he stayed in there all night making sure he was clean. But, no, he was only in there until 8:30. "Your turn," Sheldon declared, coming out in his pajamas and robe already. Leonard gulped and nodded. He scrubbed himself head to toe, as carefully as he could, making sure to take his time. Was he stalling?
"Oh God!" he moaned to the mirror after he had finished his shower, "Why am I doing this?" Leonard picked up the toothbrush, slathered toothpaste all across it, and started brushing, thinking. "Let's look at this logically!" he muttered as he spit out the excess foam in his mouth.
Sheldon couldn't really make him do anything. It was simply… Well… why was Leonard going along with this cockamamie scheme? So what if Leonard betrayed the agreement? Raj would totally take him in, maybe even Penny if he were smooth enough. Yeah, sure, when asked, Sheldon would probably admit that he asked Leonard to… uh, sexually release him. But really, it wouldn't bother Leonard—it would just make Sheldon look like the pervert. They would all side with Leonard, and Sheldon would probably be excommunicated from his social network, but really, he doesn't like people. Maybe Amy Farrah-Fowler wouldn't be as harsh, seeing as they're from the same planet, so in reality, he still had someone. Leonard wasn't actually protecting anyone or anything.
Leonard picked up his floss next, taking a nice, long piece. "Well, my mom's a therapist, so… how would a therapist look at this?"
Leonard had low self-worth. Sheldon has a supreme superiority complex. Perhaps Leonard finds his esteem in Sheldon's desire? Does Sheldon desire, or is Leonard merely convenient for his baser drives? Leonard paused, reaching for his mouthwash. His self-worth was deflating quickly. Maybe he ought to look at this more emotionally… Maybe, Leonard just wanted to do this. Just wanted to help his friend?
"I'm a saint!" he declared, his voice breaking. Filling his cup with the purple liquid, Leonard decided possibly it wasn't so much wanting to help, as simply, wanting to do it. "Okay… maybe I'm just a deviant."
Leonard leaned against the sink, the cold porcelain brushing his lower back. There was a moment of stillness where only his heart fluttered. "Am I really gonna do this?" he asked quietly. The reply was the dripping of the showerhead. It did not ease him. Honestly, though, what could he have expected? He was talking aloud to himself. "Guess I am…" Leonard mumbled, and gathered a fresh pair of flannel pants, throwing them on as he headed out the bathroom door and down the hall to Sheldon's room. Breathing in deep and holding the oxygen until it burned, Leonard lifted his fist and knocked firmly. He released the breath when the door clicked open. He slipped in like they were about to conduct a criminal exchange… and perhaps they were.
It was entirely dark in Sheldon's room. Only a few spots of glowing reddish lights from a stereo and a clock. Leonard was shocked when he found himself suddenly pressed into the door. Sheldon had swooped down in the dim setting, long fingered hands on his naked shoulder squeezing. Leonard was waiting, eyes adjusting to the atmosphere, until he could make out the outline of his friend's face. Suddenly his heart was fluttering some more, and his stomach clenched apprehensively. Sheldon's hands were running along his torso, the pressure firm, creating goosebumps. One hand, the right one, had traveled up from his navel, over his abdomen, and then briefly grazing a nipple, finally lazily moving over the side of Leonard's neck. Leonard had unconsciously flattened himself against the door, and lifted his chin, allowing Sheldon more access. The taller man had pressed in closer, clothed legs meeting more clothed legs.
"Open your mouth," Sheldon ordered. It was breathy, and hot, right next to Leonard's ear. Immediately, it sent little shots of electricity down Leonard's spine. He slowly parted his lips; Sheldon's thumb moving across the plumb flesh, testing it with a rough swipe. A moan, mostly misted breath, passed over the appendage, and Sheldon backed off. "G-Good. Now… on your knees." The voice was so much deeper then Leonard was use to. Full of urgency, thick with a need Leonard never imagined that his roommate could feel. Leonard found himself obeying, his back sliding down the wooden door until his knees came into contact with the carpet. They hit harder than he intended, and he knew bruises would form as shivers echoed deep into Leonard's bones.
