Started: 3/26/11 12:32 a.m.
Finished: 3/26/11 3:18 a.m.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or its respective characters.
Blaine Anderson grinned at the boy he was linking arms with. Kurt's eyes were bright with happiness and he'd been smiling since they stepped out of Blaine's car. It was just their usual stop at The Lima Bean, but it was their first time as an actual couple. Indeed, excluding Regionals and Pavarotti's funeral, it was their first outing at all since they started dating.
The paler boy looked over and their eyes met. Pure love stared back at Blaine, making his heart race. He rested a hand over Kurt's, trying to assure himself that it was real; that the angel next to him really was his boyfriend and not an apparition.
The older teen blushed and there was a slight tingle where Kurt was holding his arm. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be used to that idea for a while.
Kurt leaned in a little, whispering softly. "I'm not dreaming am I?"
Before he could respond that he was thinking the same thing, a familiar voice sounded behind them.
"I don't know Porcelain. If this were a dream, wouldn't those pungent neophytes known as New Directions be getting burned with scalding hot milk while one Will Schuester's hair gets tragically stuck in a blender?"
The young Warblers looked back at Sue Sylvester, Kurt with a mix of embarrassment and irritation. He reluctantly let of Blaine's arm and smoothed his hair. "That would be your dream Coach, not mine."
"Oh yeah," she said fondly through her sunglasses. "And it gets better every night."
The older boy attempted to smile politely back at the odd woman. He'd only seen her twice, but according to Kurt she was a force not to be taken lightly. And if the way she punched out that judge at Regionals was any indication, her eccentricities were only matched by her temper. "So, what brings you here Coach Sylvester?"
"Oh I just came for my weekly enema mix. I also heard something about a new line of organic moist towelettes made available in the ladies room."
Blaine's brows furrowed in confusion at the remark, but the countertenor's eyes widened and his mouth opened in interest. "Oh really?"
Sue remained still, her mouth pursed expectantly.
Kurt's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I know you're lying," he said certainly.
"And I know you won't be able to resist checking."
The younger teen's plump lips tightened, and he just stared back at his former coach for a minute in a rather bizarre standoff. "Damnit! Save my spot Blaine!"
Blaine stared in disbelief as Kurt actually rushed off to the bathroom, leaving him alone with Coach Sylvester.
"Alright, now that that's taken care of," she started, removing her sunglasses and tucking them into her windbreaker before ushering Blaine out of the line.
The young soloist looked up at her questioningly. Her eyes had narrowed to a squint and her lips seemed even tighter.
"What's the skinny Eyebrows?"
His hazel eyes widened, and he looked around the shop for a moment before he realized she was referring to him. "Um…beg pardon?"
"As you may, or may not know, I happen to have a pirate Facebook page. I infiltrated Charlie Sheen's account ages ago when I was in the CIA. We use the rise and fall of his career as codes for classified missions. But the other night I was browsing through the pages of former McKinley students and it seems that Porcelain has changed his status to 'Taken.' And given the death-latch he had on your arm I assume it's by you and your sickeningly familiar hair?"
Blaine paused at the end of the bizarre story, trying to gather his thoughts. "Uh…yes. Yes, we're dating now," he finished more positively, a smile instinctively lighting his face.
"I see. Eyebrows let me tell you something."
The soloist frowned at the nickname, but continued listening.
"That kid has had a rough year. And even though he refused to share intel regarding you Warblers and your precious set-list I'm rather fond of Porcelain. He carried me to Nationals last year, won me a seventh consecutive title, and outside of one Becky Jackson he's the only Cheerio I've ever had that didn't let me down somehow."
Blaine blinked in surprise at the outpouring of affection from the track-suited woman. Her facial expression was still sour, but there was a tiny spark in her eye while she spoke that made him believe what she was saying.
"So that means if I find out you've broken his tiny little heart, or upset him in any way, you will have to deal with Sue Sylvester. And as punishment I will come to your house in the dead of night, shave off that over-gelled mass on your head, those caterpillars over your eyes, and finish off by shoving that obnoxious tie down your throat. Any questions?"
The junior dumbly shook his head, his eyes wide and jaw hanging open at the fearsome threat.
"Very good then," she replied easily, slipping her sunglasses back on and heading out the door just as Kurt approached them again.
"I knew, I knew, I knew she was lying, but damnit I couldn't resist! Blaine? What's wrong? Oh god what'd she do?"
He slowly swiveled his head back to his boyfriend. "She said she'd shove my tie down my throat if I ever broke your heart."
The younger Warbler looked back at him, perplexed. "That's all?"
"…She also threatened to shave my hair and my eyebrows."
Kurt nodded. "That's more like Sue." He shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry. I guess she's grown a little protective of me."
His slim hands came up in a surrendering gesture. "Hey, you think she's bad, we haven't even told Mercedes yet. …Or my dad."
Blaine paled at the mention of Burt Hummel. The same dad that caught him sleeping off a hangover in his son's bed? The same dad he convinced to talk to Kurt about sex the previous week?
"I'm screwed," he stated with finality.
"Not at all," the countertenor replied, taking hold of a shaking hand in reassurance. "All dad wants is for me to be happy, and he knows how much I care about you. But…" He trailed off for a moment, his eyes glancing to the right.
"What is it?" The older boy asked in concern.
"I…I know how threatening my loved ones can be. So…if you think that's a bit too much to deal with, I'll understand," the brunette said evenly.
Hazel eyes widened and he took Kurt's free hand. "Of course it's not too much. I just realized my feelings for you Kurt. A few threats won't stop me from being with you."
The younger teen started to smile again as Blaine drew him into his arms. "Besides, as far as being protective of you goes I've just joined their ranks, so I can't really hold it against them."
The joyful glow surrounding them a few minutes ago returned in spades. Kurt's smile widened and he leaned into his boyfriend's warm body.
I've rather enjoyed how attached Sue has become to Kurt this season, and I wanted to play with it a little bit. And I'm aware that I'm part masochist, but would anyone else love a custom-made Sue Sylvester insult tossed their way? Anyway, hope you enjoyed it, please feel free to review if you'd like; I love feedback like candy.