Time Frame: Set just before Season 1 (does not directly follow the events of the show)
Characters: Sam Winchester/Deanna Winchester (girl!Dean)
Story Description: Deanna wants to be a man because her father and brother have kept her from much of the hunting. She seeks to prove to Sam that she can hunt. Somewhere along the line feelings begin to develop between the two characters and we have heterosexual Wincesty fun! Intermixed with the sexiness and Deanna's angst is some actual supernatural crime fighting!
Rating: M for language and adult content!
Warnings: WINCEST (but, all of-age stuff)
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or it's characters, I just like to play with them!
A/N: I had this idea running through my head since I was about middle of the way through Surrender. I referred to Dean a lot as the girl in the relationship and it made me wonder what girl Dean would be like. I've always been intrigued by the idea of the gender-swap, but I wasn't sure if I wanted it to be Dean or Sam until recently. Anyway, I think if you've read my other stories you know that I know how to write Dean. I took what I know about Dean and tweaked it a bit into the female version of himself, but you will see that she is very DEAN! Have no fear, I think you will like Deanna almost as much as you like Dean. Let me know what you think!
Also, it will be explained further in the story...but John is already dead prior to chapter 1. The events that took place in Sam's nursery when he was 6-month's old still happened and Mary is still dead.
She's My Cherry Pie?
'I should have been a boy.'
This was a fact that she had known since she was four. In fact, most nights, those words swam around in her mind as she silently cried herself to sleep. The fact was though that Deanna Winchester was not a boy….at least not on the outside. She could remember all the times that stupid little kids in her classes, from many of the schools that they would transfer in and out of in the span of two weeks, would tell her just that; "You should have been a boy." They would tell her how she acted funny for a girl; boy's boots, boy's jeans and a give 'em hell attitude. She didn't talk like any girl they had ever seen, they would tell her. She could roughhouse with the boys, hell she could take any of those pipsqueaks down with one arm tied behind her back. She didn't take shit from anybody and that was that. Most of the other girls were afraid of her and the boys thought it fun to tease her…until she beat their asses anyway. Everybody treated her like a boy, except the one person that she always wished would treat her like a boy….her father.
"No Deanna, you're staying here." John Winchester's famous words always came back with such a bitter taste in her mouth. "You will be safer here." Sometimes she hated her father; for the life they led, for keeping her out of most of the hunting and ultimately for declaring her as Sam's fucking babysitter. It was like she wasn't good for anything else but taking the laundry to the local Laundromat and putting Sammy's dinner on the table.
Her dad taught her enough to keep them alive. He taught her about the monsters that were out there and even exactly how to kill them, but she couldn't get the man to let her have any of her own weapons. If there was a reason for it he would keep a gun in the motel and show her exactly how to use it….and after about a billion hours of training he might leave, giving her permission to use it, but ONLY in an emergency. She ALWAYS hid a knife in her sock, but daddy dearest never knew about it. She vowed to herself that she would never be without a weapon; she would keep her and little Sammy safe. Sometimes the only thing that got her through the day was the drive to protect her little brother; it was the only reason she had to keep herself alive.
Sammy was special, he always had been. Sam was so smart; always got straight A's, loved to study and do his homework (hell, most of the time he did hers too) and was offered free rides to many prestigious colleges around the country. Her brother could have been anything he wanted to be, but he chose to stick with the family business….a fact that she blamed herself for. She truly believed that if she were a man he wouldn't have worried so much about her and would have gone on to college and become a doctor, engineer or even a lawyer.
'I should have been a boy!' She thought to herself as she waited for Sam to rush out of the haunted house and back into the Impala.
"Definitely a spirit in there. Need to figure out who we're dealing with so we can burn the bones." Sam said, running a hand through his hair.
She turned to look at him, "I could have gone in there, you know."
"I got it, it's fine" was Sam's only response.
Deanna grumbled. It was always like this. Ever since Sam had grown up and become a man he had turned into the protective sort that their father had always been to her. It pissed her off like nothing else that he too would not allow her to participate actively on hunts. If (and that was a BIG if) she was allowed to go to the scene of the usually violent murders she would be there merely to carry the damn flashlight. "Stay behind me" he would tell her, as if she needed her gargantuan brother to protect her from the evil monsters.
