Disclaimer: Huh? Disclaimer? Stupid thing... why should I... Whatever! I don't own Gintama.

People With Long Names Are Cooler

"Gin-san, Gin-san!" Shinpachi cried, running into the current abode of the Yorozuya. "Something terrible's happened!"

"Huh?" Gintoki picked his nose as he regarded Shinpachi with a bored expression. "Did your mole-obessed number one idol become number two?"

"No! Besides, Otsu-chan isn't mole-obessed!" Shinapchi snapped.

"Denial." Gintoki retorted. "You see, loving an idol means loving all the-"

"Yes, you told me that before! During the official fan club battle!" Shinpachi retorted. "But that's not why I'm here! Something more terrible has happened!"

"You discovered you have a mole, uh huh?" Kagura rubbed her eyes and sleepily looked Shinpachi. "You need to go to that idol to get rid of it, uh huh."

"What's with the moles? I don't have a mole!" Shinpachi said with annoyance. "Well, I might, but that's not the terrible thing!"

"Well, what is it then?" Gintoki sighed and started to drink some strawberry milk. "It's not because we're speaking English, is it? Gintama's gone global. We've spoken English, French..."

"That isn't it!" Shinpachi shook his head fiercely. "Well, it's part of it... but seriously, have you not noticed?"

"What is it, uh huh?" Kagura asked. "Stop beating around the bush and tell us already, uh huh."

"Wait.. are we in another light novel?" Gintoki noted. "There's only words. Only our name."

"Yes! But we're not in a light novel! We're not being used by Hideaki Sorachi!" Shinpachi exclaimed. "We're... we're... in a fanfiction!"

"Huh?" Gintoki rolled his dead-fish eyes. "Isn't it good that we're not being used by that gorilla? It'll be much better to be used by some hot girl-"

"Don't be silly, Gin-chan." Kagura sighed resignedly. "This is why Mother can't leave you- you don't have common sense. There's no way a hot girl would read Gintama."

"Mother? Why does Mother come in here?" Shinpachi exclaimed, annoyed.

"Yes, we can tell it's not Sorachi. Shinpachi's butting in too much." Gintoki noted.

"Shipachi is good just with his glasses, uh huh." Kagura smiled. "Like this!"

Shinpachi's glasses shone defiantly in the face of the evil tissue box that was trying to-

"What's with that? That has nothing to do with the storyline! And what's the evil tissue box!" Shimura Shinpachi exclaimed.

"Shimura Shinpachi? Are you trying to sound better?" Sakata Gintoki snapped. "Well, that's stupid- I don't care about that."

"You're doing it too, uh huh." Kagura of the Yato Clan said.

"Hey! Kag-ura-chan, that's unfair! Hmmph- I'll do this." Sakata Gintoki, the White Knight retorted back.

"Huh? Then I'll do this, Gin-chan!" The cute, orange haired, blue-eyed, pickled seaweed-eating, slightly short, child-like, alien, Kagura of the Yato Clan smirked.

"That's too much information, Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi chided. "Right now, we need to get out of this fanfiction!"

"We don't know how." Gintoki pointed out.

"Gintoki. You should join the Resistance, then-" Katsura said.

Gintoki punched Katsura, then blinked. "Oh, Zura! Sorry, I didn't notice it was you because it's a fanfiction."

"It's not Zura... it's Katsura!" Katsura stated, wiping blood from his nose. "But you are as strong as usual, Gintoki. You should really join the Resistance!"

Gintoki picked his nose and flicked out something. "So, what do you suggest?"

"We should go to the Internet Cafe." Shinpachi decided. "After all, since Hideaki Sorachi-san didn't give us a computer with Internet access, the author of this fanfiction didn't give us one as well."

"That's stupid, uh huh." Kagura stated, chewing on a stick of dried seaweed. "Really stupid, uh huh."

"The author of the fanfiction is stupid." Gintoki agreed. He placed his hands around his mouth. "Oi! Author! You suck! And where did Zura go?"

Shinpachi blinked. Like Gintoki had said, Katsura had disappeared to somewhere.

"Wait, Gin-san! Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi said urgently. "If you say things like that..."

Gintoki and Kagura fell down a fifty-foot hole that had appeared out of nowhere.

"No! Gin-san! Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi cried, falling down to his knees. He looked down the hole as tears fell down his face. "Please, Author-san. You know how these two are... they always insult people! So, please bring them back!"

But since there just happened to be a trampoline at the bottom at the pit, they jumped back up again.

Gintoki and Kagura both breathed hard. "What was that..."

"Do you understand the Author-san's power?" Shinpachi asked in worry. "If she wants us to die, it happens. If she wants us to beat up a thousand samurai and jump into Soul Society, it'll happen."

"Oh, yes, I understand." Gintoki's eyes narrowed. "We need to get out of this fanfiction and back to Hideaki-ossan. Come on, let's go to an Internet Cafe to see what we're dealing with."

"That's what I said..." Shinpachi said weakly.


"So? This is the Gintama fanfiction archive." Gintoki muttered, looking at the internet site. "Seems awfully boring. Blue and white."

"It might not be on this site, uh huh." Kagura pointed out.

"But this is the first one that popped up on Google." Shinpachi explained. "So let's look here."

"So... what's HijiGin?" Gintoki demanded. He paled. "It better not be what I think it is."

"What do you think it is, Gin-chan?" Kagura asked, pushing Gintoki aside to regard the screen.

"It's like Ichiruki... nah... probably more like Sasunaru." Gintoki explained.

There were blank looks on Shinpachi and Kagura's faces.

"Gee, it sucks living with people who don't know what Shonen Jump is." Gintoki sighed, shaking his head in resignment.

"I'm an Ichihime fan." Zenzo informed Gintoki from the ceiling. He was a ninja, after all. "And I like romance manga better than Bleach and Naruto anyways."

"What? What are you doing here?" Shinpachi exclaimed in shock.

"He mentioned Jump, uh huh." Kagura muttered. "The only person who knows Jump is that ninja, uh huh."

"This is getting crazy." Shinpachi groaned as Gintoki and Zenzo got into a heated arguement about Jump.

"Let's just finish this up already, uh huh." Kagura decided. "What should we do?"

"I don't know!" Shinpachi's glasses flashed with annoyance. "I don't know, alright!"

"Let's just insult the author again, uh huh." Kagura smiled evilly. "You're a horrible author! People have done this idea thousands of times, uh huh! You didn't describe much! Where are you, anyways! And people just appear out of nowhere! And I'm saying 'uh huh' too much, uh huh!"

The explosion completely destroyed Edo, and could be felt from even Hokkaido.


I don't care if it sucks... 'cause it probably does.