Warning: Grammatical errors, mild fagness, cursing, weirdness, a badass Porsche, crack-ness, failed to give a proper CanPru moment, OOC-ness and the presence of our dear Francis.

Rated T

Pairings: CANPRUand FRUK

Author's Note: Ciassu! This is my second Hetallia fic, so… Hooorah! 8D I finally finished it. It took me a long time to type this 'cause every time I type this and reread it I'll say "No this wont do." And press the delete button then I'll re-type it so yeah. Anyways this fic was supposed to be for Prussia's Birthday -*Cough*- that was like supposed to be two months ago *Cough*- :) that was requested and dedicated by/to my yaoi partner in crime buddy, yullenxneko-chans A.K.A. LICA. Ok I'll stop ranting now 'cause I know you all would like to get on with the story and you're probably pissed off right now 'cause this bitch is taking a helluva a time and her AN is so long! :D I know I sometimes hate long Author's Note because I just want to read the story so I'll stop ranting now.

Disclaimer: I'm not Japanese. I'm not good at drawing. I write crappy stuff, what made you think I own Hetalia?


Officer Arthur Kirkland was proud to announce to the world that he is the most straight man on the face of the planet, thank you very much. He never drooled, kissed, eyed, dreamed nor thought of naked men. Ewww never. Not. A. Single. Second. On. His. Goddamn. Life.

So when he was on duty, with his partner in crime, Arthur. And when they were patrolling the streets and just so happens to see a pervert, harassing a Chinese woman and two men:on –he had to shudder when he realized the pervert was bisexual and was hitting on- one fifteen year old British teen and one eighteen year old Japanese teen* (which he had to admit looked like super gay models).They did what a good police patrol officer do in that kind of situation.

Take him into custody.

Hence the officers locked him up in the back of their police car. At first they taught the pervert would scream: "I'm innocent I didn't anything! My hand just acted on its own!" like any pervert would do when they were about to take into custody. But this pervert didn't do that instead of screaming and protesting to be locked up. He chose to stare at his two captors as if they were some kind of god. (A/N: Well fangirls can't blame him for that.)

At first the two ignored it, thinking that the pervert would stop it any moment. But after five minutes the pervert hadn't stopped yet and this made the two police officers very uncomfortable.

Arthur decided to talk to the pervert since he never imagined Arthur to initiate a small talk to anyone at all.

"So Mr…Francis where are you from?" Arthur asked as he opened a bag of barbeque potato chips while Arthur hummed a song, his fingers softly tapping against the steering wheel.

"Ah I came from the city of lights." Francis said with a smile his eyes never leaving the Brit.

"You're from France."


"How nice." The twenty year old officer said as he tossed a chip into his mouth. Ending the conversation right there and then… well maybe not.

"Mhm…" The French man hummed, fidgeting a little. "Ah officer?" he asked.

Arthur raised a brow. "What is it?"

"My position is a bit uncomfortable so could y-"

"-If you're asking me to loosen those handcuffs of yours. Sorry mate but not a chance. We can't let you get away." The British man interrupted. Francis smirked and the twenty year old man did not like his smirk at all.

"Don't worry, amoir-" Francis said while Arthur and Arthur shuddered when the frenchie said 'amoir' "-I'm not going anywhere when I have to angels right in front of me, and has no intention of me letting me go away."

"Bloody hell-" the Brit said disgust and shock was written all over his face. "don't get us wrong Mr. French Pervert but we want you to stay chained. Because if you don't, we would lose our job. And we have no bloody damn interest to you."

"Ah really? I'm fine with your buddy not having any interest at me he's cute and all but-" Francis stared harder at the Brit and moved himself at the back of Arthur's seat "you on the other hand is a different story." Francis lifted his handcuffed hands and rested it on the bars that separated the front part of car to the back part of the car. The twenty five year old sighed disappointedly. "It's a shame this bars keeps us apart." Francis cursed the cold metal bars while Arthur and Arthur thanked whoever designed the police car. For thinking such a great idea to put the bars right there.

"Well that is the purpose of those bars to keep the criminal's hands away from the police officers." Arthur muttered almost inaudibly, but his two companions had good hearing so they heard it.