Deanna turned to glare at her younger, taller brother "Damn it Sam, you're really starting to piss me off."
Sam shook his head, frowning at his sister, "We've been through this Dee, this is the best way to do things."
She rolled her eyes, "Sam, you can't order me around like you're my fucking father; I'm four years older than you."
He raised his eyebrow at her, "Yeah, and I'm about four feet taller than you."
"Being a giant doesn't make you a good hunter." She looked down at herself, silently cursing herself for her petite, feminine body, "Besides that, women can do the job just fine. I think after all these years of taking care of your ass and learning everything that dad knew that I can handle it."
Sam wanted to be angry. He wanted to argue with his defiant sister about how the hunt was too dangerous for her and that she was being ridiculous, but he just sighed instead. He realized that Deanna was not the type to ever drop something like this; she was going to pester the daylights out of him until he gave in and let her be in charge. He did believe that she knew the logistics of everything, probably better than he did, but with her size he just didn't want to risk setting her up to get killed.
Sam was very protective of his sister. It was true that she was older and that traditionally it had always been Deanna who had been the protector and the caregiver in the place of their usually absent father. She had always taken care of him and looked out for him and he would never stop being appreciative of it, but now that he was a man and she was just a small (albeit strong) woman, he felt the need to reverse the roles. "Come on Dee, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's just go get something to eat and then figure out who the spirit is."
"You gonna let me help you dig the grave? I might break a nail or something." Deanna asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
Sam sighed; it was always like this between the two of them, "Yeah, no problem, Dean."
Sam always thought he was hitting below the belt by calling her the male version of her name, but it really didn't bother her. Of course she would never tell Sam that it didn't bother her because that would only cause more problems. "You're kind of a bitch, Sammy."
"And you're a jerk." Sam retorted back, the corners of his mouth curving up into a smile.
A half hour later they were sitting in a greasy diner…just the kind of food establishment that Deanna loved. She could eat anything and never seem to gain an ounce, another trait that seemed to set her apart from pretty much every other girl she had ever met. The waitress had just delivered their order; cheeseburger and fries for her and a cob salad for Sam. She rolled her eyes when she looked at Sam's plate. 'Who the hell is the girl here?' She shook her head, it was as if Sam was always a lot more girly than she was, he just didn't look the part. "How can you eat that crap?"
Sam raised his eyebrows, "How can you eat that crap?" He took a bite of his salad and washed it down with a sip of iced tea. "It's just going to clog up your arteries."
"Thanks Samantha!" She rolled her eyes, staring into her milkshake. What she really wanted was a beer, but Sam always hated it when she ordered 'manly' drinks. "You're such a stick in the mud."
Sam glared at her, "Shut up, Dee! You know I hate it when you call me a girl!"
She wanted to say 'If the shoe fits…' but instead she just sighed and said "I'm sorry."
Sam smiled, distractedly, "Hey, that guy back there at the corner table is checking you out."
Oh, not this again! Sam was always trying to hook her up with some guy that she wasn't ever interested in. She humored him though and turned to quickly look over her left shoulder and then back at her brother, "He looks like he smells."
Sam rolled his eyes, "There's always something wrong with them, isn't there?"
"Sam, I know you don't like it, but I don't play for that team." She directed her attention to their waitress, "Now, she is more my style. I mean, look at those huge jugs!"
Sam made a face, "Deanna! Stop it; you're going to get us arrested."
"Since when is it against the law to be a lesbian?" She asked.
There were so many things that Sam wanted to retort back with. He wanted to tell her that he knew she wasn't a lesbian and that it was all some ridiculous act she was putting on, but he didn't dare. "You know I just want you to be normal."
"Come on dude, don't be so naïve. You think it's only you who's cursed, but newsflash Sammy…I'm cursed too. We, and I use the term 'we' very loosely cause I usually don't get to do jack squat, are hunters Sam; we hunt monsters. We hunt werewolves and shape-shifters and demons; things no normal person would get near. We are not normal!"
