Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.
Notes: Concrit is love?
Time heals all wounds, and yet it takes a while for you to get there.
Yasha knows that very well, and understands that it will take a while for Ashura to smile again - that carefree and warm smile that made Yasha feel that everything was all right with the world -
(there was a time when all it took for Ashura to smile was just having Yasha by his side).
He misses that smile. Most of all, he misses seeing Ashura look happy, and Yasha - because he's a simple man when it comes down to it - really yearns for nothing more, but for Ashura to be happy again.
But Ashura isn't a child anymore, and Yasha knows that things will never be as simple as they once were.
(he can't just soothe Ashura with half-baked truths anymore because Ashura has begun to understand how the world works).
Yes, Yasha is at side now, but Ashura often gazes at him with a look that's asking him just what kind of price they had to pay for being together. Sometimes, Ashura looks so sad and guilty that Yasha resolves to not leave Ashura alone for a second.
(the truth is that it's not only Ashura who lives for Yasha, but Yasha lives for Ashura too - and Ashura only).
Yasha tries to be there for Ashura as much he can. At night, when the dreams get too bad and Ashura cries out, Yasha embraces Ashura, promising that he'll never leave.
(and he won't. Yasha is a man who keeps his promises).
"Don't you think it's selfish of us to be happy when they're all dead?" Ashura asks him, and Yasha frowns - not because of the question, but the fact that Ashura's eyes are sad, full of self-hatred and despair. It hurts Yasha to see Ashura like this, hurts because he knows he can't chase those bad feelings away.
(there is blood on Ashura's hands, and it will never wash away).
Yasha wants to tell Ashura that it's fine to be happy, that they would have wanted it, but he knows that Ashura will not accept that as an answer - not yet because it's still too early. So Yasha can only pull Ashura closer to him, and - stroking Ashura's hair - say," No, maybe it's not. Maybe it's even selfish. But it's human to be selfish, Ashura."
And Yasha is a selfish man, he knows that very well.
Because, though he never tells Ashura, Yasha wants Ashura to live because he needs Ashura, so much that he doesn't care about the rest. So much that, even if Ashura wants to die, Yasha won't allow Ashura to.
(if Ashura died, Yasha would die too).
No, Yasha will wait for the day that Ashura smiles again.