Okay, so this was half way written about a week ago and I just finished it tonight. Because Courtney decided to crawl up my ass until I did. XD Her nagging is the stuff of nightmares...but I love her anyways, because she made me write and gave me some epic ideas for things that...I would have never even thought of. And then Jared and she teamed up to nag even more...and just...yeah... For once, I'm thanking Jakii for being the quiet one. XD And she approved the chapter so that is the reason for it being updated tonight. Because in all actuality, this is her story (well...my story to her since I never finished Her Sacrifice...though I do still plan to do that!) and if she doesn't like, I change.
Not much else to say about this chapter. Except I did kind of have a few songs that made me write. So if you just want to know what to listen to go find "Not Strong Enough" by Apocalyptica, "Anytime" by Brian McKnight, "Listen To Your Heart" by D.H.T. (candlelit version of course) and "Levitate" by Hollywood Undead (though this last one really has nothing to do with the rest...it just came on a lot and I finally just put it on repeat...because it's a good song...)
And...this isn't edited...I would do it if I wasn't drinking...it'd be useless at this point. Just saying. But this chapter is a little late.
He was lost in a dream, where a certain blonde haired man swept him up into his arms and made love to him all night. A dream where while those hands were wrapped around his hips, another set came up around his shoulders and a hot mouth attached itself to his neck. Where he was able to tell both of the men that he loved them with his whole heart and completely mean it.
He was beginning to think that dippy guy from that weird show was right; love is meant to be multiplied, not divided. But explaining something like that to his husband, who despite being totally into this whole arrangement when it came to sex, was totally possessive when it came to the person he loved. Logan was sure a lot of it stemmed from his parents divorcing so early in his life and never having any real role models when it came to love. But that's also what he loved about James, the fact that he was devoted so whole-heartedly to him.
And that's where the guilt kicked in, because no matter how much Logan loved the gorgeous man, he didn't feel complete. It had taken him a little while to realize the full extent of his feelings for Kendall, because really, who falls in love so utterly with a person they've barely known a month? With a relationship based on sex? It didn't fit into his logical brain.
That didn't stop him from dreaming, though. And waking up with only one set of arms around him each morning only broke his heart all over again.
Both he and James had been busier than normal, Logan by choice. So they hadn't really been to any meetings in a little over a month. Logan always claimed he was tired or had a headache and didn't want to deal with people any time James brought it up, which just resulted in the two of them enjoying each other by themselves in ways they hadn't since they first started dating. It was a nice change, but Logan could feel himself getting extremely antsy.
The only thing that was holding him back was the fact that he was afraid he would see Kendall. The thought of seeing the blonde man going off into a room with some random couple and pretending he didn't exist killed him. Sure, it had been his idea that they act like they didn't know each other, but he cursed himself for one of the most moronic ideas he had ever had. How could he pretend that one of the men he loved didn't exist? It was ridiculous to even think it was possible.
But Kendall had agreed to it, and there wasn't much he could do now to change that. It was the right thing to do anyway, they were both married and what they had already done was a violation of those vows. It was cheating. No matter how cavalier they were in their sex lives when it came to swinging, going off together and making love all night while their husbands were none the wiser was cheating. Logan never thought he would be the type of person to do that to James, ever. He hated it almost as much as he hated the fact that he wanted to do it again.
James had been asking him all week if they were going to the meeting that weekend, and he hadn't had the heart to tell him no again. Logan could see his husband was getting antsy too, being so used to having his fantasies played out so often. Not that Logan wasn't getting sexually frustrated as well; he was used to the same thing. Getting to watch his husband fuck someone else always did things to him that nothing else could. He was really messed up in the head.
They arrived early for the first time since they had settled on the debauched club, only a few other couples were actually there that night. Logan could already tell it was going to be a long night, so he settled himself at the bar and sent James out to schmooze with everyone else and pick out the ones he wanted for the night. Again, that guilt was creeping up on him, he didn't feel right picking out another couple to fuck on his own, it wasn't really fair.
And he definitely was not looking for a certain tall, blonde, dream-man who he had been missing like it was nobody's business. No, he was merely looking around at every blonde who happened to catch his eye and make sure it wasn't that certain male so he could either hide or leave. But after another hour, he really didn't think he'd be seeing Kendall that night.
But then it happened again, his heart began pounding in his chest as he caught a wiff of a familiar yet relatively unknown cologne and green eyes locked on him from barely twenty feet away. And god, were they giving him the most heartbreaking look in the world.
No, Logan couldn't handle this tonight. He thought he would be alright if he could just get away, but his heart was telling him something completely different.