"You could get out, Dee. I know you've always wanted more than this life." He was looking at her so intensely that everyone else in the room seemed to disappear and it was as if the whole world was put on pause….except for them.
"And what about you? We both know that the reason why you didn't go to school was because of me; because you wanted to stay and protect me. We both know that things would have turned out differently if I wasn't a girl." She took a drink of her milkshake and then looked right back at him, "Well, I'm not some fragile little child that you need to coddle and protect, nor some social outcast that you need to try to set up on dates." She got right up into his face then, anger seething within her, "I'm a lesbian, Sam, not a fucking charity case! You can't keep trying to get me to bang dudes…Deanna Winchester doesn't fuck dudes! Get the hell over it!" She got up and pushed her way, angrily, out the door.
Once outside, she walked quickly to her beloved baby and slipped into the driver's seat. Instantly she felt at home there. She didn't know what it was that had her so pissed off…guess it was just a combination of everything. She hated that she never seemed to be taken seriously, she hated the way Sam talked to her most of the time and most of all she just really hated her own body. She felt like some prisoner trapped in her weak and helpless body. Sure, she could beat up the boys when she was a kid, but things were different now; all those stupid little boys had grown up and gotten really big and strong and she knew she was no match for that.
She felt like she was about to break down and start to cry when she heard a light tap on the passenger side window. She knew it was Sam and she opened the door for him, silently glad he showed up just before the tears had begun to fall. She would have never been able to forgive herself if she had started blubbering in front of her little brother.
He sat down in the seat and looked over at her, instantly feeling bad that she was so upset. He reached his hand out and handed her a beer, "Got you a beer to go."
She smiled then, "Why do you always do things like that?"
"Things like what?" He asked.
"Just when I want to be mad at you, you go and do something nice." She shook her head and worked to twist the cap off. Of course she would get the one bottle with the difficult cap, making herself look weak and wimpy once again. She gritted her teeth and continued to work at the bottle.
Sam didn't know whether he should offer to help her or just keep his mouth shut. He seemed to put his foot in his mouth with her most of the time lately and really wanted to try and avoid another blow up. "I can help you if you need it."
She let out a little puff of air, "I got it." She continued to struggle with the damn bottle, getting progressively more pissed off by the minute. Eventually she handed it over to Sam, looking up at him from under her insanely long eyelashes, "Okay, I give up."
He smiled at her and took the bottle from her hand. He twisted at the cap for all of about a millisecond and had the cap off. He handed the bottle back to her, studying her face. He wanted to make sure she wasn't going to burst into tears or start clawing his eyes out. She was an emotional person and therefore everything affected her more and then she would get pissed off because she was emotional and things would be even worse.
She didn't react at all; she just took the bottle from him and drained about two-thirds of it in a couple gulps, before she pulled it away from her mouth.
He hated seeing her like this; she looked so utterly defeated that it tugged at his heartstrings. "You really did loosen it for me, Dee."
She still didn't say anything, she just started the car and pulled out of the diner parking lot on their way back to the motel, where they could do some research about who the ghost was. Maybe she'd get into a better mood after they did the salting and burning, he certainly hoped so anyway. There was nothing he hated more than when his big sister was in a bad mood.
They arrived back at the Yellow Hat Motel. 'What a stupid name for a motel' she thought, as she looked at the motel sign with a grimace. Of course these were the crummy dumps that they preferred to stay in; very inconspicuous, but she had to admit that it did get pretty old.
They got inside and Sam went right to his trusty laptop to do research. He flipped his computer open and allowed it to reload windows and then he sighed, "Dee, could you please stop surfing porn on my computer, you're going to get me a virus?"
She looked at him sheepishly. It had been a while since she'd seen any action. It was hard enough to find a lesbian girl in their travels, but nearly impossible to find a lesbian girl who also enjoys one night's stands. She realized she would see a ton more action if she allowed herself to switch teams, but she had no desire to do that. "Sorry Sam, it's just been a while."