"What is it you want me to do?" Leonard inquired softly, assembling his courage and glancing up to the shadowed figure looming over him. Sheldon remained immobile, and Leonard realized he was boring holes into his door. "Sheldon…?" With a sigh, Leonard leaned over, his forehead resting on Sheldon's stomach. "Do you still want this?"
A few beats of silence, and then, "… yes."
"What do you want me to do?" Leonard's hands moved on their own, one resting on Sheldon's hip, and the other twirling the hem of Sheldon's nightshirt. The man above Leonard let out a shuddering breath.
"Pleasure me…" he demanded. Leonard's face heated in a sure sign of a deep blush. He merely nodded, forehead still pressed into Sheldon. Leonard's hands smoothed downwards until he ascertained the edge of the pants Sheldon was wearing. The blush was intensifying as Leonard recognized the fabric was constricted, bunched tightly because of a very large bulge. His hands trembled as he rolled down the top of the pants, exposing Sheldon's impressive erection. Leonard sat back on his heels, hands trailing lightly. Leonard was well aware that height was proportionate to size, but, well… maybe things were bigger in Texas.
Leonard was a scientist, first and foremost, and for some reason, the natural urge to explore took hold of him. His fingers traced the length of Sheldon's member, up and down, up and down, his pads enjoying the feel of sturdy flesh. Sheldon was rigid, every muscle tense, and he refused to move. Leonard's right hand then encircled the base, and he leaned in, tongue darting out to run over the tip. There was the taste of clean skin mixed with something pleasantly salty. Leonard's tongue wetly spun about the head, drawing back on the underside. Sheldon was still not stirring, but his breath was ragged. Leonard felt mostly pleased, but there was an unsatisfied emotion bubbling up. He decided to stop teasing. Evilly, he brought the head into his mouth, and sucked it like a lollipop.
The reward was Sheldon bending over like he had been shocked and slamming his hands against the door heavily. Leonard looked up in mild surprise, letting the head slip out from between his lips. A thread of precum dripped down from his bottom lip. Sheldon was watching, eyes widened and pupils dilated. Leonard's nimble fingers were massaging the shaft all the while. Sheldon's arms were quaking in the effort to stay there. The brunet watched him, peering up from underneath the line of his glasses, and moved back to Sheldon's cock, taking it back in to about half way. Slowly, he bobbed up and down, letting his tongue push and twirl, as it seemed fit. Leonard closed his eyes, becoming self-conscious as Sheldon broke eye contact, harshly turning his head to the side.
Leonard was unprepared when Sheldon bucked, forcing Leonard to take in more at once. He hummed around Sheldon, which caused the first true sound to tumble forth in the form of an overwhelmed groan. Suddenly Leonard sped up the pace of his ministrations. He grew a bit more uninhibited, drawing closer, moving his hands over Sheldon's thighs, moaning in delight. Leonard became alert to the fact he was having a power trip. He teased and licked at Sheldon's member like it was a treat. His fingers roamed over every inch of covered and uncovered flesh in excitement. He brought his eyes back up to his friend, and saw that at some point, Sheldon started watching him again. It stunned him when Sheldon dropped one arm, bringing his hand to journey through Leonard's unruly hair. Leonard clamped his mouth around the hilt of Sheldon's cock, and sucked hard.
A cry of ecstasy reverberated throughout the dim room, the fingers in Leonard's hair gripping tightly in curled strands. He slid his mouth back down the length, and that was all it took. Sheldon moaned, "O-Oh God!"
