A/N: I'm not well. I'm a little bit miserable. Hence the complete lack of updates. I dropped out of uni. I got a job. I screwed up a lot. If you've tried to contact me, I haven't checked my email in a few months. I apologise. Once I get everything back on track, I'll catch up. I promise.
Set after 4x04: 'The Break-up'
Some days, Kurt just wanted to step in front of a bus.
Some days were worse than others, and he actually got out to the street before common sense cut in and realised how selfish he was being. How much his father would cry.
How much anyone would cry, really.
But he'd stand there on the side of the road, eyes closed, willing himself to step out.
Maybe that wasn't what he was willing. Maybe he was willing Prince Charming to come in and ask him if he was okay. Ask him out to coffee, maybe?
But it didn't happen, so Kurt took to writing.
He didn't write much. Not really songs, not poems. He just wrote. Long paragraphs about how not to walk out in front of a bus when it seemed your whole world was ready to fall apart.
When he couldn't sleep, and his mind strayed back to that bus, he stopped trying to sleep. Nothing good came of it. So he wrote. Or he showered. Or he read a book he'd read a thousand times over, just to see if it came out differently this time.
But he wouldn't call him.
He went out by himself. He went out with friends. He got drunk and lost his inhibitions. He stayed in and remained sober. He took care of himself. He saw bands live and singers in concert.
Inhibitions or not, he didn't wake up in someone else's bed. He barely let anyone touch him. They couldn't help him, not really.
Kurt lived for the day, and the day lived for him.
He rebuilt from the bottom. He tried his hardest and learnt to love himself.
He fought for his right to be happy. He moved on.
He didn't step in front of that bus.
And then – and only then, he called him.
Because only Kurt could save himself.