"I agree with Arthur." Arthur said, nodding his head.

"How cold of y-" Francis said but the car suddenly came to abrupt stop making his face collide with the bars. "Ouch."

"Hey Matthew, why did we stop?"

Arthur sighed and pointed a finger at the direction of a black bad ass looking Porsche. "I've been chasing that car for like five minutes ago. The driver went above the speed limit." He said and unbuckled his seatbelt. "Didn't the two of you notice that the car sped up?"

Ignoring Matthew's question. "Hey wait I want to go to!" Arthur said and reached for his seatbelt but Matthew's hand stopped him.

"At least one officer should be guarding the criminal." Matthew reminded and hopped out of the car. "So that'll be you." And with that Arthur closed the door, leaving Arthur Kirkland with a humming twenty six year old French pervert named Francis.

"Bloody Hell."


Arthur sighed, walking towards the Porsche. He stood beside the driver's window and was about to tap it with his pen when suddenly the tinted window automatically and slowly rolled down. Revealing a handsome white haired man, chewing a bubble gum and wearing sunglasses. Matthew blushed and took out his notebook.

"Whadd ya wan'?" the speed limit violator asked, hanging one of his arms on the window. Matthew ignored the rude attitude and smiled.

"Afternoon sir could you please step out of your car?" Matthew said and reached for his flashed light. He flicked it on and surveyed the content of the car. "Hmmm… Everything looks fine." He said nodding all the way. "So could you please step out of the car now mister?"

The violator grunted but stepped out of the car nonetheless. "Fine this is so unawesome."

"I also need you to bend at the car hood and your driver's license sir." Matthew's voice strained when he mentioned the word 'bend'. His mind -for once- thinking of strange…dirty… thoughts.

The white haired man sighed and handed out his driver's ID to Arthur. "Here you unawesome dolt." Matthew's looked at the ID. At the top left corner of it was a picture of twenty three year old man smiling and was doing a peace sign. There the information said:

Name: Gilbert Weillschmidt

Age: 18

Expiry: 2009

Nationality: German

Date of Birth: January 18, 19XX

Matthew raised a brow. "Um… sir this license…"

"Yeah got a problem with my awesome license?"

"Err…sir it's… expired…."

"What are you talking about? You unawesome person of course it is not expired." Arthur clicked his tongue and shoved the ID in front of the man's face.

"Sir Gilbert your ID says that it will expire 2009 and it's already 2011 you've been using an expired license for two years! And you're driving here at America. When it clearly says that you are only allowed to drive on Germany!" Matthew lectured. "You should've at least got an international drivers license."

Gilbert frowned. "So can't take my awesome actions? And I already did inquire for international driver's license. But the staff could not take my awesome records. So they didn't give me any." Gilbert shrugged.

Matthew coughed, getting curios what he meant by 'awesome actions', forgetting the fact that that man violated the speed limit. "What do you mean by unawesome records sir?"

"My violations records of course." The Prussian answered, flippantly.

Matthew finally decided it. This man is crazy. Tapping his foot against the asphalt. He wrote all the violations that the man did. "Sir Gilbert may I ask you to your hands above your head and stand up straight."

The German-Prussian nodded and did as what he told. He felt fingers patting his sides, slowly and then the finger moved up to his shoulder blades and then onto his back and finally the fingers left him. He sighed and let his arms down. He turned towards the police officer who coughed and a healthy blush started to creep at his face. Matthew gave him a handful of pink violation tickets.

"What's this you're not going to arrest the awesome me?" Matthew tilted his head.

"Well do you want me to sir? Because I can arr-"

"Oh no this is awesomely fine." Prussia said and did something that surprised Matthew.

He fucking kissed Matthew on the lips!


LOWL I JUST MADE MATTHEW GROPE PRUSSIA! :"D well not really but still… XD

*Yes those two super gay models were Kanda and Allen from -Man. XD

OK this is the weirdest thing that I'd ever written I mean… a British cop, a Canadian cop, a French pervert who got arrested, and an illegal German-Prussian driver who also got arrested and it took place in America. :D

Review please. :3