He quickly caught James' eye and mouthed 'bathroom' before making his escape. He'd hang out in there for a few minutes and then claim he had to throw up and that would have James taking him home as soon as possible. Logan just couldn't do it. He ran to the bathroom in a quiet corner of the house to hide away for a few minutes.
Maybe if he could calm his heart enough, he may be able to salvage the rest of the night and give James some apology sex. Not that they hadn't already gotten down to the dirty before they ever left their house, but still. He was having such an irrational reaction to seeing the blonde again.
"What is he doing to me?" He murmured to himself, gripping the strands of his hair and tugging softly, his elbows coming down to rest on the counter top that held the sink. "Why can't I get him out of my head?" His eyes were already getting a little moist, but he refused to let himself cry.
When Kendall had spotted the brunette leaning against their spot on the bar as soon as he had walked in the door, his stomach felt as if it had dropped from his body. He wasn't sure how to react. He wanted to smile and cry and run over to sweep the shorter man off his feet all at once. How does one respond to so many conflicting emotions?
Carlos didn't even notice how he hadn't even tried to become a part of the conversation the Latino had struck up with a nearby couple. Kendall inched closer to the bar without even thinking about it. He just wanted to be near Logan, if not with him. He couldn't take his eyes off of him; it had been a little over a month since he had last been able to just watch him and he didn't realize just how much he had missed seeing his face.
When he was a few strides away from the older man, he sighed. Unless he was going crazy, he was sure he could smell Logan from where he stood. It took him back to that night where he wrapped himself around the shorter man and basked in that smell all night. His eyes opened again and distraught brown orbs were fixed on him. He watched Logan stare at him longingly for less than a few seconds before darting away from his spot.
He tried watching where he went, but beyond the small crowd he could only see the top of his head as he darted toward the back hall of the house.
"Kendall? Where are you going?" He hadn't even realized he had begun walking toward where Logan had disappeared to until Carlos asked him that question. He gaped for a moment, floundering for something to say as he looked back in that direction.
"Bathroom." He finally responded hoarsely, his throat felt like sandpaper. Carlos gave him a calculating look before nodding his head.
"Hurry back, okay?"
Kendall nodded before dashing off in the direction he had last seen Logan, dodging a few bodies in the way with insincere smiles and 'sorry's. His instinct told him that Logan was in the bathroom just at the end of the hallway, secluded from the rest of the house and quite private; his heart thudded in his chest as he heard shuffling just behind the door he stopped in front of.
His hands came up to the door frame as he leaned against it, trying to collect himself before he knocked. Could he talk to Logan like he was just another person without wanting to hold him in his arms? Could he look into those beautiful brown eyes and act like they didn't own a piece of his soul?
No, he knew he couldn't. But he couldn't find it in himself to stay away anymore.
"Why can't I get him out of my head?"
Kendall lifted his head to stare at the wooden door between himself and the man from his dreams. He couldn't stop the grin from forming on his face; so Logan thought about him just as much as he thought about Logan. The thought shouldn't have made him as happy as it did, but he had come to terms long before that he wasn't complete without the little brunette in his life.
The door opened suddenly and Kendall didn't even think before he was surging forward, catching Logan off guard and pushing the shorter man into the bathroom. Logan's wide eyes stared at him in shock as he forced the door closed behind him and clicked the lock into place. He went to open his mouth but Kendall shook his head.
"Please." He began, his voice just barely above a whisper. "Please don't push me away."
Logan watched as Kendall's face crumpled, his hand coming up to rest on the brunette's cheek while his thumb rubbed softly against his high cheek bone. The older man's eyes slid shut as he embraced the affectionate gesture, tingles spreading from the contact point. A small whimper escaped his throat and Kendall wrapped his other arm around him to pull him closer. Their bodies melded together as perfectly as they had before.
And when their lips met again, Kendall wasn't sure he would ever catch his breath again. His memories did no justice for the real thing.
"Kendall." Logan whimpered, his hands burying themselves into the blonde hair and pulling Kendall impossibly closer. Their lips glided over each other in perfectly un-synchronized rhythm, desperately taking in as much of the other as they could because time was too short for them that night. And Kendall couldn't stand it.
His hands were at the buttons of Logan's white button-up shirt within seconds, popping each one open as carefully as possible so as to not damage the shirt despite his slowly waning self control. Creamy skin was uncovered for his eyes only and he attached his lips to Logan's collar bone, nipping at the silky flesh before using his tongue to soothe over the small marks.