Sam frowned, he hated the idea of her being a lesbian and he hated that she had to resort to slutting around to get some action. Girls usually wanted things to be a bit more permanent and that was damn near impossible in the line of work. "Maybe someday you'll meet someone special."
She folded her arms over her chest, "So I can settle down and get out of this life? No thank you! You are stuck with me, Winchester!"
He moved toward her then, "I'm not trying to get rid of you or get away from you, I just want you to be safe." It hurt him deeply that she seemed to think she was someone so easily disposed of like that.
She shook her head, "We are both safest together. I would never leave you to hunt on your own." She would never allow him to go off on his own and end up dead…like their father.
John had died a little over a year before, because he had gotten careless. He hadn't covered his tracks as well as he should have. He always said that being around his kids made him vulnerable and he had proven this to be true. He had thought that Deanna was in danger and had left his hunt too soon and ended up being followed by angry demons. He had died trying to protect her because he had believed her too weak to keep her and Sam safe from the monsters.
Every once in a while, when she was being vulnerable and open like this, Sam would be able to hug her and let her know that he loved her. He pulled her close and gave her little frame a big squeeze.
"Oh my God!" She exclaimed, her voice coming out choked and forced, "You're hurting me!" She swatted at his arm.
He pulled back, "I'm sorry. You okay?" He felt bad, he hadn't meant to almost kill her. Often times she talked up such a big game for herself that he had a hard time remembering that she was just a small woman.
"I'm okay, you big ox." She smiled, "Just try not to suck the wind out of me again though, okay?"
He nodded, "agreed.' He sobered up quickly thinking about what he wanted to say, "This is why I'm so worried. Someone could hurt you so easily."
She shook her head, "That's why we would be a team, you would be there if something bad happened."
He didn't know what to say, he just hated to disappoint her, "We'll see what happens."
She looked up at him and nodded, "I think I'll get a shower while you do your research."
"Okay." He said, "Oh, and Dee, try not to take it all to heart so much. I just care about you is all."
"You're such a girl, Sammy."
Sam wanted to be mad; he always hated it when she tried to insult him by insinuating that he was a girl, but for some reason he just couldn't find it within himself to really get angry. He knew this was how she acted when she was uncomfortable with the emotionality of the conversation; Deanna had always been uncomfortable allowing herself to be vulnerable. "And, you don't have to be uncomfortable either."
She didn't know what to say, so she just nodded and quickly escaped to the peace and serenity of the motel bathroom. She slipped into the bathroom, quickly undressed and hopped into the shower. She tilted her head back and just enjoyed the feel of the warm water on her naked flesh. Deanna's shoulders were permanently sore and her muscles were always tense, so the warm water helped to relieve some of the tension.
After she had washed her body she rested up against the wall of the shower and closed her eyes. She hated the way most of her conversations with Sam seemed to go and she hated that she couldn't stand being herself. She had to force the tears back; she couldn't allow herself to go getting all mushy about things.
She got out of the tub, grabbing one of the white motel towels in order to dry herself off. She rubbed her skin pink and then wrapped the towel around her, tucking the towel into itself above her left breast. She quickly glanced in the mirror to make sure all essential areas were covered, only partially concerned with her modesty.
She walked out into the room, where Sam was sitting, still staring at the computer screen intensely. When he looked up he noticed what she was wearing and quickly diverted his eyes. His sister was a beautiful girl and it made him uncomfortable to see her like that. He was beginning to think that maybe they should get separate rooms from then on. He cleared his throat, "Um Dee, do you think you could put some clothes on before you come out here?"
"You walk around in a towel." She told him, matter-of-factly.
He shrugged, "That's not the same." Frankly it didn't matter so much if he walked around naked, it wasn't like she was remotely interested in his plumbing anyway. She, on the other hand, possessed the parts that he was interested in. Sure, she was his sister and he knew how weird the whole thing was, but she was very attractive. He just didn't want to run the risk of him getting overly excited by the whole thing, making things uncomfortable for both of them. "Could you just grab some clothes and change in the bathroom?"