Suddenly, there was a gush, and Leonard did his best to swallow down the white nectar, but some managed to escape. It splashed down, rolling along his chest and stomach. He was covering his mouth, suddenly very embarrassed by his naughty behavior. Sheldon had collapsed right in front of him, startling Leonard. "Shel—" Leonard was caught off guard when Sheldon's long arm had snaked its way down the front of Leonard's pajamas. He jumped at the feel of a perspiring palm rubbing at his hard member. He didn't notice becoming aroused until that moment. "What are you doing?" he squeaked before he arched up at the delicious friction Sheldon created.
"Social protocol dictates that I return the favor," he murmured into Leonard's ear, husky voice too loud and too close. It made the smaller man whimper, and he brought his arms up and clung to Sheldon. Sheldon's free arm responded by hitting the door once more, keeping both of them upright. Leonard was too busy writhing to care. His mouth was against Sheldon's shoulder, the warm breath leaving the hypersensitive Sheldon shivering. His hand was moving faster, digits lingering a fraction of a second, and then pumping again.
"T-Too fast!" Leonard sobbed, unable to take the merciless frenzy upon his body. He squirmed, naked chest brushing the thin fabric of Sheldon's shirt. "I-I can't last much longer!" His nails were biting into the fluffy robe, catching a loose thread. "Please! S-Sheldon!" Sheldon did not heed Leonard at all. He stroked the firm flesh in his hand, puffing out his harried breath into the shell of Leonard's ear, mouth ghosting over the tender lobe. The unyielding body perched over him… Finally, Leonard tossed his head back, hips bucking, and seed spurting over Sheldon's fingers that milked him for a few seconds longer.
Both were panting, trying to gulp down enough oxygen, and then only finding the musky air around them. Leonard eventually loosened his hold on Sheldon; likewise, the taller one liberated the scientist underneath him. Sheldon's hand was covered in the pearly fluids, and Leonard reached out, taking the thin wrist and tugging the hand toward his mouth. He flicked his tongue over Sheldon's pointer finger, tasting himself. He stared up at Sheldon, whose eyes opened considerably. He wrenched his hand away and stood abruptly. Confused and dazed, Leonard looked at Sheldon.
"It's best not to do that," he said; fine at first, but his pitch fell an octave or two, "Unless you want a repeat performance."
"I-If I did?" Leonard asked. Sheldon froze for a moment. Then he turned on his heel and seized a towel on the bed, throwing it over his shoulder to Leonard.
"Go clean up," was all he said. Pouting, Leonard got up, dizziness hitting him temporarily. He pushed through it, and stalked back to the bathroom, hopping in the shower for a quick scrub-down and then brushing his teeth moderately well. Afterwards, he finished by putting on his pajamas and going to his room, bypassing Sheldon in the hall. Sheldon paused, new clothes in his arms, and blinked owlishly at Leonard. He closed his own bedroom door with a bang. When he fell into bed, sleep claimed him instantly.
The morning wasn't heavy, or even tense. Leonard slept fine. Asked how Sheldon was. Sheldon went to sleep with little problems. Both went off to work, not speaking during the ride. At lunch, Howard and Raj did all the talking. The drive home was much the same. Dinner was enjoyable… and it went like that for probably a week, Leonard wasn't keeping tabs. Yet, he did observe Sheldon staring at his hand every now and then. It changed one night when Sheldon did that vexing knock on Leonard's door.
"Yes?" Leonard asked, pulling open his door swiftly. Sheldon was standing there, staring down at him. It continued on for a complete minute. Just as Leonard was about to kick him aside, Sheldon stepped into his room and raised his hand, parting his thumb from the pointer finger and middle finger together, and the ring finger and pinky together.
Then, Sheldon blurted out, "Parted from me, never parted. Never, and always, touching and touched."
"You know you're not Spock, right?" Leonard questioned, crossing his arms.
"You're not T'Pring," Sheldon answered briskly, hand still in the air, waiting.
"I know," he said. Smiling, Leonard returned the Vulcan salute, pressing their hands together. Sheldon gently caressed Leonard's fingers in reply.