Logan tugged his face back up so they could kiss again, tongues dancing together in need, teeth clacking together every so often in their haste to swallow each other. Kendall pushed the shirt off of Logan's shoulders, using his hands to touch every little bit of skin he could.
It seemed that once Logan could feel the cool air on his skin, all bets were off. Clothes came flying off just as quickly as possible until the two of them were bare to each other; Kendall holding Logan flush against him and reveling in the way the heat from the older man's body warmed him all the way through to his heart. How did he ever think he could be without this feeling for the rest of his life?
His hands tightened minutely on the smaller man's hips before he was pushing him up onto the large counter top. He heard a thump as Logan's head bumped into the mirror behind him, but he knew every bit of self control he possessed had excused itself the moment their clothes hit the ground. Logan moaned deeply, whether out of pain or pleasure, Kendall wasn't sure, but he was going to assume the latter.
The blonde nimbly pulled himself up onto the counter, straddling Logan's hips and grabbing his wrists to hold them against the mirror. He ground their hips together, earning a whimper from Logan as their members slid against each other, the sensitive skin creating a delicious friction. It didn't take but a few more thrusts before he was achingly hard and couldn't handle the teasing.
Kendall moved off of Logan, giving the brunette barely a second before he was grabbing him and forcing him up onto his knees and facing the mirror. Being able to see those chocolate eyes burning into him while he took Logan from behind had him biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. Logan had his hands splayed against the reflective surface, his body on display for Kendall's eyes.
Two fingers went into Kendall's mouth for a brief moment before trailing down Logan's back and pausing for a moment at his entrance to circle the puckered hole before pushing inside. His eyes darted back to Logan's and he smirked.
"You're already well prepped." He commented, his husky voice sending shivers down Logan's back.
Logan nodded back, his chest heaving slightly as Kendall thrust his fingers shallowly, missing his prostate by a mere centimeter. He could feel his toes curling each time the blonde missed the mark. "James." Logan gasped out as an answer.
Kendall grinned at him. His normally possessive demeanor wasn't anywhere to be found seeing as how the thought of James plowing into Logan's tight body only made him hotter and more eager to fill the man himself. He brushed against Logan's bundle of nerves one time, enjoying watching the brunette's breath hitch and his hands fist against the mirror as pleasure surged through his being. Then he was replacing his fingers with his cock, popping the head of it against Logan's hole before pushing in without any other warning.
They both groaned in unison. Their bodies fit together in so many ways, it still amazed the both of them how perfect something so wrong was. It wasn't wrong to love, but it was wrong to love someone other than your spouse without letting them know.
Logan didn't want to cheat on James. The man had always been such a perfect specimen of man. Supportive in all his endeavors, loving to a fault, open to anything Logan suggested. Albeit, they weren't perfect together at all times; fighting happened quite often when you were with someone so often. But all in all, their arguments were few comparatively and they loved each moment they had with each other. Logan felt like he was destroying all of that by being with Kendall, but the way his heart responded and his brain responded were two completely different things. And the moment Kendall filled his body as perfectly as James had earlier that evening had his heart taking over all thought processes.
Kendall hissed as he slid out until just the head of his dick remained within that tight ring of muscles before he snapped his hips forward and buried himself once again. He looked forward, watching as Logan's cock bobbed with every thrust of his hips. Logan had leaned even more forward so that his cheek rested against the surface of the mirror, his breath fogging up the space beside his lips. He bit his lip as he pulled their bodies together roughly; Logan's back arched as a well placed thrust had his body crying out in pleasure, a small gasp escaping his lips.
One of Kendall's hands reached around Logan's hip to grasp at his length, sliding down the shaft until he could cup the smaller man's balls in his hands. He rolled them in his palm before moving back up to Logan's cock, still thrusting harshly into his body. Watching Logan's face as he teetered closer and closer to that precipice was something so beautiful, Kendall had to maintain strict control over himself, he was so close already and being able to watch every movement of his hand on that beautiful cock was pushing him.
Logan's body tightened all the way around Kendall's own member as he came, painting the mirror in front of them with white ribbons of cum, Kendall stroking him through his orgasm until the very end. Kendall thrust a few more times until Logan locked eyes with him and smiled lazily, then his eyes were squeezing closed as he released within Logan's body, his jaw clenching as he rode out the waves with a few slow moves. His forehead rested on the space between Logan's shoulder blades as he slipped out of his body and waited for his breathing to return to normal.
"Kendall..." Logan began, his own voice coming out breathy as he slumped even closer to the mirror, his forehead resting against his forearm.
Kendall shushed him with a small sound, kissing his back as he wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him close. "I can't, Logan. I can't stay away from you."