"Okay, okay." She said. She didn't understand what the problem was. She looked at herself as just one of the boys anyway so why should there be any problem with her changing in front of her brother? She grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and grimaced when she realized that she was going to be forced into wearing women's clothes. She grumbled but grabbed her clothing and headed into the bathroom to appease her brother.
Deanna typically wore men's clothing that was always way too big for her petite frame. It was hard to tell she even had a girl's shape in those crazy clothes she always wore. When she wore women's clothes, however, it was obvious that she was a girl….and a very tiny girl at that. If Deanna actually knew how to shop for her own body, she would find that she could shop in not only the women's section, but the Junior's section as well.
When she left the bathroom she was dressed and actually looked kind of like a girl for a change. Sam looked up and did a double-take and had to swallow down the compliment that almost rolled off his tongue, not wanting her to get too cocky about it. "Hey, wearing girl's jeans today I see?"
She rolled her eyes, there was no reason for Sam to be getting himself so excited over the whole thing, "We need to hit up a Laundromat; these were the only clean clothes I had." These were things that Sam had bought her a few months back, trying to get her to dress more appropriately for her sex. It always irritated her when Sam tried to get in the middle of her choices, like there was something wrong with the way she dressed, or the music she listened to, or the people she was attracted to. She sighed, "Do you want me to start making you wear skirts or something? Then we could be the Winchester sisters?"
He rolled his eyes, "You can't make me wear anything."
She raised her eyebrows, "Excuse me? I'm older, which means that you have to listen to me and do as I say."
He smiled, despite himself, "Yeah, never gonna happen."
She rolled her eyes, "No respect." She smiled at her brother, "So, you figure out who the pesky ghost is yet?"
Sam smiled, "I'm pretty sure it's Tom Wilkinson. He died twenty years ago on the property. He and his wife were being robbed; he got in the robber's way and the man shot him. His wife lived in that house until she died two months ago. Since then anyone who tries to go onto the property is violently assaulted, if not killed by the spirit of the man."
She frowned, "He must be trying to keep his property safe. Did you find out where he was buried?"
"Supposedly in the back yard." Sam looked up at her, frowning. He didn't like the idea of his sister being there if something were to happen with the ghost, but he had to admit that something could still happen to her as she sat in the car in the driveway. Also, it would be really nice to have some help digging the stupid grave for a change; sure it gave him a chance to build up some muscles but it was difficult work.
She smiled, "So, let's go burn Old Man Wilkinson extra crispy." She started to head right for the door, extremely excited to get to do something for a change.
Sam smiled, "You know, for a girl you're pretty messy?"
She raised her eyebrow, "What are you talking about?" She asked incredulously.
He gestured at the towel that was strewn out on the floor, along with her dirty clothes. "You could at least pick up your stuff."
She rolled her eyes, what a freaking priss! "Okay princess!" She stooped to pick up her stuff from the floor and Sam glanced over, intending to make another wise ass comment but before the thought was fully processed his eye was caught by a sight that he had never seen before. There in the bathroom doorway was Deanna, bending over to pick up her wet towel, her form-fitting jeans perfectly framing her apple-shaped bottom. Seconds later, when Sam realized what he was doing, he rolled up his tongue and put his eyes back in their sockets. He silently cursed himself for allowing himself to see her this way, promising to himself that he would never do this again.
Sam jerked his head, shaking his head as If the motion would knock the thoughts right from his mind. "Hey Dee?"
"What do you want now?" She snapped back, irritated.
"I think we need to go shopping."
"Why so you can buy me some more chick clothes?" She asked; contempt clear in her voice.
He shook his head, "No, I think you might be right. Those jeans are too tight for you."
"What's the matter Sammy, you like what you see?" She smiled as she toyed with him.
Sam froze for a second, afraid that he had been caught and in the same instance realized that Dee was just being her usual cocky self. "No….I was just thinking you might be more comfortable."
She smiled and reached up to pinch his cheek, "That's cute that you're worried about me, Sammy."
Sam swatted her hand away, "Come on Dee, let's just get going."
Deanna smiled to herself as she had once again one-upped her annoying little brother.