Logan didn't respond, only nodded his head as he tried to regain his breathing. He definitely needed something to drink, and to probably get off the marble counter top, but he was afraid to break the atmosphere for something as trivial as comfort. He wanted to stay within the blonde's arms for as long as he could manage.
Kendall seemed to sense the smaller man's need as he slid off the hard surface, reaching forward to pull Logan to the ground as well. Logan stood on shaky legs for a moment, leaning his hands against the counter before turning around and launching himself into Kendall's arms. His eyes moistened as he buried his face into the crook of the younger man's neck, breathing him in as much as he could in those last few moments before he had to leave the bathroom. He was sure James was looking for him by then, but he didn't want it to end.
They hugged for a minute more before pulling apart and giving each other a sweet kiss, a far cry from their rough and urgent motions from before.
Kendall began helping Logan get dressed in his clothes once again, smoothing out any wrinkles that he had caused until the brunette looked the exact same as he had before the blonde had forced him back into the bathroom. Logan smiled at him before returning the favor, making them both look as normal as they could on the outside.
Logan was at a loss for words as he stared up at Kendall. He began to walk away without another word, but Kendall grabbed him, his hands coming up around his face as he leaned down to kiss him.
"I love you." He murmured, a demure smile on his face, as if he expected Logan to freak out on him and found the idea adorable. "I'm going to call you on Monday. And we are going to see each other. Because this," He pointed between himself and Logan in the almost nonexistent space. "This isn't going away. And I'm not going to pretend you aren't a part of my life. Not anymore. I can't." His tone left no room for argument, but his eyes still pleaded with Logan to agree.
Logan looked down for a moment as he bit his lip, trying to contain his smile. What was with him and demanding men? "Okay." He finally answered, leaning up to kiss the blonde again. "We'll talk more on Monday." He pulled out of Kendall's arms and walked to the door, pausing as his hand his the doorknob. "I love you, too." He half smiled at the taller man who looked as if he had just been given a Christmas gift early.
He closed the bathroom door behind him as he exited into the hall, preventing Kendall from jumping him once again. Logan's heart was pounding in his chest, just as much as it had the first time he told James those same important words.
Sometimes, Logan wondered if James had a honing beacon in his brain that focused on whoever was thinking about him. The taller brunette looked worried as he came up to his husband, his hands gripping the shorter man's shoulders as he examined him.
"Are you okay, baby? You've been gone for a long time."
Logan stared up at him bemusedly, had it really been a while since he first left? James's hands went to Logan's forehead as he brushed a few drops of sweat away.
"You're kind of clammy." He murmured. Logan batted away his hand with a small grin, trying to make it seem a little pathetic as he tried to stick with the plan from earlier. He wasn't sure he could be with anyone else that night besides his husband.
"I may have thrown up." He mumbled, leaning into his husband's shoulder as James's arm came around his shoulder. He began leading Logan from the house.
"Okay, we're going home then. You need to rest and get some fluids in your body. Why didn't you tell me you were sick tonight?" James rambled worriedly as he grabbed their jackets and then lead Logan to the car.
Logan smiled at him. "I love you." He said, still amazed that he could still mean it with most of his being seeing as how he felt the same way for Kendall. James smiled back at him, a little confused.
"I love you, too, baby. But we need to focus on making you feel better." Then he was right back into that mode that sometimes drove Logan nuts, especially when he only had a small head cold. But he couldn't be too irritated, it had been an amazing night.
When Kendall finally heard Logan and James walking away from the door he made his own way back into the house. He couldn't stop smiling as he thought of how sweet James had been when he thought Logan had thrown up, at least he knew that Logan would be taken care of even if he had been lying. It kind of shocked him that he didn't have any jealous feelings towards the taller man, none at all.
Carlos was in front of him before he even realized he was back into the slightly less crowded living area of the large mansion. The Latino was looking up at him in concern.
"Everything okay?" The caramel colored man asked, his hand coming up to squeeze his bicep. Kendall nodded, leaning down to peck his husband on the lips.
"Can we go home? I wasn't feeling too great back there, and I just want to be home and cuddle tonight." He admitted, pouting slightly in that way he knew Carlos couldn't resist. He wanted his post coital snuggle, and if that meant he was going to be doing it again with his husband, he was totally okay with that. "I love you."
Carlos raised an eyebrow at him and smirked confusedly. "I love you too. Let's get you home so we can get you better." He lightly rubbed Kendall's stomach in an affectionate way before leading them out of the house.
He wasn't sure anybody had ever had a better night than he just had.